Playlist
Regina Spektor-Samson
If I had to pick just one song for Astrid, this would be the one. There's a sweet hopelessness about it. There's no happy ending, no hope for salvation... But even looking back at the worst moments, there's a sense of calm. There's no regret as far as loving Eliade goes. She forgave his flaws, and loved him unconditionally, even when he harmed her. But she also knows that if she could go back and try to fix things, they'd probably end the same way. And the moments where she can accept that fact are powerful ones for her.
Oh, we couldn't bring the columns down,
Yeah we couldn't destroy a single one.
And history books forgot about us,
And the bible didn't mention us, not even once.
You are my sweetest downfall,
I loved you first.
Silent Hill 2 OST-Promise (Reprise)
Simple, haunting, and beautiful. It makes me think of the moments that she shared with Eliade, and when she actually felt the Exorcist side of herself coming through. It must have been heart wrenching, and terrifying. I imagine that she locked herself in her room, sobbing frantically as she wondered what was wrong with herself.
Silent Hill 2 OST-Magdalene
An instrumental, and a powerful one. The feel of it conveys a sense of loss and hopelessness that suits Astrid far too well.
Future Bible Heroes-O! What A Dream It Was.
Astrid feels useless, hideous, and unlovable. She had felt that way for years, until the time she spent with Eliade. If such a beautiful, golden man could love her, surely that meant that she was worth something. But when it ended, all the self-loathing came back, and stronger than before by far.
I know I'll never be beautiful, but you kissed me once in the sun.
I know I'll never be loveable, but you made me think I was wrong.
And you say it doesn't matter, but I want to scream it does.
You made our little dream shatter, but O! what a dream it was.
Sarah McLachlan-Full Of Grace
I could have listed the entire song's lyrics here. They all work far too well for her.
The winter here’s cold, and bitter.
It’s chilled us to the bone.
We haven’t seen the sun for weeks,
To long too far from home.
I feel just like I’m sinking,
And I claw for solid ground.
I’m pulled down by the undertow,
I never thought I could feel so low.
Oh darkness I feel like letting go...
If all of the strength and all of the courage,
Come and lift me from this place.
I know I could love you much better than this,
Full of grace.
Full of grace.
My love...
The Cult-Painted On My Heart
This really is a theme for Astrid. The memories consume and eat away at her, and it makes it hard for her to move on. She wants to smile, to be okay. But unfortunately it's not all that easy for her to do.
I've still got your face,
Painted on my heart,
Scrawled upon my soul,
Etched upon my memory baby.
I've got your kiss,
Still burning on my lips,
The touch of my fingertips,
Is love so deep inside of me.
Bim-Stay In My Memory
Eliade's memory is painful and consuming. It eats away at Astrid, and guilt and pain seeps in at every chance. And even with how Krory wants to remember him and cherish the memory of him, she still grows weary of the weakness and guilt on occasion.
And you can break and you can mend,
For all the wrongs that you defend.
You learn the hard way in the end.
So stay in my memory,
You can hide out there.
Don't take all my thoughts today,
So I can start to begin again.
Des'ree-Kissing You
This one's fairly self explanatory. The past haunts her, and she aches from the moments alone. Even small things hurt, and remind her of what she did and what she lost.
Pride can stand a thousand trials,
The strong will never fall.
But watching stars without you,
My soul cries.
Sarah McLachlan-Possession
This was chosen mainly because of the possessive and abusive relationship she had with Eliade. Although she loved him dearly, and he wanted to love her, his nature was not one of carefulness or gentleness.
Nothing stands between us here,
And I won’t be denied.
And I would be the one,
To hold you down,
Kiss you so hard,
I’ll take your breath away.
And after I’d wipe away the tears,
Just close your eyes dear.
Amy Lee-Sally's Song
This one was chosen for the feel of it, as well as for the fact that she's slowly falling for her Lavi. Which is something she doesn't want. She doesn't deserve love, she's had and ruined her chance. And he's not one to waste his time on her, in her mind. She might pine over him from a distance, but the idea of ever acting on such ideas will bring nothing but tragedy.
I sense there's something in the wind,
That feels like tragedy's at hand.
And though I'd like to stand by him,
Can't shake this feeling that I have.
The worst is just around the bend,
And does he notice my feelings for him?
And will he see how much he means to me?
I think it's not to be.
Sarah McLachlan-When She Loved Me
The feel of this song really does fit her, and these lyrics suit the times where she and Eliade were happy, even if it was a false happiness. She lived as a bride, and even with Eliade's problems and violence she was very much happy.
When somebody loved me,
Everything was beautiful
Every hour we spent together lives within my heart.
Biffy Clyro-Machines.
I think that in a way, Astrid is slowly realizing how damaged she is and how much she's missed out on. Sometimes she has moments so wonderful that it leaves her shocked at just how much she hurts. And those honest moments are scary to her, but they make her want to keep moving forward and start things over again.
Cause I've started falling apart I’m not savouring life.
I've forgotten how good it could be to feel alive.
I've started falling apart I'm not savouring life,
Take the pieces and build them skywards.
I've forgotten how good it could be to feel alive,
Take the pieces and build them skywards.