Gambling Debts 11/?
Chapter 11
The first things Derek noticed when he came to were the cold tiles under his naked butt and the heavy scent of blood in the air. But that was forgotten when he noticed the warm body pressed against his back and the hand spread out on his chest and another one cupping his forehead.
For some reason he was sitting between Stiles' spread legs on the bathroom floor. He was naked, he was half-sitting on a towel which did nothing to cover him up, and Stiles was close and Derek had no idea why the other man was holding him like this.
"Just breathe." Stiles said softly in his ear. "In and out, you're doing fine, just in and out."
Derek closed his eyes and just breathed. He let himself drift, trusting Stiles to hold him and to tell him what to do. It was nice. The tightness around his chest eased off but Stiles' hand stayed a firm weight over his heart. Derek sagged farther into the embrace and let out a soft sigh.
"You back with me?" Stiles asked after a moment. Without opening his eyes Derek nodded. He didn't want this to end. He wanted to draw this out for just a little while longer before he had to think again. Before Stiles would let go of him and he would be cold and alone again.
"Think you can stand up?" Stiles asked but didn't move to urge him up.
Derek thought about that for a moment and then nodded.
"Okay, easy." Stiles helped him up. "Just take it easy, you might feel a little dizzy."
He did but he trusted Stiles to steady him. They just stood there for a moment until Derek stopped swaying.
"Take a quick shower." Stiles ordered in a gentle tone. "Just rinse off the blood, I'll get you something to wear."
He didn't let go of Derek until he had confirmed with a nod that he understood and that it was okay for Stiles to leave for a moment. He was back by the time Derek stepped out of the shower with a large, fluffy towel waiting for him. Derek let him drape it over his shoulders but he toweled off by himself and Stiles left to give him some privacy while he got dressed.
By now Derek could think more clearly and everything rushed back to him.
He had tried to seduce Stiles, if jumping somebody like that counted as seducing. He had tried to use Stiles for his own benefit. He was not better than Peter.
Derek had to brace himself on the sink and take a few deep breathes to keep himself from slipping into the next panic attack. He wondered why Stiles had helped him, why he had stayed with him during this, but he had no doubt what would happen once he left his room.
He was tempted to delay the inevitable by packing his bag now instead of later. Stiles would kick him out, he had to, and Derek had no desire to make this more difficult than it already was. The last thing he wanted was for Stiles to call security, namely Isaac, to kick him out of his casino.
Derek stared at the suits and other things in his closet for a moment before he closed it again. He wasn't sure if his new wardrobe was his or not. He should probably just grab his old stuff and be done with it. Instead he opened the door to face Stiles.
"I'm sorry." Derek said when he saw Stiles waiting for him in the living room. "I didn't mean to ..." Lost for words he just stood there. He was wearing a t-shirt so there was no fabric dampening the feeling when he ran his hands over his own arms. It helped to ground him, at least enough to get through this.
"I'm sorry." He repeated. "I'll leave."
He wanted to turn around. Just step into the elevator and leave. He didn't care about his things or how he would get home, he just wanted to get away. Like everything else good in his life he had manage to break this. He was so stupid.
"Derek, wait." Stiles suddenly stood in front of him. "Wait." Gently he eased his hands off his arms and only now Derek noticed the claws. He hadn't broken the skin, this time, but there were angry red lines already fading on his skin.
He closed his eyes with a shaky breath, Stiles hands around his wrists like burning bands.
"We need to talk." Stiles said and guided him over to the nearest couch. Numbly Derek followed him and sat down where Stiles wanted him. Stiles remained standing, looking between the seat next to him on the couch and a chair near by.
Derek wanted him to be close but he didn't know how to tell him that.
However, Stiles seemed to read something in his posture and sat down next to him.
"You scared me." Stiles admitted. He wasn't touching him any longer but he was close. "Can you tell me what happened?"
Derek stared down at his hands dangling between his knees. How could he even start to explain to a human what was natural for a werewolf?
"You don't want to have sex with me." Stiles filled the silence after a moment.
"No." Derek's voice was hoarse.
"But you were willing to do that for ..." He left the sentence hanging for Derek to fill in the blanks. But he couldn't. He couldn't put his feelings in words.
"For something you need?" Stiles tried again.
Derek nodded. Why was Stiles even trying? Why didn't he kick him out already?
Derek didn't understand it so he just sat there and stared at his hands. His fingernails were bluntly human now but there was still dried blood under them.
"Derek, what do you need?" Stiles' hand landed on top of his, covering it with his long fingers. Derek let out a choked noise.
"I ..." He started but broke off. "Werewolves ... we are tactile creatures ... in a pack, we ..." He shook his head. It was useless. He pushed himself off the couch, time to go back to Peter.
Stiles' hand was on his shoulder in an instant and Derek let him push him back to sit on the couch.
"Is it the touch?" He asked and now he was leaning in to him. Stiles pressed his chest against his arm and shoulder while his hand searched for Derek's again. Derek let him lace their fingers together.
"Do you need this?" His other arm sneaked between Derek's back and the couch, drawing him even closer.
Tears pricked in his eyes and all he could do was to jerk his head in a nod.
"Shh, it's okay." Stiles was hugging him with both arms now and Derek just melted into his chest. "It's okay, you can have that. It's okay."
They sat like that for a while.
"Our dinner is cold by now." Stiles finally said. Surprised by the sudden change of topic Derek let out a dry laugh. "How about we order pizza?"
Derek stared at him in disbelief.
"Don't look at me like that, pizza is soul food. It's comfort food for every life crisis."
Stiles didn't let go of him while he ordered the food and they only parted when twenty minutes later the pizza was delivered. The whole time they didn't speak and Derek just bathed in Stiles' touch.
They ate the pizza on the couch with some game show running on the TV and the whole time Stiles' leg stayed pressed against his.
By the time they had finished their meal Derek was ready to forget the whole episode.
"It won't happen again." He promised. By now he was pretty sure that he still had a job and that Stiles would forgive him for trying to molest him. He hadn't even laughed at him for having a panic attack.
"Of course it won't happen again." Stiles said around a piece of garlic bread. "We're going to make sure that it won't happen again."
Now Derek raised a questioning eyebrow at him.
"Dude, you forget that I'm a dom." His whole body flailed with that statement and he almost smacked Derek in the face with the last bit of garlic bread.
Derek's eyebrows went higher. There was something twisting in his stomach, a weird mixture of want and panic.
"Not like that." Stiles corrected himself with a blush. "I mean that I'm good at reading people. Usually. I get caught up in my own head when it comes to you. I should have noticed sooner. I'm sorry."
Derek didn't know what to say so he said nothing and was back to staring at his hands.
"I can give you what you need." Stiles promised and his hand found Derek's again. "In a totally non-sexual, non-BDSM-y way."
"You would do that?" Daring to hope, he glanced over to Stiles.
"Hey, I brought you into this." Stiles reminded him. "I cut you off from your pack. Besides, there is this paragraph in your contract saying that I'll provide you with everything you need."
Derek's stomach dropped. "You don't have to …"
"I want to." Stiles cut in. "I like you and I'm putting you through some tough stuff here, I know that. If I can make your life easier with some simple human contact, c'mon, it's hardly a hardship." He gestured over Derek's body with a smile.
"But you want more." Derek said without looking at him.
"Yes, I do want more." Stiles let out a sigh and dropped back into the couch. "But I can deal with that. You don't have to do me any favors, that's not what I want anyway."
Derek gave him a skeptical look.
"I was in love with Lydia for a long time." He admitted after a moment. "Since third grade, I think. Had a ten year plan to make her realize that I even existed." He shook his head with a fond smile. "I'd been pining after her for years and she never returned my feelings."
"But you're friends now."
"We are." Stiles said. "I grew out of my crush eventually. My point is, I'm an expert in pining from afar. I know you don't want me like that and that's okay. Maybe you'll change your mind at some point, maybe not. Maybe I'll grow out of this crush or maybe not. But I don't want to let that stand in the way of us being friends. I'd like to be your friend."
"I'd like that too." Derek admitted. He never had many friends and he liked Stiles. And he was almost a bit jealous of how open Stiles was with his feeling. How easily he could say that he had a crush on Derek.
Stiles gave him a blinding smile.
"I'll take care of you." He promised. "And if it ever gets this bad again, just tell me before you start slicing yourself up, okay?"
"Okay."
Stiles' hand was back on his shoulder and Derek leaned into the touch.
"How about we start with a massage, then?"
"A what?" Derek's head shot up, he had to be joking.
"A massage." Stiles was already on his feet, dragging Derek off the couch by his wrist. "You must have been touch-starved for weeks now, you have a lot of catching up to do. Nothing better than a massage for that."
Stiles had a point and Derek's back started to itch in anticipation from only thinking about Stiles' long fingers all over him.
"A massage." Derek repeated but he was already on board with the idea. Stiles grinned wildly at him. "Okay, where?"
"A bed would work best." Stiles said. "I'd like to cuddle with you afterwards if that's okay." He's voice trailed off and now Derek felt the urge to comfort him. However, sharing a bed with Stiles felt wrong. Especially after Stiles had so openly admitted that he wanted more from Derek.
"Not your bed." Derek said firmly. "Or mine." That would imply that this was more than just a friendly gesture. It would blur the lines and in the end it would end in disaster, he knew that and he was pretty sure that Stiles knew it as well. If they did this, they needed neutral ground.
His gaze flickered over to the playroom. They had another bed. One that neither of them associated with anything personal.
Stiles followed his gaze.
"That could work."
Chapter 12
Masterpost