Fic: You Make Me Sick, Part Seven
Title: You Make Me Sick
Pairing: Clex
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Clark is finally out of the asylum, but his journey back to sanity isn’t over yet. An unlikely savior takes him in and gives him a chance to redeem himself.
Spoilers: Through S6 Labyrinth.
Warnings: Totally AU. Dark and possibly triggering for folks with depression. WIP
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven
Another Monday rolled around, and Lex rolled in with a sour, tight face. Another night that Clark could tell was one of the nights that Lex was going to be too down to do much of anything, especially after Lex had told Clark about the call he had gotten from his mother around lunch. So Clark let Lex go into his room to lie down, and he headed to the kitchen to make dinner. Chloe was chattering away about him going into Lex’s room to snuggle, and while he couldn’t get her to be quiet, he could turn on iTunes and ignore her. In a few moments, the both of them were singing along and dancing in the kitchen. Chloe didn’t have a bad voice.
“The hell?” Mercy popped her head in the kitchen. Clark laughed a little and turned from where he was stirring. Her eyes seemed a little red rimmed.
“Just having a little fun. Hey, what’s wrong?”
She sniffed loudly and replied in a thick voice. “Nothing. Where’s Lex?”
“He’s laying down. Mom called earlier and canceled our Saturday with Lucas.”
Mercy frowned and sighed in irritation. “That sucks! The plastic bitch. No offense, Clark.”
“No, I agree with you. Just don’t say it around Lex. He has delusions that people in the same family should respect each other.” Clark rolled his eyes.
“He does. Believe me, I’ve been watching him love people one-sided long enough.” She entered the kitchen and hopped up on the counter. “As far as I’m concerned, I don’t give respect to people who don’t earn it. Look, okay. I’m going to be cutting back my hours here-“
“But Lex needs you!” Clark protested. Mercy ran her hand through her short-cropped hair.
”No, not with Lex. I might need to work with him more, in light of the problem with his meds. I mean, you don’t need me as often, do you? I was mostly working with you to help your muscles get back in shape after the way they treated you in Fairview.”
she’s lying clark
”I guess not. You’re the professional, so if you say so. I feel fine.” Clark rubbed the back of his neck and then went back to cutting up vegetables. He was going to add some vegetables to the sweet tomato sauce Lex had already prepared. “What’s going on?”
“I already talked to Daddy Luthor about changing my hours. I just need to take on some new clients. I’m sure you’ll be okay. I’ll still drop by to check on you during the day. Make sure you and Lex are taking your pills,” she assured him, nodded as she spoke. “And when Mommy Luthor decides to bring Luc over, I’ll totally be there for you guys. You okay with that?”
ask her why she’s lying to you!
“Yeah. I’ll keep up my exercises on my own. As long as Lex is okay, and you can pay your bills.”
“Thanks for understanding, Clark. I’m going to check on Lex.” She rubbed her arms and hopped down from the counter.
I can’t stand being around you. Mercy’s voice echoed in the back of his head, and Clark massaged his temple as leaned over to get a bottle of water from the fridge, muttering to himself all the reasons Mercy had not actually said that.
***
“Clark, it’s okay if you don’t want to do this.”
Lex’s hand was comforting on his bare arm, and his low steady voice made Clark want to believe. Clark hadn’t even realized that he’d been whimpering until Lex had spoken to him, with that tender, somewhat paternal look in his grey blue eyes. Clark usually had a hard time being afraid when Lex looked at him like that.
“Y’know, Lex, the statistics are against me here. Most people like me end up living in one room afraid they’ll fall off the edge of the Earth if they leave their bedrooms. I could… um… just stay here… and I’d be fine?”
“Do you think you’ll fall off?” Lex asked seriously without judgment in his voice. Clark shook his head. He stood at the edge of the doorway to their apartment. It wasn’t as though he thought that he would fall off the edge… but in here, everything was ordered and safe and wonderful. Out there… cars and blood and damage.
“No, Lex.” His voice bent slightly in a pained tone. He took a step back into security. Lex rolled out into the hallway. Then he popped a wheelie. Clark forced a little smile.
Lex rolled backward, so he could turn and return to the apartment. “If you’re not ready, don’t let us force you. It’s perfectly alright to do this another day.”
“No… I want to.” Clark glared at the floor, as though it were its fault that this was so damn hard. “I don’t understand how I was able to leave Fairview so easily…”
“Because Fairview was a horrific institution of torture for the patients.” Lex looked at him with a practical but stern expression. “This is your home. It’s safe.”
Clark looked out into the hallway where Lex was waiting and took a tentative step outside. Lex perked up and gave him an encouraging motion to come forward. Clark hesitated. Lex rolled towards him, shaking his head.
“Clark, don’t rush it. You have all the time in the world to get better.”
But I may not have all the time in the world to be with you, Clark thought. He stepped forward quickly before Lex could decide to take them both back inside. “Out. I’m out.”
He took a deep breath and pumped a fist, and Lex slipped his hand into Clark’s.
“I’m right here. Whatever happens, I’m right here.”
Clark nodded quickly, squeezing Lex’s hand tightly. He shut the door to the apartment and followed as Lex led him to the elevator.
“Mornin’, Lex.” A woman in her mid-forties wearing a pink sweat suit walked past them, smiling brightly. “I was wondering who you had in that apartment of yours.”
“Hello, Mrs. Jacobs. Yes, this is Clark. Thought I made him up, didn’t you?” Lex said in a false, somewhat friendly tone. Clark felt himself looking away from the woman. Did she know? Did she know what he did?
“You look like a fine boy. I’m sure you’ll get back on your feet soon, sweetie,” she assured Clark. Giving Lex a wink, she headed toward the elevator. “Going down?”
“No, we’ll take the stairs,” Clark said quickly. Lex sucked in his cheeks as he looked up at Clark and sighed. It took Clark a minute to realize how insensitive what he just said was. On more than one level.
”Yeah, I’ve been dying to go stairs surfing. Another time,” Lex called after her. The woman’s expression soured, and she headed into the elevator quickly.
“Oh god, Lex, I’m so sorry!” Clark cringed.
Lex laughed. “Don’t worry about it. She can be obnoxious. She probably would have flirted with you all the way down, and her perfume is suffocating. We can take it when it comes back up.”
“You sure?” Clark followed him as Lex rolled over to the elevator.
“Well, I really can’t take the stairs unless you want to carry me and the chair.”
“No, I meant… never mind.”
The elevator doors opened. Lex took Clark’s hand again, and motioned with his head for him to enter. Clark stepped in side and leaned against the wall.
“Clark, don’t get so stressed out about the little things. Or… try not to anyway. I know I get stressed about incredibly pointless things. But anyway, believe me, if you were trying to hurt me, I’d know. I’ve had enough experience with people harming me deliberately.” Lex reached up and pushed the lowest button. “You sure about this? You want to go?”
“Yeah, I want to try this.” With you.
“Alright then.” Lex kept looking over at him with concern as the elevator descended. About two seconds passed before Clark crouched down and just clung to Lex. The older man smiled warmly and brought his hand up to Clark’s arms reciprocating the touch, and Clark felt a bit better about needing to hold onto him so tightly.
It opened to a small parking garage beneath the building, where Mercy was waiting in shorts, a tank top, and shades and leaning against a jade green minivan. “Your limousine awaits, Mr. Luthor,” she said with a smirk.
“Thanks for waiting,” Lex said, heading toward the van. “C’mon, Clark. You get shotgun.”
“Really?” Clark asked, smiling as he headed to the front passenger side door. Mercy snorted.
”Well, considering I have to drive and Lex has to sit in the back.” She opened the side door, and a ramp slowly descended. “Or I could strap him to the roof.”
“No, you can’t strap me to the roof,” Lex answered quickly, though with a bit of a smile. “How many times do I have to say ‘no’ to that?”
“Oh.” Clark watched Lex’s chair lift up into the van until Lex’s head turned and Clark realized that he was staring. He hopped into the front seat and took a deep breath.
“You okay?” Lex asked, moving himself into position. Mercy slammed the door and jogged around the side.
“Think so. Okay. I can do this.”
Mercy reached over and fastened his seatbelt for him. Clark braced himself and looked back to Lex, secured in the backseat.
“Firsts are supposed to be hard. You’re doing great, Clark.” Lex leaned forward and offered his hand. Clark took it. “You should have seen me the first time I tried to get back in a car. Took me years before I wanted to try getting behind the wheel again.”
“You’re braver than me,” Clark pointed out.
“Yeah, well, you have super powers.” Lex rubbed Clark’s hand with his thumb. “And you have me. Start her up, Mercy.”
“I’ll drive like a sane person for once,” Mercy said, revving the engine slightly before putting the van into reverse.
“We had to have one sane person on this trip, I guess,” Clark joked, meeting Lex’s eye for approval. Lex smirked a little bit.
“I never said I was sane. I can just fake it better’n you boys,” Mercy said flatly pulling out of her parking space and heading out of the parking garage. “What’s on The Evil Agenda today?”
“Oh, fun things,” Lex said dryly. Clark raised a brow at the tone in his voice. “Sorry. Not fun things first. When your mother cancelled, I was able to line up these appointments, so I couldn’t resist getting this taken care of. There won’t be a lot of stimulation at those places, so we can treat it as a test run.”
Clark frowned. “Um. Where are you taking me?”
Lex gave Clark a wicked grin. “Evil minions get optical and dental. Then ice cream. Promise.”
“I have to see a dentist?” Clark whined. Mercy snorted, trying to focus on the road.
***
Clark glared at the ceiling and squeezed Lex’s hand. Everything was blurry, and some lady had her hands in his mouth.
“Doing okay there?” Lex asked. The woman smiled and removed her hands for a moment so he could talk.
“I wasn’t really expecting this for my first outing.”
“Don’t worry, Clark. He can’t torture you like this on every trip out.” The woman rinsed off her tools, then pressed a white nozzle into his mouth. “Swish that water around a bit.”
Clark obeyed then spit when she told him to.
“You’re getting ice cream after this, right?” she asked with a friendly smile that one might reserve for an anxious child.
Probably thinks I’m retarded, Clark grumbled to himself. What’s with promising ice cream, anyway? I’m twenty, not five. “Yeah, Lex is taking Mercy and me out.”
“Then it’s worth it. The ice cream’ll feel good on your teeth. I’m trying to go easy, but it’s been awhile since you had a cleaning,” she explained apologetically and went back to scraping the plaque off his teeth. Clark sighed and shifted his eyes over to Lex, though Lex couldn’t see that because Clark was wearing sunglasses to block the light. When he’d gotten dragged to the eye doctor before this they’d dilated his eyes, which had been really weird, because the eye doc back in Smallville never did that. Not in his whole life.
Better be damn good ice cream.
***
“Is this too much? It’s too much, isn’t it?” Lex asked worriedly, wheeling up to Clark from the counter where he had been paying for their ice cream. This really was a day of firsts for Clark. He’d never gone to an ice cream place that mixed stuff into the ice cream right in front of you before. Mercy carried the tray holding three waffle bowls and set it down on their table next to the window.
Clark leaned over and gave Lex a one-armed hug around the shoulders. Having Lex right beside him was grounding. Something familiar in this unfamiliar city. He had no idea how he’d ever managed to find Lex’s office in Metropolis. “It’s a little overwhelming, but it’s okay. I… feel like people are staring,” Clark admitted a little abashedly.
“Well, to be fair, they probably are, only at me and not you,” Lex pointed out.
“They are not!” Clark took his waffle bowl and frowned at Lex, who shrugged.
“I’m bald and legless. Either they’re staring at the freak, or they’re staring at the hot guy in sunglasses with the freak,” Lex assured him bluntly.
“How about the hot chick with the two freaks, hm?” Mercy demanded. She dipped her spoon into her chocolate ice cream.
“You think I’m hot.” Clark beamed smugly. Lex poked at his raspberry sorbet. “Hey, you aren’t a freak.”
“I am. Don’t worry about it. I get people staring at me whenever I go out in public. It’s too hot to wear a cap today.”
“Maybe they’re staring at your hotness.”
Lex laughed bitterly. “They never did that before the accident. I wouldn’t worry about you denying me attention that wasn’t there to begin with.”
Clark moodily began to work on his ice cream. Mercy stepped outside for a cigarette.
“I stared at your hotness before the accident. So there. What’s going on with her lately?” Clark asked. “She seems to be in a really bad mood. Well, more than usual.”
“I don’t know. I heard from Michelle at the office that she went to see my father last week. That can’t be good.” Lex toyed with his spoon. “Maybe he cut her pay.”
“Oh… she said she was going to have to pick up some more clients. She doesn’t get paid for going out for ice cream with us, does she?”
Lex scoffed. “No. She just provides the handicapper van because she likes us, and I asked her to help me with your day out. Sorry so much of it was medical.”
“You’re forgiven. I know you do that stuff to make sure I’m taken care of.” Clark dipped his spoon down to capture a piece of cookie dough. “Plus, this is pretty good ice cream. The dentist was right; it feels good on my sore gums. I’m really lucky to still have good teeth. I don’t think I had them checked out my entire time at Fairview.”
“How do you feel about the glasses?” Lex asked.
“How do you? You think I’ll look okay in those frames?” Clark asked uncertainly. He figured no matter what he got, he’d look dorkish, so it didn’t really matter which ones they picked. He just tried on the ones Lex had handed him.
“I think you look adorable in those frames. Ultimately, how I think you look isn’t that important. It’s your own self-image that really counts. I could probably work the medical benefits from LuthorCorp to get you eye surgery if-“
“No. Eek! Lasers. In my eyes!” Clark shivered at the thought.
Lex chuckled. “I hear it’s not that bad. Unless the clamp pinches your eyelids.”
“EW!” Clark reiterated. “Eat your ice cream and stop creeping me out with this eyeball terror. I’ll make do with glasses, thanks.”
Lex chuckled harder and rubbed his temple with the back of his hand. Clark held up his spoon.
“Try.”
Lex opened his mouth and let Clark spoon his ice cream inside. “Nice. You have good taste.”
He offered his ice cream to Clark, who moaned and rolled his eyes into the back of his head.
“Heh. Ice cream-gasm?”
“Yep. Though, why don’t you get something like chocolate or cheesecake or something like that?” Clark creased his brow and dug into his ice cream, trying to get part of the bowl.
“I do like chocolate, just not all the time. Most of the time, I don’t really go for sweet things. I like sour or salty. Bitter.” Lex thinned his lips. “Don’t comment on that.”
“How was I gonna comment on that?” Clark asked. When Lex looked up, Clark realized there was some sort of double entendre to that that he didn’t understand. But he wanted to. “Oh, man, you have to explain that to me!”
“Uh, no. I’d hate to corrupted your young mind.”
“I’m not a kid!” Clark cried. “Come on.”
”Nope.” Lex turned his head and Clark noticed that spot on the back turning red again. Clark practically giggled. Lex was so cute when he got flustered!
“Lex likes to taste things that are salty and bitter,” Clark announced when Mercy returned. She looked between the two of them as though they were both embarrassing little brothers.
“Clark, hush,” Lex urged.
“Of course he does.” Mercy took a bite of her melting ice cream. “What kinda poof would he be if he didn’t like that?”
Clark opened his mouth. “Now I’m even more confused.”
“You two are killing me!” Lex complained, hiding his face a little. He was turning even redder.
“I’m just going to ask one of my internet friends what sexual thing that’s bitter and salty that someone might taste.”
“Ha ha. You do that, Clark.” Mercy laughed. She bumped Lex with her arm.
Lex made an aggravated sound. “Oh, good god. It’s semen! Alright?”
Clark blinked. “Why would you taste semen?”
Lex screwed his lips up and looked away.
“No wait, how… OH GOD!” Clark burst out laughing, and Lex covered his bright red head with his arms.
“I should have brought a hat,” he muttered.
“We’re embarrassing him,” Mercy noted. “Should I start making orgasm sounds with this ice cream? ‘Cause its awfully good.”
Clark grinned and nodded.
“And now I have to go. Goodnight everybody!” Lex announced, beginning to wheel away from the table. Clark got up and grabbed him from behind. “Eek!”
“Aw! Don’t leave.”
“If you were concerned about everyone staring…”
“Yeah, but now they’re staring because we’re having more fun than everyone else.” Clark pulled Lex’s chair back around to the table. “Okay, I promise, no more sex ed. Only ice cream.”
“This is Kansas,” Mercy said darkly. “They aren’t gonna teach you that stuff in sex ed here.”
“True enough,” Clark agreed. “That’s one class I actually remember from high school. They taught us the street prices for crack, and we had a test on all the STDs you can get. We put a condom on a banana.”
“Yeah, that sounds useful,” Lex said moodily, rubbing one of his eyes.
“I think I ruined like two dozen bananas doing that.”
“My god, Clark,” Lex admonished.
“Mom made a pudding from all those extra bananas. I thought Pa was gonna die. He came in from the fields one day and saw me with a banana between my legs, trying to put a condom on it. Pete was all cheering me on…”
“Ha ha ha!” Mercy slapped the table. “Oh god…”
“Was that one of those key moments that taught him you weren’t batting for the coed team?” Lex asked.
“Nah. I think one of the clues was when Lana and I were playing together, back before she hit her head, and I kept putting the Ken dolls together and trying to marry them off. Lana ran up to my mom and told her I was being ‘incorrigible,’ which is what she called everyone who didn’t do what she said at six because her aunt told her that once.” Clark wobbled his spoon between his fingers. “Then uh… Mom told Pa.”
“You have such sweet childhood memories,” Lex said softly, wiping a bit of ice cream from the corner of his mouth. Then grinning fondly, he reached across the table. “Hold still. You look like you have something bitter and salty on your face.”
“What? Oh, hee.” Clark held still and let Lex wipe his mouth off. “Do you remember in The Beanery-?”
“When they gave me that froofy drink, and the lazy waitress didn’t even bother to get my real drink? I remember that.” Lex smiled a bit nostalgically. “There was so much whipped cream on that thing.”
“I had no idea what you were talking about,” Clark admitted. His heart fluttered a little. He loved seeing Lex smile so much. “What an innocent young lad I was…”
“Lad? You two needs to cut back on the old school comics,” Mercy advised.
Clark had to decide that outside was okay, as long as Lex was with him.
***
Clark walked back into the apartment and flopped on the couch. Lex rolled in, wincing a little, but still looking smiley, so Clark smiled back fondly and watched him head into the kitchen.
When Lex came back out drinking a bottle of water, he raised his brows and said, “What?”
“You just look happy. I mean, you seemed a little grumpy, earlier, and I can tell you’re hurty now, so I’m glad going out didn’t put you in a bad mood.”
Lex sighed and rubbed his palm over the back of his head. “It did. Well, the people did. I don’t spend a lot of time out either. Heh.”
“I noticed. C’mere. Get on the couch with me, evil master,” Clark ordered. Lex rolled over and lifted himself up. Clark scooted to the edge of the couch so he could pick Lex up and sit him beside himself. He threw his arm over the back of the couch. “Thanks for taking me out. That wasn’t so bad.”
“There’s a lot of uncontrolled elements outside. That’s pretty stressful for me. I don’t know what it would be like for you.”
“What’s that like for you? Does it get really bad?”
Lex shrugged and leaned into Clark, who slipped his arm down around him. “I get anxious about things like that. Sometimes it’s too much to try to face the world outside my little controlled space. Before the accident, too, and after… I didn’t need something to help me freak out in social situations. I’ve told you I was a nerd.”
“S’okay. I like you just fine. As long as we’re surrounded by other nerds.”
Lex patted Clark’s leg softly. “How are you? Willing to do it again next week?”
“What about Lucas?” Clark asked with a tinge of concern. Lex continued to rub Clark’s leg, looking down at it.
“If your mom wants him to come on Saturday, we can go out on Sunday. It doesn’t make any difference to me,” Lex remarked. Clark started to rub Lex’s shoulder. The older man closed his eyes and sighed. “Thank you for these days.”
“Lex…” Clark started. He moved his fingers down the edges of Lex’s shoulder blades, towards the roughly healed knots in his back. “You don’t have to thank me for-“
“I haven’t had a friend who stuck around because they wanted to in a long time. I know you almost don’t count in that regard, because, well, the obvious. Your ‘obsession’ and everything, but the least you could do would be to stalk me around the apartment. I’ve known people whose boyfriends did that, and they didn’t even have a good excuse like psychosis or OCD.” Lex opened his eyes. “You’re really quite fun to be around. And you’re considerate. You act like you’re my friend and roommate most of the time, instead of a dependant. You defend me. I’m not used to that. But I appreciate it. So I thank you.”
Lex squeezed Clark’s cheeks with one hand.
“So take the complement, pretty boy. Those people were staring at you, you know.”
Clark grinned. “Hee. You think I’m hot.”
“You are hot,” Lex insisted, leaning back again. “You’re hot, and I’m gay. Am I supposed to not notice?”
“You’re plenty hot, Lex.”
“Myeh.”
Clark shook Lex’s shoulders gently. “Whatever. I’ll keep thinking it, even if you don’t believe it. I can’t believe you weren’t sociable before. I remember you being really friendly every time we met.”
“You. Are. Hot?” Lex repeated, as if to explain.
Clark laughed.
“I really thought you were my age in the coffee shop. Pity you weren’t. I would have tried to pick you up.”
“I thought I was freaking you out.”
“No, just after you told me you were in high school, my brain kept screaming ‘jailbait!’ and ‘shotgun wedding!’”
Clark laughed again and wrapped his arms around Lex tightly. “Is The Beanery still there?”
“Oh, um, I don’t know. I haven’t been to Smallville for a long time.”
“Yeah?” Clark sighed contentedly and felt warm and happy to have Lex in his arms.
“Um… Clark… can you-?”
“Oh!” Clark let go and pushed is lower lip up. He hadn’t meant to make Lex uncomfortable. Lex turned his head back around.
“I was going to say, give me a little space to breathe, but that’s good, too. You’re a strong guy. And I’m little.”
“Sorry. I just want to touch you all the time- um. I do, but I don’t mean it like that. Though that would be great, too.”
Lex pressed his hand over Clark’s mouth. “I get it. It’s all right. I get a little touch-starved sometimes, which is a bit counterintuitive of me, since… I don’t like to be touched all that much.”
“How come?”
“I don’t know. I’ve always been jerky like that. My nanny used to try to hold me, and I’d go stiff as a board.”
“Hm.” Clark slowly wrapped his arms around Lex again, this time a little more gently. “This good?”
“That’s great,” Lex replied. He sighed and relaxed into Clark’s arms. Clark was happy to hear a smile in his voice.
***
There’s just so much damn sound everywhere that Clark is fucking swimming in it. The backstroke. He can’t move right and there is SOUND sound SOUNDs echoes of some woman crying and screaming in frustration and the squealing of tires.
Oh, GoD, ClArk, whAt dId yOu dO??
Clark walks across the soft grass that is slightly moist against his bare toes and sees a little boy and girl playing on the swings together, laughing a little amidst the cacophony of sound.
“I’m a hero. If I’d been around… when the meteors came, I coulda saved your parents,” the boy says to the girl. She bows her head slightly.
“I bet you could. I miss them, my mommy and daddy. But I’m startin’ to forget them, so it’s hard to remember. I love my aunt, too. She’s really pretty,” the girl replies sadly. “I’m lucky to have her.”
“If anything threatens you, Lana, I’ll save you. I promise. I’ll protect anyone who needs to be saved.”
From someone standing on the outside, these two little kids probably look sweet, Clark thinks. He looks up at the sky, which is a pulsating, throbbing purple and veiny mess of meat, and sees the meteors raining down, along with spaceships that hit the ground hard and open to reveal many-legged monsters that are now chasing him across the cornfields so they can pull him limb from limb.
He lifts off into the air and flies high above them, but the aliens can fly too and soon they are after him, swarming and feeding, trying to pry his flesh apart. They want his bones.
”CLARK!!”
There was a wet sound, then a whump, and Clark shot up, looking around at a dimly lit, blue room. His room. Someone had called him… he looked around, trying to focus his eyes to the sudden light and saw a small shape across the room, bowed over.
“Lex!” Clark jumped up and ran to Lex’s side, his heart beating frantically, hoping that he didn’t just do what he thought he just did. “Oh, oh, god, Lex…”
“Needa tissue,” Lex said in a nasal, muffled voice. His hands were held tightly over his face. “Dose is beeding.”
“Dose? Nose!” Clark ran into his bathroom and grabbed some tissues, then returned to Lex and handed them to him. Lex took them and pinched his nostrils together hard.
“Ull. Bad dream?” he asked, looking sideways at Clark, who sighed fitfully.
“I hit you,” Clark muttered. His vision started to blur with tears. He’d hit Lex. He’d hurt him again.
“I woke you. Mercy’s gonna flip on me. Hey, Clark.”
Clark curled backward away from Lex feeling like a big, uncontrollable monster. Lex was reaching out with one blood smeared hand, but Clark was afraid to touch him.
“C’mere. Clark, help me get some ice? I don’t want to even try explaining a shiner at work.” Lex tried to hold his nose with one hand and wheel with the other, but his hand slipped.
“Lemme do it.” Clark hustled behind Lex and took the handles of his chair so that he could push him into the kitchen. He said nothing along the way and then went to the freezer to pull out the ice himself. “Do we have anything to put he ice in?”
Lex pointed to a high cabinet. “Some washcloths and towels up there.”
“Good.” Clark grabbed them and made an ice compact for Lex. He handed it to him and frowned deeply, looking over Lex’s face. There was going to be a pretty good mark there, under his left eye and across the nose. “Is it still bleeding?”
“Nope.” Lex looked at the tissues and wiped under his nose and around the mouth. “It’s good.”
He set down the tissues in his lap and pressed the ice against the spot. “Calm down, Clark. You were thrashing in your sleep. I should have kept my distance.”
“I hit you,” Clark repeated. He started to pick up the tissues without thinking.
”Clark, no!” Lex shouted. “God, what part of ‘I’ve got AIDS.’ don’t you get?”
Clark jumped back. “You aren’t mad at me for hitting you, but I get snapped at for trying to touch a tissue?”
“Fuck off, Clark. You didn’t do it on purpose, and I could infect you. Do you know how much that scares me? Wash your fucking hands with the disinfectant, and let me take care of the tissues. Blood! Bodily fluids!” Lex replied sharply.
Keeping the compact on his nose, Lex wheeled out of the room to dispose of his tissues. Clark obeyed and began washing his hands. After a few moments he walked out into the living room and waited on Lex outside of his room. When he didn’t return, Clark barged in, looking for Lex.
“Knocking helps,” Lex said quietly with an edge. He’d set the compress aside for a moment and was pulling a fresh shirt over his head. He ducked his head to compress his body, so that Clark couldn’t see as much of him.
“Hurting you scares me, too,” Clark insisted.
Lex took a deep breath and straightened out the top. “I’m sorry I snapped. For the past three years, I’ve been drilling this into my head so that I remember in a situation like that that other people can’t touch my blood. You don’t want to infect someone from little details.”
“What are the chances?”
“Good enough.” Lex wheeled back over to the bed, picked the compress back up, and set it on his face. “Was it a bad dream?”
“I just seemed very real. There were aliens eating my bones. And I could hear your tires squealing on the bridge. My mom screaming at me for what I’d done.”
Lex rolled over to him and reached up with one hand. “It’s okay. We can touch now, Clark. I disinfected myself.”
Clark leaned down and wrapped his arms around Lex, who rubbed Clark’s back and gave him a light kiss on the curve of his jaw.
“Do you have bad dreams like that often?”
Clark nodded silently, squeezing Lex as tightly as he dared.
“Come to bed with me, Clark. It’ll help you feel safer.”
“N-no, I’ll hurt you again.”
“You never have when you slept with me before,” Lex pointed out. He pushed Clark’s shoulders a bit so that he could look him in the eye. “On the couch, or when you fell asleep in my bed after rubbing my back. Don’t be scared. We’ll stick together, and it’ll be fine.”
Clark took a breath, trying to loosen the tightness in his chest. Something was different about Lex, but he nodded again and stood. Lex rolled backward and began to maneuver himself into the bed. Clark watched in admiration at how strong the small muscles on his upper arms were, how he gripped the edge of the chair, then the bar by the bed, and dropped himself onto the mattress. The covers were still mussed from where he had been sleeping before. Lex beckoned him with one hand. Clark followed him and slid into the bed beside him.
Clark pulled the covers over them both and turned the light out. Lex lay on his left side and set his face on the ice pack. Clark curled up in front of him and let Lex’s arm drape over him protectively. For awhile he laid there, a bit too self-aware and wound up from the evenings’ events to sleep, but sooner than he expected, he began to drift off, relaxing into Lex’s embrace and feeling safe enough to close his eyes and sleep, blissfully dreamless.
When Clark woke again, he felt warm and secured. And there was something poking him in the back. He turned his head just a bit to see Lex behind him, unaware of the situation, and bit his lip at how mortified Lex would be if he’d known what he was poking Clark with. Lex held Clark tightly to him and nuzzled his face into the back of Clark’s neck.
It was wonderful.
Clark reached behind him gently, slowly and felt the firm muscles of Lex’s skinny right thigh. His hand slid downward until his fingertips reached the curve of Lex’s stump. Where his knee used to be. Clark blinked his eyes rapidly. He had to make sure he never hurt Lex again, not if he could help it.
***
“Mornin’ Sunshine!” Lex called out cheerfully. Clark blinked groggily and looked around himself. In a car. In Lex’s car. Oh, right. Lex was taking him out again today.
“Are we there yet?”
“Are you five?” Lex chuckled. “No, but we’re getting close.”
Clark peered out the window and noticed that the scenery was becoming less highway and more rural. “First outing, doctors and ice cream, second… cows?”
“Well, cows aren’t the objective, but we might see some.”
“Whoa whoa stop stop stop…” Clark lifted the door handle frantically. He had to get out of this car. “No, Lex, no!”
Lex swerved to the side of the road. “Wait until I stop the car, Clark! What is it?”
“Not here! Why did you take me here?” Clark cried. He gave up on the handled. “What the hell did you do to this thing?”
“I locked it. Tiny halfies aren’t much of a match against carjackers. What’s wrong?” Lex demanded, leaning over to cup Clark’s face. Clark started to push Lex’s hand away, but instead he took it and drew it close to his chest. He might hurt Lex if he pushed the hand away too hard.
“It’s here.”
“What’s here, Clark?” Lex whispered sympathetically.
He thinks I’m having an episode, Clark realized. He looked out the windshield. “The bridge is right up there, Lex. You’re taking me to the bridge!”
Lex looked then shook his head. “We have to go over the bridge to get there, but that’s not where I’m taking you. I’m sorry, Clark. I forgot we had to cross that.”
“I feel like I’m having a nightmare,” Clark muttered.
“Well, let’s go out on the bridge. It isn’t far. We can look at the river.” Lex pointed. “Look, they repaired everything.”
“Not everything,” Clark said darkly. He looked over at Lex guiltily, though he knew Lex hated for him to feel guilty. He couldn’t help it. The bridge was right there.
“It isn’t your fault that you have schizophrenia, Clark. You didn’t bring disaster on the people you loved,” Lex told him softly.
“Yes, I did.”
“Hush, and get my chair out of the back.” Lex turned and unlocked the door. Clark sighed and obeyed.
Once Lex was safely in his chair and the car was locked, though Clark told him there were no carjackers in Smallville, they headed together to the bridge.
“Not your fault that your parents didn’t know the signs,” Lex continued. “And it really isn’t your fault that your school councilor said you had a ‘fantasy prone’ personality and didn’t do any tests. It was catchable… and treatable.”
Clark stepped onto the bridge. Lex wheeled onto it with ease. When they were halfway across, Lex wheeled up to the railing and looked over.
“Is this what you were looking at when I came down the road? The river?”
“The river. And the meteor rocks in the river.” Clark leaned against the guardrail and pointed. “You can see them under the water.”
“Yeah, I see them.”
“Some of the people online say that feeling like an alien in your own body is a symptom. I didn’t know that when I came up with my stories. They just started as this thing, when Lana and I lost our parents. I kept having these dreams about the meteor shower.” Clark leaned further over the railing and felt Lex’s hand rubbing his arm. “I was sure another would come and take everyone I loved away again.”
”So you made up stories about being a hero?” Lex asked gently.
“Yeah. I promised Lana I’d never let anything bad happen to her.” Clark felt tears running down his cheeks. “Then she and Emily fell off that fucking broken bridge. Nell should have been watching them… or there should have been something telling them to keep away.”
Clark sniffed hard.
“I have so many fucking nightmares about this bridge, Lex. You don’t know. Sometimes I wish you had run me over.” He paused, and Lex said nothing. “That day at The Beanery, I got this voice telling me you needed to be saved. I figured… I’m a hero, secretly. I can do that. I can save this wonderful guy. And instead I just destroyed him.”
“Maybe it wasn’t the accident you needed to save me from,” Lex suggested. Clark looked at him skeptically.
“You aren’t supposed to feed my delusions.”
“Am I doing that?” Lex looked out over the river. “I didn’t really pay much attention to the river the last time I was on this bridge.”
“I’m guessing you had other things on your mind,” Clark replied sarcastically.
“I still love him. My father.” Lex grimaced slightly, pulling his lower lip under the top and tenting his brows.
“Maybe I was supposed to save you from your father,” Clark muttered sulkily.
“That’s kind of what I was getting at, yeah.”
Clark looked over at Lex, who smiled just a bit sadly up at him. Clark set his hand on the curve of Lex’s shoulder.
“So you have to stay healthy, and save me, Clark. From him… and from myself. And I have to keep going and save you from him. And from those nightmares that keep trying to escape from the inside of your skull,” Lex said calmly, pointing at Clark’s head. Clark crouched down to Lex’s level and cupped his face in his large hand. Lex leaned forward slightly and to Clark’s amazement, brushed their lips together. “Are you okay now?”
“I… yeah.” Clark stepped backward, his heart beating wildly. Lex had… had just… Was that real? Did he just do that or was that a fantasy?
Lex offered Clark a hand, which he took in a daze, and they headed back to the car to continue their trip.
***
The farm was bustling and busy when Lex drove up. It was getting to be the end of the season, and there was a lot to do for the workers. Clark stepped out of the car anxiously and walked around to the other side to get Lex set up. Lex had called ahead, of course, but Clark was still really nervous. He had no idea how to react to people sometimes; he knew that now, and it was just so important that this went well.
Clark shoved his hands into his pockets and tried to take deep breaths as Lex wheeled alongside him.
“I know this is going to be tough, Clark, but I have faith in you,” Lex said resolutely.
“Where the hell did all this confidence come from? I’m a basketcase.”
“You’re a basketcase who can take on a lion unassisted,” Lex said with soft admiration. “And can face the horrors of the dentist because you think you have to prove something to me before I’ll love you. And can put up with my incredible bitchiness on a daily basis without running for the hills, which admittedly would be quite a run from Kansas… Anyway, for a basketcase, you’re very brave.”
Clark looked down on him with surprise. Was that? Was Lex…?
“Clark? Son? That you?”
Clark head snapped around, and he felt his entire body seize up. He heard his own high, timorous voice ring out. “Pa?”
All at once he was crying and hugging the old man tightly.
“I missed you, oh god, Pa, I missed you!” Clark cried into his father’s shoulder. After half a second, the old man’s arms rose around him and clapped Clark’s back.
“Ain’t you a sight for sore eyes? Step back, son, an’ lemme look atcha?”
Clark stepped back, sniffling and trying to wipe the tears out of his eyes. “Sorry.”
“Nah, don’t worry ‘bout that,” Jonathan Kent said. “Takes man to cry, my pa always said.”
Clark saw that his father’s eyes were getting a bit misty as well. He frowned a little, looking over his father. He sort of remembered his dad as a middle-aged man, strong and straight-backed with a lopsided grin at the best of times and a stern face to put a shiver up anyone’s back at the worst. The man standing before him was paunchy and old. His arms were over-tanned from working outside and a bit wrinkled, as was his face underneath stringy graying hair. He was dressed in ratty work clothes and could use a shave. Clark pressed his lips together, then licked them slowly, nervously.
“Damn, you’ve gone and grown into a man, Clark.” Jonathan’s eyes looked over his son proudly.
“Heh. Not all there yet, Pa, but I’m trying.” Clark bit his lip. “I’m taking the GED in a couple of weeks and Lex- OH!”
He turned around to see Lex watching them. He gave them a little wave. “Want me to leave you two alone? I can go for a roll.”
Jonathan laughed heartily and came up to Lex, wrapping his arms around him quickly. “You’re a good boy. Can’t thank you enough for takin’ in my son, Lex. Never thought it of a Luthor, but y’know, I never should’ve believed you were anythin’ like that old man o’yours. Looked took human.”
Lex smiled tightly as Jonathan let him go. “Maybe I’m a cuckoo.”
“A… what?” Clark asked.
Jonathan laughed again. “Them birds that lay their eggs in some other bird’s nest right? Ha! Maybe he’s a bastard, he says.”
“Lex,” Clark scoffed. Jonathan moved back and turned to his son. “Pa… I’m sorry-“
“Don’t. Don’t, Clark. Never say that. None o’this was your fault. We should’a taken y’to see a doctor, but y’never want to admit there’s somethin’ wrong with your child.”
“He’s been doing really well, Mr. Kent. Dr. Yeh sings the praises of him,” Lex said proudly.
“Should’a kept a better eye on you in the asylum. That place.” Jonathan clenched his fist in anger. “But I let Martha get custody of you-“
“Pa, it’s okay. They told you it was what was best for me, and you only wanted for me to get better,” Clark said, hearing his voice go up and sound a bit younger.
“I almost didn’t believe it when he called. Less’n three months you been with Lex,” Jonathan pointed out. He shook his head and wiped a hand over his thinning hairline. “You’re talkin’ to me. You’re makin’ sense again. Dammit, Clark. There ain’t no excuse for this.”
“I wish I’d seen what was going on, Mr. Ke-“
”Call me Jonathan.” He gripped Lex’s shoulder so hard the younger man winced and looked up at Jonathan in surprise. “Sorry, son. Clark, mind iffen we talk a bit? I wanna get to know my boy. Lex here can go in the house, if he wants, or they’ll letcha wander ‘round the farm.”
“I’ll head in. I don’t think this girl’s outfitted for terrain,” Lex said, motioning with his head to his chair. Jonathan nodded, and the two Kent men watched Lex wheel up to the house.
“He can’t get up stairs, Pa,” Clark protested.
“S’okay. McNally’s old lady had a broke leg year or two back. There’s a ramp.”
Clark frowned, but followed his father. Lex wouldn’t probably have told him to go with his father, and it wasn’t likely the men would harass him… not with Pa working here. Probably.
“The workers won’t give Lex a hard time, will they?”
“You worry ‘bout that boy o’yours a lot don’t you?” Jonathan asked in return. He kept his features even as he walked slowly beside his son.
“I remember seeing people in this town throw stuff at him. They called him a faggot. It’s not like he’s good at fighting back right now,” Clark complained, looking back again.
“Them boys give him any hassle, I’ll tear’em a new’un,” Jonathan assured Clark. “I warned ‘em anyway the way he was. He can’t help it. ‘n they know he’s takin’ care o’you too, so they better behave.”
“What ‘way’ are you talking about, Pa?” Clark asked sharply. Jonathan raised his eyebrows.
“Well, I dunno how that swishy walk translates to his behavior now, but I remember him bein’ loquacious. So I told ‘em that. He’s got a big education and a city way and they better leave ‘im alone, is that okay?”
“’kay,” Clark replied sulkily.
“I didn’t tell ‘em he was queer, so unless he hits on ‘em, and he won’t, they’ll never find out,” Jonathan added.
“Pa!” Clark protests.
“C’mon, Clark. I don’t care. Just relax.” Jonathan huffed a little as they walked out into the field. “Slow down a bit, son. M’heart ain’t so good these days.”
Clark’s eyes widened. “What?”
“Had a heart attack last year. Pretty bad, but I’m still goin’. Don’t worry. The important thing is that you’re gettin' better.” He took a deep breath. “Now tell me what’s goin’ on with your boy back there.”
“We’re friends, Pa,” Clark insisted.
Jonathan pursed his lips and rolled his eyes.
“We are. Friends,” Clark muttered feeling his cheeks grow hot. “He lets me sleep in his bed, so I don’t have nightmares. Even though I whacked the crap out of him the last time I had one.”
Jonathan opened his mouth in surprised. “You gave that boy that shiner?”
“I didn’t mean to!” Clark pouted slightly in worry. “He doesn’t heal too fast, Pa.”
“Better take care of him, then.”
“I love him. I think he loves me,” Clark said quickly. “But, we’re not doing anything just yet. I think Lex is trying to wait until he’s sure I’m okay enough to make that decision.”
“Good. Don’t look at me like that. It’s smart of him.” Jonathan shrugged. “He’s a smart boy, ‘spite of his education. I trust ‘im. You don’t take a boy what done what you did into your home if you don’t love ‘em somehow. Him visitin’ you for three years before he… he still in danger o’that?”
Clark was sure his face said it all because Jonathan merely nodded gravely.
“It’s a rough life, even without all you two been through. So I want y’both to be careful. I know he’s sick, but… I know ya’ll love each other, son. God, let it be enough to make things be okay,” Jonathan pronounced, wrapping his son up in another hug, then leaving his arm around Clark’s shoulders when he let him go.
“You’re okay with us? If this happens?”
“I gotta be. You’re my son, and you been in love with the boy since y’were fifteen. I don’t need a kick in the head.” Jonathan licked his lips. ‘Can’t help wonderin’… if we’d’ve let y’see him…”
“Schizophrenia doesn’t work that way, Pa. I was heading for a break either way. He barely knew who I was at the time anyway.” Clark smiled softly. “I wish all the time that things were different. Like, happy in one of my fantasies, or that we’d caught it early and Lex and I met some kind of normal way.”
“Wish in one hand an’ sh-“
“Pa!”
“What?” Jonathan grinned. Martha had always hated those crude expressions.
Clark shook his head. “I love you, Pa. I don’t remember my other parents, but I don’t think my bio-dad could possibly been better than you.”
Pa nodded briskly, turning his head to wipe his eyes, before removing his arm and shoving his hands in his pockets. “Tell me ‘bout Metropolis, son.”
“I haven’t been out much,” Clark began and found himself telling his father almost everything that had happened since he woke up in Lex’s apartment. He immediately forgave his father for no longer visiting him in that horrible asylum. Jonathan couldn’t have gotten him out of there any more than Lana could have and would’ve had almost as much trouble getting up there, especially after his heart problems started. It was a relief to share his worries with the aging man, and Clark realized that he was suddenly feeling the certainty that only talking to an actual parent of some kind could bring.
Pairing: Clex
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Clark is finally out of the asylum, but his journey back to sanity isn’t over yet. An unlikely savior takes him in and gives him a chance to redeem himself.
Spoilers: Through S6 Labyrinth.
Warnings: Totally AU. Dark and possibly triggering for folks with depression. WIP
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven
Another Monday rolled around, and Lex rolled in with a sour, tight face. Another night that Clark could tell was one of the nights that Lex was going to be too down to do much of anything, especially after Lex had told Clark about the call he had gotten from his mother around lunch. So Clark let Lex go into his room to lie down, and he headed to the kitchen to make dinner. Chloe was chattering away about him going into Lex’s room to snuggle, and while he couldn’t get her to be quiet, he could turn on iTunes and ignore her. In a few moments, the both of them were singing along and dancing in the kitchen. Chloe didn’t have a bad voice.
“The hell?” Mercy popped her head in the kitchen. Clark laughed a little and turned from where he was stirring. Her eyes seemed a little red rimmed.
“Just having a little fun. Hey, what’s wrong?”
She sniffed loudly and replied in a thick voice. “Nothing. Where’s Lex?”
“He’s laying down. Mom called earlier and canceled our Saturday with Lucas.”
Mercy frowned and sighed in irritation. “That sucks! The plastic bitch. No offense, Clark.”
“No, I agree with you. Just don’t say it around Lex. He has delusions that people in the same family should respect each other.” Clark rolled his eyes.
“He does. Believe me, I’ve been watching him love people one-sided long enough.” She entered the kitchen and hopped up on the counter. “As far as I’m concerned, I don’t give respect to people who don’t earn it. Look, okay. I’m going to be cutting back my hours here-“
“But Lex needs you!” Clark protested. Mercy ran her hand through her short-cropped hair.
”No, not with Lex. I might need to work with him more, in light of the problem with his meds. I mean, you don’t need me as often, do you? I was mostly working with you to help your muscles get back in shape after the way they treated you in Fairview.”
she’s lying clark
”I guess not. You’re the professional, so if you say so. I feel fine.” Clark rubbed the back of his neck and then went back to cutting up vegetables. He was going to add some vegetables to the sweet tomato sauce Lex had already prepared. “What’s going on?”
“I already talked to Daddy Luthor about changing my hours. I just need to take on some new clients. I’m sure you’ll be okay. I’ll still drop by to check on you during the day. Make sure you and Lex are taking your pills,” she assured him, nodded as she spoke. “And when Mommy Luthor decides to bring Luc over, I’ll totally be there for you guys. You okay with that?”
ask her why she’s lying to you!
“Yeah. I’ll keep up my exercises on my own. As long as Lex is okay, and you can pay your bills.”
“Thanks for understanding, Clark. I’m going to check on Lex.” She rubbed her arms and hopped down from the counter.
I can’t stand being around you. Mercy’s voice echoed in the back of his head, and Clark massaged his temple as leaned over to get a bottle of water from the fridge, muttering to himself all the reasons Mercy had not actually said that.
***
“Clark, it’s okay if you don’t want to do this.”
Lex’s hand was comforting on his bare arm, and his low steady voice made Clark want to believe. Clark hadn’t even realized that he’d been whimpering until Lex had spoken to him, with that tender, somewhat paternal look in his grey blue eyes. Clark usually had a hard time being afraid when Lex looked at him like that.
“Y’know, Lex, the statistics are against me here. Most people like me end up living in one room afraid they’ll fall off the edge of the Earth if they leave their bedrooms. I could… um… just stay here… and I’d be fine?”
“Do you think you’ll fall off?” Lex asked seriously without judgment in his voice. Clark shook his head. He stood at the edge of the doorway to their apartment. It wasn’t as though he thought that he would fall off the edge… but in here, everything was ordered and safe and wonderful. Out there… cars and blood and damage.
“No, Lex.” His voice bent slightly in a pained tone. He took a step back into security. Lex rolled out into the hallway. Then he popped a wheelie. Clark forced a little smile.
Lex rolled backward, so he could turn and return to the apartment. “If you’re not ready, don’t let us force you. It’s perfectly alright to do this another day.”
“No… I want to.” Clark glared at the floor, as though it were its fault that this was so damn hard. “I don’t understand how I was able to leave Fairview so easily…”
“Because Fairview was a horrific institution of torture for the patients.” Lex looked at him with a practical but stern expression. “This is your home. It’s safe.”
Clark looked out into the hallway where Lex was waiting and took a tentative step outside. Lex perked up and gave him an encouraging motion to come forward. Clark hesitated. Lex rolled towards him, shaking his head.
“Clark, don’t rush it. You have all the time in the world to get better.”
But I may not have all the time in the world to be with you, Clark thought. He stepped forward quickly before Lex could decide to take them both back inside. “Out. I’m out.”
He took a deep breath and pumped a fist, and Lex slipped his hand into Clark’s.
“I’m right here. Whatever happens, I’m right here.”
Clark nodded quickly, squeezing Lex’s hand tightly. He shut the door to the apartment and followed as Lex led him to the elevator.
“Mornin’, Lex.” A woman in her mid-forties wearing a pink sweat suit walked past them, smiling brightly. “I was wondering who you had in that apartment of yours.”
“Hello, Mrs. Jacobs. Yes, this is Clark. Thought I made him up, didn’t you?” Lex said in a false, somewhat friendly tone. Clark felt himself looking away from the woman. Did she know? Did she know what he did?
“You look like a fine boy. I’m sure you’ll get back on your feet soon, sweetie,” she assured Clark. Giving Lex a wink, she headed toward the elevator. “Going down?”
“No, we’ll take the stairs,” Clark said quickly. Lex sucked in his cheeks as he looked up at Clark and sighed. It took Clark a minute to realize how insensitive what he just said was. On more than one level.
”Yeah, I’ve been dying to go stairs surfing. Another time,” Lex called after her. The woman’s expression soured, and she headed into the elevator quickly.
“Oh god, Lex, I’m so sorry!” Clark cringed.
Lex laughed. “Don’t worry about it. She can be obnoxious. She probably would have flirted with you all the way down, and her perfume is suffocating. We can take it when it comes back up.”
“You sure?” Clark followed him as Lex rolled over to the elevator.
“Well, I really can’t take the stairs unless you want to carry me and the chair.”
“No, I meant… never mind.”
The elevator doors opened. Lex took Clark’s hand again, and motioned with his head for him to enter. Clark stepped in side and leaned against the wall.
“Clark, don’t get so stressed out about the little things. Or… try not to anyway. I know I get stressed about incredibly pointless things. But anyway, believe me, if you were trying to hurt me, I’d know. I’ve had enough experience with people harming me deliberately.” Lex reached up and pushed the lowest button. “You sure about this? You want to go?”
“Yeah, I want to try this.” With you.
“Alright then.” Lex kept looking over at him with concern as the elevator descended. About two seconds passed before Clark crouched down and just clung to Lex. The older man smiled warmly and brought his hand up to Clark’s arms reciprocating the touch, and Clark felt a bit better about needing to hold onto him so tightly.
It opened to a small parking garage beneath the building, where Mercy was waiting in shorts, a tank top, and shades and leaning against a jade green minivan. “Your limousine awaits, Mr. Luthor,” she said with a smirk.
“Thanks for waiting,” Lex said, heading toward the van. “C’mon, Clark. You get shotgun.”
“Really?” Clark asked, smiling as he headed to the front passenger side door. Mercy snorted.
”Well, considering I have to drive and Lex has to sit in the back.” She opened the side door, and a ramp slowly descended. “Or I could strap him to the roof.”
“No, you can’t strap me to the roof,” Lex answered quickly, though with a bit of a smile. “How many times do I have to say ‘no’ to that?”
“Oh.” Clark watched Lex’s chair lift up into the van until Lex’s head turned and Clark realized that he was staring. He hopped into the front seat and took a deep breath.
“You okay?” Lex asked, moving himself into position. Mercy slammed the door and jogged around the side.
“Think so. Okay. I can do this.”
Mercy reached over and fastened his seatbelt for him. Clark braced himself and looked back to Lex, secured in the backseat.
“Firsts are supposed to be hard. You’re doing great, Clark.” Lex leaned forward and offered his hand. Clark took it. “You should have seen me the first time I tried to get back in a car. Took me years before I wanted to try getting behind the wheel again.”
“You’re braver than me,” Clark pointed out.
“Yeah, well, you have super powers.” Lex rubbed Clark’s hand with his thumb. “And you have me. Start her up, Mercy.”
“I’ll drive like a sane person for once,” Mercy said, revving the engine slightly before putting the van into reverse.
“We had to have one sane person on this trip, I guess,” Clark joked, meeting Lex’s eye for approval. Lex smirked a little bit.
“I never said I was sane. I can just fake it better’n you boys,” Mercy said flatly pulling out of her parking space and heading out of the parking garage. “What’s on The Evil Agenda today?”
“Oh, fun things,” Lex said dryly. Clark raised a brow at the tone in his voice. “Sorry. Not fun things first. When your mother cancelled, I was able to line up these appointments, so I couldn’t resist getting this taken care of. There won’t be a lot of stimulation at those places, so we can treat it as a test run.”
Clark frowned. “Um. Where are you taking me?”
Lex gave Clark a wicked grin. “Evil minions get optical and dental. Then ice cream. Promise.”
“I have to see a dentist?” Clark whined. Mercy snorted, trying to focus on the road.
***
Clark glared at the ceiling and squeezed Lex’s hand. Everything was blurry, and some lady had her hands in his mouth.
“Doing okay there?” Lex asked. The woman smiled and removed her hands for a moment so he could talk.
“I wasn’t really expecting this for my first outing.”
“Don’t worry, Clark. He can’t torture you like this on every trip out.” The woman rinsed off her tools, then pressed a white nozzle into his mouth. “Swish that water around a bit.”
Clark obeyed then spit when she told him to.
“You’re getting ice cream after this, right?” she asked with a friendly smile that one might reserve for an anxious child.
Probably thinks I’m retarded, Clark grumbled to himself. What’s with promising ice cream, anyway? I’m twenty, not five. “Yeah, Lex is taking Mercy and me out.”
“Then it’s worth it. The ice cream’ll feel good on your teeth. I’m trying to go easy, but it’s been awhile since you had a cleaning,” she explained apologetically and went back to scraping the plaque off his teeth. Clark sighed and shifted his eyes over to Lex, though Lex couldn’t see that because Clark was wearing sunglasses to block the light. When he’d gotten dragged to the eye doctor before this they’d dilated his eyes, which had been really weird, because the eye doc back in Smallville never did that. Not in his whole life.
Better be damn good ice cream.
***
“Is this too much? It’s too much, isn’t it?” Lex asked worriedly, wheeling up to Clark from the counter where he had been paying for their ice cream. This really was a day of firsts for Clark. He’d never gone to an ice cream place that mixed stuff into the ice cream right in front of you before. Mercy carried the tray holding three waffle bowls and set it down on their table next to the window.
Clark leaned over and gave Lex a one-armed hug around the shoulders. Having Lex right beside him was grounding. Something familiar in this unfamiliar city. He had no idea how he’d ever managed to find Lex’s office in Metropolis. “It’s a little overwhelming, but it’s okay. I… feel like people are staring,” Clark admitted a little abashedly.
“Well, to be fair, they probably are, only at me and not you,” Lex pointed out.
“They are not!” Clark took his waffle bowl and frowned at Lex, who shrugged.
“I’m bald and legless. Either they’re staring at the freak, or they’re staring at the hot guy in sunglasses with the freak,” Lex assured him bluntly.
“How about the hot chick with the two freaks, hm?” Mercy demanded. She dipped her spoon into her chocolate ice cream.
“You think I’m hot.” Clark beamed smugly. Lex poked at his raspberry sorbet. “Hey, you aren’t a freak.”
“I am. Don’t worry about it. I get people staring at me whenever I go out in public. It’s too hot to wear a cap today.”
“Maybe they’re staring at your hotness.”
Lex laughed bitterly. “They never did that before the accident. I wouldn’t worry about you denying me attention that wasn’t there to begin with.”
Clark moodily began to work on his ice cream. Mercy stepped outside for a cigarette.
“I stared at your hotness before the accident. So there. What’s going on with her lately?” Clark asked. “She seems to be in a really bad mood. Well, more than usual.”
“I don’t know. I heard from Michelle at the office that she went to see my father last week. That can’t be good.” Lex toyed with his spoon. “Maybe he cut her pay.”
“Oh… she said she was going to have to pick up some more clients. She doesn’t get paid for going out for ice cream with us, does she?”
Lex scoffed. “No. She just provides the handicapper van because she likes us, and I asked her to help me with your day out. Sorry so much of it was medical.”
“You’re forgiven. I know you do that stuff to make sure I’m taken care of.” Clark dipped his spoon down to capture a piece of cookie dough. “Plus, this is pretty good ice cream. The dentist was right; it feels good on my sore gums. I’m really lucky to still have good teeth. I don’t think I had them checked out my entire time at Fairview.”
“How do you feel about the glasses?” Lex asked.
“How do you? You think I’ll look okay in those frames?” Clark asked uncertainly. He figured no matter what he got, he’d look dorkish, so it didn’t really matter which ones they picked. He just tried on the ones Lex had handed him.
“I think you look adorable in those frames. Ultimately, how I think you look isn’t that important. It’s your own self-image that really counts. I could probably work the medical benefits from LuthorCorp to get you eye surgery if-“
“No. Eek! Lasers. In my eyes!” Clark shivered at the thought.
Lex chuckled. “I hear it’s not that bad. Unless the clamp pinches your eyelids.”
“EW!” Clark reiterated. “Eat your ice cream and stop creeping me out with this eyeball terror. I’ll make do with glasses, thanks.”
Lex chuckled harder and rubbed his temple with the back of his hand. Clark held up his spoon.
“Try.”
Lex opened his mouth and let Clark spoon his ice cream inside. “Nice. You have good taste.”
He offered his ice cream to Clark, who moaned and rolled his eyes into the back of his head.
“Heh. Ice cream-gasm?”
“Yep. Though, why don’t you get something like chocolate or cheesecake or something like that?” Clark creased his brow and dug into his ice cream, trying to get part of the bowl.
“I do like chocolate, just not all the time. Most of the time, I don’t really go for sweet things. I like sour or salty. Bitter.” Lex thinned his lips. “Don’t comment on that.”
“How was I gonna comment on that?” Clark asked. When Lex looked up, Clark realized there was some sort of double entendre to that that he didn’t understand. But he wanted to. “Oh, man, you have to explain that to me!”
“Uh, no. I’d hate to corrupted your young mind.”
“I’m not a kid!” Clark cried. “Come on.”
”Nope.” Lex turned his head and Clark noticed that spot on the back turning red again. Clark practically giggled. Lex was so cute when he got flustered!
“Lex likes to taste things that are salty and bitter,” Clark announced when Mercy returned. She looked between the two of them as though they were both embarrassing little brothers.
“Clark, hush,” Lex urged.
“Of course he does.” Mercy took a bite of her melting ice cream. “What kinda poof would he be if he didn’t like that?”
Clark opened his mouth. “Now I’m even more confused.”
“You two are killing me!” Lex complained, hiding his face a little. He was turning even redder.
“I’m just going to ask one of my internet friends what sexual thing that’s bitter and salty that someone might taste.”
“Ha ha. You do that, Clark.” Mercy laughed. She bumped Lex with her arm.
Lex made an aggravated sound. “Oh, good god. It’s semen! Alright?”
Clark blinked. “Why would you taste semen?”
Lex screwed his lips up and looked away.
“No wait, how… OH GOD!” Clark burst out laughing, and Lex covered his bright red head with his arms.
“I should have brought a hat,” he muttered.
“We’re embarrassing him,” Mercy noted. “Should I start making orgasm sounds with this ice cream? ‘Cause its awfully good.”
Clark grinned and nodded.
“And now I have to go. Goodnight everybody!” Lex announced, beginning to wheel away from the table. Clark got up and grabbed him from behind. “Eek!”
“Aw! Don’t leave.”
“If you were concerned about everyone staring…”
“Yeah, but now they’re staring because we’re having more fun than everyone else.” Clark pulled Lex’s chair back around to the table. “Okay, I promise, no more sex ed. Only ice cream.”
“This is Kansas,” Mercy said darkly. “They aren’t gonna teach you that stuff in sex ed here.”
“True enough,” Clark agreed. “That’s one class I actually remember from high school. They taught us the street prices for crack, and we had a test on all the STDs you can get. We put a condom on a banana.”
“Yeah, that sounds useful,” Lex said moodily, rubbing one of his eyes.
“I think I ruined like two dozen bananas doing that.”
“My god, Clark,” Lex admonished.
“Mom made a pudding from all those extra bananas. I thought Pa was gonna die. He came in from the fields one day and saw me with a banana between my legs, trying to put a condom on it. Pete was all cheering me on…”
“Ha ha ha!” Mercy slapped the table. “Oh god…”
“Was that one of those key moments that taught him you weren’t batting for the coed team?” Lex asked.
“Nah. I think one of the clues was when Lana and I were playing together, back before she hit her head, and I kept putting the Ken dolls together and trying to marry them off. Lana ran up to my mom and told her I was being ‘incorrigible,’ which is what she called everyone who didn’t do what she said at six because her aunt told her that once.” Clark wobbled his spoon between his fingers. “Then uh… Mom told Pa.”
“You have such sweet childhood memories,” Lex said softly, wiping a bit of ice cream from the corner of his mouth. Then grinning fondly, he reached across the table. “Hold still. You look like you have something bitter and salty on your face.”
“What? Oh, hee.” Clark held still and let Lex wipe his mouth off. “Do you remember in The Beanery-?”
“When they gave me that froofy drink, and the lazy waitress didn’t even bother to get my real drink? I remember that.” Lex smiled a bit nostalgically. “There was so much whipped cream on that thing.”
“I had no idea what you were talking about,” Clark admitted. His heart fluttered a little. He loved seeing Lex smile so much. “What an innocent young lad I was…”
“Lad? You two needs to cut back on the old school comics,” Mercy advised.
Clark had to decide that outside was okay, as long as Lex was with him.
***
Clark walked back into the apartment and flopped on the couch. Lex rolled in, wincing a little, but still looking smiley, so Clark smiled back fondly and watched him head into the kitchen.
When Lex came back out drinking a bottle of water, he raised his brows and said, “What?”
“You just look happy. I mean, you seemed a little grumpy, earlier, and I can tell you’re hurty now, so I’m glad going out didn’t put you in a bad mood.”
Lex sighed and rubbed his palm over the back of his head. “It did. Well, the people did. I don’t spend a lot of time out either. Heh.”
“I noticed. C’mere. Get on the couch with me, evil master,” Clark ordered. Lex rolled over and lifted himself up. Clark scooted to the edge of the couch so he could pick Lex up and sit him beside himself. He threw his arm over the back of the couch. “Thanks for taking me out. That wasn’t so bad.”
“There’s a lot of uncontrolled elements outside. That’s pretty stressful for me. I don’t know what it would be like for you.”
“What’s that like for you? Does it get really bad?”
Lex shrugged and leaned into Clark, who slipped his arm down around him. “I get anxious about things like that. Sometimes it’s too much to try to face the world outside my little controlled space. Before the accident, too, and after… I didn’t need something to help me freak out in social situations. I’ve told you I was a nerd.”
“S’okay. I like you just fine. As long as we’re surrounded by other nerds.”
Lex patted Clark’s leg softly. “How are you? Willing to do it again next week?”
“What about Lucas?” Clark asked with a tinge of concern. Lex continued to rub Clark’s leg, looking down at it.
“If your mom wants him to come on Saturday, we can go out on Sunday. It doesn’t make any difference to me,” Lex remarked. Clark started to rub Lex’s shoulder. The older man closed his eyes and sighed. “Thank you for these days.”
“Lex…” Clark started. He moved his fingers down the edges of Lex’s shoulder blades, towards the roughly healed knots in his back. “You don’t have to thank me for-“
“I haven’t had a friend who stuck around because they wanted to in a long time. I know you almost don’t count in that regard, because, well, the obvious. Your ‘obsession’ and everything, but the least you could do would be to stalk me around the apartment. I’ve known people whose boyfriends did that, and they didn’t even have a good excuse like psychosis or OCD.” Lex opened his eyes. “You’re really quite fun to be around. And you’re considerate. You act like you’re my friend and roommate most of the time, instead of a dependant. You defend me. I’m not used to that. But I appreciate it. So I thank you.”
Lex squeezed Clark’s cheeks with one hand.
“So take the complement, pretty boy. Those people were staring at you, you know.”
Clark grinned. “Hee. You think I’m hot.”
“You are hot,” Lex insisted, leaning back again. “You’re hot, and I’m gay. Am I supposed to not notice?”
“You’re plenty hot, Lex.”
“Myeh.”
Clark shook Lex’s shoulders gently. “Whatever. I’ll keep thinking it, even if you don’t believe it. I can’t believe you weren’t sociable before. I remember you being really friendly every time we met.”
“You. Are. Hot?” Lex repeated, as if to explain.
Clark laughed.
“I really thought you were my age in the coffee shop. Pity you weren’t. I would have tried to pick you up.”
“I thought I was freaking you out.”
“No, just after you told me you were in high school, my brain kept screaming ‘jailbait!’ and ‘shotgun wedding!’”
Clark laughed again and wrapped his arms around Lex tightly. “Is The Beanery still there?”
“Oh, um, I don’t know. I haven’t been to Smallville for a long time.”
“Yeah?” Clark sighed contentedly and felt warm and happy to have Lex in his arms.
“Um… Clark… can you-?”
“Oh!” Clark let go and pushed is lower lip up. He hadn’t meant to make Lex uncomfortable. Lex turned his head back around.
“I was going to say, give me a little space to breathe, but that’s good, too. You’re a strong guy. And I’m little.”
“Sorry. I just want to touch you all the time- um. I do, but I don’t mean it like that. Though that would be great, too.”
Lex pressed his hand over Clark’s mouth. “I get it. It’s all right. I get a little touch-starved sometimes, which is a bit counterintuitive of me, since… I don’t like to be touched all that much.”
“How come?”
“I don’t know. I’ve always been jerky like that. My nanny used to try to hold me, and I’d go stiff as a board.”
“Hm.” Clark slowly wrapped his arms around Lex again, this time a little more gently. “This good?”
“That’s great,” Lex replied. He sighed and relaxed into Clark’s arms. Clark was happy to hear a smile in his voice.
***
There’s just so much damn sound everywhere that Clark is fucking swimming in it. The backstroke. He can’t move right and there is SOUND sound SOUNDs echoes of some woman crying and screaming in frustration and the squealing of tires.
Oh, GoD, ClArk, whAt dId yOu dO??
Clark walks across the soft grass that is slightly moist against his bare toes and sees a little boy and girl playing on the swings together, laughing a little amidst the cacophony of sound.
“I’m a hero. If I’d been around… when the meteors came, I coulda saved your parents,” the boy says to the girl. She bows her head slightly.
“I bet you could. I miss them, my mommy and daddy. But I’m startin’ to forget them, so it’s hard to remember. I love my aunt, too. She’s really pretty,” the girl replies sadly. “I’m lucky to have her.”
“If anything threatens you, Lana, I’ll save you. I promise. I’ll protect anyone who needs to be saved.”
From someone standing on the outside, these two little kids probably look sweet, Clark thinks. He looks up at the sky, which is a pulsating, throbbing purple and veiny mess of meat, and sees the meteors raining down, along with spaceships that hit the ground hard and open to reveal many-legged monsters that are now chasing him across the cornfields so they can pull him limb from limb.
He lifts off into the air and flies high above them, but the aliens can fly too and soon they are after him, swarming and feeding, trying to pry his flesh apart. They want his bones.
”CLARK!!”
There was a wet sound, then a whump, and Clark shot up, looking around at a dimly lit, blue room. His room. Someone had called him… he looked around, trying to focus his eyes to the sudden light and saw a small shape across the room, bowed over.
“Lex!” Clark jumped up and ran to Lex’s side, his heart beating frantically, hoping that he didn’t just do what he thought he just did. “Oh, oh, god, Lex…”
“Needa tissue,” Lex said in a nasal, muffled voice. His hands were held tightly over his face. “Dose is beeding.”
“Dose? Nose!” Clark ran into his bathroom and grabbed some tissues, then returned to Lex and handed them to him. Lex took them and pinched his nostrils together hard.
“Ull. Bad dream?” he asked, looking sideways at Clark, who sighed fitfully.
“I hit you,” Clark muttered. His vision started to blur with tears. He’d hit Lex. He’d hurt him again.
“I woke you. Mercy’s gonna flip on me. Hey, Clark.”
Clark curled backward away from Lex feeling like a big, uncontrollable monster. Lex was reaching out with one blood smeared hand, but Clark was afraid to touch him.
“C’mere. Clark, help me get some ice? I don’t want to even try explaining a shiner at work.” Lex tried to hold his nose with one hand and wheel with the other, but his hand slipped.
“Lemme do it.” Clark hustled behind Lex and took the handles of his chair so that he could push him into the kitchen. He said nothing along the way and then went to the freezer to pull out the ice himself. “Do we have anything to put he ice in?”
Lex pointed to a high cabinet. “Some washcloths and towels up there.”
“Good.” Clark grabbed them and made an ice compact for Lex. He handed it to him and frowned deeply, looking over Lex’s face. There was going to be a pretty good mark there, under his left eye and across the nose. “Is it still bleeding?”
“Nope.” Lex looked at the tissues and wiped under his nose and around the mouth. “It’s good.”
He set down the tissues in his lap and pressed the ice against the spot. “Calm down, Clark. You were thrashing in your sleep. I should have kept my distance.”
“I hit you,” Clark repeated. He started to pick up the tissues without thinking.
”Clark, no!” Lex shouted. “God, what part of ‘I’ve got AIDS.’ don’t you get?”
Clark jumped back. “You aren’t mad at me for hitting you, but I get snapped at for trying to touch a tissue?”
“Fuck off, Clark. You didn’t do it on purpose, and I could infect you. Do you know how much that scares me? Wash your fucking hands with the disinfectant, and let me take care of the tissues. Blood! Bodily fluids!” Lex replied sharply.
Keeping the compact on his nose, Lex wheeled out of the room to dispose of his tissues. Clark obeyed and began washing his hands. After a few moments he walked out into the living room and waited on Lex outside of his room. When he didn’t return, Clark barged in, looking for Lex.
“Knocking helps,” Lex said quietly with an edge. He’d set the compress aside for a moment and was pulling a fresh shirt over his head. He ducked his head to compress his body, so that Clark couldn’t see as much of him.
“Hurting you scares me, too,” Clark insisted.
Lex took a deep breath and straightened out the top. “I’m sorry I snapped. For the past three years, I’ve been drilling this into my head so that I remember in a situation like that that other people can’t touch my blood. You don’t want to infect someone from little details.”
“What are the chances?”
“Good enough.” Lex wheeled back over to the bed, picked the compress back up, and set it on his face. “Was it a bad dream?”
“I just seemed very real. There were aliens eating my bones. And I could hear your tires squealing on the bridge. My mom screaming at me for what I’d done.”
Lex rolled over to him and reached up with one hand. “It’s okay. We can touch now, Clark. I disinfected myself.”
Clark leaned down and wrapped his arms around Lex, who rubbed Clark’s back and gave him a light kiss on the curve of his jaw.
“Do you have bad dreams like that often?”
Clark nodded silently, squeezing Lex as tightly as he dared.
“Come to bed with me, Clark. It’ll help you feel safer.”
“N-no, I’ll hurt you again.”
“You never have when you slept with me before,” Lex pointed out. He pushed Clark’s shoulders a bit so that he could look him in the eye. “On the couch, or when you fell asleep in my bed after rubbing my back. Don’t be scared. We’ll stick together, and it’ll be fine.”
Clark took a breath, trying to loosen the tightness in his chest. Something was different about Lex, but he nodded again and stood. Lex rolled backward and began to maneuver himself into the bed. Clark watched in admiration at how strong the small muscles on his upper arms were, how he gripped the edge of the chair, then the bar by the bed, and dropped himself onto the mattress. The covers were still mussed from where he had been sleeping before. Lex beckoned him with one hand. Clark followed him and slid into the bed beside him.
Clark pulled the covers over them both and turned the light out. Lex lay on his left side and set his face on the ice pack. Clark curled up in front of him and let Lex’s arm drape over him protectively. For awhile he laid there, a bit too self-aware and wound up from the evenings’ events to sleep, but sooner than he expected, he began to drift off, relaxing into Lex’s embrace and feeling safe enough to close his eyes and sleep, blissfully dreamless.
When Clark woke again, he felt warm and secured. And there was something poking him in the back. He turned his head just a bit to see Lex behind him, unaware of the situation, and bit his lip at how mortified Lex would be if he’d known what he was poking Clark with. Lex held Clark tightly to him and nuzzled his face into the back of Clark’s neck.
It was wonderful.
Clark reached behind him gently, slowly and felt the firm muscles of Lex’s skinny right thigh. His hand slid downward until his fingertips reached the curve of Lex’s stump. Where his knee used to be. Clark blinked his eyes rapidly. He had to make sure he never hurt Lex again, not if he could help it.
***
“Mornin’ Sunshine!” Lex called out cheerfully. Clark blinked groggily and looked around himself. In a car. In Lex’s car. Oh, right. Lex was taking him out again today.
“Are we there yet?”
“Are you five?” Lex chuckled. “No, but we’re getting close.”
Clark peered out the window and noticed that the scenery was becoming less highway and more rural. “First outing, doctors and ice cream, second… cows?”
“Well, cows aren’t the objective, but we might see some.”
“Whoa whoa stop stop stop…” Clark lifted the door handle frantically. He had to get out of this car. “No, Lex, no!”
Lex swerved to the side of the road. “Wait until I stop the car, Clark! What is it?”
“Not here! Why did you take me here?” Clark cried. He gave up on the handled. “What the hell did you do to this thing?”
“I locked it. Tiny halfies aren’t much of a match against carjackers. What’s wrong?” Lex demanded, leaning over to cup Clark’s face. Clark started to push Lex’s hand away, but instead he took it and drew it close to his chest. He might hurt Lex if he pushed the hand away too hard.
“It’s here.”
“What’s here, Clark?” Lex whispered sympathetically.
He thinks I’m having an episode, Clark realized. He looked out the windshield. “The bridge is right up there, Lex. You’re taking me to the bridge!”
Lex looked then shook his head. “We have to go over the bridge to get there, but that’s not where I’m taking you. I’m sorry, Clark. I forgot we had to cross that.”
“I feel like I’m having a nightmare,” Clark muttered.
“Well, let’s go out on the bridge. It isn’t far. We can look at the river.” Lex pointed. “Look, they repaired everything.”
“Not everything,” Clark said darkly. He looked over at Lex guiltily, though he knew Lex hated for him to feel guilty. He couldn’t help it. The bridge was right there.
“It isn’t your fault that you have schizophrenia, Clark. You didn’t bring disaster on the people you loved,” Lex told him softly.
“Yes, I did.”
“Hush, and get my chair out of the back.” Lex turned and unlocked the door. Clark sighed and obeyed.
Once Lex was safely in his chair and the car was locked, though Clark told him there were no carjackers in Smallville, they headed together to the bridge.
“Not your fault that your parents didn’t know the signs,” Lex continued. “And it really isn’t your fault that your school councilor said you had a ‘fantasy prone’ personality and didn’t do any tests. It was catchable… and treatable.”
Clark stepped onto the bridge. Lex wheeled onto it with ease. When they were halfway across, Lex wheeled up to the railing and looked over.
“Is this what you were looking at when I came down the road? The river?”
“The river. And the meteor rocks in the river.” Clark leaned against the guardrail and pointed. “You can see them under the water.”
“Yeah, I see them.”
“Some of the people online say that feeling like an alien in your own body is a symptom. I didn’t know that when I came up with my stories. They just started as this thing, when Lana and I lost our parents. I kept having these dreams about the meteor shower.” Clark leaned further over the railing and felt Lex’s hand rubbing his arm. “I was sure another would come and take everyone I loved away again.”
”So you made up stories about being a hero?” Lex asked gently.
“Yeah. I promised Lana I’d never let anything bad happen to her.” Clark felt tears running down his cheeks. “Then she and Emily fell off that fucking broken bridge. Nell should have been watching them… or there should have been something telling them to keep away.”
Clark sniffed hard.
“I have so many fucking nightmares about this bridge, Lex. You don’t know. Sometimes I wish you had run me over.” He paused, and Lex said nothing. “That day at The Beanery, I got this voice telling me you needed to be saved. I figured… I’m a hero, secretly. I can do that. I can save this wonderful guy. And instead I just destroyed him.”
“Maybe it wasn’t the accident you needed to save me from,” Lex suggested. Clark looked at him skeptically.
“You aren’t supposed to feed my delusions.”
“Am I doing that?” Lex looked out over the river. “I didn’t really pay much attention to the river the last time I was on this bridge.”
“I’m guessing you had other things on your mind,” Clark replied sarcastically.
“I still love him. My father.” Lex grimaced slightly, pulling his lower lip under the top and tenting his brows.
“Maybe I was supposed to save you from your father,” Clark muttered sulkily.
“That’s kind of what I was getting at, yeah.”
Clark looked over at Lex, who smiled just a bit sadly up at him. Clark set his hand on the curve of Lex’s shoulder.
“So you have to stay healthy, and save me, Clark. From him… and from myself. And I have to keep going and save you from him. And from those nightmares that keep trying to escape from the inside of your skull,” Lex said calmly, pointing at Clark’s head. Clark crouched down to Lex’s level and cupped his face in his large hand. Lex leaned forward slightly and to Clark’s amazement, brushed their lips together. “Are you okay now?”
“I… yeah.” Clark stepped backward, his heart beating wildly. Lex had… had just… Was that real? Did he just do that or was that a fantasy?
Lex offered Clark a hand, which he took in a daze, and they headed back to the car to continue their trip.
***
The farm was bustling and busy when Lex drove up. It was getting to be the end of the season, and there was a lot to do for the workers. Clark stepped out of the car anxiously and walked around to the other side to get Lex set up. Lex had called ahead, of course, but Clark was still really nervous. He had no idea how to react to people sometimes; he knew that now, and it was just so important that this went well.
Clark shoved his hands into his pockets and tried to take deep breaths as Lex wheeled alongside him.
“I know this is going to be tough, Clark, but I have faith in you,” Lex said resolutely.
“Where the hell did all this confidence come from? I’m a basketcase.”
“You’re a basketcase who can take on a lion unassisted,” Lex said with soft admiration. “And can face the horrors of the dentist because you think you have to prove something to me before I’ll love you. And can put up with my incredible bitchiness on a daily basis without running for the hills, which admittedly would be quite a run from Kansas… Anyway, for a basketcase, you’re very brave.”
Clark looked down on him with surprise. Was that? Was Lex…?
“Clark? Son? That you?”
Clark head snapped around, and he felt his entire body seize up. He heard his own high, timorous voice ring out. “Pa?”
All at once he was crying and hugging the old man tightly.
“I missed you, oh god, Pa, I missed you!” Clark cried into his father’s shoulder. After half a second, the old man’s arms rose around him and clapped Clark’s back.
“Ain’t you a sight for sore eyes? Step back, son, an’ lemme look atcha?”
Clark stepped back, sniffling and trying to wipe the tears out of his eyes. “Sorry.”
“Nah, don’t worry ‘bout that,” Jonathan Kent said. “Takes man to cry, my pa always said.”
Clark saw that his father’s eyes were getting a bit misty as well. He frowned a little, looking over his father. He sort of remembered his dad as a middle-aged man, strong and straight-backed with a lopsided grin at the best of times and a stern face to put a shiver up anyone’s back at the worst. The man standing before him was paunchy and old. His arms were over-tanned from working outside and a bit wrinkled, as was his face underneath stringy graying hair. He was dressed in ratty work clothes and could use a shave. Clark pressed his lips together, then licked them slowly, nervously.
“Damn, you’ve gone and grown into a man, Clark.” Jonathan’s eyes looked over his son proudly.
“Heh. Not all there yet, Pa, but I’m trying.” Clark bit his lip. “I’m taking the GED in a couple of weeks and Lex- OH!”
He turned around to see Lex watching them. He gave them a little wave. “Want me to leave you two alone? I can go for a roll.”
Jonathan laughed heartily and came up to Lex, wrapping his arms around him quickly. “You’re a good boy. Can’t thank you enough for takin’ in my son, Lex. Never thought it of a Luthor, but y’know, I never should’ve believed you were anythin’ like that old man o’yours. Looked took human.”
Lex smiled tightly as Jonathan let him go. “Maybe I’m a cuckoo.”
“A… what?” Clark asked.
Jonathan laughed again. “Them birds that lay their eggs in some other bird’s nest right? Ha! Maybe he’s a bastard, he says.”
“Lex,” Clark scoffed. Jonathan moved back and turned to his son. “Pa… I’m sorry-“
“Don’t. Don’t, Clark. Never say that. None o’this was your fault. We should’a taken y’to see a doctor, but y’never want to admit there’s somethin’ wrong with your child.”
“He’s been doing really well, Mr. Kent. Dr. Yeh sings the praises of him,” Lex said proudly.
“Should’a kept a better eye on you in the asylum. That place.” Jonathan clenched his fist in anger. “But I let Martha get custody of you-“
“Pa, it’s okay. They told you it was what was best for me, and you only wanted for me to get better,” Clark said, hearing his voice go up and sound a bit younger.
“I almost didn’t believe it when he called. Less’n three months you been with Lex,” Jonathan pointed out. He shook his head and wiped a hand over his thinning hairline. “You’re talkin’ to me. You’re makin’ sense again. Dammit, Clark. There ain’t no excuse for this.”
“I wish I’d seen what was going on, Mr. Ke-“
”Call me Jonathan.” He gripped Lex’s shoulder so hard the younger man winced and looked up at Jonathan in surprise. “Sorry, son. Clark, mind iffen we talk a bit? I wanna get to know my boy. Lex here can go in the house, if he wants, or they’ll letcha wander ‘round the farm.”
“I’ll head in. I don’t think this girl’s outfitted for terrain,” Lex said, motioning with his head to his chair. Jonathan nodded, and the two Kent men watched Lex wheel up to the house.
“He can’t get up stairs, Pa,” Clark protested.
“S’okay. McNally’s old lady had a broke leg year or two back. There’s a ramp.”
Clark frowned, but followed his father. Lex wouldn’t probably have told him to go with his father, and it wasn’t likely the men would harass him… not with Pa working here. Probably.
“The workers won’t give Lex a hard time, will they?”
“You worry ‘bout that boy o’yours a lot don’t you?” Jonathan asked in return. He kept his features even as he walked slowly beside his son.
“I remember seeing people in this town throw stuff at him. They called him a faggot. It’s not like he’s good at fighting back right now,” Clark complained, looking back again.
“Them boys give him any hassle, I’ll tear’em a new’un,” Jonathan assured Clark. “I warned ‘em anyway the way he was. He can’t help it. ‘n they know he’s takin’ care o’you too, so they better behave.”
“What ‘way’ are you talking about, Pa?” Clark asked sharply. Jonathan raised his eyebrows.
“Well, I dunno how that swishy walk translates to his behavior now, but I remember him bein’ loquacious. So I told ‘em that. He’s got a big education and a city way and they better leave ‘im alone, is that okay?”
“’kay,” Clark replied sulkily.
“I didn’t tell ‘em he was queer, so unless he hits on ‘em, and he won’t, they’ll never find out,” Jonathan added.
“Pa!” Clark protests.
“C’mon, Clark. I don’t care. Just relax.” Jonathan huffed a little as they walked out into the field. “Slow down a bit, son. M’heart ain’t so good these days.”
Clark’s eyes widened. “What?”
“Had a heart attack last year. Pretty bad, but I’m still goin’. Don’t worry. The important thing is that you’re gettin' better.” He took a deep breath. “Now tell me what’s goin’ on with your boy back there.”
“We’re friends, Pa,” Clark insisted.
Jonathan pursed his lips and rolled his eyes.
“We are. Friends,” Clark muttered feeling his cheeks grow hot. “He lets me sleep in his bed, so I don’t have nightmares. Even though I whacked the crap out of him the last time I had one.”
Jonathan opened his mouth in surprised. “You gave that boy that shiner?”
“I didn’t mean to!” Clark pouted slightly in worry. “He doesn’t heal too fast, Pa.”
“Better take care of him, then.”
“I love him. I think he loves me,” Clark said quickly. “But, we’re not doing anything just yet. I think Lex is trying to wait until he’s sure I’m okay enough to make that decision.”
“Good. Don’t look at me like that. It’s smart of him.” Jonathan shrugged. “He’s a smart boy, ‘spite of his education. I trust ‘im. You don’t take a boy what done what you did into your home if you don’t love ‘em somehow. Him visitin’ you for three years before he… he still in danger o’that?”
Clark was sure his face said it all because Jonathan merely nodded gravely.
“It’s a rough life, even without all you two been through. So I want y’both to be careful. I know he’s sick, but… I know ya’ll love each other, son. God, let it be enough to make things be okay,” Jonathan pronounced, wrapping his son up in another hug, then leaving his arm around Clark’s shoulders when he let him go.
“You’re okay with us? If this happens?”
“I gotta be. You’re my son, and you been in love with the boy since y’were fifteen. I don’t need a kick in the head.” Jonathan licked his lips. ‘Can’t help wonderin’… if we’d’ve let y’see him…”
“Schizophrenia doesn’t work that way, Pa. I was heading for a break either way. He barely knew who I was at the time anyway.” Clark smiled softly. “I wish all the time that things were different. Like, happy in one of my fantasies, or that we’d caught it early and Lex and I met some kind of normal way.”
“Wish in one hand an’ sh-“
“Pa!”
“What?” Jonathan grinned. Martha had always hated those crude expressions.
Clark shook his head. “I love you, Pa. I don’t remember my other parents, but I don’t think my bio-dad could possibly been better than you.”
Pa nodded briskly, turning his head to wipe his eyes, before removing his arm and shoving his hands in his pockets. “Tell me ‘bout Metropolis, son.”
“I haven’t been out much,” Clark began and found himself telling his father almost everything that had happened since he woke up in Lex’s apartment. He immediately forgave his father for no longer visiting him in that horrible asylum. Jonathan couldn’t have gotten him out of there any more than Lana could have and would’ve had almost as much trouble getting up there, especially after his heart problems started. It was a relief to share his worries with the aging man, and Clark realized that he was suddenly feeling the certainty that only talking to an actual parent of some kind could bring.