BF Week 2: Lazy river

[lacruciverbiste]

The writing prompt had thrown the girl for a loop. She sat, hands hovering over the keyboard as if waiting for the inspiration to zip from her brain, down her arms, and out of her fingers. Each night she sat like this as that single, confounding word swam between her ears looking for an idea to wash up on. But such a shore was never found

Comments

[annemariewrites]

Haha! This was a hard prompt! I sat on it for a week before inspiration struck (or fell, as the case may be). Thanks for the laugh ;)

[hereticalvision]

Hee! I liked this one, made me smile :D

Editor!

[silverflight8]

Hi, I'm your editor for this week. (also, thank you for writing a short entry this week xD. Sometimes I look at long entries and kind of go: "Oh, there goes fifteen minutes....")

General comments:
-I like the way you've sort of put yourself in the story, but beware, as this sort of writing (after awhile) just becomes a "how clever, now, moving on" sort of thing.

-The first two paragraphs are very different in feel to the third paragraph; it is very jarring.
Detailed comments:
She sat, hands hovering over the keyboard as if waiting for the inspiration to zip from her brain, down her arms, and out of her fingers.
-Here I'd put a comma before "as"; it feels like the whole thing runs together. Also, consider changing the "out of her fingers"--I imagine a hole opening at each finger and something flow out. Maybe describe the inspiration flowing into something instead.

Each night she sat like this as that single, confounding word swam between her ears looking for an idea to wash up on.-The first part of the sentence is a bit awkward--"