When the mask falls away
So, I was writing something else (or trying to) and my Ipod is on, and Life of Agony comes on (strung out), and ignoring the first half of the song, these lyrics get stuck in my head:
If I gave it all up do you-do you think I
Do you think I’d survive?
And if I walked right up to you should
Should I greet you?
Or should I lay down and die?
And if I came full circle with you
Would you take me?
Would you take me back in your life
And I tried so hard-
So you'd be
Proud of me, proud of me, proud of me, proud of me
Proud all the time
And they really struck a chord with me, so I was compelled to write the below ficlet. This was back in March (the fifth, to be exact), but I held off on posting it, because someone I asked to read it over for me insisted Luffy wouldn’t react this way and I was trying to re-write it, but now I’m taking vindicated solace in recent chapters. It’s a moot point now, in any case, but what the heck, it was already written, might as well post it.
Title: When the mask falls away
Rating: PG?
Word Count: 681
Luffy + Usopp/Sogeking centric
Weeks passed, then months, and never once did he consider discarding the mask. He couldn’t; Usopp no longer had a place on this crew- had no right to be with them- fight, and laugh, and travel with them - not anymore. But Sogeking- he could; he had replaced their old sharpshooter easily enough, was accepted as the old one had ever been. It was good to be back, in some form, but he couldn’t face his captain as the man he was, he didn’t deserve to; he knew he had been wrong, agonized over it, but he couldn’t apologize- and perhaps, again, that was the cowardice in him.
But he was proud- he could play the part, and he nearly never ran away anymore; he fought along side his friends- or… just slightly behind them, but he was there, he was finally becoming a proud warrior of the sea, living up to his father at long last. It was scary, scarier than nearly anything they had done before- had been a part of, but he was doing it, he was finally making something of himself.
Then, one day it happened, and he could only blame it on some cruel twist of fate. The ties should have been secure, but they unexpectedly snapped, as though they had long frayed; and perhaps they had. This was the greatest lie he had ever told, absorbed in it himself, bound within its parameters, the dictates of who this person was- but as much as he could hope things would never change, that he would be able to stay in their light forever, it was not meant to last; it couldn’t.
The world seemed to slow, going silent in deference to the resonating clatter of wood on wood. He had felt it snap, watched in horror as the mask fell away and realization slowly spread across Luffy’s face. Felt the death of this life he had hoped to salvage, the ghost of what he had before throwing it away on a lonely beach so many months ago; and knew, again, what a heart felt like in the precise moment it broke.
Stricken for a number of silent beats, he finally worked up enough courage to break eye contact with the man he had fought, insulted, missed with every fiber of his being once he had left… and took one, deep, shuttering breath.
He knew what he had to do.
Mustering the few scraps of pride he had left, he turned and stiffly, slowly, forced himself to walk away from the people who felt like home.
“Usopp.”
He froze, held more firmly by that quiet, unreadable voice than any demand could have ever hoped to claim him. He knew, he knew he had to keep going, he had no right to burden them further, he had to make his own way, alone…
If he could just get his feet to move.
“Usopp.”
More quietly spoken, yet beckoning; he found himself turning against his will, pulled into a searching gaze. Something passed behind those eyes, and he would never know if the other had somehow known and given him this escape, or if he had meant it. With Luffy, it was hard to tell.
“You’re back!” A smile suddenly split the captains face, “ When did Sogeking switch with you? Did he have to go somewhere? Where were you, this whole time? We missed you!”
We missed you… He wasn’t sure how many times that repeated in his head, before he finally caught himself, and thought up a worthy response- though Luffy showed no signs of noticing the awkward pause.
“Well, you see, Luffy”, Usopp leaned back, taking his old story-telling pose, “when the third marine ship attacked us last month, Sogeking realized he would only bring you more trouble by hanging around, having a high bounty by now, himself, so he contacted me and asked me to step in for him, while he made preparations to be recognized very far away to distract the world government, and…”
He never noticed the conspiratorial smiles between the crew behind him.
Now I'm just debating if I should post it to OPY100 or not: the topic inspired me to actually post it, but I can't cut it down sufficiently (I tried). Oh, what to do, what to do...
If I gave it all up do you-do you think I
Do you think I’d survive?
And if I walked right up to you should
Should I greet you?
Or should I lay down and die?
And if I came full circle with you
Would you take me?
Would you take me back in your life
And I tried so hard-
So you'd be
Proud of me, proud of me, proud of me, proud of me
Proud all the time
And they really struck a chord with me, so I was compelled to write the below ficlet. This was back in March (the fifth, to be exact), but I held off on posting it, because someone I asked to read it over for me insisted Luffy wouldn’t react this way and I was trying to re-write it, but now I’m taking vindicated solace in recent chapters. It’s a moot point now, in any case, but what the heck, it was already written, might as well post it.
Title: When the mask falls away
Rating: PG?
Word Count: 681
Luffy + Usopp/Sogeking centric
Weeks passed, then months, and never once did he consider discarding the mask. He couldn’t; Usopp no longer had a place on this crew- had no right to be with them- fight, and laugh, and travel with them - not anymore. But Sogeking- he could; he had replaced their old sharpshooter easily enough, was accepted as the old one had ever been. It was good to be back, in some form, but he couldn’t face his captain as the man he was, he didn’t deserve to; he knew he had been wrong, agonized over it, but he couldn’t apologize- and perhaps, again, that was the cowardice in him.
But he was proud- he could play the part, and he nearly never ran away anymore; he fought along side his friends- or… just slightly behind them, but he was there, he was finally becoming a proud warrior of the sea, living up to his father at long last. It was scary, scarier than nearly anything they had done before- had been a part of, but he was doing it, he was finally making something of himself.
Then, one day it happened, and he could only blame it on some cruel twist of fate. The ties should have been secure, but they unexpectedly snapped, as though they had long frayed; and perhaps they had. This was the greatest lie he had ever told, absorbed in it himself, bound within its parameters, the dictates of who this person was- but as much as he could hope things would never change, that he would be able to stay in their light forever, it was not meant to last; it couldn’t.
The world seemed to slow, going silent in deference to the resonating clatter of wood on wood. He had felt it snap, watched in horror as the mask fell away and realization slowly spread across Luffy’s face. Felt the death of this life he had hoped to salvage, the ghost of what he had before throwing it away on a lonely beach so many months ago; and knew, again, what a heart felt like in the precise moment it broke.
Stricken for a number of silent beats, he finally worked up enough courage to break eye contact with the man he had fought, insulted, missed with every fiber of his being once he had left… and took one, deep, shuttering breath.
He knew what he had to do.
Mustering the few scraps of pride he had left, he turned and stiffly, slowly, forced himself to walk away from the people who felt like home.
“Usopp.”
He froze, held more firmly by that quiet, unreadable voice than any demand could have ever hoped to claim him. He knew, he knew he had to keep going, he had no right to burden them further, he had to make his own way, alone…
If he could just get his feet to move.
“Usopp.”
More quietly spoken, yet beckoning; he found himself turning against his will, pulled into a searching gaze. Something passed behind those eyes, and he would never know if the other had somehow known and given him this escape, or if he had meant it. With Luffy, it was hard to tell.
“You’re back!” A smile suddenly split the captains face, “ When did Sogeking switch with you? Did he have to go somewhere? Where were you, this whole time? We missed you!”
We missed you… He wasn’t sure how many times that repeated in his head, before he finally caught himself, and thought up a worthy response- though Luffy showed no signs of noticing the awkward pause.
“Well, you see, Luffy”, Usopp leaned back, taking his old story-telling pose, “when the third marine ship attacked us last month, Sogeking realized he would only bring you more trouble by hanging around, having a high bounty by now, himself, so he contacted me and asked me to step in for him, while he made preparations to be recognized very far away to distract the world government, and…”
He never noticed the conspiratorial smiles between the crew behind him.
Now I'm just debating if I should post it to OPY100 or not: the topic inspired me to actually post it, but I can't cut it down sufficiently (I tried). Oh, what to do, what to do...