seriously, I have problems
Title: Blame Finn & Lorelai
Fandom: Gilmore Girls
Genre: crack-fic
Pairing: Finn/Lorelai
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I own nothing, I make nothing, please don't sue me.
Published: I think only here, but if anyone really thinks it should go somewhere else I'll consider it.
AN: This is all iolite23's fault. She suggested before the finale that Finn would make a much better person for Lorelai to have a fling with than Christopher, and well I agree. They're kinda my tongue-in-cheek, so wrong, but so right 'ship. This is unbetaed, and well just for the hell of it. I could have written it much longer, but I didn't want to spend forever on it. There's one more bit of this that I've promised Claudia, so I'll write that soonish.
Blame Finn & Lorelai
“Turkey and booze are here!” Finn called out as he came through the front door. “I figure those are the essentials, so that’s what I brought.”
“What the hell is going on?” Lorelai asked, looking around to Rory and Logan who were sitting in the kitchen with her.
“It’s Thanksgiving, you need turkey, darling,” Finn explained. “Colin’s bringing the other stuff, I only travel with essentials.”
“Um, okay,” Lorelai, replied, looking around at the three of them to find out what was going on. “So that explains what exactly?”
“Well, we don’t have plans,” Rory piped in, “since we’re boycotting the Huntzberger gathering, Grandma and Grandpa are in Europe, we’ve got no plans so Finn volunteered to bring dinner.”
“I volunteered to bring the essential parts, love, turkey and booze,” he clarified. “Colin’s coming as well, he’s brining the other stuff. Stuffing, pies, potatoes, yams, is that what they’re called, I have no clue what else, but he’s bringing all of it.”
“Rory do you know how to make a turkey?” Lorelai turned to her daughter, confused
“She doesn’t need to, this bird is fully cooked using a salt brining method, and has a rosemary and Parmesan rub,” Finn explained.
“That sounds good,” Lorelai smiled.
“Yes it does,” he agreed, “I only travel with the best. You should know that, love,” he finished, dropping a kiss on Rory and Lorelai’s cheeks. “So where do you want all this stuff?”
“Well does it need heated up?” Rory asked.
“There’s instructions that came with it, but yes,” Finn clarified.
“Why don’t we wait till Colin gets here, then we can see what’s needed that he’s bringing, and then we’ll heat everything up,” Logan suggested.
“That sounds like a fine plan,” Finn nodded. “I just need to know where the ice bucket is, and the martini shaker.”
“Why?” Rory asked.
“Because, love,” Finn returned, putting an arm around her shoulders, “it’s a holiday, and I plan on getting festive. I need plenty of alcohol to achieve festivus!”
“It’s only ten o’clock in the morning,” Rory answered.
“So what!” Finn and Lorelai both answered in concert, causing them both to laugh.
“What did you bring?” Lorelai asked once both of them had stopped laughing.
“I remember you’re a gin martini woman, so I brought lots of gin, vermouth, olives, scotch and wine,” he answered, pulling bottles out of his bag.
“You are a good man,” Lorelai smiled, opening cabinets to give him glasses and a shaker to make martinis.
“No, I’m just a man in love,” Finn batted his lashes.
“Oh God,” Rory groaned. “We’re going to have to go through this again. I told you!”
“Finn,” Logan growled, “you agreed.”
“Oh get over yourself Logan,” Finn dismissed. “When did you become such a stick-in-the-mud?”
---
“Do you have a job? Are you back in school?” Lorelai asked Finn. They were all eating the dinner that Colin and Finn had brought and Rory and Logan reheated and served.
“No, I’m actually thinking of opening an art gallery. Since you seem resistant to my charms, dearest, darlingest, Lorelai,” Finn singsonged. “I figure it will be an easy way to get laid. All the patrons will think I’m gay, that way the women will fall at my feet thinking they’re the ones that changed me. It’s a brilliant plan, don’t you think, love?”
“You think women will sleep with you if they think you’re gay?” Lorelai asked in shocked amusement.
“Well of course!” Finn confirmed with a dramatic flourish. “Women like nothing more than to fix a man, turning a gay man straight is the ultimate in ‘fixing’ that can be fixed.”
“Oh my God,” Lorelai coughed through her laughter, “what does it say about me that what he just said made complete and total sense?”
“You do realize that you know most of the society girls in New York already, and even if you didn’t after a while they would catch on to the fact that you’re sleeping with all of them,” Rory pointed out logically.
“Who said it had to be in New York?” Finn reasoned. “I could go back home, my father is a cross dresser after all, it’s not like people there would be surprised by my turning in a different direction once I got out on my own.”
“That is very true,” Lorelai agreed with a flick of her fork, causing her yam to fling across the table at Colin. “Oh my God, I’m sorry!” she giggled.
“Oh please,” Finn laughed, flinging more yam at Colin. “There’s nothing more fun than bothering Colin!”
“Finn!” Colin roared flinging back the yam that had landed on him.
“What?” he asked innocently, then bounced a roll off Colin’s head.
“That’s it!” Colin barked, picking up a serving spoon and flinging its contents into Finn’s face.
“Food fight!” Finn yelled, gleefully. Rory and Logan both crawled under the table then to Rory’s room to avoid the now flying food.
“Oh my gooo….” Lorelai giggled as a fist of mashed potatoes hit her in the mouth. “I’m going to get you for…” she threatened, wrestling Finn to the floor and rubbing yams into his hair.
“No…no…not the pie!” Lorelai squeaked. “We need the pie for later to eat!” she yelled, crawling over to the refrigerator to get her old can of spray whip cream, and shooting it at Finn. Colin had run into the living room to leave the two jolly combatants to their war.
---
“So I’m wearing Logan’s clothes, they’re a bit short, but fine, I’m clean, I smell nice if I do say so myself, and I’m still a bit buzzed,” Finn said, going to get himself and Lorelai a fresh drink then plopping down on the couch next to her, “now all I need to make this the best holiday I’ve even had is for you to make out with me.”
“I’m not making out with you, Finn,” Lorelai laughed.
“Oh, come on,” he returned, waggling his brows. “I’m young, virile, handsome, if I do say so myself, I’ll never tell anyone that it happened, if you don’t want me to, though you never know, one taste and you might never want another man, I have a great accent. We could play Charles and Camilla.”
“That is disgusting, you are not going to be my tampon!” she gasped, nose scrunching up at the thought.
“I didn’t mean I wanted to be your tampon,” he huffed. “Though now that I think about it, I wouldn’t mind that at all, but I meant we might be soul mates, but you won’t give me a chance.”
“Call me Donna Martin, cause I’m closed for business,” she shot back. “And no one would ever accuse you of being discrete.”
“I am the soul of discretioning,” he pleaded, finishing off his drink and pouring them both another.
“I know you well enough to know you’ll probably walk into Luke’s tomorrow and tell him exactly what happened if I let you do anything!” she laughed.
“I would…you’re right I probably would,” he joined her laughing. “I couldn’t help it, I would have reached life’s precipice. There would be no where up to go from there.”
“You do know that precipice means cliff, don’t you?” she asked, unable to stop her laughter, he did make her feel better just by being himself.
“I thought it meant the highest point,” he replied, head tilting.
“No that’s pinnacle,” she giggled.
“Oh,” he nodded. After a moment he asked, “Did you know that penultimate meant next to last?”
“Maybe,” she nodded, “or I might have thought it meant the ultimate, ultimate.”
“Like, super ultimate!” Finn clapped.
“Yes,” she laughed, clapping with him, “like super ultimate! That’s not what it means?”
“No,” he shook his head, “not according to the dictionary apparently. Though I like that definition better.”
“I think I do too,” Lorelai nodded, lifting her hand to point a finger in the air. “Did you know that the plural of cul-de-sac is culs-de-sac?”
“It is?” he asked, totally confused. “Why isn’t it cul-de-sacs?”
“That’s what I said too!” she exclaimed.
“You see, love, we’re perfect for each other!” he grinned. “We could perborate across the town square…”
“What are you talking about?” she asked, holding out her empty glass for him to fill.
“I’m trying to show my intellect here,” he returned, fixing her a fresh drink. “I meant we can stroll across the town square.”
“You mean perambulate,” she laughed.
“What does that mean?”
“I think to walk slowly, but to know for sure I would have to get up off this couch and go to Rory’s room where the dictionary is. And I think I’m too incapacitated to do that,” Lorelai answered with an erratic lifting of her arm and throwing it over her head toward Rory’s room.
“There’s no need to leave the couch for anything but more alcohol,” Finn slurred.
“No, no reason at all,” she agreed, leaning into him.
FIN
Fandom: Gilmore Girls
Genre: crack-fic
Pairing: Finn/Lorelai
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I own nothing, I make nothing, please don't sue me.
Published: I think only here, but if anyone really thinks it should go somewhere else I'll consider it.
AN: This is all iolite23's fault. She suggested before the finale that Finn would make a much better person for Lorelai to have a fling with than Christopher, and well I agree. They're kinda my tongue-in-cheek, so wrong, but so right 'ship. This is unbetaed, and well just for the hell of it. I could have written it much longer, but I didn't want to spend forever on it. There's one more bit of this that I've promised Claudia, so I'll write that soonish.
Blame Finn & Lorelai
“Turkey and booze are here!” Finn called out as he came through the front door. “I figure those are the essentials, so that’s what I brought.”
“What the hell is going on?” Lorelai asked, looking around to Rory and Logan who were sitting in the kitchen with her.
“It’s Thanksgiving, you need turkey, darling,” Finn explained. “Colin’s bringing the other stuff, I only travel with essentials.”
“Um, okay,” Lorelai, replied, looking around at the three of them to find out what was going on. “So that explains what exactly?”
“Well, we don’t have plans,” Rory piped in, “since we’re boycotting the Huntzberger gathering, Grandma and Grandpa are in Europe, we’ve got no plans so Finn volunteered to bring dinner.”
“I volunteered to bring the essential parts, love, turkey and booze,” he clarified. “Colin’s coming as well, he’s brining the other stuff. Stuffing, pies, potatoes, yams, is that what they’re called, I have no clue what else, but he’s bringing all of it.”
“Rory do you know how to make a turkey?” Lorelai turned to her daughter, confused
“She doesn’t need to, this bird is fully cooked using a salt brining method, and has a rosemary and Parmesan rub,” Finn explained.
“That sounds good,” Lorelai smiled.
“Yes it does,” he agreed, “I only travel with the best. You should know that, love,” he finished, dropping a kiss on Rory and Lorelai’s cheeks. “So where do you want all this stuff?”
“Well does it need heated up?” Rory asked.
“There’s instructions that came with it, but yes,” Finn clarified.
“Why don’t we wait till Colin gets here, then we can see what’s needed that he’s bringing, and then we’ll heat everything up,” Logan suggested.
“That sounds like a fine plan,” Finn nodded. “I just need to know where the ice bucket is, and the martini shaker.”
“Why?” Rory asked.
“Because, love,” Finn returned, putting an arm around her shoulders, “it’s a holiday, and I plan on getting festive. I need plenty of alcohol to achieve festivus!”
“It’s only ten o’clock in the morning,” Rory answered.
“So what!” Finn and Lorelai both answered in concert, causing them both to laugh.
“What did you bring?” Lorelai asked once both of them had stopped laughing.
“I remember you’re a gin martini woman, so I brought lots of gin, vermouth, olives, scotch and wine,” he answered, pulling bottles out of his bag.
“You are a good man,” Lorelai smiled, opening cabinets to give him glasses and a shaker to make martinis.
“No, I’m just a man in love,” Finn batted his lashes.
“Oh God,” Rory groaned. “We’re going to have to go through this again. I told you!”
“Finn,” Logan growled, “you agreed.”
“Oh get over yourself Logan,” Finn dismissed. “When did you become such a stick-in-the-mud?”
---
“Do you have a job? Are you back in school?” Lorelai asked Finn. They were all eating the dinner that Colin and Finn had brought and Rory and Logan reheated and served.
“No, I’m actually thinking of opening an art gallery. Since you seem resistant to my charms, dearest, darlingest, Lorelai,” Finn singsonged. “I figure it will be an easy way to get laid. All the patrons will think I’m gay, that way the women will fall at my feet thinking they’re the ones that changed me. It’s a brilliant plan, don’t you think, love?”
“You think women will sleep with you if they think you’re gay?” Lorelai asked in shocked amusement.
“Well of course!” Finn confirmed with a dramatic flourish. “Women like nothing more than to fix a man, turning a gay man straight is the ultimate in ‘fixing’ that can be fixed.”
“Oh my God,” Lorelai coughed through her laughter, “what does it say about me that what he just said made complete and total sense?”
“You do realize that you know most of the society girls in New York already, and even if you didn’t after a while they would catch on to the fact that you’re sleeping with all of them,” Rory pointed out logically.
“Who said it had to be in New York?” Finn reasoned. “I could go back home, my father is a cross dresser after all, it’s not like people there would be surprised by my turning in a different direction once I got out on my own.”
“That is very true,” Lorelai agreed with a flick of her fork, causing her yam to fling across the table at Colin. “Oh my God, I’m sorry!” she giggled.
“Oh please,” Finn laughed, flinging more yam at Colin. “There’s nothing more fun than bothering Colin!”
“Finn!” Colin roared flinging back the yam that had landed on him.
“What?” he asked innocently, then bounced a roll off Colin’s head.
“That’s it!” Colin barked, picking up a serving spoon and flinging its contents into Finn’s face.
“Food fight!” Finn yelled, gleefully. Rory and Logan both crawled under the table then to Rory’s room to avoid the now flying food.
“Oh my gooo….” Lorelai giggled as a fist of mashed potatoes hit her in the mouth. “I’m going to get you for…” she threatened, wrestling Finn to the floor and rubbing yams into his hair.
“No…no…not the pie!” Lorelai squeaked. “We need the pie for later to eat!” she yelled, crawling over to the refrigerator to get her old can of spray whip cream, and shooting it at Finn. Colin had run into the living room to leave the two jolly combatants to their war.
---
“So I’m wearing Logan’s clothes, they’re a bit short, but fine, I’m clean, I smell nice if I do say so myself, and I’m still a bit buzzed,” Finn said, going to get himself and Lorelai a fresh drink then plopping down on the couch next to her, “now all I need to make this the best holiday I’ve even had is for you to make out with me.”
“I’m not making out with you, Finn,” Lorelai laughed.
“Oh, come on,” he returned, waggling his brows. “I’m young, virile, handsome, if I do say so myself, I’ll never tell anyone that it happened, if you don’t want me to, though you never know, one taste and you might never want another man, I have a great accent. We could play Charles and Camilla.”
“That is disgusting, you are not going to be my tampon!” she gasped, nose scrunching up at the thought.
“I didn’t mean I wanted to be your tampon,” he huffed. “Though now that I think about it, I wouldn’t mind that at all, but I meant we might be soul mates, but you won’t give me a chance.”
“Call me Donna Martin, cause I’m closed for business,” she shot back. “And no one would ever accuse you of being discrete.”
“I am the soul of discretioning,” he pleaded, finishing off his drink and pouring them both another.
“I know you well enough to know you’ll probably walk into Luke’s tomorrow and tell him exactly what happened if I let you do anything!” she laughed.
“I would…you’re right I probably would,” he joined her laughing. “I couldn’t help it, I would have reached life’s precipice. There would be no where up to go from there.”
“You do know that precipice means cliff, don’t you?” she asked, unable to stop her laughter, he did make her feel better just by being himself.
“I thought it meant the highest point,” he replied, head tilting.
“No that’s pinnacle,” she giggled.
“Oh,” he nodded. After a moment he asked, “Did you know that penultimate meant next to last?”
“Maybe,” she nodded, “or I might have thought it meant the ultimate, ultimate.”
“Like, super ultimate!” Finn clapped.
“Yes,” she laughed, clapping with him, “like super ultimate! That’s not what it means?”
“No,” he shook his head, “not according to the dictionary apparently. Though I like that definition better.”
“I think I do too,” Lorelai nodded, lifting her hand to point a finger in the air. “Did you know that the plural of cul-de-sac is culs-de-sac?”
“It is?” he asked, totally confused. “Why isn’t it cul-de-sacs?”
“That’s what I said too!” she exclaimed.
“You see, love, we’re perfect for each other!” he grinned. “We could perborate across the town square…”
“What are you talking about?” she asked, holding out her empty glass for him to fill.
“I’m trying to show my intellect here,” he returned, fixing her a fresh drink. “I meant we can stroll across the town square.”
“You mean perambulate,” she laughed.
“What does that mean?”
“I think to walk slowly, but to know for sure I would have to get up off this couch and go to Rory’s room where the dictionary is. And I think I’m too incapacitated to do that,” Lorelai answered with an erratic lifting of her arm and throwing it over her head toward Rory’s room.
“There’s no need to leave the couch for anything but more alcohol,” Finn slurred.
“No, no reason at all,” she agreed, leaning into him.
FIN