(no subject)
A summer spent working in a department store has led me to create this quiz.
1. When shopping for ties, you:
A. Pick up only what you want to buy.
B. Put back anything you decide you don’t want exactly as you found it.
C. Set the ties you don’t want on top of the table, point out, and/or on the wrong table.
OR
Are one of the associates who sells suits.
D. Put regularly priced ties back on the clearance table or vice versa.
OR
Allow your spawn to run through the department, and don’t stop them from grabbing the 100% silk ties with their sticky, filthy hands.
2. When making returns, you:
A. Have the receipts, are in the proper department, and the tags are attached.
B. Have at least your charge card and the tags, even if they aren’t attached.
C. Have a large number of receipts that you search at the register, because you could have sworn the correct one was in there.
D. Don’t have the tags or the receipt for an item we clearanced out days ago.
3. When picking out a man’s dress shirt, you:
A. Know your neck size, sleeve size, and pick out a shirt with a minimum of fuss.
B. Don’t know your neck or sleeve size, but wait patiently for us to measure you. (Unless you’re a hot guy, in which case, pick A)
C. Try on several shirts, requiring us to damage out the opened ones.
D. Need an odd-but-popular size (like 18” 32-33) with a pin-point collar, then complain when, after fifteen minutes of searching, the only one I find isn’t a “pure enough white.”
4. When an item rings up wrong, you:
A. Were watching on the PIN pad, so you notice immediately and tell me so I can override the incorrect price.
B. Notice after I finish ringing the sale and wait patiently while I correct the problem.
C. Notice, but throw a tantrum when I tell you that the item was on the wrong rack/from another department/really not on sale.
D. Notice, but don’t tell us about it until after close, and throw a tantrum when we won’t reopen the register to give you the extra dollar tonight.
5. When shopping the clearance racks, you:
A. Choose what you want, bring it to the register, and check out.
B. Dither a bit about what you want, but put everything you don’t want back on the hangers and back on the proper rack.
C. Ask for price checks, despite the price scanner on the wall five feet away, insist that the register price is wrong when it isn’t, buy one or two items, and/or leave the items you don’t want for us to pick up. After all, that’s what we’re paid for. (Then complain about the mess.)
D. Ask for price checks on many different items, insist that the clearance discount is off the lowest marked price (when the signs say clearly “off original price”), insist that clearly full price items were on the 75% off rack, and/or put what you don’t buy back on the wrong discount racks.
6. You think you want a designer purse locked in a display case. You:
A. Look at it through the glass first. When it is retrieved, you purchase it.
B. Look at it, then politely refuse and possibly ask to see another, which you buy.
C. Look at it, decline, wait me to replace it and relock the case while I retrieve another from a different case, then decide you want one that was in the first case.
D. Ask to see many different purses, complain about the price/how they never go on sale/current styles then decide not to buy any, and otherwise monopolize my time so I can’t wait on people who will buy.
OR
Try to sell a purse you made to other customers.
7. You are shopping from a painstakingly organized clearance table. You:
A. Look, but don’t touch.
B. Try very hard to put items back where and how you found them.
C. Toss the item randomly on the table.
D. Toss the item randomly on another table.
8. You are interested in a purse. Four of them have the straps tucked in; one does not. You:
A. Look at the purse with the strap out, then tuck the strap in when you’re done.
B. Look at the purse with the strap out, then put it back on the table.
C. Untuck another purse.
D. Untuck all of the purses.
9. You are shopping for sunglasses, which are displayed neatly organized by brand. You try on a pair and:
A. Either buy it or put it back where you found it.
B. Put it back on the rack incorrectly.
C. Put it back on the wrong rack.
D. Toss it on the table closest to the mirror.
10. You tried on an outfit and decided you do not want it. You:
A. Put it back neatly on the hanger and return it to the proper rack.
B. Put it back neatly on the hanger and hang it on the bar just inside the fitting room door.
C. Hang it inside out on the hanger/on the wrong hanger and leave it in the stall.
D. Leave it in an inside out, sweaty ball in the fitting room ashtray. (You may not be allowed to smoke, but the ashtray is NOT a garbage can.)
11. When there is a line at the register, you:
A. Proceed to the checkout and wait (im)patiently for your turn.
B. Leave your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/eight year old to hold your place in line while you continue shopping.
C. Arrive at the register right after another customer, stand beside him/her, then leave in a huff when I help him/her first.
D. Walk up to the register with a pair of shorts and a $20 bill in hand, then throw a tantrum when I help the next person in line.
12. When the managers come on the PA to announce that there are five minutes until close, you:
A. Are in your car driving home.
B. Proceed to the nearest register, checkout, then leave.
C. Proceed to the nearest register with three items, two of which you need a price check for, then get snippy when I assure you that all of our merchandise is out on the floor and I won’t check the stockroom for your size.
OR
Proceed to the nearest register, notice that the pair of pants you want is dyed funny, go back and search the rack for another pair of the same size, wait until I tell you the price, hand me two coupons, make me try each, then wonder why your new total is less than the one I gave you before.
D. Go into a fitting room with an armful of outfits, none of which you intend to buy, but you cannot leave until you try them on.
OR
Wait ten minutes, try to leave, and set off an alarm, so I have to go through your bag looking for the senso-tag left on one of your purchases by mistake.
Give yourself 1 point for every A, 2 points for every B, 3 points for every C, and 4 points for every D.
If you scored:
12 You are the ideal customer. Why do you never visit my store?
13 - 24 You are tolerable. With a little work, cashiers may actually like you.
25 - 36 You are an annoying customer and an embarrassment to the human race, but there is hope. Get a job in retail. With luck, you’ll be a tolerable customer in as little as three years.
37 - 48. You should not be allowed out in public without a keeper. You are a hopeless case and will end up on customers suck.
And yes, I’ve waited on or witnessed all of the C and D customers.
1. When shopping for ties, you:
A. Pick up only what you want to buy.
B. Put back anything you decide you don’t want exactly as you found it.
C. Set the ties you don’t want on top of the table, point out, and/or on the wrong table.
OR
Are one of the associates who sells suits.
D. Put regularly priced ties back on the clearance table or vice versa.
OR
Allow your spawn to run through the department, and don’t stop them from grabbing the 100% silk ties with their sticky, filthy hands.
2. When making returns, you:
A. Have the receipts, are in the proper department, and the tags are attached.
B. Have at least your charge card and the tags, even if they aren’t attached.
C. Have a large number of receipts that you search at the register, because you could have sworn the correct one was in there.
D. Don’t have the tags or the receipt for an item we clearanced out days ago.
3. When picking out a man’s dress shirt, you:
A. Know your neck size, sleeve size, and pick out a shirt with a minimum of fuss.
B. Don’t know your neck or sleeve size, but wait patiently for us to measure you. (Unless you’re a hot guy, in which case, pick A)
C. Try on several shirts, requiring us to damage out the opened ones.
D. Need an odd-but-popular size (like 18” 32-33) with a pin-point collar, then complain when, after fifteen minutes of searching, the only one I find isn’t a “pure enough white.”
4. When an item rings up wrong, you:
A. Were watching on the PIN pad, so you notice immediately and tell me so I can override the incorrect price.
B. Notice after I finish ringing the sale and wait patiently while I correct the problem.
C. Notice, but throw a tantrum when I tell you that the item was on the wrong rack/from another department/really not on sale.
D. Notice, but don’t tell us about it until after close, and throw a tantrum when we won’t reopen the register to give you the extra dollar tonight.
5. When shopping the clearance racks, you:
A. Choose what you want, bring it to the register, and check out.
B. Dither a bit about what you want, but put everything you don’t want back on the hangers and back on the proper rack.
C. Ask for price checks, despite the price scanner on the wall five feet away, insist that the register price is wrong when it isn’t, buy one or two items, and/or leave the items you don’t want for us to pick up. After all, that’s what we’re paid for. (Then complain about the mess.)
D. Ask for price checks on many different items, insist that the clearance discount is off the lowest marked price (when the signs say clearly “off original price”), insist that clearly full price items were on the 75% off rack, and/or put what you don’t buy back on the wrong discount racks.
6. You think you want a designer purse locked in a display case. You:
A. Look at it through the glass first. When it is retrieved, you purchase it.
B. Look at it, then politely refuse and possibly ask to see another, which you buy.
C. Look at it, decline, wait me to replace it and relock the case while I retrieve another from a different case, then decide you want one that was in the first case.
D. Ask to see many different purses, complain about the price/how they never go on sale/current styles then decide not to buy any, and otherwise monopolize my time so I can’t wait on people who will buy.
OR
Try to sell a purse you made to other customers.
7. You are shopping from a painstakingly organized clearance table. You:
A. Look, but don’t touch.
B. Try very hard to put items back where and how you found them.
C. Toss the item randomly on the table.
D. Toss the item randomly on another table.
8. You are interested in a purse. Four of them have the straps tucked in; one does not. You:
A. Look at the purse with the strap out, then tuck the strap in when you’re done.
B. Look at the purse with the strap out, then put it back on the table.
C. Untuck another purse.
D. Untuck all of the purses.
9. You are shopping for sunglasses, which are displayed neatly organized by brand. You try on a pair and:
A. Either buy it or put it back where you found it.
B. Put it back on the rack incorrectly.
C. Put it back on the wrong rack.
D. Toss it on the table closest to the mirror.
10. You tried on an outfit and decided you do not want it. You:
A. Put it back neatly on the hanger and return it to the proper rack.
B. Put it back neatly on the hanger and hang it on the bar just inside the fitting room door.
C. Hang it inside out on the hanger/on the wrong hanger and leave it in the stall.
D. Leave it in an inside out, sweaty ball in the fitting room ashtray. (You may not be allowed to smoke, but the ashtray is NOT a garbage can.)
11. When there is a line at the register, you:
A. Proceed to the checkout and wait (im)patiently for your turn.
B. Leave your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/eight year old to hold your place in line while you continue shopping.
C. Arrive at the register right after another customer, stand beside him/her, then leave in a huff when I help him/her first.
D. Walk up to the register with a pair of shorts and a $20 bill in hand, then throw a tantrum when I help the next person in line.
12. When the managers come on the PA to announce that there are five minutes until close, you:
A. Are in your car driving home.
B. Proceed to the nearest register, checkout, then leave.
C. Proceed to the nearest register with three items, two of which you need a price check for, then get snippy when I assure you that all of our merchandise is out on the floor and I won’t check the stockroom for your size.
OR
Proceed to the nearest register, notice that the pair of pants you want is dyed funny, go back and search the rack for another pair of the same size, wait until I tell you the price, hand me two coupons, make me try each, then wonder why your new total is less than the one I gave you before.
D. Go into a fitting room with an armful of outfits, none of which you intend to buy, but you cannot leave until you try them on.
OR
Wait ten minutes, try to leave, and set off an alarm, so I have to go through your bag looking for the senso-tag left on one of your purchases by mistake.
Give yourself 1 point for every A, 2 points for every B, 3 points for every C, and 4 points for every D.
If you scored:
12 You are the ideal customer. Why do you never visit my store?
13 - 24 You are tolerable. With a little work, cashiers may actually like you.
25 - 36 You are an annoying customer and an embarrassment to the human race, but there is hope. Get a job in retail. With luck, you’ll be a tolerable customer in as little as three years.
37 - 48. You should not be allowed out in public without a keeper. You are a hopeless case and will end up on customers suck.
And yes, I’ve waited on or witnessed all of the C and D customers.