Shifting Winds

[lacruciverbiste]

That’s the irony of first impressions: in those first fleeting moments of introduction, you’re too concerned with how the other perceives you to let them impress any of their own truth on you. You’re too busy guarding yourself to feel the air change, to feel your life change, forever.

I remember how plain I thought Julia Sawyer was when she first

Comments

[transient_heart]

"If we didn’t share our intensity, we couldn’t share anything, I thought." I love that. This is wonderful!

[lenina101]

I love the fact that even though the feelings are not reciprocated something positive comes out of the story. It's all to easy for first love and rejection, especially between two women, to be seen as damaging. I love the fact that although the rejection hurt there was something beautiful to counteract it. I suspect the protagonist goes on to find a woman who does feel the same way about her.

(I was never brave enough to take the chance on my early crushes... I like the fact that she is)

[lacruciverbiste]

yea, this hits pretty close to home for me. thank you for your comments! i appreciate it.

[mermaidbia]

I'll be honest, I liked this much, much better than your first week entry. There's a great deal of honesty in this one, a vibe of intensity, of setting it all on one card, and the result is stunning.

Great work!

[lacruciverbiste]

thanks! i liked it much better too :) i hated the first week's topic. thank you for reading!

[katden]

You've hit the lotto, m'dear!! And won a trip on my virgin voyage into the world of editing!!! I am just learning to edit, and hope to become a helpful volunteer for the FLAME

[lacruciverbiste]

Wow! Thank you so much for the awesome edit and feedback. I'm glad you liked the story! I wouldn't call it "perfection," but I actually enjoyed writing it. While it isn't autobiographical, I did pull from my own coming-out experience to make it feel real.

For a first time editor, you did a fab. job :) I totally agree with all of your crits. Thanks again for reading (and for liking my journal design! I'm kind-of obsessed with the color green...) <3

[firesign10]

Hi! I am your oh-so-tardy second editor for this piece :-)

I enjoyed this piece a lot. The emotions and imagery both flow very smoothly and richly. I have a few small notes I'm going to suggest, but please know that I respect your writing here very much. Of course in the end it's your work to do with as you will :-)

when she first swept into my life.

She doesn't sweep in, as Katden noted - I think this is too literal a phrase to use here.

She was unassuming, unimpressive; I guess I was, too.

Can we have a little more to go on? Is the “I” actually unimpressive, or do they just feel that way? Have they been ignored and overlooked until now?

I love the paragraph about the summer and the crumbling and dust and dread. Really well-put! I immediately flashed back to that feeling in my own life.

most of my calls; it seemed the summer was going just fine for her.I think I would use a hyphen here instead of a semi-colon: most of my calls - it seemed the summer was going just fine for her

[lacruciverbiste]

Thank you so much for your edit! I'm glad you enjoyed the story.