➤ 031
from your head to your feet (24/7 remix)
exo; kai/suho; nc-17; 3951 words; genderswitch
remix of onyu's when you're looking like that for kpop_ficmix 2014
title
ao3 post
They're smack in the middle of an interview when Joonmyun's heart stops. A second later it starts up again and he goes a little dizzy from the rush of blood through his body. He glances around to see if anyone noticed and realizes everyone's eyes are on him-but they don't look worried, more bored or impatient than anything. "So, Kai-ssi," he hears, "who would you want to date in EXO?" the host says, and he cranes his neck in search of Jongin, thinking absently that that's a pretty inappropriate question to be asking.
An elbow nudges at the left side of his waist and he hears Sehun whisper, "Hey, they're asking you a question."
"Me?" Wasn't Sehun on his right?
Sehun turns to him, an eyebrow raised but her polite stage face still on. "Yeah, dumbass. Who else would it be?"
"Kai-ssi?" A cold hand lands on his wrist and he's met with a familiar pair of eyes. "They're asking you a question," his own mouth says, and it takes Joonmyun three seconds to realize the situation at hand.
"Suho," he blurts out. "Suho...oppa. He, um, takes care of me well."
"Corny," he hears Chanyeol stage whisper from a few feet away, and everybody erupts into laughter. He watches himself stand up and do a curtsy and everything seems simultaneously far away and uncomfortably close, like he's in a movie theater. He pulls his lips up into a smile and notices for the first time the tight band around his ribs.
The director signals for a break, and Joonmyun grabs his own body by the wrist and hauls it out of the room.
-
"How am I supposed to be you?" Joonmyun hisses. "I don't know anything about being a girl!"
"I don't know anything about being a boy!" Jongin snaps back. Her hands-his hands-fuck-are worrying at each other, fingers running over her palms like she's feeling for nails that aren't there. "And I don't know anything about being the leader either."
"Okay, we'll just, we'll just deal with it somehow." Normally Joonmyun likes to sit down when he's stressed, physically relax until he can calm his brain too, but now he feels the urge to pace or jiggle his foot or do push ups or something, anything to get out the nervous energy coursing through him. Everything is so off-kilter, his proportions long and lean but his neck having to tilt up a little to look at Jongin. At least the coordis had put her in jeans instead of a skirt. "We've known each other long enough that it shouldn't be that hard, right?"
"Right," Jongin says, but the corners of her mouth are turned down. For some reason it looks strange on his face, and it takes a second for Joonmyun to realize that it's because he's spent so much time teaching himself how to hide his emotions behind a pleasantly cheerful mask. "So what do we do now?"
"We go back to the set and act like nothing happened. Don't tell anyone, at least until we figure out what the hell is going on." Joonmyun pulls at the straps of his bra and grimaces at the unfamiliar pressure around his chest. "How do you wear these all the time?"
"You'll get used to it. And to thongs."
"Oh my god," Joonmyun says, horrified, "what if you get your period?"
Jongin cracks up at that and it makes Joonmyun laugh too, like a dam bursting. They're two minutes late by the time they manage to pull themselves together, and Baekhyun smirks at them while they take their seats. "Have fun with your new boyfriend?" she whispers to Joonmyun, and he's thankful that Jongin's skin doesn't blush easily.
-
Joonmyun stands in front of the mirror in the girls' bathroom at the dorm, willing himself to walk away but frozen in place. He still can't quite process what he's seeing. Jongin's eyes blink back at him, Jongin's hands move when he reaches for the faucet, Jongin's mouth pulls into a smile when he tells it to. It's not the right smile, though, not open and easy the way real-Jongin's is. Joonmyun doesn't know how to smile like that. Shit, Joonmyun doesn't even know which toothbrush to use.
He grips the counter as a wave of panic washes through him. It angles him so he can see down Jongin's shirt and he stares in morbid fascination. Those are his breasts now. He has a vagina. He'll have to shower and pee and change clothes and act like it's all normal. He'll probably have to have fucking girl talk with Yixing and Sehun in the practice room. Joonmyun thinks longingly of his own body, the smooth planes of his chest and the comforting press of his dick against his thigh, and then jerks in surprise when his cunt twitches. There's a heat between his legs that matches the burning in his cheeks, and he stares wide-eyed at Jongin's face in the mirror. "That was you," he says aloud, as if she's actually there to hear him.
There's a loud bang on the door and Joonmyun whips around, as if somebody could have come through the locked door. "What?" he calls, trying to sound normal.
"Get the fuck out," says Baekhyun's voice, "you've been in there for like twenty minutes."
"Um, just a minute." Jongin takes a deep breath and makes himself stand up straight. "Hwaiting," he whispers to his reflection.
When he opens the door, Baekhyun's standing there with her hair pulled up in a messy bun and her hands on her hips. "Were you taking a shit?" she demands. "I have to shower so it better not smell gross in there."
"What? No!" Joonmyun yelps. Baekhyun sniffs suspiciously as she walks past him, but she must be satisfied because the door slams behind her a moment later. Joonmyun flinches at the sound, then sighs at how jumpy Jongin's body is. Maybe that's the solution, he thinks wryly as he heads to the kitchen for dinner duty. Scare us enough and we'll just jump straight out of each other's skins and back into our own.
-
It turns out that being Kai isn't as hard as he'd expected. Jongin's muscle memory guides him for the most part, and he already knows Jongin's lines. The expressions are harder but he adapts by studying his new face in the mirror the way he always has, practicing coy glances through his eyelashes and a coquettish quirk of his lips. It takes close to a week, but he stops flinching every time the coordis glue another eyelash on, and he can almost sleep through having the entire length of his hair meticulously straightened and then re-curled, which makes no sense. "I don't know how you do it," he mutters to Jongin once. "I get awful headaches every time they put in those extensions."
Jongin shrugs. "So do I," she says. "You just learn to deal with it. Stop picking at my nails, you're going to ruin them."
Joonmyun guiltily tucks his hands under his thighs. "Sorry." He pauses for a moment to check that everyone else in the van really is asleep before he asks, "So how are you?"
"Good. Or, you know, as good as I can be under the circumstances."
"You're not having any problems?"
"Singing's kind of hard," Jongin allows, "and I keep forgetting to answer to your name. But it's not that bad." Her lips pull a little to one side when she smiles, and that's all Jongin. "What about you?"
"It's fine except for when they ask me to dance on shows," Joonmyun says ruefully. "You wouldn't believe how many videos I've watched to try and get it down. My YouTube history is a mess."
Jongin grins. "Good thing you're not in your own body, or you'd look like a pervert watching me all the time," she teases, and Joonmyun's face heats up at the implication. The thing is, it's not actually the first time he'd seen those videos-he told everyone that he was monitoring their appearances, but when he was alone he'd rewind and watch Jongin's dances over and over. He's even more impressed now that he knows how hard it is to dance in heels. Being a girl is a lot more painful than he'd expected. "Oppa," Jongin says, and when he looks over she's staring down at her hands. "How long do you think this will last?"
Joonmyun pushes a smile onto his face. "Don't know," he says, "but we're doing a good job so far, right?" Jongin smiles back at him but it doesn't reach her eyes, and guilt hits him like a punch in the gut. They sit in silence the rest of the drive, Jongin fiddling with her phone and Joonmyun leaning his head against the window, lost in his own thoughts.
-
Joonmyun's sitting in one of the lounges watching TV on Jongin's iPad when he feels someone kick his foot and looks up to see Taemin. "Hey," he says, and Taemin apparently takes that as an invitation to flop down next to him on the couch. "What's up?"
"Why've you been avoiding me?" Taemin asks. He doesn't sound angry, just curious. "Are you okay?"
There's a sharp pang in Joonmyun's heart, and he focuses on Seo Inguk's face. He hadn't thought about how isolated Jongin must feel, separated from her best friend. "I'm fine," he says, trying for casual. "Just busy with the comeback, you know."
"Yeah." There's a weighty silence, and when Joonmyun peeks over Taemin's looking at him with his lips pressed together like he has something he wants to say and he's just waiting for Joonmyun to ask.
"Um," Joonmyun says. "What is it?"
Taemin's mouth curves up so far it must hurt when he says, "I'm getting my solo debut."
Joonmyun's jaw drops. "Oh my god, congratulations!" He leans over and hugs Taemin hard, iPad forgotten in his lap. "When?"
"August." Taemin pushes his hair back from his face with both hands, looking like he can barely believe it himself. "You're the first one I've told."
Joonmyun's body locks up. "Not even the SHINee hyungs?"
"Of course not," Taemin laughs, squeezing Joonmyun's hand. "You're my best friend."
-
Jongin finds him crying in the practice room. "Hey," she says, alarmed. "What's up?"
Joonmyun scrubs his nose against the back of his hand. "Taemin's debuting."
Jongin's eyes go wide and she clasps her hands together. "Really? When? Oh my god this is so great, he's been wanting this for so long!"
"He told me first," Joonmyun says miserably. "Because he thought I was you."
Jongin is quiet for a moment, and then she sits down next to him and takes his hands. "It's okay, oppa," she says, her voice kind. "Really. The important thing is that he wanted to tell me, right?"
"I guess." Joonmyun sniffles. "I just feel like shit."
"Well you shouldn't," Jongin says decisively. "It doesn't bother me, and when I tell him later he'll just think it's funny."
Joonmyun sighs. His eyes feel sore and puffy and his chest is still tight. Although that's probably from the stupid bra. "God, I miss my body."
"Me too." Jongin sits back on her hands. "You're not flexible at all so it feels like I'm trapped, you know? No offense."
Joonmyun waves it off. "I miss flat shoes," he says forlornly. "And short hair. And being able to pee standing up."
"Yeah, that part's pretty nice," Jongin admits, grinning.
"And, and Baekhyun's always just changing in the room with no warning or anything," he complains. "Like how am I not supposed to look?"
Jongin shoots him a strange, amused look. "You see us in our underwear every time we do a quick change," she points out. "And Baekhyun wears barely any clothes at the dorm anyway."
"It's different when she thinks I'm another girl. I feel like a creep."
"Yeah, but you're not doing it on purpose." Jongin laughs like she's just thought of something. "If you're so freaked out by naked girls, what do you do when you take showers?"
"I'm not freaked out by naked girls!" Joonmyun protests. "I just, like, don't want to be weird. I mean, I don't look at myself-or at you, I mean-when I shower or anything."
Jongin snorts. "Thanks, I think."
Joonmyun says, "Well, it's not that I don't want to look," and then snaps his mouth shut, mortified. "Sorry, sorry," he babbles, "I meant, like, you're attractive, you know, but I don't...you know what I mean, right?" Jongin's openly laughing at him now, eyes arced up and a hand clapped over her mouth. "I wasn't trying to insult you," he offers feebly.
"I wasn't insulted." The corner of her mouth quirks up when she smiles at him. "Honestly, oppa, it's fine. It's sweet of you to think of it, though."
Joonmyun squints at her. "Wait, do you look at me?"
"It's not like I stare at myself in the mirror, but yeah," Jongin says with a shrug. "What else am I supposed to do?"
"So what you're saying is that I'm the one who should be feeling violated."
Jongin rolls her eyes and stretches out a foot to kick lightly at his shin. "Don't be an asshole." There's a beat of silence, and then she asks, casual as anything, "So does that mean you haven't gotten off at all?"
Joonmyun chokes on nothing. "What? No!"
"Really?" She sounds more curious than anything, leaning forward a little bit. "Wow, normally I can't go more than, like, two days without it."
"Oh my god," Joonmyun groans, putting a hand over his eyes. "I don't want to talk about this."
"But like, does it just not bother you?
"No, I mean, I feel it and I've tried...taking care of it but I just, um." Joonmyun flushes but admits, "I don't really know what I'm doing." Jongin doesn't say anything so he keeps talking, says, "I've tried rubbing against things and it feels nice but nothing really happens and then I'm even more frustrated, and I don't want to touch it directly because I don't want to, like, I feel like I'm taking advantage and I don't want you to think I'm a pervert or anything-“
"Oppa," Jongin interrupts, voice quiet but with a firmness to it that Joonmyun recognizes from when he's trying to make everyone shut up and listen to him, "come here." Joonmyun hesitates a moment but then scoots forward towards Jongin, who gently pushes at him to turn until he's between her legs with his back resting against her chest. It feels...nice, having the solidness of her body-of his body-surrounding him. And then there's a hand sliding over his stomach to sink down into his shorts, and when her fingers press against his clit he sucks in a breath at the sparks that shoot up through him.
"Shit," he breathes. "Is it like that all the time?”
Jongin laughs, her breath puffing past his ear. “Yeah,” she says. “A lot different from jerking off, right?”
There's the same kind of pooling warmth in his tummy that he's felt before when he's seen Minseok with his shirt off or heard Chanyeol's sleep rough voice, but this time it's different somehow. Maybe because of the little circles Jongin's fingers are making around his clit. “You've...?”
“Yeah.” Her hand stops for a moment and Joonmyun has to bite back a whimper. “Is that okay?”
“Yeah.” Joonmyun imagines Jongin reaching down under the covers when she wakes up, rubbing sleepily at her morning wood, figuring out a rhythm she likes, and he's startled to feel his cunt twitch. Jongin’s fingers slide against him and Joonmyun finally processes that he’s soaking wet. His nipples are tight and hard, and when Jongin finally sinking a finger into him, his hips jerk up. “Oh,” Joonmyun breathes, dizzy-of all the new sensations in this body, this is the strangest. His skin is sensitive around her finger but it only feels like a light pressure inside him, and he wants suddenly to have more. He can feel Jongin's heart beating faster against his back, her breathing shallow and shaky. Distantly, he wonders what she thinks about when she's getting herself off like this, if she just basks in the feeling of her fingers slipping over her slick cunt or if she imagines something else. Someone else.
He tilts his head back onto her shoulder, and she crooks her fingers up and presses against something inside him. The heel of her palm rubs against his clit, and Joonmyun comes with a gasp, his thighs shaking and his hand flying up to grasp at her arm. It lasts forever, every minute movement of her hand sending another wave through him, and by the time she finally pulls her hand out of his shorts he's a limp, sweaty mess puddled against her chest. He can feel how hard she is against his back but she's not doing anything about it, apparently content to just lay there with her arms around his waist, thumb rubbing soothingly over his ribs, and Joonmyun has never wanted to be back in his own body so badly. He wants to do this to her, for her, make her come with his fingers and his tongue and his dick. He wants to put her in his lap and drag his mouth down her neck and suck at her nipples with his hands on her hips until she's whining and working her hips down against him. He wants to turn around and kiss her right now.
He says, "We should go."
Jongin is very still. Then she eases him forward and slips out from behind him and into the hallway. Joonmyun feels gingerly at the crotch of his shorts to see if they're obviously wet and shivers when he accidentally brushes his clit. Jongin reappears a few minutes later, clothes straightened and hands smelling like bathroom soap. They don't talk on their way back to the van, or even during the ride back to the dorms, but Joonmyun does let Jongin hold his hand and rest her head on his shoulder. That has to be straining her neck, Joonmyun thinks, and realizes a moment later that it would probably be a more comfortable position if she were still an inch shorter than him. He closes his eyes and wills himself to think about something else but there's a little voice in his head that he can't shut up, telling him don't act like you don't want this.
-
It's been two weeks, and Joonmyun is still waking up to find himself in the same camisole and pajama shorts he fell asleep in. He's starting to think they'll never switch back and he'll just be stuck in Jongin's body forever, doomed to back pain and sore feet for the rest of his life. They haven't really talked since the practice room incident and Joonmyun feels faintly guilty that his packed schedule gives him a good excuse to avoid her. He's getting used to the small mundanities of Jongin's life: getting his armpits and legs waxed, piling his hair on top of his head so it doesn't get in his eyes, ignoring the way sweat collects under his boobs when he's been going over the choreo for hours on end.
It's after another eight-hour practice that he stands in front of the bathroom mirror post-shower and finally lets himself look at the curves of Jongin's body. His height hasn't changed that much, which is nice, but his center of gravity has dropped to match the width of her hips. The shape of her elbows matches the contour of her waist, and the light catches on the delicate angle of her collarbones where they join to her shoulders. Her small brown nipples are peaked in the humidity of the room, and he lets his eyes trail down the gentle swell of Jongin's chest to her flat tummy. The counter cuts off just below her bellybutton but he's already memorized the way her legs look, long and firm with muscle. He closes his eyes and thinks about the way the tops of her thighs brush against each other and the hair curled between them. Joonmyun keeps his hands at his sides, but he's not above imagining how it would feel to touch her now that he understands the way her body works. He wants to know how she would react to his hands on her, if skimming his fingers down her sides would make her shiver the way she does when a cool breeze glides over the back of her neck and if circling his tongue around her nipple would make her heart pound as hard as it does after a performance.
He stays a minute longer, relishing the heat that radiates up from his belly, and then pulls his towel around himself for the walk back to Jongin's room.
-
He's sitting on the floor in a pair of Sehun's basketball shorts when the door closes behind him. Jongin's standing there when he turns to look, her face set in determination. "Oppa," she says, "we need to talk."
Joonmyun sighs and pushes a pile of notebooks aside to make room for her. He'd been organizing all of her shit to distract himself from what he knew he should do, but it seems that Jongin isn't going to give him a choice. There's a long moment after Jongin sits, looking steadily at him like she's expecting something. Joonmyun stares back, biting his tongue to keep from saying something stupid. The silence drags on between them until finally Joonmyun can't take it anymore and blurts, "I don't know what you want me to say."
"I've been thinking," is Jongin's response. "About what this means and why it happened, and I think...I think maybe it was for a reason."
"What do you mean?" Joonmyun asks, frowning.
Jongin looks Joonmyun straight in the eye and says, "I like you."
Joonmyun's heart stops. Butterflies flutter up from his stomach to his throat, tightening it around his words. "Really?" he manages.
"Really." Jongin looks composed, but he catches a glimpse of her fingers twisting together behind her crossed calves.
"Oh." Joonmyun hesitates for a heartbeat, then says, "I like you too."
Slowly, almost shyly, Jongin's mouth curves up. "Okay," she says. "Okay, good."
They sit in giddy silence for a moment before Joonmyun says, "So what now?"
"So now I kiss you," Jongin says, and does just that.
-
Joonmyun wakes up with a sore neck, a dead arm, and morning wood. Jongin's curled up next to him on the floor with her hair falling over her face and her shirt pulled low enough to show cleavage. Joonmyun checks to make sure Sehun and Baekhyun are gone before he murmurs, "Wake up." Jongin groans and tries to roll away, but Joonmyun catches her arm and pulls her back. "Jongin," he says insistently, "wake up."
Jongin opens one grumpy eye, then jolts awake with a gasp. "Holy shit," she breathes. "Oh my god, it worked!" A second later, they're pressed together, Joonmyun's hand on the small of Jongin's back and her fingers in his hair.
Honestly, Joonmyun will probably miss being a girl a little bit. Baekhyun would always fill him in on all the good gossip while they sat and had their nails done, Sehun smiled more easily around him, and the whole multiorgasmic thing was pretty fucking great. But this, Joonmyun thinks as Jongin laughs into his mouth-this is infinitely better.
exo; kai/suho; nc-17; 3951 words; genderswitch
remix of onyu's when you're looking like that for kpop_ficmix 2014
title
ao3 post
They're smack in the middle of an interview when Joonmyun's heart stops. A second later it starts up again and he goes a little dizzy from the rush of blood through his body. He glances around to see if anyone noticed and realizes everyone's eyes are on him-but they don't look worried, more bored or impatient than anything. "So, Kai-ssi," he hears, "who would you want to date in EXO?" the host says, and he cranes his neck in search of Jongin, thinking absently that that's a pretty inappropriate question to be asking.
An elbow nudges at the left side of his waist and he hears Sehun whisper, "Hey, they're asking you a question."
"Me?" Wasn't Sehun on his right?
Sehun turns to him, an eyebrow raised but her polite stage face still on. "Yeah, dumbass. Who else would it be?"
"Kai-ssi?" A cold hand lands on his wrist and he's met with a familiar pair of eyes. "They're asking you a question," his own mouth says, and it takes Joonmyun three seconds to realize the situation at hand.
"Suho," he blurts out. "Suho...oppa. He, um, takes care of me well."
"Corny," he hears Chanyeol stage whisper from a few feet away, and everybody erupts into laughter. He watches himself stand up and do a curtsy and everything seems simultaneously far away and uncomfortably close, like he's in a movie theater. He pulls his lips up into a smile and notices for the first time the tight band around his ribs.
The director signals for a break, and Joonmyun grabs his own body by the wrist and hauls it out of the room.
-
"How am I supposed to be you?" Joonmyun hisses. "I don't know anything about being a girl!"
"I don't know anything about being a boy!" Jongin snaps back. Her hands-his hands-fuck-are worrying at each other, fingers running over her palms like she's feeling for nails that aren't there. "And I don't know anything about being the leader either."
"Okay, we'll just, we'll just deal with it somehow." Normally Joonmyun likes to sit down when he's stressed, physically relax until he can calm his brain too, but now he feels the urge to pace or jiggle his foot or do push ups or something, anything to get out the nervous energy coursing through him. Everything is so off-kilter, his proportions long and lean but his neck having to tilt up a little to look at Jongin. At least the coordis had put her in jeans instead of a skirt. "We've known each other long enough that it shouldn't be that hard, right?"
"Right," Jongin says, but the corners of her mouth are turned down. For some reason it looks strange on his face, and it takes a second for Joonmyun to realize that it's because he's spent so much time teaching himself how to hide his emotions behind a pleasantly cheerful mask. "So what do we do now?"
"We go back to the set and act like nothing happened. Don't tell anyone, at least until we figure out what the hell is going on." Joonmyun pulls at the straps of his bra and grimaces at the unfamiliar pressure around his chest. "How do you wear these all the time?"
"You'll get used to it. And to thongs."
"Oh my god," Joonmyun says, horrified, "what if you get your period?"
Jongin cracks up at that and it makes Joonmyun laugh too, like a dam bursting. They're two minutes late by the time they manage to pull themselves together, and Baekhyun smirks at them while they take their seats. "Have fun with your new boyfriend?" she whispers to Joonmyun, and he's thankful that Jongin's skin doesn't blush easily.
-
Joonmyun stands in front of the mirror in the girls' bathroom at the dorm, willing himself to walk away but frozen in place. He still can't quite process what he's seeing. Jongin's eyes blink back at him, Jongin's hands move when he reaches for the faucet, Jongin's mouth pulls into a smile when he tells it to. It's not the right smile, though, not open and easy the way real-Jongin's is. Joonmyun doesn't know how to smile like that. Shit, Joonmyun doesn't even know which toothbrush to use.
He grips the counter as a wave of panic washes through him. It angles him so he can see down Jongin's shirt and he stares in morbid fascination. Those are his breasts now. He has a vagina. He'll have to shower and pee and change clothes and act like it's all normal. He'll probably have to have fucking girl talk with Yixing and Sehun in the practice room. Joonmyun thinks longingly of his own body, the smooth planes of his chest and the comforting press of his dick against his thigh, and then jerks in surprise when his cunt twitches. There's a heat between his legs that matches the burning in his cheeks, and he stares wide-eyed at Jongin's face in the mirror. "That was you," he says aloud, as if she's actually there to hear him.
There's a loud bang on the door and Joonmyun whips around, as if somebody could have come through the locked door. "What?" he calls, trying to sound normal.
"Get the fuck out," says Baekhyun's voice, "you've been in there for like twenty minutes."
"Um, just a minute." Jongin takes a deep breath and makes himself stand up straight. "Hwaiting," he whispers to his reflection.
When he opens the door, Baekhyun's standing there with her hair pulled up in a messy bun and her hands on her hips. "Were you taking a shit?" she demands. "I have to shower so it better not smell gross in there."
"What? No!" Joonmyun yelps. Baekhyun sniffs suspiciously as she walks past him, but she must be satisfied because the door slams behind her a moment later. Joonmyun flinches at the sound, then sighs at how jumpy Jongin's body is. Maybe that's the solution, he thinks wryly as he heads to the kitchen for dinner duty. Scare us enough and we'll just jump straight out of each other's skins and back into our own.
-
It turns out that being Kai isn't as hard as he'd expected. Jongin's muscle memory guides him for the most part, and he already knows Jongin's lines. The expressions are harder but he adapts by studying his new face in the mirror the way he always has, practicing coy glances through his eyelashes and a coquettish quirk of his lips. It takes close to a week, but he stops flinching every time the coordis glue another eyelash on, and he can almost sleep through having the entire length of his hair meticulously straightened and then re-curled, which makes no sense. "I don't know how you do it," he mutters to Jongin once. "I get awful headaches every time they put in those extensions."
Jongin shrugs. "So do I," she says. "You just learn to deal with it. Stop picking at my nails, you're going to ruin them."
Joonmyun guiltily tucks his hands under his thighs. "Sorry." He pauses for a moment to check that everyone else in the van really is asleep before he asks, "So how are you?"
"Good. Or, you know, as good as I can be under the circumstances."
"You're not having any problems?"
"Singing's kind of hard," Jongin allows, "and I keep forgetting to answer to your name. But it's not that bad." Her lips pull a little to one side when she smiles, and that's all Jongin. "What about you?"
"It's fine except for when they ask me to dance on shows," Joonmyun says ruefully. "You wouldn't believe how many videos I've watched to try and get it down. My YouTube history is a mess."
Jongin grins. "Good thing you're not in your own body, or you'd look like a pervert watching me all the time," she teases, and Joonmyun's face heats up at the implication. The thing is, it's not actually the first time he'd seen those videos-he told everyone that he was monitoring their appearances, but when he was alone he'd rewind and watch Jongin's dances over and over. He's even more impressed now that he knows how hard it is to dance in heels. Being a girl is a lot more painful than he'd expected. "Oppa," Jongin says, and when he looks over she's staring down at her hands. "How long do you think this will last?"
Joonmyun pushes a smile onto his face. "Don't know," he says, "but we're doing a good job so far, right?" Jongin smiles back at him but it doesn't reach her eyes, and guilt hits him like a punch in the gut. They sit in silence the rest of the drive, Jongin fiddling with her phone and Joonmyun leaning his head against the window, lost in his own thoughts.
-
Joonmyun's sitting in one of the lounges watching TV on Jongin's iPad when he feels someone kick his foot and looks up to see Taemin. "Hey," he says, and Taemin apparently takes that as an invitation to flop down next to him on the couch. "What's up?"
"Why've you been avoiding me?" Taemin asks. He doesn't sound angry, just curious. "Are you okay?"
There's a sharp pang in Joonmyun's heart, and he focuses on Seo Inguk's face. He hadn't thought about how isolated Jongin must feel, separated from her best friend. "I'm fine," he says, trying for casual. "Just busy with the comeback, you know."
"Yeah." There's a weighty silence, and when Joonmyun peeks over Taemin's looking at him with his lips pressed together like he has something he wants to say and he's just waiting for Joonmyun to ask.
"Um," Joonmyun says. "What is it?"
Taemin's mouth curves up so far it must hurt when he says, "I'm getting my solo debut."
Joonmyun's jaw drops. "Oh my god, congratulations!" He leans over and hugs Taemin hard, iPad forgotten in his lap. "When?"
"August." Taemin pushes his hair back from his face with both hands, looking like he can barely believe it himself. "You're the first one I've told."
Joonmyun's body locks up. "Not even the SHINee hyungs?"
"Of course not," Taemin laughs, squeezing Joonmyun's hand. "You're my best friend."
-
Jongin finds him crying in the practice room. "Hey," she says, alarmed. "What's up?"
Joonmyun scrubs his nose against the back of his hand. "Taemin's debuting."
Jongin's eyes go wide and she clasps her hands together. "Really? When? Oh my god this is so great, he's been wanting this for so long!"
"He told me first," Joonmyun says miserably. "Because he thought I was you."
Jongin is quiet for a moment, and then she sits down next to him and takes his hands. "It's okay, oppa," she says, her voice kind. "Really. The important thing is that he wanted to tell me, right?"
"I guess." Joonmyun sniffles. "I just feel like shit."
"Well you shouldn't," Jongin says decisively. "It doesn't bother me, and when I tell him later he'll just think it's funny."
Joonmyun sighs. His eyes feel sore and puffy and his chest is still tight. Although that's probably from the stupid bra. "God, I miss my body."
"Me too." Jongin sits back on her hands. "You're not flexible at all so it feels like I'm trapped, you know? No offense."
Joonmyun waves it off. "I miss flat shoes," he says forlornly. "And short hair. And being able to pee standing up."
"Yeah, that part's pretty nice," Jongin admits, grinning.
"And, and Baekhyun's always just changing in the room with no warning or anything," he complains. "Like how am I not supposed to look?"
Jongin shoots him a strange, amused look. "You see us in our underwear every time we do a quick change," she points out. "And Baekhyun wears barely any clothes at the dorm anyway."
"It's different when she thinks I'm another girl. I feel like a creep."
"Yeah, but you're not doing it on purpose." Jongin laughs like she's just thought of something. "If you're so freaked out by naked girls, what do you do when you take showers?"
"I'm not freaked out by naked girls!" Joonmyun protests. "I just, like, don't want to be weird. I mean, I don't look at myself-or at you, I mean-when I shower or anything."
Jongin snorts. "Thanks, I think."
Joonmyun says, "Well, it's not that I don't want to look," and then snaps his mouth shut, mortified. "Sorry, sorry," he babbles, "I meant, like, you're attractive, you know, but I don't...you know what I mean, right?" Jongin's openly laughing at him now, eyes arced up and a hand clapped over her mouth. "I wasn't trying to insult you," he offers feebly.
"I wasn't insulted." The corner of her mouth quirks up when she smiles at him. "Honestly, oppa, it's fine. It's sweet of you to think of it, though."
Joonmyun squints at her. "Wait, do you look at me?"
"It's not like I stare at myself in the mirror, but yeah," Jongin says with a shrug. "What else am I supposed to do?"
"So what you're saying is that I'm the one who should be feeling violated."
Jongin rolls her eyes and stretches out a foot to kick lightly at his shin. "Don't be an asshole." There's a beat of silence, and then she asks, casual as anything, "So does that mean you haven't gotten off at all?"
Joonmyun chokes on nothing. "What? No!"
"Really?" She sounds more curious than anything, leaning forward a little bit. "Wow, normally I can't go more than, like, two days without it."
"Oh my god," Joonmyun groans, putting a hand over his eyes. "I don't want to talk about this."
"But like, does it just not bother you?
"No, I mean, I feel it and I've tried...taking care of it but I just, um." Joonmyun flushes but admits, "I don't really know what I'm doing." Jongin doesn't say anything so he keeps talking, says, "I've tried rubbing against things and it feels nice but nothing really happens and then I'm even more frustrated, and I don't want to touch it directly because I don't want to, like, I feel like I'm taking advantage and I don't want you to think I'm a pervert or anything-“
"Oppa," Jongin interrupts, voice quiet but with a firmness to it that Joonmyun recognizes from when he's trying to make everyone shut up and listen to him, "come here." Joonmyun hesitates a moment but then scoots forward towards Jongin, who gently pushes at him to turn until he's between her legs with his back resting against her chest. It feels...nice, having the solidness of her body-of his body-surrounding him. And then there's a hand sliding over his stomach to sink down into his shorts, and when her fingers press against his clit he sucks in a breath at the sparks that shoot up through him.
"Shit," he breathes. "Is it like that all the time?”
Jongin laughs, her breath puffing past his ear. “Yeah,” she says. “A lot different from jerking off, right?”
There's the same kind of pooling warmth in his tummy that he's felt before when he's seen Minseok with his shirt off or heard Chanyeol's sleep rough voice, but this time it's different somehow. Maybe because of the little circles Jongin's fingers are making around his clit. “You've...?”
“Yeah.” Her hand stops for a moment and Joonmyun has to bite back a whimper. “Is that okay?”
“Yeah.” Joonmyun imagines Jongin reaching down under the covers when she wakes up, rubbing sleepily at her morning wood, figuring out a rhythm she likes, and he's startled to feel his cunt twitch. Jongin’s fingers slide against him and Joonmyun finally processes that he’s soaking wet. His nipples are tight and hard, and when Jongin finally sinking a finger into him, his hips jerk up. “Oh,” Joonmyun breathes, dizzy-of all the new sensations in this body, this is the strangest. His skin is sensitive around her finger but it only feels like a light pressure inside him, and he wants suddenly to have more. He can feel Jongin's heart beating faster against his back, her breathing shallow and shaky. Distantly, he wonders what she thinks about when she's getting herself off like this, if she just basks in the feeling of her fingers slipping over her slick cunt or if she imagines something else. Someone else.
He tilts his head back onto her shoulder, and she crooks her fingers up and presses against something inside him. The heel of her palm rubs against his clit, and Joonmyun comes with a gasp, his thighs shaking and his hand flying up to grasp at her arm. It lasts forever, every minute movement of her hand sending another wave through him, and by the time she finally pulls her hand out of his shorts he's a limp, sweaty mess puddled against her chest. He can feel how hard she is against his back but she's not doing anything about it, apparently content to just lay there with her arms around his waist, thumb rubbing soothingly over his ribs, and Joonmyun has never wanted to be back in his own body so badly. He wants to do this to her, for her, make her come with his fingers and his tongue and his dick. He wants to put her in his lap and drag his mouth down her neck and suck at her nipples with his hands on her hips until she's whining and working her hips down against him. He wants to turn around and kiss her right now.
He says, "We should go."
Jongin is very still. Then she eases him forward and slips out from behind him and into the hallway. Joonmyun feels gingerly at the crotch of his shorts to see if they're obviously wet and shivers when he accidentally brushes his clit. Jongin reappears a few minutes later, clothes straightened and hands smelling like bathroom soap. They don't talk on their way back to the van, or even during the ride back to the dorms, but Joonmyun does let Jongin hold his hand and rest her head on his shoulder. That has to be straining her neck, Joonmyun thinks, and realizes a moment later that it would probably be a more comfortable position if she were still an inch shorter than him. He closes his eyes and wills himself to think about something else but there's a little voice in his head that he can't shut up, telling him don't act like you don't want this.
-
It's been two weeks, and Joonmyun is still waking up to find himself in the same camisole and pajama shorts he fell asleep in. He's starting to think they'll never switch back and he'll just be stuck in Jongin's body forever, doomed to back pain and sore feet for the rest of his life. They haven't really talked since the practice room incident and Joonmyun feels faintly guilty that his packed schedule gives him a good excuse to avoid her. He's getting used to the small mundanities of Jongin's life: getting his armpits and legs waxed, piling his hair on top of his head so it doesn't get in his eyes, ignoring the way sweat collects under his boobs when he's been going over the choreo for hours on end.
It's after another eight-hour practice that he stands in front of the bathroom mirror post-shower and finally lets himself look at the curves of Jongin's body. His height hasn't changed that much, which is nice, but his center of gravity has dropped to match the width of her hips. The shape of her elbows matches the contour of her waist, and the light catches on the delicate angle of her collarbones where they join to her shoulders. Her small brown nipples are peaked in the humidity of the room, and he lets his eyes trail down the gentle swell of Jongin's chest to her flat tummy. The counter cuts off just below her bellybutton but he's already memorized the way her legs look, long and firm with muscle. He closes his eyes and thinks about the way the tops of her thighs brush against each other and the hair curled between them. Joonmyun keeps his hands at his sides, but he's not above imagining how it would feel to touch her now that he understands the way her body works. He wants to know how she would react to his hands on her, if skimming his fingers down her sides would make her shiver the way she does when a cool breeze glides over the back of her neck and if circling his tongue around her nipple would make her heart pound as hard as it does after a performance.
He stays a minute longer, relishing the heat that radiates up from his belly, and then pulls his towel around himself for the walk back to Jongin's room.
-
He's sitting on the floor in a pair of Sehun's basketball shorts when the door closes behind him. Jongin's standing there when he turns to look, her face set in determination. "Oppa," she says, "we need to talk."
Joonmyun sighs and pushes a pile of notebooks aside to make room for her. He'd been organizing all of her shit to distract himself from what he knew he should do, but it seems that Jongin isn't going to give him a choice. There's a long moment after Jongin sits, looking steadily at him like she's expecting something. Joonmyun stares back, biting his tongue to keep from saying something stupid. The silence drags on between them until finally Joonmyun can't take it anymore and blurts, "I don't know what you want me to say."
"I've been thinking," is Jongin's response. "About what this means and why it happened, and I think...I think maybe it was for a reason."
"What do you mean?" Joonmyun asks, frowning.
Jongin looks Joonmyun straight in the eye and says, "I like you."
Joonmyun's heart stops. Butterflies flutter up from his stomach to his throat, tightening it around his words. "Really?" he manages.
"Really." Jongin looks composed, but he catches a glimpse of her fingers twisting together behind her crossed calves.
"Oh." Joonmyun hesitates for a heartbeat, then says, "I like you too."
Slowly, almost shyly, Jongin's mouth curves up. "Okay," she says. "Okay, good."
They sit in giddy silence for a moment before Joonmyun says, "So what now?"
"So now I kiss you," Jongin says, and does just that.
-
Joonmyun wakes up with a sore neck, a dead arm, and morning wood. Jongin's curled up next to him on the floor with her hair falling over her face and her shirt pulled low enough to show cleavage. Joonmyun checks to make sure Sehun and Baekhyun are gone before he murmurs, "Wake up." Jongin groans and tries to roll away, but Joonmyun catches her arm and pulls her back. "Jongin," he says insistently, "wake up."
Jongin opens one grumpy eye, then jolts awake with a gasp. "Holy shit," she breathes. "Oh my god, it worked!" A second later, they're pressed together, Joonmyun's hand on the small of Jongin's back and her fingers in his hair.
Honestly, Joonmyun will probably miss being a girl a little bit. Baekhyun would always fill him in on all the good gossip while they sat and had their nails done, Sehun smiled more easily around him, and the whole multiorgasmic thing was pretty fucking great. But this, Joonmyun thinks as Jongin laughs into his mouth-this is infinitely better.