Comments | lady_karasu: Back in the saddle..../again/. Really, this time.

lady_karasu

Back in the saddle..../again/. Really, this time.

May 06, 2011 16:53

Started writing this in 2007 (I accidentally overwrote the original file, so, sometime before September, as that’s the ‘recent’ one). Got stuck, and let it sit for ages - then Kuma landed in my lap, and that took care of the ‘how it happened’ problem, which had been written, but I didn’t like. Then I sat on it again for a while, because I was ( Read more... )

Comments 8

printfogey May 7 2011, 10:07:51 UTC

Seriously impressive! I could picture it all very vividly while reading; the pain and weight of Usopp's grief, the strength of his resolve despite never being able to be as fearless as Zoro would have been, yet reaching a similar straight-forward ultimatum mindset, maybe taking comfort in the Zoro-ishness. I really appreciate that you have him wondering whether his determination is a death-wish in disguise, having to work through the interpretation before rejecting it. And also the reminder of what an additional death in the crew would do to Luffy as a good counter-point to the main theme.

Mihawk always struck me as very tough to write, so I'm particularly impressed by how well he comes off here. Unnerving and implacable, more scary in terms of personality than even his powers - and I thought his final lines were just perfect.

Edited to add: I just re-read the whole thing with much pleasure. I'm a major sucker for self-sacrificial Usopp. ♥

Minor nitpicks: you've got a "loose" instead of "lose" in What did he have to loose, now?. ( ... )

lady_karasu May 7 2011, 15:09:39 UTC

Thank you *so much*. I was kinda really anxious about this one (it's been in my 'will never see the light of day' folder for a while, now). Needed that. ;) Really.

On the edits - loose/lose: you know, I fixed that in the original file, didn't realize I hadn't caught it in the post - nice catch, thanks. ;)
The sword movement thing - more of a 'tip, at the side' thing: would have moved across to the other side as he stood. It works in my head because I've got the image, but I can see how that would be awkward to read. Augmented the line a bit, see if that works better for you? If I get much more detailed in the writing it weighs down that section too much, but that might mitigate the problem...

printfogey May 7 2011, 18:47:53 UTC

Thank you for writing it and sharing it - it's been ages since I've read an Usopp-centric fic with that kind of intensity, and a sacrifice theme to boot. Apparently it's a narrative kink of mine, so I very much appreciate.

*re-reads* Still a bit unclear to me, honestly - but then again, I could well be the only one. English isn't my native language etc *waves eternal Get Out Of Jail card* ;)

dethorats May 8 2011, 01:22:52 UTC

EEEE, a fic post from you! So excite!

While the concept is incredibly depressing to me (no, Zoro, don't die!!!!) I LOVE how you worked it out here, how Usopp draws lessons from Zoro and from his own incredible well of inner-strength. And the line about being the greatest being part of being a brave warrior is PERFECT (XD I'm working on a vaguely similar idea myself). Mihawk came across as very much himself, bad-ass and with his own brand of honor to which he always holds true, but not as a monster. The mental image of him lounging in the grove that I got from your words was awesome! And Usopp's resolve - I think that's my favorite part and it rings true to his character.

Dread Pirate Mihawk would be totally hilarious

lady_karasu May 8 2011, 20:17:27 UTC

I seriously pulled a chopper when I read this. (More the happy wriggling, not so much the cursing - Bryan laughed at me... *snicker ( ... )

dethorats May 9 2011, 03:17:51 UTC

XD I always like what you write! I'm just glad I get to read some again! As for Zoro dying, Oda better not do it. I've started listening to the One Piece podcast guys and they seem determined that Luffy will die before the end. To which I say, NO WAY IN HELL, dammit. Oda won't do it (at least I hope to hell he won't). Roger, Ace, and Whitebeard have already died to inspire the kinds of changes that created Luffy. He has to live to inspire - and oversee for a change - the new world. And nobody else on the crew is allowed to die either. Too damn depressing and Zoro's too tough ( ... )

lady_karasu May 9 2011, 15:22:30 UTC

I don't know why I didn't just edit this - forgot I could. Oops. (ignore the deleted post that pops up, it was just this with no spell check. o_O ( ... )

imawarriorqueen May 2 2013, 01:33:52 UTC

ahhh wow, v nice.