Teh weirdness... it followz me
I've been in a weird headspace all day because of what I did last night. The fact I am the only one in my department right now really doesn't help.
I felt mostly calm, but a little depressed and nearly on the verge of tears, yet there was nothing to cry about and I just couldn't muster the energy to do that. I went for a bike ride up to the market ( Read more... )
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Nearly everything about Alecia (and Tom) is pure poison to me. Everything seems to be steeped in and inspires in others secrecy, deceit, behindbacks, malice, spite and dishonesty (and outright lies) in which I have great distaste and no desire to indulge.
What that means it that the way this poison manifests manifests is how it has distilled into a morbid obsession that seems to compel me beyond good sense, personal responsibility, the honor of my word (and the will to control any of these).
This is my primary blind-spot, the factor that is the turd in my punchbowl and letting go of it is difficult in the extreme even as I take steps away from it.
It is sometimes pure hell to feel eternally linked to someone as bad for me as is Alecia.
Can you relate?
(I think you can.)
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