Notes: Based on a prompt that cynoyonrae gave me on the "You Should Write" meme - the interactions between two or more elements personified, I think it was
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I really like this. It's very well written and it's very descriptive. Awesome use of adjectives and other literary devices I can't specify. XD The only criticism I can give is that for a legend, this doesn't have a very legend-ish feel. More like a fairy tale-ish one? You could try using past tense and cliches like "A long time ago" and "Legend says that".
OH U. XDD ("Puffed up" looked awfully funny. :P 'Twas the best alternative.) It's good that they're dragon whatsits and not humanoid in any way, actually, because I know that otherwise somewhere in the back of my head... I'd be hate-shipping them or somesuch. DX
Oh, I'm glad! I wasn't completely happy with the overall tone, myself. I left it for a while (slight understatement) half-way through and wasn't quite sure if it had the same writing style/"flavour" to it for the remainder. UNSPECIFIED LITERARY DEVICES! 8D Man I love those! I was somewhat unsure about the fighting parts, to be honest - I definitely have more practice with scene setting and description than most kinds of action
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About the description/actions thing, I think you did pretty well. Most of the time, the problem is exactly the opposite - people's stuff tends to sound like a grocery list than a story. They just concentrate too much on the actions of their characters and never bother to familiarize the reader with the charas' surroundings/feelings/etc. So learning to pay equal attention to both of these points should be a piece of cake for you since you've got the harder part down. :D
I dunno, I could probably recite you their different characteristics but when it comes to general work on literature or literary analyzes or whatever I'm not very savvy. Case in point, I totally phailed at remembering all them literary devices' names. XD
Since you pimped it, I'll be checking out your shorter story. XD
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I really like this. It's very well written and it's very descriptive. Awesome use of adjectives and other literary devices I can't specify. XD The only criticism I can give is that for a legend, this doesn't have a very legend-ish feel. More like a fairy tale-ish one? You could try using past tense and cliches like "A long time ago" and "Legend says that".
Reply
It's good that they're dragon whatsits and not humanoid in any way, actually, because I know that otherwise somewhere in the back of my head... I'd be hate-shipping them or somesuch. DX
Oh, I'm glad! I wasn't completely happy with the overall tone, myself. I left it for a while (slight understatement) half-way through and wasn't quite sure if it had the same writing style/"flavour" to it for the remainder. UNSPECIFIED LITERARY DEVICES! 8D Man I love those! I was somewhat unsure about the fighting parts, to be honest - I definitely have more practice with scene setting and description than most kinds of action ( ... )
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I dunno, I could probably recite you their different characteristics but when it comes to general work on literature or literary analyzes or whatever I'm not very savvy. Case in point, I totally phailed at remembering all them literary devices' names. XD
Since you pimped it, I'll be checking out your shorter story. XD
Reply
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