Complaining.
For some reason, I've been super lonely since vacation began. It was wonderful being in Florida with my family, and I've been in regular communication with Benn, but I just feel really empty and very alone. Saturday is my birthday, and I have absolutely no plans, except wake up, in my empty bed, roll over and eat breakfast in an empty house, and go to sleep later by myself. Normally I am okay with my own company, but these last few weeks have been brutal. I'm angry at Kaj for being the same asshole he's always been. I'm angry at myself for not being able to accept that and move on. I'm angry at Ben for not being able to make me feel the way I do with Kaj, even though he is a million times better as a person and as a partner. I'm angry at myself for not being able to feel or appreciate the things he does do. Why can't I just be satisfied? Why has this gone on so damn long? Will I be able to say no and enjoy myself when I am back home next weekend? Will I be able to keep my promise to Ben?