You never know - life, death

[ladida]

It's been a while since I've written about my past feelings. The only thing that is running through my mind right now is that YOU NEVER KNOW

Comments

[transiit]

I'm no good at saying comforting words, even when the need for comfort is ambiguous.

Ultimately, what good this man was capable of will live on through your children. If you're harboring any feelings of guilt, like had you made a different choice five years ago might have changed this outcome, stop.

You chose what was best for your family. Yourself, as well as your children. There's no guarantee that choosing differently wouldn't have bought a more grisly outcome. You did what was right.

Now, maybe it's my protestant upbringing, but I don't believe in "mortal sins". If Christ really gave up his life for our wrongdoings, there ain't a thing in the world that's unforgivable.

So go muster up the same strength that told you to split and go be a pillar for your kids. Let Mike help too, if he's willing.

-erik

[ladida]

You always seem to know what is underlying my thoughts and feelings. ie.. the guilt, could I have changed it if I didn't leave, and mostly your protestant upbringing. I too was raised a protestant and even though I don't believe in "mortal sins" either and that he will be forgiven, it weighed heavily on my mind when we were in the hospital room when they took him off life-support :( It was close to the longest 2 days of my life and my sons up to that point. I found myself praying that the demons wouldn't take him for committing 1 of the "unforgivable sins". In my lowest moments I still thought of his salvation. I know in my heart he is with Christ, even if he wasn't a religious man and for that I am thankful

[nentikobe]

Oh hon. I hope you don't mind, but I directed a very good friend here.

I wish I could offer more than an internet keyboard hug, but I know that you'll be ok. I've never met anyone quite as strong. You'll stand with your boys and be the woman you've always been to them.

*hugs tight*

[ladida]

Hon you can always direct anyone to me for any reason. I know your hearts intent was to help both her and I and you did. Her post helped me to realized that I was not alone in my suffering. There is truly comfort in knowing that. I wanted you to know how strong my sons were and my oldest and I have a special bond that I thank God for. I hope all is well with you and I can't thank you enough for your friendship and support all these years.

Huggles Bunches

I thought I was the only one

[ancevrial]

I never thought that I would have come across someone who has been in the same situation as myself. I was reading it and I thought it was about me.
6 May 2004 (4 days after my 2nd sons birthday), was the day my ex husband passed away, some people couldn't understand how i could be upset. After all I hated the man (strong words I know) but, I still cried. I was angry because he chose his addiction over his family.
He loved his kids to, but, sometimes that is not enough. Looking at my 2 boys telling them that their father was gone, will be one thing I will not forgive him for making me do.
I am sorry for you loss, and I wish you all the best.
I know you do not know me, but, if you need to talk about anything please add me..I would be happy to catch up and chat.

Re: I thought I was the only one

[ladida]

For your loss I am so sorry. I understand the anger, the pain, the anguish and the hatred. I've been through so many of those feelings over the past 5 years we've been divorced. I know I will never understand the addiction, even though I have lost many friends and family to the same fate

Re: I thought I was the only one

[ancevrial]

My eldest boy was 10 and my youngest just celebrated his 6th birthday4 days before he passed away. They were actually going to my ex's house, the day he was found. So really they knew before I did, I just had to explain it.
As for the addiction, he used to blame me because I didnt love him physically. (That didnt wash btw) and the hatred developed from there. His started with pain killers. He had headaches, then the next week, then the next day and the next, until at 7pm everynight I had to go to the doctors. Then they gave it to him in pill form, and his "friend" showed how they would be more effective so to speak. It was down hill from there.
I am adding you for sure and I hope to get to know who very soon. I am glad that my comments helped and together im sure we can get through this. I am sorry it is in this circumstance that we have met.

[ladida]

bets :(

I'm glad that I got to hug you when you were here.. and thanks for always being there to keep me pointed in the positive. You know I love my boys and they are my comfort in life. For Matt I can only try to tie up that last piece of my heart that was tormented and lay it to rest. I know I had made the right decisions years ago, but you know how we always doubt ourselves. the past week has been the true test, and I think or rather know I will be fine. Just need to keep an eye on the boys and make it as painless as possible. Love you lots and thanks for always being there for me.
Hugs you like her favorite pillow :)

[idiosyncracy]

*BIIIIIIG HUGS*

Wish I could be there to do it for real.

[ladida]

In my heart you are always here and thanks for the hugs, the support and the friendship all these years.

I'm still going to visit some day! count on it!

Hugs tightly!