Wrapped in Honey 15/?
Chapter 15
Sam didn't have the fine senses of a vampire so he'd no clue what was going on upstairs but if Benny said Dean was in trouble, he was.
Without even a glance in Benny's direction, he would find his way out on his own just fine, Sam stormed upstairs, taking two steps at once.
"Dean?" He forced himself to stop at the door and not just burst in, the last thing Dean needed was for him to step over the boundaries he'd set. The door was slightly ajar, far enough for him to make out Dean, who was kneeling on the floor, his whole body heaving. He was keening and probably hyperventilating. Shit.
"Dean?" He asked again, more gently now. "Can I come in?"
Dean didn't say anything, he probably couldn't, but he jerked his head to indicate a nod. Or maybe it was just an uncontrolled jerk and he hadn't even realized that Sam was there but Sam took it as permission and gently pushed the door open far enough to squeeze through. Then he was kneeling beside Dean who flinched away from Sam with a wounded sound.
"Dean." Sam kept his hands to himself, every fiber of his body wanted to touch, to comfort, but he saw that Dean didn't welcome it. Not now. He'd no idea what had triggered this but Dean was caught in a full-blown panic attack and Sam didn't know what to do.
"Shh, it's okay." He tried again and for the first time Dean turned his head just far enough to glance at him. "It's okay, Benny left. It's just you and me now."
Benny was his best guess but he couldn't for the life of his think of something the vampire might had said or done to freak Dean out like this.
"Just breathe." Sam tried to focus on the task at hand. "In and out, easy. Can you do that?"
Dean seemed to calm down a bit, his breathing still way too fast and short but when Sam now reached for him, he didn't flinch back. However, the muscles under Sam's hand felt tight and Dean was vibrating with tension.
"You're okay, everything is fine." Sam repeated nonsense on autopilot. It didn't matter what he said, it was his voice that had a soothing effect, he'd learned that from the nightmares. A comforting touch never failed either so he started to stroke Dean's neck and shoulder in long, even strokes.
"In and out, you're doing good." It took several minutes and by then Sam's legs had long gone numb but finally Dean had calmed down and was now heavily leaning on Sam.
"This is embarrassing." He said his first words and Sam couldn't have been happier.
"Welcome back." Sam closed his arms around him to a full hug and for a moment Dean melted into him, just letting Sam comfort him. "You good now?"
Dean nodded into his chest but didn't loosen his grip on Sam's shirt. When Dean had changed from flinching away to clinging to him Sam couldn't tell, he just enjoyed the closeness he felt to the man in his arms.
"Want to tell me what happened?"
Dean shook his head.
"Okay, how about getting up, then?" Sam suggested. "Let us at least sit on the bed. I can't feel my legs anymore."
Dean made a sound that could have been approving and together they hauled each other to their feet. Sam swayed on his numb legs and flopped ungracefully on Dean's bed. With a little more grace Dean sat down next to him. His breathing was still quicker than normal, like he'd just ran a marathon and he was sweating and his hands, dangling between his knees, trembled visibly.
"Water?" Sam asked while he carefully moved his legs to get the circulation going again. Dean didn't answer but Sam went to the bathroom to get him a glass of water anyway and Dean accepted it with a weak little smile.
"Sorry, you had to see this." Dean said when he'd finished the water and could speak again without sounding like he'd gargled with shredded glass.
"Don't." Sam took the glass from his hands. "I know you don't want to talk about it but I know that something happened to you. Someone hurt you. And sometimes those things come back to haunt you."
Dean avoided his eyes and looked at the floor instead.
"Dean, when I look at you." Sam licked his lips, searching for the right words. "I don't see a weak man, I don't see a victim. I see a survivor, I see a fighter. What you did with that car." He nodded towards said car in the corner. "That's not the work of somebody who's given up, that's the work of somebody with a strong will, somebody who fights."
"It was a stupid idea." Dean said. "Even if somebody called 911 ..."
"You didn't know that. And there was still the chance that somebody choose to help you immediately." Sam had to admit. That was the reason he couldn't risk something like this happen again.
"Why didn't you let Benny run my name?" Dean suddenly changed the topic.
Sam needed a moment to follow that jump but then the proverbial light bulb came up over his head. Dean had heard them. Had he freaked out because Benny could scoop around in his past? Because of what he may find?
And he must have heard that Sam had told Benny about the nightmares. Which probably hadn't been Sam's smartest move if he was honest.
"I should have kept my mouth shut." He admitted. "What happens here, between you and me, should stay between you and me. I'm sorry." Why he'd told Benny in the first place he couldn't even tell.
Dean nodded to that but Sam didn't get the feeling that he was forgiven.
"As for the other thing." Sam continued. "Like I told Benny, it's your choice when or if you tell me." Hesitantly he laid an arm around Dean's shoulder and this time the other man didn't tense up. "I'd like to know, that's true, but it's your story to tell."
He waited for Dean to speak, maybe to even tell him about his past, but Dean didn't say a word.
"I just want you to know that I'm here." Sam added. "Whenever you want to talk, I'm here."
They sat through another moment of silence before Sam clapped Dean on the shoulder.
"How about we order some pizza and watch a movie?"
"Sounds good." Dean seemed relived by that change of topic.
They had pizza but exhausted like he was from the night and his panic attack, Dean fell asleep halfway through the movie.
Sam couldn't tell how but somehow Dean ended up sleeping with his head in Sam's lap and with Sam absently massaging his scalp.
It felt nice, though. Sam finished the movie but he didn't pay attention to what was happening on the screen. His focus was on Dean's soft hair under his fingers, it had grown quite long by now and he probably should offer to cut it, but right now he just enjoyed the silky feeling.
Dean didn't seem to mind either. He slept soundly without a shadow of a nightmare and he didn't really wake up when Sam decided it was time for bed. He just padded after Sam, dropped on his side of the bed and was back to sleeping like a rock a minute later.
Sam watched him for a moment, a fond smile on his lips, before he crawled in next to him and switched off the light.
"Night, Dean."
First thing the next morning Sam made a few calls and got an appointment in the early afternoon with somebody to have a look at his property and to take measurements.
"A fence, uh?" Dean said when Sam finished the call. Putting the phone back in his pocket Sam tried to figure out Dean's emotions. If anything Dean was hard to read.
"It's the easiest solution." Sam sat down at the table. With the calls out of the way he had the peace to nurse his coffee.
Dean hmmed to that.
"Once the fence is installed I'll redo the spell and you have the basement back."
"Lucky me." Dean shook his head and finished his coffee like one would down a shot.
Sam flinched at that but he guessed he deserved it. What didn't make it better was that the hunger was gnawing at him. With his outburst he'd burned everything he had and the encounter with the stranger at the bar had barely been a drop in the ocean.
However, he didn't know how to bring it up. This seemed like the worst time ever to bring up Dean's obligation to have sex with him. He would have to feed before he went back to work on Monday, that much was clear, but hell if he knew how to get Dean on board with that idea without making him feel like he had to make amends.
The fence guy was right on time and Sam breathed easier when he could escape the loft for a little while. The tension between him and Dean was palpable, there were just too many things piling up between them, and it felt good to get away for a moment. Sam felt guilty for that but shoved that feeling aside and focused on the man from the fence company who tried to sell him an high-end security fence by pointing out the dangerous neighborhood and the alarming rise of break-ins in this area.
Sam had to bite back a bitter laugh. Break-ins wasn't what he was worried about.
The loft didn't have windows on the front but when they moved over to the side Sam could make out Dean's silhouette behind the glass front. He didn't try to get fence guy's attention but Sam felt Dean's eyes burning holes in his skull the whole time they were on this side of the building.
Sam didn't take the high-end security fence and settled for a way cheaper model instead. This one had the advantage that it could get installed rather quickly so Dean would get his basement back some time next week.
On his way back in Sam stopped at the work bench where the butchered vibrator still lay like Dean had left it. Sick of that sight Sam wrapped the pieces in an old newspaper and threw the bundle in the trash. After that he felt better.
Back upstairs he dropped on the couch, suddenly feeling exhausted.
"That was quite a talker." Dean joined him.
"I think he gets provision so he tried to turn this place into Fort Knox." He huffed out a laugh.
"You still spent a lot of money on a stupid fence." Dean said in a low voice.
"Money isn't an issue." Sam tried to reassure him. They fell into a comfortable silence for a while.
"Dean?" He broke the moment with a sigh but he needed to know.
"Hmm?"
"Do you hate me?" His biggest worry so far had been that Dean feared him, however, after seeing the destroyed toy he'd realized that there might be more to be worried about. Dean had every right to hate him. And after his betrayal yesterday with telling Benny about Dean's nightmares …
"What?" Blindsided by that question Dean just blinked at him.
"Do you hate me?" Sam repeated his question, having a close eye on Dean's face to catch every nuance of emotion flashing over his features.
Dean took his time to answer.
"I know I should hate you." He finally said. "But I don't." He looked him straight in the eye now. "I don't know why, maybe I'm just stupid, but I don't fear you and I don't hate you."
"You're not stupid." Sam reached over to take his hand. Dean was a lot of things, and he had barely scratched the surface here, but stupid wasn't one of them.
Dean just looked at their joined hands for a long second before he raised them up to dust a kiss on Sam's knuckles.
Sam's breath hitched and a tingle settled deep in his guts.
"Dean." He said and halfheartedly tried to draw his hand back. Dean just smirked against the back of his hand, the brush of his lips on his skin sending shivers down Sam's spine. God, he was hungry.
"I know you need to feed."
Chapter 16
Masterpost