Tell me where we go from here 44/47
Chapter 44
Sam had thought that with Cas' epiphany everything would work out eventually. Sure, Dean and Cas both would need time to adjust to that new detail in their relationship, hell, Sam needed time to adjust to that, but in the end he was sure that they would find a way to make it work.
Had he been wrong.
If anything their relationship felt even more off kilter than before. Okay, Sam was watching them like a hawk every minute he thought he could get way with it so he probably did notice more than he had before but what he saw was not good.
For one, Cas buried himself even more in the research, claiming that he wanted to help Sam but basically he was hiding from Dean.
Dean on the other hand had become a rare sight. He spent most of his time in the depths of the bunker or in the garage.
What struck Sam the most was the fact that Dean dodged every attempt Cas made to get physical. Kissing, touching, cuddling there was none of that anymore.
Sam was telling himself that they both needed time to figure this out but he got the feeling that they were breaking apart right in front of him and he had no idea how to help them.
"Cas, everything alright between Dean and you?" Sam ask one day but Cas just answered that everything was fine and then he asked Sam something about the text he was reading.
More often than not it was Dean who cooked for them so Sam used the chance to offer his help in the kitchen and maybe have a little heart to heart with his brother.
"Not easy to adjust to something like this, hmm?" He asked while he was chopping onions.
"We're fine." Came the short answer. It was frustrating.
So when a few days later Hannah called and asked Cas to meet her for another hunt for rogue angels Cas jumped at the opportunity to leave the bunker for a while. Sam guessed he would have left earlier but without a reason it would have looked too much like Leaving and the angel had at least enough sense to not give Dean that impression.
With Cas gone the tension in the bunker melted away almost instantly and now Sam actually saw his brother once in a while over the day.
"You should get some rest." Dean stood at his desk and held out a bottle of beer to him.
"What time is it?" Sam rubbed his eyes but accepted the beer. Without Cas at his side to interrupt him once in a while he had gotten completely lost in what he was reading.
"Past eight." Dean answered and dropped in the chair next to him. "Give it a break." He nodded towards the piles of books and notes in front of Sam.
"Yeah, you're right." Sam pushed the pile away and stretched in his chair. His spine popped and now he felt his stiff muscles. "I'm not getting anywhere with this."
Dean didn't say anything to that but his hand found its way almost on its own to the spot where the Mark was hidden under his sleeve.
"Don't worry, I think, I'm getting the hang of it." Dean tried to reassure him but failed miserably.
"Dean." Sam leaned closer, bottle firmly in both hands otherwise he would be too tempted to reach out for him and that would only make Dean clam up even more. "Is it effecting you?"
"Sometimes." Dean jerked his head and took a gulp of beer to mask the emotions clearly on his face.
"You can talk to me, you don't have to do this alone." Sam reminded him. "And Cas, you can talk to him too, you know that."
"It's the worst with him." Dean said quietly, eyes fixed on the bottle in his hands.
"What do you mean?" Now he did reach out to his brother. His hand landed on Dean's forearm, the one without the Mark.
"There are these urges." Dean swallowed thickly and when he looked up his eyes shone suspiciously. "Things I want to do."
Sam didn't ask farther, he could guess what kind of urges. The urges every demon had. To take, to hurt, to make it bleed.
"But you have it under control." Sam said, not sure if he meant it as a statement or a question.
"I'm not so sure." Dean said so quietly that Sam almost missed it.
"Cas?" Sam asked.
"When we are ... were ..." Dean started. "I felt this urge to ... to make it rough ... you know ..." He made a helpless gesture.
"I understand." Sam said to spare Dean the humiliation of going into detail. He could guess what his brother was trying to say.
"I thought I had it under control, that I wouldn't do it." Dean put the bottle to his lips, just to give himself a break it looked like. Sam waited patiently for him to continue speaking. "Turned out I did it every single time."
"Cas said that?" Sam asked because from what Cas had told him about their sex life, and that was a topic he really should stop thinking about, everything had been consensual. Maybe out of the wrong reasons on Cas' part but he had agreed to everything they had done. And it wasn't so that anybody could just make the angel do anything. Not Cas. He never had a problem with saying no when he didn't want to do something.
"He didn't need to." Dean answered his question with a delay. "It's obvious. C'mon, you were the one who showed him the answer. He doesn't want sex, I talked him into sex. I knew that something was off and I did it anyway."
Sam couldn't remember a time when his brother had been this open which only told him how deeply hurt Dean was.
"Cas wanted to figure it out as well." Sam reminded him. "It was trail and error, you were both clueless."
"You think he's coming back?"
"To you? Always." That was one of the very few things Sam was absolutely sure about. Cas would be back. "And do me a favor, just give it a try, okay? I know together you can figure this out."
"You've always been the optimistic one." Dean said with a sigh. For a moment it looked like he wanted to say more but then he changed the topic. "Wanna go out? Hit a bar?"
"Sure."
"Maybe we'll even find a woman for you, Sammy." Dean clapped his shoulder on his way out of the room.
"Thanks, this relationship stuff seems too complicated." Sam hurried after him.
There was only one bar in Lebanon and by now they were familiar faces. Sam hadn't been here as often as Dean but the waitress greeted him with his name and the barkeeper had Dean's drink ready by the time they reached the bar. It was an odd feeling but it felt kinda good to come to a familiar place.
And now he had the Cheers theme song stuck in his head, great.
There were pool tables in the back and after their first drink Sam and Dean went over for a little game. They hadn't hustled for money here, it would have been stupid so close to the place where they lived, so they just played for fun. Dean won the first game but Sam was determined to win the second one. By then a tiny group of people had gathered around them, cheering at them and one or two bets were made.
"C'mon, Sammy." Dean teased him in his cocky way, all the insecurities from earlier gone. This was his place, here Dean knew his way around. Sam only wished he could see his brother this carefree more often. Maybe when he and Cas had come to terms with their relationship.
Sam lined up and hit the white ball just right. The crowed behind him clapped and cheered and Sam felt good. It was a tight one but he won the game. And lost the next two. Not that it mattered, they had fun.
They left the bar at closing time. By then neither of them was sober anymore, they were not completely drunk but too far gone to actually drive back to the bunker. Which was a problem. They couldn't just take a cab to their secret lair.
"That would be like Batman taking a cab to the Wayne Mansion, that's not right." Dean pointed out, his tongue a little heavy but he had a point there, Sam had to admit. So they could either walk back home, which would take half the night if they were lucky and didn't break a leg stumbling around in the dark, or they could stay in town over night. Technically sleeping in the car was an option too but Sam was not drunk enough to consider that one.
"What are you still doing here?" Myra, the waitress from the bar, came up behind them. They were the only ones left, the lot was empty and the bar dark and it was really time to go home.
"We're trying to decide if we should walk or stay in town for the night." Dean told her with wide grin and Sam had to grab his brother's arm to drag him back. Myra didn't deserve his alcohol breath.
"I can call you a taxi." She offered.
"We're fine, thank you." Sam hurried to say. "We'll just walk. No problem. Thank you, Myra." With that he tugged at his brother's arm until he turned around and together they started walking.
"Wait." She called after them. "I can drop you off."
"We live a bit outside." He started but when she just rolled her eyes at him he added: "But if you could drop us off at the city limits, that would be nice."
"You shouldn't just give two strangers a ride." Dean spoke up, making Sam wonder where Dean's fear of not being able to control the Mark was coming from. Intoxicated like he was, it should be easy for the Mark to take over. Instead Dean showed concern for the woman who wanted to give two strangers a ride.
Sam made a mental note to point that out to Dean as soon as he was able to think straight again.
"Please, Dean." She snorted. "It'll take thirty years before the folks around here will even consider calling you a citizen but you're no stranger." She headed over to her car. "C'mon, guys. Get in."
"Shotgun." Dean yelled and shoved past Sam to claim his seat. Shaking his head Sam followed him.
Myra followed Dean's instructions and drove them out of town.
"You sure?" She brought the car to a halt at the side of the empty road, squinting into the darkness outside.
"It's not far." Sam assured her and nudged his brother to get out of the car. "Thanks for the ride, Myra."
They watched the back lights of her car disappearing in the night. After a moment Sam turned around and started walking. Dean fell in step next to him, his shoulder almost brushing his.
"That was a great evening." Dean spoke up after a few minutes. Walking in the cool night's air had sobered him up, at least his speech was clearer now. "I needed that. Thanks."
"Any time." Sam said and they walked in silence for a while.
"You were worried about Myra." Sam pointed out when the outline of the bunker appeared in the beam of his flashlight. "Hadn't the Mark something to say about her?" He didn't like to think about the things the Mark was whispering to Dean but Mark or no Mark, Dean knew wrong from right. He just needed a reminder of that fact once in a while.
"Shut up." Dean gave him a playful punch to the shoulder.
Chapter 45
Masterpost