I'm actually glad for you "harsh" critique of my work. My excuse (though not a really good one) is that I was trying to write this in 15 minutes and that's actually how long my muse was alive. (they have a tendency to die mid fic and have a DNR notice with them). Anyway, how else and I to get better if no one tells me what I did wrong.
*squeals* Shiro in a maid's dress! ^O^ *nosebleeds and fangasms*
ehem...okay, I'm done, I'm calm. Haha, the mental image of Shiro ina maid's dress and fishnets...soo HAWT! But then again, that's a personal fave of mine- bishies in a dress!
I laughed at the comment about Matsumoto's make-up. and yes, they *do* have such a thing in soul society- it's in one of the omakes (I forget the number) where before they go to the living world, Matsumoto is in a store buying a bunch of makeup and complaining to the cashier she doesn't have time to get her hair cut. I believe she even says the makeup in the shinigami world is better than that of the living, but it's been a while since I've seen it. Go youtube it.
I'll agree that the actions should have been written out in regular sentences, but this seemed to be more dialogue dependent/driven, so it wasn't that bad. this is, afterall, *fanfiction*; it's not like you're writing for a class or something, so who really gives a fuck how it's formatted?
Youtubed it and you are absolutely right. Thank you for reminding me. I would edit my post, if LJ would allow that.
And now that you mention it, you are right again. The actions don't need to be written out. With a little more detail in the dialog the speech could stand alone. In fact, that might just come out better then writing the whole thing out.
As for the whole...caring thing. The way I see it; if the author doesn't care about writing it, then I don't care to read it. But that's just personal opinion, same as the kink thing. *shrug* To each their own.
On a completely random note, fishnets ARE hawt. That's one kink I can get behind. ^_^
Other then the *'s around the actions, this was very... interesting. ot my kink ordinarily, but now I have a sudden desire to see Hitsugaya in fishnets...
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I'm actually glad for you "harsh" critique of my work. My excuse (though not a really good one) is that I was trying to write this in 15 minutes and that's actually how long my muse was alive. (they have a tendency to die mid fic and have a DNR notice with them). Anyway, how else and I to get better if no one tells me what I did wrong.
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ehem...okay, I'm done, I'm calm. Haha, the mental image of Shiro ina maid's dress and fishnets...soo HAWT! But then again, that's a personal fave of mine- bishies in a dress!
I laughed at the comment about Matsumoto's make-up. and yes, they *do* have such a thing in soul society- it's in one of the omakes (I forget the number) where before they go to the living world, Matsumoto is in a store buying a bunch of makeup and complaining to the cashier she doesn't have time to get her hair cut. I believe she even says the makeup in the shinigami world is better than that of the living, but it's been a while since I've seen it. Go youtube it.
I'll agree that the actions should have been written out in regular sentences, but this seemed to be more dialogue dependent/driven, so it wasn't that bad. this is, afterall, *fanfiction*; it's not like you're writing for a class or something, so who really gives a fuck how it's formatted?
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thankies for thinking of me. ^.~ BTW, lurve your icon.
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And now that you mention it, you are right again. The actions don't need to be written out. With a little more detail in the dialog the speech could stand alone. In fact, that might just come out better then writing the whole thing out.
As for the whole...caring thing. The way I see it; if the author doesn't care about writing it, then I don't care to read it. But that's just personal opinion, same as the kink thing. *shrug* To each their own.
On a completely random note, fishnets ARE hawt. That's one kink I can get behind. ^_^
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