Nothing I can keep to myself.

[lady_azula]

I find myself unwilling to keep things close to my own secret. I must say them. They penetrate deep, live deep. Secrets I'd rather keep to myself, things I'd rather no one else know, I should tell you

Comments

[waterfell]

Hello, Azula!

[lady_azula]

Mercury.

You are well?

[waterfell]

I suppose I am! &hearts

[lady_azula]

This new Kunzite. How is he compared to the one you knew?

I admit to knowing very little about him. I've not been at my dorm recently. I've had a bit of wanderlust these days.

[spaceflyboy]

A lovable fool.

[lady_azula]

To whom?

[spaceflyboy]

Does it matter? What I want to know is if you think I'm a fool, why even mention me? I'm so far below your highness in status, after all..

[lady_azula]

It is a good question. I am wondering why I am even writing this entry to begin with...

[banishment]

I wanted you dead, too. I'm ashamed now to admit that I was planning on killing you back home. For Aang. To protect him. But, you're not her--the Azula I last saw the morning of the eclipse. I like you better like this. I hated that we always fought as kids. I fought because I thought you wanted me to. I liked playing with you, Mai, and Ty Lee. I once tricked mom into making me go outside to play with you guys, so it wouldn't look like I wanted to. I hated that you had friends and I didn't.

You are strong, Azula. I envied you for that--I still envy you for that. Don't let father control you anymore. Defy him. Like I did. It's time both his children rebelled against him. If you were to switch sides, Aang would accept you. I'd do whatever was needed to convince him.

Why do despise her?

She more than captivated me and she's not mom. No one will ever replace her. Katara's mothering is annoying. I liked her best when she wasn't acting like everyone's mom

[lady_azula]

And you had Iroh, Zuko. He watched over you, didn't he? He trained you, without stood your temper. Surely you must see why he did all of those things. At one time it sickened me, but let us be honest: what else could that be called but love? You had that from him and from mother, so you shouldn't think less of yourself. Back then, I DID want us as enemies. My goal was to compete, to fight. You may realize one day that in the end, that is all I am.

Don't be a fool Zuko. They accept you because you have atoned. Your connection with the Avatar is deep. I tried to kill him. Ask your little earthbender friend her opinion of me for that. I would never be accepted. Your optimism is sweet and sentimental, but hardly practical.

I have my reasons.

I told her, but was ready to devote myself to her. She...left before anything could come of it. I think fate has accurately placed me outside of those feelings. I would be a fool to think otherwise.

[banishment]

I love uncle and I know he loves me, but sometimes...I felt like I was just a replacement for Lu Ten.

We're both related to Roku. Not just me. In a way, Aang's family. The Air Nomads are gone. We're all he has left. I guess that's one of the reasons I wanted to protect him. You're forgetting that I tried to kill him, too. I almost did and I hate myself for it.

I'm your brother. I'm supposed to be sweet.

Don't say that. You deserve to be happy.

[lady_azula]

Don't be so willingly to use that excuse. Lu Ten is his son: there is no replacement for that. You are different from Lu Ten: your path was forced by father, and your way uncertain. He wanted to guide you, to help you. In that way, you are NOT Lu Ten, but still family he cares deeply for, wants to help.

Aang needs YOU, brother. Even if you tried to kill him, you didn't actually get close to doing it. What makes you think I would be wanted by him? Just ask the last Aang that arrived here.

Not necessarily.

HA! I would love to hear you say that to all the people I've wronged. I'm sure their opinion would be a bit more candid if not outright hostile.

[flipping_bird]

Starfire? You know Star?

[lady_azula]

For a little while, yes. Who are you?

[flipping_bird]

Robin.

[lady_azula]

Ah.

She spoke well of you. There was another Starfire here before too, but not the one I knew.

[savedthejerk]

It seems to be something going around. My vocal cords will probably be strained to their limits by the time this is over.

You have nothing to apologize for, Azula. I was your friend and at that time, I knew I was betraying you. Had it not been death, I wouldn't have done it. I had even wanted you to hate me then, hoping that rage would burn up the bond of friendship you felt.

We're strange girls around the ones we care about, but I know you cared about both me and Ty Lee. I just knew how strong your loyalty and duty was and didn't disbelieve that you would go with what you knew how to do in that situation. I never held it against you, but kept it in my mind as an accepted truth.

I'm sorry I ever had to hurt a version of you. You are precious to me and I hope I will be able to gain your full confidence again. Because I never want to lie to you again.

[lady_azula]

I think I know what you mean. I was very surprised to have said certain things that were so private.

I don't know if I believe that, Mai. I remember how I was, and parts of me still is that way. I cannot forget what my nature is: I make people squirm, I make them feel pain, and I enjoy it. There is no excuse I can offer for that behavior.

You should have: that is how I am. No matter what father or my nation may have imparted upon me, that will always be true. What my loyalty and duty means now, however, is the question I need to answer all on my own.

If you needed to do it, I can't hold it against you. I may have forced Ty Lee's hand, but I never forced you.

[savedthejerk]

I made a speech without any real reason. A sure sign something is wrong when I feel like talking that much.

...well, apologizing to me then. I honestly don't care if you enjoy pain or not, but I don't really care for that many people where it would even become an issue.

I hope you can find that answer soon.

I enjoyed being with you two and I enjoyed fighting so I saw no reason not to go. And since we were just trying to capture Zuko, I didn't see too much of an issue there either.

[lady_azula]

Precisely. You've never been one for words.

Well. That is one opinion over many. I'm sure some would beg to differ.

As do I. Econtra is full of more questions than answers.

Oh ho, so was THAT your plan all along? I should feel more betrayed!