I really, really like them both. The first one more than the second- maybe I'm dense but I don't really get it. It seems more personal and specific and vague. The first one, I'm not sure if you have to say "no shelter"- the symbolism is already apparent. Though I know it's supposed to be 4 lines per stanza...
I like the first stanza of the first one, especially the last line.
But the last line of the second I would leave off... it reminds me of the papers which start with, "This paper is about..." I'd guess it's meant to refer to just the line before it, but it sounds like it's refering to the entire thing...
And I love the image that comes with the linking of "I fall / Slowly" to rain falling...
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But the last line of the second I would leave off... it reminds me of the papers which start with, "This paper is about..." I'd guess it's meant to refer to just the line before it, but it sounds like it's refering to the entire thing...
And I love the image that comes with the linking of "I fall / Slowly" to rain falling...
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