Wrapped in Honey 39/49
Chapter 39
Stay away from Dean, you sick bastard!
Sam reread the line a million times and with every reading his heart sank farther. Bobby had never exchanged emails with Sam before but Dean had mentioned him once in a while and so far Bobby had been supportive. Had even asked how Sam was doing. And now this. Now he was a sick bastard who should stay away from Dean.
Sam shut the laptop and rubbed his face with both hands. He didn't like what the words were implying.
Dean had told his friend about him, obviously. And not in a good way. He didn't know how far Dean had gone here. Had he told his friend about the Food Market? About the community? He doubted it. Without proof something like that was hard to believe. However, even with the supernatural stripped off, Dean's story wouldn't let Sam look like the good guy here.
Hell, he wasn't the good guy. He had bought Dean, a living, breathing human being, for his own entertainment. Had imprisoned him and had forced him to have sex with him. They got better, true, but that didn't change the things he'd done. The things he'd done to Dean.
The hateful words Bobby had used in his email told Sam more about Dean as well. How he must have told his story to leave this impression.
"He's not coming back." Sam realized. "He's not coming back."
He didn't blame Dean. He had the right to make this decision. It had been Sam who had sent him away so he could make this decision on his own without Sam around to influence him. This was what he had wanted. A Dean who decided for himself.
It was a bitter pill to swallow but he would accept it. It still hurt, though.
"I need a drink."
It didn't stay at that one drink, he only stopped when the bottle was empty and getting up to get a new one looked like too much effort. He fell asleep on the couch and woke up with a stiff neck and the taste of roadkill on the tongue. He hauled his carcass upstairs for a shower and he did feel better after that but work that day was still no fun at all. Gritting his teeth he suffered through the day.
Of course Ellen had noticed and had offered him some strong painkillers for his headache.
"Keep the drinking for the weekend." She told him in her mom voice.
"Won't happen again." He promised.
"Something happened?"
"I don't think Dean's coming back."
"He said that?" Ellen asked, her face softened with sympathy.
"No, we haven't spoken for a week or so." Sam shook his head which he instantly regretted. Damn hangover.
"How do you know, then?"
"A friend of his told me." That wasn't exactly true but came close enough. He didn't want to explain his complicated relationship with Dean to her. Not that she would understand, though.
"Listen, son." There was the mom voice again. "Don't jump to assumptions. Friends lie, friends get things wrong. As long as Dean doesn't tell you to the face that he's done with you, he isn't done with you."
She had a point there but Sam still doubted it. Bobby had changed from supportive to threatening and there was only one way to explain it.
"Get back to work, I need that file."
"Yes, ma'am."
At the end of the workday he drove home to his empty loft and dropped on the couch. His headache was still there. A pounding behind his ears and he knew he should just sleep it off but thinking of his empty bed he didn't want to lie there alone with nothing but his thoughts.
There was another way for him to feel better.
Sam grabbed his jacket and the keys.
His usual hunting ground, the bars and clubs, wouldn't offer him much at this time of the day but Sam didn't have the patience to seduce somebody anyway. It would be the safest way to get what he needed, he knew that, but the hunger gnawed at him and he could barely see straight anymore. He needed to feed. Now.
And he knew in which part of the town he would find what he needed.
This had always been his last resort. Paying for sex was an easy way to get sex but that wasn't exactly what he was looking for. He needed his partner to enjoy it and that wasn't always included in the service.
Half an hour later he was in a cheap motel room with a young man who looked a little like Dean. Well-built, short hair, green eyes. He didn't look like Dean at all but Sam didn't really care.
There was nothing coming from the other man, no arousal, no pleasure and that was a fact he did care about.
"Hey, no kissing." The man held him back when he tried to bring their mouths together. Sam sighed.
"A hundred for one kiss. With tongue." He got his wallet out and showed him the money.
"You really want that kiss, don't you?" The man snagged the bill and when Sam came closer this time he parted his lips for him willingly.
When Sam was done with him, the guy lay unconscious on the bed. Spread out with come splattered over his stomach and lube dripping out of him.
With Dean he had been careful, had only taken what Dean could spare. With this guy Sam hadn't held back, he'd only stopped when he'd felt him fading. Dean wouldn't want him to kill somebody.
Sam left without looking back.
He felt better now, his headache was gone and so was the hunger. For now. It was probably a bad idea to have random sex while he waited for Dean to come back but he was going insane here and that always burned him out like nothing else.
Was this cheating? He wasn't sure.
This was an act of need and had nothing to do with love or even lust, he reminded himself.
He still felt ashamed, maybe even guilty for what he'd done, at least to himself he could name those feelings. He didn't have the intention to ever tell Dean about this, though. If he even got the chance to talk to him ever again.
Back home he took out his phone and scrolled down the contact list until he found Dean's name. His thumb hovered over the call button but he knew he wouldn't call him. The ball was on Dean's side now, so to speak, all Sam could do was to wait and hope.
Sam sleepwalked his way through the rest of the week and just sighed in relief when he came home on Friday.
Later that evening the door bell rang.
For a stupid moment he was convinced that Dean was back. Of course he wasn't. When he opened the door Benny grinned at him, stupid hat deep in his eyes and a six pack under his arm.
"Thought you could use some company." The vampire announced and squeezed past Sam before he could come up with an excuse to not let him in. "We could marathon our way through your horror movie collection."
Sighing Sam closed the door behind him and followed his friend upstairs. He wasn't really in the mood for company, he'd like to stew in his own misery, thank you very much, but Benny didn't want to hear about that.
They hadn't really spoken since Benny had called him about Dean's dad, so that was his first question.
"Any news on that bastard?"
"Nothing." Benny shook his head. "Keeps his head down. We have nothing on him so there's no reason to look for him. As long as he doesn't do anything ..." He spread his hands in a helpless gesture. "I could contact a few nests, though. Give his description out."
"No." Sam shook his head. As tempting as this was, Dean wouldn't want that. His dad was a bastard who deserved becoming vampire chow if anybody would bother to ask Sam, but Dean wasn't that kind of guy. He doubted Dean could ever forgive or forget but he wouldn't want John to die. Not like this.
"It was just an idea." Benny accepted his decision and pried them two beers from the pack.
"You did call Dean, right?" Sam had to make sure. He had warned Bobby but he would feel better knowing that Dean got the warning as well.
"Yeah."
"How was he?" He shouldn't pry here, he knew that but how could he not?
"Fine." Benny took a sip from his bottle. "First thing was asking if you are alright. He cares about you." Benny watched him from the corner of his eye but Sam pretended he didn't notice. Dean cared about him? That was good, wasn't it?
"What?" Benny asked when he saw his reaction. "You thought he would think otherwise?"
"I'm not sure." Sam rolled the bottle between his hands. Then he told Benny about Bobby's email.
"Uh." Benny made at that. "And you think Dean told him everything."
"Not everything." Sam said. "I doubt he would just tell his friend what I am. Or about the community. But he's told him enough."
Benny didn't say anything to that for a long moment.
"Two weeks you said?" He finally ask.
"Two weeks at least." Sam sighed. "I told him to take as long as he needs. I'm not even sure if he would tell me if he's not coming back. Maybe I'll just never hear from him again."
"He would let you know." Benny seemed sure about that. "I don't know him as well as you do but he wouldn't just leave you in the dark. He would at least tell you, make a clean cut."
"I hope so." Not knowing was the worst.
"So, movie." Benny set the bottle aside and went over to the shelves with the DVDs. "What's your trashiest horror movie?"
"I've some vampire stuff." Sam craned his neck to look at him over the back of the couch. "I feel like I could go with slashing some blood suckers."
Benny gave him the finger without turning around, still reading the titles of the movies.
He came back with a stack of movies, all of them old, some not even in color.
"You know." Benny handed him the stack so Sam could decide with which one they should start. "Two monsters watching horror movies, that sounds like the beginning of a bad joke."
"You are a bad joke." Sam shot back. "And this old films are a joke by themselves, c'mon Swamp Monster?"
"There's no better comedy than old horror movies." Benny defended his choices. "And I figured you could use a good laugh."
They spent the evening with bad old horror movies and they had a good laugh, Sam had to admit. Now and then he glanced at the other end of the couch where Dean's usual place was but then he turned back to the TV and Benny.
At four in the morning they called it a night. Neither of them was sober anymore and Sam was so tired, his vision swam and his eyes were burning. Benny crashed on the couch while Sam went upstairs for his own bed. For a second he'd thought about offering his guest room but that was still too much Dean's room so he didn't bring that up. Benny seemed content with the couch anyway.
From the balustrade he had one last look at his friend who was already fast asleep with his hat drawn over his eyes.
"Night, Benny." Sam whispered and turned in as well.
In the morning Sam didn't feel as bad as the other day, nothing an aspirin couldn't cure and his hunger hadn't become worse so everything was fine.
"We should repeat this." Benny said when he was ready to leave. "Just give me a call when you feel like some company."
"I will." Sam promised and had every intention to make use of that offer. "Thanks, Benny."
Benny tipped his hat and then he was gone.
Chapter 40
Masterpost