Tell me where we go from here 19/?
Chapter 19
It was the middle of the day when Sam went to his room with a book but Dean doubted he would read. So Dean decided that he could go with a nap as well. He'd spent half the night and the whole morning driving and he was still banged up from their encounter with the witch. Damn, he hated witches.
Cas followed him as if he was afraid to let Dean out of his sight, not that Dean minded, and as soon as the door closed behind them, Dean's lips were on Cas'. He wanted, needed, to feel the angel close by, making sure that he was alive and real.
"Never do that to me again." Dean mumbled into the kiss and Cas just nodded and kissed him back more deeply. "I thought you were dead."
"I'm here." Cas said and his arms closed around Dean, holding him tight.
"I had to cut you." That was something Dean didn't want to do ever again. His hand slipped under Cas' shirt, searching for the wound but all he found was smooth skin. "I'm sorry, I never wanted to hurt you." Dean mouthed his way along Cas' jawline and down his neck.
"You had to." Cas assured him and guided him over to the bed. Looked like the nap had to wait for a little while longer. Dean brought their hips together, his cock starting to swell with interest.
Without haste they undressed and then slipped under the covers naked. By then Dean was hard and aching and all he wanted to do was to bury all his worries deep in Cas.
The Mark whispered to him. Take him, mark him. But Dean held back. As badly as he wanted to follow through with that, he would never just take Cas. Not as long as he wasn't absolutely sure that Cas wanted it too.
Dean slipped a hand under the covers, fingertips following the line of Cas' side and hip until he could close his fingers around Cas' stiffening cock.
"I know how to get you up and ready." Dean said not without pride and gave Cas' cock a stroke. So far they hadn't done much in bed but it was enough for Dean to know that Cas needed more encouragement to get it up but Dean had no problem with giving him the extra care he needed.
Cas mirrored his actions and Dean bit his lip when he felt Cas' fingers around his cock. For a second he forgot what he was doing, just enjoying the gentle strokes and the light brush of Cas' thumb over the tip. He was a fast learner.
"How do you want to do this?" Dean started moving his hand again and tried to match it with the pace Cas was setting. "You want to be inside me again?" He purred the words in Cas' ear and it didn't fail to make him shiver.
"Don't you like it better the other way around?" Cas asked with confusion in his voice. Confused was pretty much Cas' default setting so Dean just kissed him once more and upped his effort in the downstairs department. By now Cas' cock lay heavy in his hand and a drop of precome had emerged from the slit.
We're getting somewhere here, Dean thought with a grin.
"I do prefer to top." Dean finally answered. It broke the mood a little but they had to discuss this before they could go on with what they were about to do. "But once in a while …" Dean shrugged and bit back a groan when Cas experimented with twisting his hand in the upstroke. Topping would be out of question if he continued like that, Dean realized and couldn't care less. Coming in Cas' hand would be pretty awesome too. He lost his train of thought for a moment, face buried in Cas' neck, hips bucking into the tight fist.
Then he remembered that he had a job to do as well and reached for Cas' erection again. He'd only let go of it for a second but that had been enough for it to wilt a little.
"We don't have to do that at all if you're not comfortable with it." Dean offered because what he was feeling in his hand didn't really count as enthusiasm to the idea of anal. "Lot's of other stuff we can do."
Banning all thoughts of his own pleasure from his mind, which was a hard task with Cas still jacking him off like a pro, Dean focused on returning the favor to Cas. But quite the opposite happened. Cas softened under his touch and now his hand dropped from Dean, leaving him unfinished, but that was the last thing on Dean's mind right now.
"I'm sorry." Cas mumbled and avoided his eyes. "But you can ..." He rolled to his back and spread his legs in a silent invitation, still not looking at Dean.
Dean swallowed hard at that and now his arousal was wilting rapidly as well.
"We don't have to do anything if you don't want to." He said, ignoring the voice in the back of his mind screaming at him to just take him. To make him want it, to force him through an orgasm if he had to.
"But you ..." Cas made a helpless gesture in the general direction of Dean's crotch.
"This is not about what I want." Dean dropped to his back as well. "This is about us. If we're not both into it, we're not doing it."
For a moment he just lay there and stared up at the ceiling, catching his breath. Then he turned back to his side to face Cas but the angle had rolled to his other side with his back to Dean. He curled in to himself as if he wanted to hide from Dean.
"It's okay." Dean inched closer until he was spooning him. Cas had enjoyed this before but now Dean held his breath, waiting for his reaction. When Cas didn't push him away he reluctantly slung his arm around Cas' middle.
Cas didn't react, he just lay there stiff as a board, but then he reached for Dean's hand and entwined their fingers.
Cas relaxed in his arms and Dean placed a kiss on his bare shoulder.
"If you're not in the mood, you're not in the mood." Dean felt the need to emphasize. "I know I'm a horndog but you don't have to go along with that if you don't want to."
Inwardly Dean cringed to that, this was way more talking about stuff like this than he was comfortable with but the way Cas had reacted he had to make this point clear. Just because Dean was horny, Cas didn't have to oblige.
"I want to." Cas said quietly, tightening his hold on Dean's hand. "But ... I don't know what I want."
"It's okay." Dean repeated and left a trail of little kisses on his bare flesh from the curve of his shoulder up to the soft spot behind Cas' ear. This wasn't about sex. It was sensual, yes, but Dean knew that Cas wasn't in for sex right now. This was about reassurance, about comfort and love, cheesy as it sounded.
Dean took the earlobe between his lips and sucked and nibbled before he let go with a quick lick along the rim. Cas shivered under his attention and relaxed farther with a soft sigh.
"I could sleep now." Dean buried his nose in the short hair in Cas' neck and shifted until he'd found a comfortable position. He had come here with the intention of taking a nap anyway and seconds later he drifted off to sleep.
When he woke up, Cas had turned around and was studying him with his eyes wide and something like amazement on his face.
"I told you that's creepy." Dean muttered but didn't turn away. Instead he locked eyes with Cas. God, he could get lost in those blue eyes and he was really glad that Sam didn't know what kind of cheap romance stuff was going on in his mind. His cheeks heated and he turned away before Cas could see him blushing.
"I like watching you sleep." Cas said in his earnest voice, still staring at him, he could feel it.
"You're impossible, you know that?" Dean gave him a side glance and then craned his neck to bring their mouth together. Just to stop the staring, of course. "What time is it?"
In the bunker it was hard to tell the time but he felt like he'd slept for several hours.
"Almost seven." Cas answered without looking at any watch.
"That's why I'm so hungry." Dean flopped back into the pillow not quite ready to leave the warmth of the bed. They were both still naked but at the moment he just enjoyed having Cas here with him without any thoughts of sex.
He rolled over so that he lay on top of Cas, their naked bodies now flush against each other, bare skin on bare skin. Bracing himself on his elbows he studied Cas face for a long moment while Cas just lay there and let him do whatever he wanted. The look he gave Dean was full of love and trust and Dean couldn't believe that it was directed at him.
They met once again for a deep kiss, slow and loving without the urge of more behind it. Cas had spread his legs so that Dean could fit in between them and their crotches met in the most delicate way but this wasn't about that either. With the contact Dean felt his cock rise but when he didn't feel a similar reaction coming from his partner, he rolled off Cas before he was more than half-hard. If Cas noticed that he didn't say anything.
Dean rolled out of bed and got dressed while Cas stayed in bed, watching him.
"Like what you see?" Dean put on a little show but it was just for fun, they both knew that. "Take your time, I'll see what I can put together for dinner."
With that he left and headed for the kitchen. Looked like Sam was still sleeping but Dean saw no need to wake him before dinner was ready anyway. The kid could use some sleep.
Humming to himself Dean started cooking but with his hands busy his mind was free and it came up with things he didn't want to think about. Like what had happened in bed earlier.
He knew he shouldn't read too much into that, Cas hadn't been in the mood, that was it, but he had the nagging feeling that there was more. He couldn't put his finger on it but when he thought about his relationship with Cas … he couldn't shake off the feeling that there was something wrong. Something about the sex.
Dean sighed to himself. He hoped that it was something that would sort itself out on its own but when had he ever been lucky with that?
One thing was certain, though. He didn't want to fuck this up. With his previous relationships, if those were even worth the term, he hadn't really cared if it lasted or not. If it worked out, it worked out, if not, he moved on. Easy as that. But Cas was different.
Maybe he worried too much. He wanted it to be perfect and that was why he saw problems where there were none.
Cas joint him a few minutes later and Dean put him on onion chopping duty. They didn't talk, both focused on the task at hand, and Dean was fine with that. It was a comfortable silence.
Then Sam burst into the kitchen, hair still messy from sleeping and his clothes wrinkled but a broad grin on his face.
"I know where Claire Novak is."
Chapter 20
Masterpost