Wrapped in Honey 12/?
Chapter 12
Most of the time Dean could almost forget that Sam wasn't human.
The thing coming out of the elevator now wasn't human at all. It looked human as it had a human shape but it obviously wasn't.
Dean couldn't really put his finger on the difference, though. This Sam seemed bigger, darker and his eyes were old and cold.
Fighting the urge to back off farther Dean forced himself to look this creature in the eye. If this was how it was going to end, so be it. He wouldn't beg.
For a long moment they just stared at each other before Sam slowly came closer. He stopped at the couch table to put down the car, of course he'd found it, before he closed the distance between them.
At arm's length he came to a halt and Dean fixed his eyes on his left shoulder. Neither of them said a word. Dean probably should say something, explain himself, say that he was sorry but he couldn't bring the words through his too tight throat.
"Dean." The thing said and made one more step towards him. Now he did back off until he was plastered against the wall. With the stupid spell in place he couldn't even defend himself. He wanted to push Sam, to punch him in the face but all he could to was to fruitlessly clench his fists.
"Make it quick." His own voice sounded strange in his ears and he closed his eyes.
He had expected to feel Sam's hands closing around his throat or a fist to the face but instead Sam flinched back as if he'd been hit.
"No!" Sam brought some distance between them, fisting his hair with both hands and a horrified look on his face. Then without another word he stormed upstairs and slammed his door.
Dean just stood there dumbfounded for a long moment. Sam hadn't killed him on the spot but he wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing. Maybe Sam was already on the phone with the Market to bring him back.
With his back to the wall, literally, Dean slit down until his butt hit the ground with a thud. He let his head fell back, silent tears running down his face.
Sam didn't come back downstairs and Dean wasn't sure what to do. His eyes fell on the abandoned car on the table. He could tell where Sam's hand had been, the imprints of his fingers clearly visible in the splintered wood. Sam could have killed him with his bare hands and Dean wondered why he hadn't.
Maybe he would get a second chance. Not that he deserved one. But he dared to hope.
Should he go upstairs to apologize? Promise he wouldn't do something like this again? Beg for forgiveness?
Almost an hour later Sam still hadn't left his room.
Slowly Dean came to his feet and made his way upstairs. In front of Sam's door he hesitated but then he took a deep breath and knocked. He had nothing to lose anyway.
"Sam?" He asked through the closed door when there was no answer. "I'm sorry."
Dean wasn't sure if Sam had even heard him, there was absolute silence behind the door, and he pondered if he should just enter or better retread to his own room to wait for things to happen when suddenly Sam opened the door.
"Don't be." He said in a tone Dean couldn't place. Sam had changed into tight jeans and was in the middle of buttoning up a dark blue shirt that hugged his chest quite nicely. This was not the casual way he usually preferred for the evening.
"I can't do this. Not now." There was a haunted look in Sam's eyes when he pushed past Dean. "We'll talk tomorrow."
He was half-way at the elevator when Dean caught up with him.
"Where are you going?" He had no right to ask but he needed to know.
"I need to feed." Sam rubbed his face, looking haggard and weary as if he had aged over the last hour. "Now."
"But I …" Dean swallowed thickly. "I'll do it. Give me a chance. Please."
"We're both in no condition to do this right now." Sam sighed, clearly in a hurry to get out, to get away from Dean, but he didn't step in the car when the door opened. "I'm not mad at you."
"You're not?" Dean dared to hope again.
"No." He even managed a little smile. It was too tight and too forced but it was a smile. "I'm actually impressed. But this has burned me out and I can't … I can't think straight. I need to feed, we'll talk in the morning."
With that he stepped in the car and when Dean tried to hold him back he hit the invisible wall once again. Sam must have redone the spell.
Dean watched the doors closing and then he was alone. He didn't know what to make out of the situation. Sam had said he wasn't mad but at the same time he had rejected Dean and went out to feed on somebody else.
Dean waited. There was nothing else he could do.
He sat on the couch and waited for Sam to return. If he returned. He had said so but Dean wasn't so sure about it this time.
However, this time Dean couldn't bring himself to care. For a brief moment he wondered who the man might be Sam was with right now but that thought drifted into nothingness as well.
His mind floated in a numb, careless space.
He sat there for hours, twilight turned into night without him noticing.
Then, finally, the elevator moved.
"Why are you still up?" Sam asked without turning the lights on. He sounded tired and wrecked.
Dean stood up to face him but had no good answer to his question.
"I'm sorry." He said instead, fully aware of how pathetic he must sound.
"I'm the one who should say that." Sam answered. "Dean, I am sorry. For all I'm doing to you. And we need to talk but can we do this tomorrow? When we've both slept and cleared our minds?"
Dean wasn't sure if he could sleep. Or wanted to. He already felt the nightmares just waiting to claw their way into his mind while he slept and the last thing he wanted to happen was to wake up screaming with Sam rushing to his side. It had been embarrassing enough the few times it had happened before but tonight? Maybe he should just stay up the rest of the night.
"Sure." He brought out the word with some delay and he felt Sam watching him. He wondered what was going on in the other man's mind.
"Do you want to sleep in my bed?" Sam asked in a low voice. Low enough for Dean to wonder if he'd heard correctly.
"If you want me to." Dean stepped closer. This was probably his last chance. He leaned in to kiss him but Sam stopped him with both hands on his shoulders.
"Just sleeping." Sam corrected. "After a stressful day you seem to sleep better with me around." He paused. "If you can still stand being that close to me, that is."
Dean frowned at him, was there a hidden meaning he was missing?
"You mean the nightmares." Dean avoided his eyes.
"That's nothing to be ashamed of." His hands moved from Dean's shoulders to embrace him in a hug. Hesitant at first but when Dean returned the gesture, Sam tightened his hold.
"It's okay." Sam mumbled into the crook of Dean's neck. Dean doubted that but he took what he could get.
They went to their own rooms to change into sleepwear and for a long moment Dean wasn't sure if he had the courage to go over to Sam's room. In the end he didn't have the courage to not go over.
Stiff like a board he lay next to Sam, their bodies far enough apart to not tough. It was way after midnight and Dean felt beyond exhausted but he was wide awake.
By now he had a good grip on Sam's condition, he could tell when he was running low and would have to feed soon, and now he could clearly tell that whatever Sam had done with the other guy had been just enough to get the edge off. A day maybe two before he would have to feed for real.
Dean just wasn't sure if he would still be there to help him out by then.
"I went to a club." Sam suddenly broke the silence. Looked like he couldn't sleep either. "I was a regular there before I met you."
Dean didn't answer and just waited for Sam to continue. Why was he even telling him this?
"Didn't take long to hook up with a guy. Took him outside and fucked him in the back ally between some dumpsters."
That didn't sound romantic at all but it still gave Dean a jealous sting in his chest.
"Tall guy, well built with short spiky hair." Sam continued in a flat tone. "I turned him around so I couldn't see his face and fucked him from behind. I pretended it was you."
Sam fell silent.
"You didn't want me." Dean reminded him in a low whisper and then turned to his side to face him. "You could have me now. You could fuck me like you fucked that guy."
Sam turned as well and now their faces were only inches apart. In the darkness Dean couldn't make out his expression but he felt Sam's breath hot on his lips.
"No." Sam reached out to stroke Dean's face. A gesture more gentle than he'd expected. "That's why I couldn't do it with you. I was starving and an emotional mess. It would have been punishment for you."
"I deserve it." He did. After what he'd done he deserved much harsher punishment than a rough fuck. Once again his father came to mind but Dean pushed that thought back into the depths of his mind.
"For what?" Sam asked. "For being desperate? For wanting to be free? For being creative?"
"For disobeying?" Dean countered. "For being ungrateful? For betraying you?"
Sam sighed. Maybe he'd finally realized how much of a failure Dean was.
"Dean, I'm the one keeping you prisoner here."
That wasn't what Dean had expected to hear.
"I said I won't ever hurt you and I'm keeping my word." His fingers wound their way in Dean's hair but it didn't hurt, quite the opposite. It felt nice and Dean dared to lose himself in that feeling for a moment. "And for sure I won't punish you for trying to escape."
"So you won't bring me back to the market?"
"What?" He sounded confused as if that thought had never crossed his mind. "Dean, I would never do that to you. No matter what. You hear me? I'll never hurt you and you're not going back there. Never."
Relief washed over Dean and tears pricked in his eyes.
"Shh, it's okay." Sam drew him closer and Dean hugged him back. Finally the tension melted out of his body and he couldn't hold back the sobs anymore.
With his face buried in Sam's chest Dean cried himself to sleep.
A/N For now this is the last Monday chapter. With the upcoming NaNoWriMo I can't keep up with the two chapters a week. Don't worry, you'll still get the chapters on Wednesdays.
Chapter 13
Masterpost