LCD Listens to LND (so you don't have to), Act 2 Tracks 7-10
They should re-title this What Do You Mean It's Not Awesome?: The Musical.
Meg is really thrilled at how well the audience reacted to her skin show (no surprise-in my experience, most men will approve of anything if boobies are involved). Her constant need for attention and approval might be cute if she was a cocker spaniel, but in a human being it’s kind of pathetic. Frau Blücher begs her to stop-in theory because she knows Meg’s gleeful anticipation of “the Master’s” good graces is unwarranted, but I think she’s as tired of Meg’s puppy-dog antics as I am. At last Frau tells the “sweet fool” (thanks, mom) that breaking out the girls was a useless gesture as Mr. WTF was mooning over Christine the whole time. Meg is obviously distressed and in need of comfort, but the Idiot Ball has come into play and Frau is currently in possession. “All that you gave him, it’s all been a waste/All that you’ve done, it has all been erased!” I find Meg’s whimpering funny, for some reason.
Meanwhile, Gustave is doing warm-up exercises that remind me of “Flavia’s Theme” from Doctor Who. I will say this for Love Never Dies, it evokes thoughts of works much better and entertaining than it is. Matt Smith is shaping up nicely, isn’t he?…Oh yeah, right, the stupid soundtrack. We’re in Christine’s dressing room, and her son is helping her get ready (what, the fabulously wealthy Mr. WTF couldn’t spring for a dresser?). She’s beautiful, he’s beautiful (most ten-year-old boys I know wouldn’t want to be described with that adjective, but it’s not Christine’s fault Slater has lost his thesaurus). Christine promises to spend time with him after the performance, the first indication that she has a big target on her back.
Percival enters, and declares Christine looks as lovely as she did the first time he saw her in her dressing room. Yeah, back then she was just a simple naïve thing being manipulated and stalked by a weird masked guy, but how things have…um, never mind. Percival shoos Gustave out of the room, and the kid goes off to explore backstage and get accosted by more strangers in his parents' absence.
Percival apologizes for the mess that is their marriage, and has something to ask her: “Don’t sing the song, dear/You have to know something’s terribly wrong, dear…” Now, here’s the point where if Percival were smart-or at least as honest and brave as ALW!Raoul is-he’d come clean about the whole wager. Christine in this is about as forgiving as one can be without dying on a cross for the sins of humanity, so if Percival told her about the bet with Mr. WTF and admitted that it was a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very stupid and thoughtless thing to agree to, he’d have a better than even shot of getting her to side with him. But no, he doesn’t give her a good reason to do what he’s asking, even though several of them exist (Frau Blücher must have passed off the Idiot Ball in the hallway between dressing rooms). Instead he makes general “if you love me” pleas (taking a page from Kopit!Christine’s book) and promises he’ll shape up, really, Scout’s honor this time. And now Percival has now officially fulfilled every abusive husband cliché in the book, and therefore his entire role in this story.
“Why Does She Love Me?” plays Percival off-Jesus, how long does it take him to cross to a door and walk though it?-and a modified version of the Woman in White opening plays Mr. WTF in. He tells Christine she’s too good for Percival: “He knows you’re made of finer stuff…it’s time to leave him in the dust.” “Stuff” dates back to at least Shakespeare, so its use here is actually valid. The dust line, on the other hand, is just silly, especially with the needlessly dramatic way Ramin delivers it. With a reprise of “Till I Here You Sing” (and a new set of clunky lyrics-“Tonight, for me/Embrace your destiny” etc.) he ask Christine to give herself over to the music; it’s like “Music of the Night” with the quality and sensuality removed. I assume this is also when that gaudy necklace that shows up in all the promotional shots comes into play. Is it true the necklace actually comes from the My Size Christine doll? If so, that adds a whole disturbing element on top of the already sinister “trying to win sweet heroine with expensive jewels” thing.
Poor Christine, what a dilemma! Not that she even knows it’s a dilemma-she doesn’t know what the stakes are, and therefore we can’t feel any emotional investment in her decision. She must be feeling some serious déjà vu however, because she launches into a reprise of “Twisted Every Way” with all the references to murder and horror conveniently removed. That’s this show in a nutshell, really: it’s the same basic plot points as Phantom of the Opera, but without all the mystery and darkness that made the first so intriguing. It is-quite literally, in this case-the Theme Park Version of PotO. Percival and Mr. WTF reprise the “Christine, Christine, don’t think that I don’t care” lines, and the “Prima Donna” theme gives the first real musical thrill of the entire act before cutting off abruptly to make way for the Song Before the Storm, a quartet based on “Devil Take the Hindmost.”
Gustave’s doing his Doctor Who warm-ups. Stagehands are setting up. Mr. WTF wants Christine to sing, Percival doesn’t, Frau Blücher wants her out of the way so she and Meg can get back in Mr. WTF’s good graces. Christine, of course, doesn’t get to offer an opinion (beyond her borrowed TEW lines) because neither the writers nor the characters really care what she thinks. The counterpoint here is nice, but the song doesn’t really build, instead winding down as Frau hopes Mr WTF’s pleasure in Christine’s singing makes up for “what your blindness has done to Meg and me.” (Is the bad grammar a deliberate indication of a non-native English speaker, or clumsiness on the writer’s behalf? The fact that I even have to ask this question says a lot about the shoddy workmanship on display here.) Meg gets one last “Devil take the hindmost” in before the curtain goes up, and oh, the non-suspense is killing me.
Christine sings. What, you thought she wouldn’t? Your average romantic comedy has a less predictable plot than this. I’m not even going to bother with the title song. You’ve all heard it (in all its various incarnations), you all know the “Love Changes Everything”-esque lyrics and how it goes on and on and higher and higher until Sierra’s voice is on a frequency only dogs can hear. I will, however, step out of the way of the huge foreshadowing anvil that rains down in the final chorus. “Life may be fleeting, love lives on.” Oh dear. Christine might as well don a red uniform and volunteer for an Enterprise away team for all the chance she’s got-at least that way she can be spared the remainder of this score.
Meg is really thrilled at how well the audience reacted to her skin show (no surprise-in my experience, most men will approve of anything if boobies are involved). Her constant need for attention and approval might be cute if she was a cocker spaniel, but in a human being it’s kind of pathetic. Frau Blücher begs her to stop-in theory because she knows Meg’s gleeful anticipation of “the Master’s” good graces is unwarranted, but I think she’s as tired of Meg’s puppy-dog antics as I am. At last Frau tells the “sweet fool” (thanks, mom) that breaking out the girls was a useless gesture as Mr. WTF was mooning over Christine the whole time. Meg is obviously distressed and in need of comfort, but the Idiot Ball has come into play and Frau is currently in possession. “All that you gave him, it’s all been a waste/All that you’ve done, it has all been erased!” I find Meg’s whimpering funny, for some reason.
Meanwhile, Gustave is doing warm-up exercises that remind me of “Flavia’s Theme” from Doctor Who. I will say this for Love Never Dies, it evokes thoughts of works much better and entertaining than it is. Matt Smith is shaping up nicely, isn’t he?…Oh yeah, right, the stupid soundtrack. We’re in Christine’s dressing room, and her son is helping her get ready (what, the fabulously wealthy Mr. WTF couldn’t spring for a dresser?). She’s beautiful, he’s beautiful (most ten-year-old boys I know wouldn’t want to be described with that adjective, but it’s not Christine’s fault Slater has lost his thesaurus). Christine promises to spend time with him after the performance, the first indication that she has a big target on her back.
Percival enters, and declares Christine looks as lovely as she did the first time he saw her in her dressing room. Yeah, back then she was just a simple naïve thing being manipulated and stalked by a weird masked guy, but how things have…um, never mind. Percival shoos Gustave out of the room, and the kid goes off to explore backstage and get accosted by more strangers in his parents' absence.
Percival apologizes for the mess that is their marriage, and has something to ask her: “Don’t sing the song, dear/You have to know something’s terribly wrong, dear…” Now, here’s the point where if Percival were smart-or at least as honest and brave as ALW!Raoul is-he’d come clean about the whole wager. Christine in this is about as forgiving as one can be without dying on a cross for the sins of humanity, so if Percival told her about the bet with Mr. WTF and admitted that it was a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very stupid and thoughtless thing to agree to, he’d have a better than even shot of getting her to side with him. But no, he doesn’t give her a good reason to do what he’s asking, even though several of them exist (Frau Blücher must have passed off the Idiot Ball in the hallway between dressing rooms). Instead he makes general “if you love me” pleas (taking a page from Kopit!Christine’s book) and promises he’ll shape up, really, Scout’s honor this time. And now Percival has now officially fulfilled every abusive husband cliché in the book, and therefore his entire role in this story.
“Why Does She Love Me?” plays Percival off-Jesus, how long does it take him to cross to a door and walk though it?-and a modified version of the Woman in White opening plays Mr. WTF in. He tells Christine she’s too good for Percival: “He knows you’re made of finer stuff…it’s time to leave him in the dust.” “Stuff” dates back to at least Shakespeare, so its use here is actually valid. The dust line, on the other hand, is just silly, especially with the needlessly dramatic way Ramin delivers it. With a reprise of “Till I Here You Sing” (and a new set of clunky lyrics-“Tonight, for me/Embrace your destiny” etc.) he ask Christine to give herself over to the music; it’s like “Music of the Night” with the quality and sensuality removed. I assume this is also when that gaudy necklace that shows up in all the promotional shots comes into play. Is it true the necklace actually comes from the My Size Christine doll? If so, that adds a whole disturbing element on top of the already sinister “trying to win sweet heroine with expensive jewels” thing.
Poor Christine, what a dilemma! Not that she even knows it’s a dilemma-she doesn’t know what the stakes are, and therefore we can’t feel any emotional investment in her decision. She must be feeling some serious déjà vu however, because she launches into a reprise of “Twisted Every Way” with all the references to murder and horror conveniently removed. That’s this show in a nutshell, really: it’s the same basic plot points as Phantom of the Opera, but without all the mystery and darkness that made the first so intriguing. It is-quite literally, in this case-the Theme Park Version of PotO. Percival and Mr. WTF reprise the “Christine, Christine, don’t think that I don’t care” lines, and the “Prima Donna” theme gives the first real musical thrill of the entire act before cutting off abruptly to make way for the Song Before the Storm, a quartet based on “Devil Take the Hindmost.”
Gustave’s doing his Doctor Who warm-ups. Stagehands are setting up. Mr. WTF wants Christine to sing, Percival doesn’t, Frau Blücher wants her out of the way so she and Meg can get back in Mr. WTF’s good graces. Christine, of course, doesn’t get to offer an opinion (beyond her borrowed TEW lines) because neither the writers nor the characters really care what she thinks. The counterpoint here is nice, but the song doesn’t really build, instead winding down as Frau hopes Mr WTF’s pleasure in Christine’s singing makes up for “what your blindness has done to Meg and me.” (Is the bad grammar a deliberate indication of a non-native English speaker, or clumsiness on the writer’s behalf? The fact that I even have to ask this question says a lot about the shoddy workmanship on display here.) Meg gets one last “Devil take the hindmost” in before the curtain goes up, and oh, the non-suspense is killing me.
Christine sings. What, you thought she wouldn’t? Your average romantic comedy has a less predictable plot than this. I’m not even going to bother with the title song. You’ve all heard it (in all its various incarnations), you all know the “Love Changes Everything”-esque lyrics and how it goes on and on and higher and higher until Sierra’s voice is on a frequency only dogs can hear. I will, however, step out of the way of the huge foreshadowing anvil that rains down in the final chorus. “Life may be fleeting, love lives on.” Oh dear. Christine might as well don a red uniform and volunteer for an Enterprise away team for all the chance she’s got-at least that way she can be spared the remainder of this score.