FIC: Cake
Series: No Day But Today
Title: Cake
Pairing: Klaine, Finn/Van
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~7694
Summary: Van makes some cake, Pippa is super cute, and Blaine has a nightmare.
AN: I just can't edit anymore.
Kurt’s song, though he changes the lyrics some:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_j-tpmdPlI
The whole house smelled like cake. It was both disorienting and homey. Kurt smiled as he rubbed Pippa’s back. As nervous as he had been about feeding her to begin with, he sort of enjoyed their time alone together. He listened to the little noises she made, so familiar and sweet, petted her soft black curls, sang to her every song he remembered the words to (and made up some). Occasionally Blaine would slip behind and hold him as she fed, and Kurt loved that, too. Largely, it had to do with how the act calmed her, and despite his anxieties about... well, everything, it was a comfort to know that no matter what happened, he had a food source for her, so long as he could get water and nutrients into himself.
Not much to hold onto in these times, not even now. And he was not insensible to the town’s fears of being on the road. Pippa didn’t fuss much. Or Kurt didn’t think so anyway, but maybe he’d just imagined before he had one that babies just screamed and puked nonstop. He’d never had experience with them before this. But in a few months, she would start testing her boundaries, start getting frustrated and cry more as a result.
The thought made his heart stop, just a little.
When she’d finished, he lifted her over to his shoulder and rubbed, singing softly to her. He tossed the soiled cloth in the basket and laid her on the bed.
“Unn!” She wiggled and reached for him.
“It’s okay, sweetie! I’ll be right back. I have to put on a shirt. It’s cold out!”
Pippa continued to flail her arms and increase in volume.
Maybe he just didn’t notice her crying much because to him, it wasn’t noise. It all meant something-- I’m hungry, I’m wet, I’m sleepy, I need you, hold me, where’s daddy? Kurt pulled a shirt on over his head and swooped in to pick her up again.
“What’s with you today, huh? I think you just want to be near somebody. I feel ya. Daddy’ll be home, soon, too. He loves the snuggles.”
“Ma Ma Ma Ma...” she babbled, then shoved her fist in her mouth.
“Oh, it’s me you want? Ma ma ma ma,” Kurt replied, looking right at her and opening his mouth wide with each syllable.
She squealed.
“Oh, God. You own me, you little diva,” he told her.
She dipped her head a little, giggling, then grabbed Kurt’s shirt.
“Do you like my shirt? Is it fashion forward? You have to tell me, Peanut. I’d hate to be a badly dressed mommy.” Kurt beamed at her laughter and carried her with him.
“Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful girl,” he sang to her softly. “Every day, in every way, it’s getting better and better. Out on the ocean sailing away, I can hardly wait for you to come of age, but I guess we’ll both just have to be patient ‘cause it’s a long way to go.”
He smiled and touched her nose with a finger tip and thought of this beautiful baby growing into a smiling, lovely little lady. Or a fierce and feisty tomboy with curls flying. “But in the meantime before you cross the street, take my hand. Life is what happens while you’re making other plans...”
He entered the kitchen and looked up at the grand baking mess in front of him.
“Smells great in here,” he told Van.
She turned and wiped her palms on her jeans. “Oh. Good. Hi, Pippy.”
Kurt headed over to the counter, where a misshapen cake that had broken in half sat on a plate. “Oh! This is... our cake?”
“I just was testing the recipe.” Van touched her lips and took a breath. “I could do some... Um. I could do a few of bundt cakes and um... arrange them. I had to substitute a few things. No eggs...”
With a sigh, she picked up a knife and cut a few slices. “Do you want to try it? I mean, I hope it tastes okay. It is your wedding.” She reached for the spatula sticking out of a big red bowl and started drizzling glaze. “We probably won’t have any better time to use up the sealed almond milk we found before it goes bad, and it tastes fine, I think. Probably been a while since anyone had a good piece of cake.”
Kurt raised a brow and tilted his head at her. Van went over to sit at the table.
“You should try a slice. See if I’m missing anything. I thought I could um... I just don’t want to screw this up for you guys.”
Kurt grabbed a slice and went over to the table. Pippa was quickly grabbing for the cake. He set it on the table. She wanted to get her hands on everything these days.
“Are you all right? It’s just cake, Van. If it doesn’t turn out, we’ll all be happy anyway.” Kurt leaned over and saw a tear trickling down Van’s cheek. He set Pippa in his lap and bounced her a little. “Honey, whatever it is-- and I know it isn’t the cake-- it’ll be okay.”
“It’s not the cake. I’m just...” She shook her head and motioned with one hand. “I’m worried about leaving the town, that’s all. There’s a lot to think about.”
Kurt nodded and looked over her. He’d had difficulty connecting with Van, at first, but that had been the trauma getting in their way. He’d been able to see very quickly that they were cut from the same cloth. Not including, of course, the fact that she’d had his haircut and proficiency for both cooking and cars.
She’d taken on responsibility young, too young, like he had. And she was good for Finn, because she was independent and tough and smart, but not cold. They worked together. They made each other smile, and Kurt hoped that her confidence in Finn was making him believe a little more in his ability to handle things.
Right now, Van was slightly turned from him. Her fingers curled by her lips, and the other arm crossed over her stomach.
“Oh, my God,” Kurt blurted out. “Are you pregnant?”
Van’s eyes widened almost comically as she looked at him.
“Ohhhh...” Kurt pinched his lips together.
“How did you know?”
Kurt lifted Pippa a little, and the baby looked up from where she’d been smooshing the cake flat with her little hands. “Hello? Done this before.”
“Ba!” Pippa added.
“So have I.” Van sighed and seemed to regain the stability he was used to seeing from her. “As as not ideal as circumstances were then, right now...”
“Tell me about it. Are you sure? Have you...?”
“It’s not a virus. My tiny tits are busting out of their bra.”
Kurt looked down at his own flat chest. “But...?”
“I know my body. I am. And I can feel it...” Her fingers moved over her stomach and she sighed heavily. “Please, just keep it quiet for now. I can’t. I just can’t even start. I haven’t even told Finn.”
She covered her eyes with one hand.
“Van, I’m so sorry,” Kurt whispered.
“I’m not.” Her hand moved over her lips again, and then both slender hands touched the cake, busying themselves with breaking it into little pieces. “It’s not the pregnancy. I’d be thrilled to be pregnant. It’s everything else.”
She put a piece of cake in her mouth. “If I tell him, I have to admit that it’s real. I have to deal with the fact that we’re moving on, very soon, and I’ll have to... I can’t tell him, because if I tell him, we have to ‘take care of it,’ and I don’t fucking want to.”
She pushed herself away from the table and walked a few feet away. Her shoulders shuddered in a sob. Kurt said nothing. It felt like he had a melon in his throat. When he stood, her head moved slightly as though to look at him, but she didn’t. She just turned to the counter and leaned on it.
“You still have time to think,” he said.
“I’m mostly putting off doing anything like that, darling,” she replied harshly. She shook her head immediately. “I’m sorry if I’m being nasty. This is your day, not mine, and heeere’s my drama!”
“Well, my day is tomorrow, technically.”
“And not to mention, you did this not too long ago. Even if it wasn’t true, you were here. You were feeling this. And it’s awful. It’s the worst... Well, almost. There’s one thing worse...”
Kurt approached her from behind and slipped an arm around her shoulders. She turned a little and touched Pippa’s cheek. Kurt let her take the baby and slipped his other arm around her middle. She leaned back slightly, as though she felt safe. Van was so tiny, but so strong, most of the time.
“Oh, you mess. You messy thing,” Van cooed, watching Pippa suck on her chocolate covered fingers. She nuzzled Pippa’s soft hair. “I can’t tell him, and I can’t get rid of it. And I can’t not because of the way things are right now. I just can’t.”
“Well. I did it. You hold the proof.”
“I can’t lose another baby, Kurt. I can’t even risk it, and keep breathing,” she said flatly.
He touched his forehead to the back of her hair and didn’t let go. “You need to talk to Finn.”
“I don’t... What if he says to get rid of it? What if-”
“You have to talk to him. Maybe not right now, but at least, after the wedding, sit him down and tell him.” Kurt pressed his cheek against hers. “Girl, first of all, he needs to help you with this. Second, he has experience here, too. And he absolutely, absolutely will not be one more factor taking your choices away. That I know for sure.”
“I didn’t think he was that kind of guy, I just... It’s the logical choice. The pragmatic one.”
“Since when is Finn logical? Anyway, even when his high school girlfriend got pregnant, he didn’t pressure her. I know he won’t do it to you. Because he loves you.” He kissed her cheek. “I wish I could say that everything will be fine. That we’ll escape to somewhere safe, and you and Finn can have your baby.”
Van shook her head. “We can’t do that if we’re on the move. I’m not kidding. I cannot lose another child. And I think I would unravel if anything happened to Pippa.”
Kurt pursed his lips and just held her. No matter how much he wanted to, there were no promises he could make. “Whatever happens, we’ll take care of you with whatever’s in our power to give. You won’t be alone.”
“I’ll tell him,” she murmured. “It’s not like I’m going to do anything about it without telling him. I wouldn’t do that.”
“The plan is still to get on that boat of Forest’s and sail to safety. Maybe there’s a way it could work,” Kurt said. “We could find someplace safe-”
“Do you really believe that?”
Kurt shrugged. “I don’t not believe it... But if I’m honest, I know if I were in your situation, I wouldn’t keep it. I’m not telling you what to do; I’m just saying-”
“It’s different for you. I know you’re not judging, and I can’t judge you either. We all have our complications, different weights on our shoulders. You have her. You’re thinking based on her needs.”
“Pretty much for the rest of my life.”
Van nodded. “And you have to. You’re her father. It changes the landscape of your decisions.”
Kurt slowly released her, and she petted Pippa’s hair. “She needs a bath, now,” she said fondly.
“Of course she does.” Kurt’s lips pinch to the side. “Finn is practically a giant, y’know. And you’re sooo tiny.”
An unsteady smile broke across Van’s face. “I... am aware of that fact.”
“You’re gonna be like a kiwi mama,” Kurt muttered, plucking Pippa from her arms. “We won’t even be able to see you behind your belly.”
Van laughed. Just laughed. Her eyes grew a little misty, and she crossed her arms over herself. “I’ll talk to him. I mean, he is a bit oblivious sometimes, but I think he’ll notice me rolling around like a beach ball.”
“I didn’t tell Blaine at first, either. I couldn’t let myself believe that it was even possible. And I was so, so scared,” Kurt admitted. “I looked at that second test, and he just had to hold me. I just shook in his arms. But I was so glad he was there with me.”
Van nodded and reached over to hug him with one arm. “It’s scary, when you’re so young, and nothing’s safe.”
Kurt turned his head towards the door before he recognized the stomp-stomp of his brother.
“Giant. Baby,” Kurt whispered.
Van laughed again, grabbed some flour and threw it at him.
Kurt gasped. “How dare you! I have a baby here!”
Another puff of flour exploded in his face, and he reached over to the bowl of batter and flung some in her direction. She shrieked and held her hands up to defend herself.
“What’s go-” Finn went rigid when he saw the flying batter coming at him and completely failed to defend himself. “Hey!”
“We’re... baking,” Van said. She turned to get a towel.
“It’s war,” Kurt informed him. He shifted Pippa higher when she complained.
“You two aren’t sleeping together, are you?” Finn wiped batter off of his face with a finger, licked it, and nodded in approval.
Kurt scrunched his nose up at his brother. “What?”
“The last food fight I broke up, the soldiers were sleeping together behind my back.” Finn grinned lopsidedly. “Ooh. Cake.”
He went over to the counter and grabbed a slice with his hands. “This is test cake, right?”
“Try it with the glaze, actually.” Van wiped her eyes and reached over to the red bowl.
Finn held up his slice and let her drizzle the sugary glaze on it. Then he took a bite. “Oh. Mmmph!” He opened his mouth really wide and shoved the piece in. “Oof my gosf, orange an’ choshlate! Ish genish!”
Van tilted her head to the side, her mouth hanging open. “Are you five?”
Finn bobbed his head as he chewed, his cheeks pouching out. He came over and grabbed her in his big arms. “S’good!”
“Oh... Oh, goodness,” Kurt said to Pippa. “Would you look at your Uncle Finn?”
Van shook her head, then squirmed around in Finn’s arms until she was facing him and pulled his head down to kiss the smeared cake off of his lips. Finn lifted her up off the ground for easier access.
“That’s what straight people do when they’re in love,” Kurt whispered. “It’s okay if you like boys, when you get older, Pip. I like boys, too. But if you like a girl, she’s also welcome. I’ll teach him or her how to shoot, and fix cars. And if they really want, how to rock a high G.”
Finn let Van down, and she was smiling up at him. Sadness tempered her countenance, but she touched his chest tenderly and kept her eyes on him.
“What’s up?” Finn pushed his fingers through her hair and kissed her forehead. He chuckled. “Dude, this place is a mess. Everything’s covered in cake and stuff. Even the baby!”
He turned to Kurt, his hand still on Van’s shoulder and grinned at Pippa so widely that Kurt sighed and held her out for him. He pumped his fist in excitement and took Pippa, then proceeded to dance her around the wrecked kitchen.
“I get at least one dance with her, tomorrow, right?” Finn kissed her head and started making faces at her.
“You and Blaine both turn into goonball monsters when you’re around her. You should just know that,” Kurt said.
“She has super powers. Super Pizzazzy Pip Powers!” Finn held her close and smiled contentedly. “She’s so much fun, dude. Even when she cries or makes a mess. She’s a blast. Blaine’s hair and your personality.”
Kurt chuckled. He bumped Van’s shoulder. “The man has baby rabies.”
“Shut up, man. The Pipster and I go way back.” Finn bobbed his head back and forth at Pippa. “Duh nuh. Duh nuh, duh nuh. Duh nuh dun dun, duh nuh dun dun!”
Kurt looked up at the ceiling and mouthed “Oh, my God.”
But Pippa was giggling, so Kurt was happy. He looked at Van, who was clearly still conflicted, but Finn’s presence, and his obvious adoration of his niece, seemed to help a little.
“How ‘bout I give her a bath and a change? She looks like she could use it...” Finn offered.
“Oh. Well, yeah, if you want to.” Kurt raised a brow.
“Just want you guys to be able to finish this early and get some sleep tonight. I’m not any help in the kitchen.” Finn shrugged.
“Blaine’s better at the baking. I should have roped him into this,” Van joked. She went to give Finn a kiss before he went out with the baby.
Kurt ruffled his hair to get some of the flour out and went to help Van readjust her recipe so they could get these cakes baked. Every so often, he saw her absentmindedly touching her abdomen.
Such hard decisions they got stuck with.
***
Burt sat back from his desk and pulled his hat off, rubbing over his head a few times. Something brushed against his fingertips, and he jerked back in alarm.
“Jesus freaken- Stupid cat!”
“Mrr?”
His heart pounded, and Burt drew in a deep breath, trying with all of his might not to knock that damn cat across the room.
“Didn’t anyone ever tell ya that pets are supposed to lower your blood pressure?” Burt demanded, pressing his hand over his heart.
The cat just purred in response. Burt glared at it for a moment, then reached down to rub its head a little. The purr grew thunderous.
A little rap on the door drew Burt’s attention, and he smiled as he saw Kurt there, flour on his cheek, and Pippa dozing in her sling.
“Hey. How’s redesign for the walls coming?”
“Hm?” Burt shrugged and looked at the papers. “I think it’ll do fine. We’re scrapping some of the unused houses for material, and the guys not on the wall today put a dent in the workload. S’lotta work for something that we won’t need but for a couple of weeks.”
“That could be the difference between making it out and not, though.”
Burt held up a hand. “You don’t have to give me the pitch, Kurt. You’re right.”
Kurt frowned. He came over, pulled up a chair, and sat facing Burt. “You don’t think we should leave?”
“I’m not thrilled about leavin’. But I don’t think we have a choice.” Burt bobbed his head from side to side. “At the most, we could put it off a few more weeks. At most that’s about all we’ve got before walkers start pounding at our door, and we get trapped in here, and overrun, eventually. Doesn’t mean I can’t wish it was otherwise.”
He reached over and touched Pippa’s hair.
“So how are you doing?” Burt asked. His lips curved. “You ready for tomorrow? Nervous?”
“Not really.”
Kurt lifted Pippa out of her sling. She flailed her arms once, then looked up to Burt and cooed at him. Burt chuckled and took her to his chest.
“You’re not freakin’ out at all about your wedding day? You sure you’re still human.”
Kurt drew his shoulders up in a big shrug. “I don’t know. I’m excited, of course. It’s not like I think Blaine will run away from the ceremony or Rafe will burst in and object. And we’ve sort of... Well, I’ve felt that we were permanent-- as permanent as anything gets in this world-- for kind of a long time.”
He leaned over and looked at the plans on the table. “I’m really happy that we get to have our day, and even more happy that everyone wants to celebrate with us. But it feels less like the day will make us married, and more like it will just state the obvious. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah.” Burt enjoyed the weight of his granddaughter on his chest. “I’m real glad you have someone like that. I’m not sure what I expected of Blaine when I first met him, but I’m glad you found each other. He turned out to be a really good man.”
Kurt nodded and smiled. “Good. Because I got the impression you didn’t like him much at first.”
“Nah. He had a weird sense of boundaries.” Burt wrinkled his nose as he thought about the days when he thought of Blaine as “that boy.” “And he was the first guy you really liked that way. And told me about anyway. If I’m not gonna protect you, who is?”
Kurt shrugged his head to the side. “He will. He did. Or you wouldn’t be holding your granddaughter or talking to me.”
“Point.” Burt let out a heavy sigh, then kissed Pippa’s head. “I’m proud of you, Kurt.”
“Dad...”
“I am. It’s not easy raising a kid, and this world isn’t easy at all. You and Blaine have stepped up in every way, and I couldn’t be prouder of you.” Burt reached over and squeezed Kurt’s arm, meeting his eyes. “Both of you. I don’t have to worry about you raisin’ her right.”
Kurt was quiet for a moment. “Thank you,” he murmured. He paused, then, “Is something wrong?”
“Not too much right.” Burt shook his head. “Don’t you worry. You should just get some sleep, huh?” He brushed the flour on Kurt’s cheek. “And a shower. Don’t want to be a ‘hot mess’ on your big day.”
“Oh, as if I would be! Blaine and I are going to put out a fashion magazine for post-apocalypse couture.” He held up a hand. “C’est chic.”
“I’m also proud t’say I understood most of that.”
Kurt giggled and leaned on his hand. “You’ve done pretty good, too.”
“That’s the best I could hope for.” Burt pressed his cheek to Pippa’s head. She was out cold. “Gotta get this little Peanut to bed, huh?”
“Yeah. I’d let you have her for the night, but I’m still her primary form of food and she’ll want to eat around four or five am. That is, if I can get her to sleep properly.”
Burt chuckled. “Better let you go, then. Got any ideas about the construction?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Give me paint swatches or an engine to tinker with. Construction wasn’t one of our bonding activities.” Kurt looked at the design again. “I’m thinking maybe camou colors? With some rhinestones decorating the watch towers...”
Burt shook his head.
“But...” Kurt touched the side of his hair. “Well, we could mechanize this gate. It would take a little while, but... it might be worth it.”
He sketched on the side of the plan. “Ask David if this makes any sense. He was president of the Young Engineers Club at Dalton. And maybe have the plans go around to the other guys. I’m sure a lot of them have experience. They could add ideas or just come up with simpler or faster ways to do things.”
Burt reached out for Kurt’s hand and squeezed it.
“Dad?”
“I’ll walk you two back. C’mon.”
***
When Blaine woke in a cold sweat, Kurt had already woken, as had Pippa. Kurt petted Blaine’s hair before rising to pick her up. She only let out a few cries, having been startled by Blaine’s nocturnal outburst, and then fell back sleep. Kurt continued to rock her in his arms, singing a few bars.
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful girl...
“Another bad dream, huh?” Kurt said sympathetically, when he’d stopped singing.
“No. No, not bad.” Blaine pushed himself up and sat shaking in the nest of blankets. His heart was racing so fast it was a little hard to breathe. “The worst. God, Kurt...”
An image invaded his thoughts. They all had nightmares, at one time or another. They learned to deal with them, push them away.
This image wouldn’t leave. It was burned into his brain, and tears sprung to his eyes.
“Should’a kept them legs closed, little girl.”
Blaine was never going to forget this one. He curled forward and let his face fall into his hands.
“Honey?” Kurt leaned over the crib to set Pippa back down. He tried to be quick, but he had to pull the blanket around her and pet her little tummy, and then when he turned back to Blaine, he went to her one more time, just to check that she was breathing with the back of his hand.
Blaine put a hand over his stomach, trying to catch his breath. Then he climbed out of bed and hugged Kurt tightly from the side, burying his head into Kurt’s shoulder. Of course, Kurt tended to the baby first. He was perfect, that way.
Now Kurt’s arms circled around Blaine and stroked his fingers through his hair. “It’s okay, baby. It’s okay.”
“God, Kurt, I can’t lose you.”
“Shhh.” Kurt brought Blaine back to bed, and curled up there with him, petting him and kissing his head.
“They had you.”
“Who had me?”
“These men, these awful men... They were so ruthless, and they had you... I hate them so much, it makes my teeth itch!”
Kurt responded by kissing him again and rested his head against Blaine’s.
“They had you chained to a wall, and they were-” Blaine circled his arms so tightly around Kurt’s chest that Kurt made a soft noise of protest. “They had been taking turns with you.”
Kurt went quiet for a moment, then resumed petting Blaine. “But I’m here. I’m safe.”
“They had you chained up, and...” Blaine closed his eyes. “Kurt, you were pregnant. And they were still taking advantage of you. And you were so skinny... Oh, God.”
“Babe, I am right here. I’m fine.” Kurt lifted Blaine’s chin with two fingers.
“There was blood dripping between your thighs. I don’t know if you were having a miscarriage, or-”
Kurt kissed his lips softly. Blaine looked into his eyes and sighed heavily. Kurt watched him, and smiled softly as Blaine sat up a little, trailing his fingertips over Kurt’s cheek, then moving his hand down to feel over his body. Chest first, then his flat abdomen. He pushed Kurt’s shirt up a little and kissed up his abs and over his chest.
He just needed to touch Kurt, feel his warm skin beneath his fingertips, and know he was safe.
“I love you so much,” Blaine whispered. No need to wake the baby again. “That... It terrified me.”
“That sounds like a really crazy and vivid dream,” Kurt murmured. He brushed his fingers through Blaine’s hair on either side of his head.
“I can’t get that man’s slimy voice out of my head.”
Kurt kissed his forehead. Then his leg pinned over Blaine’s, and he snuggled up to him. Blaine sighed and rested his head on Kurt’s chest. He continued stroking his hands over Kurt’s body, possessively.
“Should I be worried?”
Kurt’s voice was quiet, and not fearful, but Blaine gave him a squeeze anyway. “What do you mean?”
“Is this a dream or... is it a... you know. A ‘get outta Dodge’ warnin’?”
Blaine’s heart sunk into his belly at that thought. “I have absolutely no idea.” He looked up at Kurt. “I have terrifying dreams all the time. Sometimes they’re bad, sometimes they’re worse. I had dreams that Pippa nursed by knawing on your chest and sucking the blood.”
“Do you think-- Ew. Do you think we should get up and leave toni-”
“No.” Blaine wasn’t sure where that instinct came from. He swallowed. “No, I think...” He bit his lip and looked up to the window. The soft lights from outside filtered through the boards. ‘Just in case’ type of protection. “I dunno.”
“These men from your dream. They were like the ‘pretty-ugly girl’ guy, right?”
Blaine’s brows shot up and Kurt had his full attention. “What? What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about the guy who abandoned us on the road. Glasses, ponytail?” Kurt shook his head. “He was so heartless. He very well might still be out there. When they pulled us out of the car... I admit it. All the strength left me. I was terrified.”
“That was scary to see. You were always pretty fearless against walkers.”
“I don’t think I was ever fearless, but walkers are less scary than people, ultimately.” Kurt bowed his head until his forehead touched Blaine’s shoulder.
“I shouldn’t have told you,” Blaine murmured.
“No, you definitely should have.” Kurt lifted his head and touched the sides of Blaine’s face. He gave him another slow, tender kiss, then rubbed their noses together. “Forewarned is forearmed. Even if it is just a dream.”
“Kurt, if that happened to you... I couldn’t... I don’t know...”
“I would survive because I am a fierce bitch, and you would come for me,” Kurt said firmly. He kissed Blaine again, then slipped his hand downward.
Blaine’s brows rose. “Isn’t that supposed to be for the wedding night? Not the night before the wedding?”
“We have a baby right next to our bed. Who are we kidding? I was seriously considering whether our wedding clothes needed to be off-white.”
Blaine chuckled. He pulled Kurt’s shirt over his head and nibbled along his collarbone.
“I’m a tramp,” Kurt joked, reaching over to the side of the bed.
“Don’t leave!”
“It’s okay, honey.” Kurt wiggled back into Blaine’s arms and waved a condom in one hand, biting his lower lip impishly.
“Oh.”
“Oh.” Kurt smiled coyly as he slipped out of his briefs, tossed them off the side of the bed with his toe, and then lay back in front of Blaine. His foot moved up and down Blaine’s leg.
Blaine grabbed the condom.
***
Thump! Thump! Thump! Thump!
The sound of a high voice moaning and panting bled through the wall.
Finn sat up and scratched his hair. “Dude. Not cool.”
There was nothing quite like hearing your little brother orgasming.
“Oh, be real. If we were getting married, you’d be all frisky and excited, too.” Van didn’t even open her eyes. She just lay face down and sprawled on the mattress. Which was fine, because compared to Finn, she didn’t take up much room at all.
“Do you wanna get married?”
“Sorry, but your remotely adequate proposal is in another castle.”
Finn grinned. “Heh. Mario.”
“Let me sleep. I’m exhausted.”
Finn rubbed her back. “You’ve been tired a lot. I wish that flu hadn’t wiped you out.”
Van sighed. Finn’s hand kept moving, slowly, comfortingly. Her eyes started to droop closed.
“Oh, jeeze,” Finn muttered as the panting increased. Now he could recognize certain Blaineish noises.
Van blinked a few times and lifted her head. “Huh?”
“Oh, oh, God!” echoed from the other room.
“How do they keep from waking up the baby?” Finn grumbled.
“You really think she heard anything else from month five on?”
“She’s only four-” Finn thought about that for a moment and frowned in horror.
“Sweetheart, you don’t stop having sex when you’re pregnant. Kurt’s hormones were probably driving him up the wall-”
“Dude. I don’t want to talk about that!”
“Whatever.”
“He’s my brother. I don’t want to think about his crazy pregnancy sex.” Finn squirmed. “It has to be weird, right? Having sex with someone who’s having a baby? Or even after... Like their parts have actually gone to the use they’re there for. Also, they have a person inside them.”
Van sat up and looked at him like she might grab the knife beside the bed and stab him.
“Um. We don’t have to talk.”
She ruffled her short black hair, grabbed a pillow, and leaned back on it. “Your parts are for pleasure, too. Think Bonobos. They aren’t just for procreation. Sex is a social bonding thing, too, and you know, making sure the partners are still in synch. It’s not as weird as you’d think to have sex when there’s a baby on the way. Some guys are even into the whole pregnancy sex thing. Like, ‘internet porn’ into it.”
“I dunno. When my girlfriend in high school was pregnant, she wouldn’t let me touch her.” He shrugged. “Then again, she wouldn’t let me touch her before, either. Also, it wasn’t my baby.”
Van chuckled and rubbed her hand over his chest. “Bless your heart.”
“You think I’m dumb.” Finn laughed a little at himself, too. It seemed like so long ago now.
“No, I think you’re sweet. And I hope Burt gave you a real sex talk after that.”
He laughed with her. “With pamphlets.”
“Oh, God! How traumatizing.” She rubbed a hand over her stomach.
“Can I get you anything?” He draped his arm around her and kissed her cheek.
Van looked up at him with a funny expression and crossed her arms over herself. “Oh, I’m fine.”
“It’s no problem. I’m up anyway. Until Kurt stops screaming.”
“He’s not that loud!” Van rolled her eyes. “I’m really glad they’re so happy together. It must be exciting, knowing that they get to celebrate their love and their family tomorrow. They’ve been through so much.”
“Yeah, I’m happy they’re happy, too.” Finn nodded to himself, then looked over at Van. She looked extra small, right now, wearing one of his shirts and laying limply against the pillows and headboard. She was so pale. That flu really sucked. “C’mon. What do you need? Water? We don’t have ginger ale or anything.”
“I don’t feel nauseous right now.” She frowned and shrugged. “I’m actually kind of hungry.”
“Then I’ll bring something.” Finn threw his legs over the side of the bed. “I’m heading to the kitchen.” He started to walk slowly. “Going... going...”
“Okay!” She smiled. Another strange look passed over her face. This one he liked, because it was tinged with that look of being crazy about him. “Do we have any of that lentil soup left? And crackers, or... the bread Blaine makes? That’s probably a long shot. Everyone loves that.”
“If we have it, do you just want the bread, or...?”
“Oh. If there’s any peanut butter. I would eat pretty much anything with peanut butter on it right now, but definitely the lentil soup.”
Finn gave her a wink and two handed gun point with his fingers like the Fonz, then grabbed the just-in-case gun and headed into the kitchen. When he returned with a tray, Van was mumbling softly in her sleep, knees knocked together loosely, and completely conked out.
He bit his lip. He didn’t know whether to wake her up or not. She was tired a lot right now, yeah, but she’d also not eaten right since starting to get sick. He walked over to the nightstand and set the food down, then tried to climb into bed stealthily.
She woke up immediately and flailed around for her gun.
“No, no! It’s okay, babe! Just me!” Finn grabbed her shoulders. She stared up at him, pale and still a little sleepy, then pushed herself up. Now she seemed even crankier. Crap. “Sorry.”
“No. Um.” She looked over at the tray and smiled. “Oh. Hon.” She took his hand and kissed his shoulder. “Thank you.”
“You said you were hungry.” Finn handed her the bowl of soup, which he’d cradled in a clean towel, then set the tray with bread and peanut butter on the bed.
He rubbed her back as she went to work on the soup, intermittently taking some bread and peanut butter, as though she liked the combo of all those flavors. Finn wasn’t one to judge. He ate crazy stuff, too, when he could get his hands on it. And he thought lentils plus Blaine bread plus peanut butter sounded kind of good.
“Don’t you want any?” She held up a spoon.
He grinned and took a bite. “You’re cute.”
Van looked down. “You’re pretty adorable yourself.”
“I’m glad you feel good again.”
Her shoulders tensed. He pouted and shook her slightly.
“Are you really shaking the woman who has had bouts of projectile vomiting?”
Finn stopped. She was quiet for another moment, then looked up at him.
“Babe, I need to tell you something.”
“Okay.” Finn leaned over.
She licked her lips, then took a drink of the water he’d brought her and looked him in the eye again. “I’m pregnant.”
Finn stared. He could see the expectant look on her face. Like she thought he might react somehow, and maybe badly, and she needed to be looking right at him to read what that reaction was. He knew he really should react, and maybebreathe, but he had nothing except dumb silence at the moment.
“Babe?”
“Whoa.” He stared down at the bedspread. “You are... really? Or are you teasin’ me because I said silly stuff about pregnant sex? ‘Cause I deserve it, but...”
“I’m not teasing you,” she said with a weak laugh that ending in her voice breaking.
That did it. He reacted immediately by pulling her closer to him. “Wow. Just uh...”
Suddenly, he had to kiss her. So he did, hard, and he held her tight. She sniffled a little bit, but then wrapped her arms around him and sighed heavily, like she was relieved.
“I’m glad you’re not sick,” he said after a minute. “Is that dumb?”
“No. That’s not dumb. You’re not dumb, Finn.”
He cupped the back of her hair and grinned goofily at her face. Then, quickly, he sat up and moved the tray over to the nightstand
“Santana will beat me up if they have to get peanut butter out of the sheets,” he explained. “Again.”
Then he laid back down, pulling Van onto his chest and kissing her again. And again. She started to laugh and slipped her leg between his, making herself comfortable on his body, like he was a big pillow.
“You’re happy?” she asked. “I mean. This isn’t exactly good timing.”
“Is there good timing anymore? Besides, you said a while ago that you wanted to, and I said then, I was okay. So, why would I be mad?” His hand moved over the small of her back and rested on her ass. “I’m just surprised, I guess. We did try to be responsible! Unless I jacked up the condoms.”
“Yeah.” She nodded and rested her head on his shoulder. “We did try. But the birth control methods we have aren’t infallible. You didn’t do this. You didn’t screw up.”
“Guess we should donate our stash of condoms to Kurt and Blaine.”
“That was a fast adaptation.”
“I still don’t wanna hear them do it. I just want Kurt to be safe.” Finn widened his eyes and shook his head and rubbed on her affectionately. He couldn’t get enough of touching her, this precious person who was so smart and so compassionate and so real, and now had his baby inside her. “Are you gonna be okay?”
“I feel okay.”
“Yeah, but Kurt, you know, he... You saw him in the hospital; he’s like the toughest little guy I know, and it almost sucked him dry! And then they were getting him better, and then he gets worse, and then he gets stronger again, and then he almost bleeds to death, like, hey, he’s okay, but he’s not okay, and then there’s like a fucking river of blood-”
“Honey.” Van cupped his face. “I’ve had a baby before, remember? I tore a little. I didn’t have gushing blood. And didn’t the doctor say that was largely because Kurt is a boy, and he was too young to be properly developed to have a baby? Not to mention the toll treating the virus took on his body. Those risks won’t be there. I’m immune already, and I’m not a boy. I was also thirteen when I had Jonah, and my life was never in really in danger from the pregnancy. My father didn’t take me to the doctor, either. I went for the first time when I started to really show because CPS took me away from my parents.”
She kissed his lips, and Finn felt a little better. It was true. She wasn’t a boy. And she’d managed before. His heart was still pounding, though.
“A lot of things can happen with a pregnancy, though, right?”
“I don’t know. It’s dangerous. Everything is. I... I didn’t think about it that way. That there is no good time. I admit I care less about being a drag on anyone’s resources than I should.” She covered her mouth. “I don’t want to give up this baby, Finn.”
“Why do you have to?” Finn felt like he should know that answer. But he didn’t like it.
“How are we going to do this once we’re on the move?”
“We won’t be for long. Not for sure. You can have the baby over in Europe or something.” Finn looked down at her, and his hand moved to her waist.
She took it, slipped it under her shirt, and pressed it over a small but firm lump in her abdomen.
Okay, that was no food baby. His brows shot up.
“How far along are you?”
“Probably only about eleven to thirteen weeks.”
“Really?” He moved his hand over the warm lump again. His heart squeezed. Like the last time he’d thought he was going to be a father, even though he’d never gotten to touch Beth when she was in her mom’s tummy.
And now he really would be a dad. And he was right here with Van and their baby.
“Babe, if you want this? I don’t see why anyone can tell you what to do. My mom always said that, yeah, we were conservatives, but that meant that the government stays out of your business. You know, like your mom and pop shops, and your lady business.”
Van shook silently in laughter. “My lady business?!”
“You know what I mean. Right? Like, I can’t tell you what to do, and as far as government, we’ve got Burt and he sure isn’t going to order you around about stuff going on in your womb.” Finn smiled. He was glad she was laughing.
“I really don’t think everyone’s going to feel that way.”
“Well. I don’t care what everybody thinks,” Finn replied stubbornly.
“I’m just so scared. You know, if I lost it. I don’t know that I can do that again.”
He kissed her forehead and petted her cheek. “I’m here no matter what. I don’t wanna lose either of you. And I don’t think it’ll be easy, you know, having her, but it’s gonna be hard on you either way, right? Let’s put our money on us. If you want her, let’s have her.”
“Oh, God. I love you, Finn Hudson.”
Her arm curled around him, and he closed his eyes, rubbing her back as he felt her chest moving with every breath. He wouldn’t let her go now for the world. All he really wanted to do was keep her warm little body close and safe. And it was funny, because when she’d talked about wanting a baby before, in theory, he’d wanted it, too. Because of stuff that had hurt him before, and because she wanted it so much. Now it felt like part of him had been sewn into her. His little baby, right there.
Van conked out again on his chest. She barely moved, sleeping like all of her bodily resources had been set aside for the tiny life starting inside of her. Finn didn’t sleep. He spent the night thinking about how he was going to take care of her, and the baby, and how they were going to make this work, because now he felt just like his partner did. He could not lose that child.
Next Part: For As Long as I Breathe, I Hope
AN: Google kiwis. They are adorable. They also have huge eggs.
This entry was originally posted at Dreamwidth.
comments posted there. Please comment there using OpenID or your DW account.
Title: Cake
Pairing: Klaine, Finn/Van
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~7694
Summary: Van makes some cake, Pippa is super cute, and Blaine has a nightmare.
AN: I just can't edit anymore.
Kurt’s song, though he changes the lyrics some:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_j-tpmdPlI
The whole house smelled like cake. It was both disorienting and homey. Kurt smiled as he rubbed Pippa’s back. As nervous as he had been about feeding her to begin with, he sort of enjoyed their time alone together. He listened to the little noises she made, so familiar and sweet, petted her soft black curls, sang to her every song he remembered the words to (and made up some). Occasionally Blaine would slip behind and hold him as she fed, and Kurt loved that, too. Largely, it had to do with how the act calmed her, and despite his anxieties about... well, everything, it was a comfort to know that no matter what happened, he had a food source for her, so long as he could get water and nutrients into himself.
Not much to hold onto in these times, not even now. And he was not insensible to the town’s fears of being on the road. Pippa didn’t fuss much. Or Kurt didn’t think so anyway, but maybe he’d just imagined before he had one that babies just screamed and puked nonstop. He’d never had experience with them before this. But in a few months, she would start testing her boundaries, start getting frustrated and cry more as a result.
The thought made his heart stop, just a little.
When she’d finished, he lifted her over to his shoulder and rubbed, singing softly to her. He tossed the soiled cloth in the basket and laid her on the bed.
“Unn!” She wiggled and reached for him.
“It’s okay, sweetie! I’ll be right back. I have to put on a shirt. It’s cold out!”
Pippa continued to flail her arms and increase in volume.
Maybe he just didn’t notice her crying much because to him, it wasn’t noise. It all meant something-- I’m hungry, I’m wet, I’m sleepy, I need you, hold me, where’s daddy? Kurt pulled a shirt on over his head and swooped in to pick her up again.
“What’s with you today, huh? I think you just want to be near somebody. I feel ya. Daddy’ll be home, soon, too. He loves the snuggles.”
“Ma Ma Ma Ma...” she babbled, then shoved her fist in her mouth.
“Oh, it’s me you want? Ma ma ma ma,” Kurt replied, looking right at her and opening his mouth wide with each syllable.
She squealed.
“Oh, God. You own me, you little diva,” he told her.
She dipped her head a little, giggling, then grabbed Kurt’s shirt.
“Do you like my shirt? Is it fashion forward? You have to tell me, Peanut. I’d hate to be a badly dressed mommy.” Kurt beamed at her laughter and carried her with him.
“Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful girl,” he sang to her softly. “Every day, in every way, it’s getting better and better. Out on the ocean sailing away, I can hardly wait for you to come of age, but I guess we’ll both just have to be patient ‘cause it’s a long way to go.”
He smiled and touched her nose with a finger tip and thought of this beautiful baby growing into a smiling, lovely little lady. Or a fierce and feisty tomboy with curls flying. “But in the meantime before you cross the street, take my hand. Life is what happens while you’re making other plans...”
He entered the kitchen and looked up at the grand baking mess in front of him.
“Smells great in here,” he told Van.
She turned and wiped her palms on her jeans. “Oh. Good. Hi, Pippy.”
Kurt headed over to the counter, where a misshapen cake that had broken in half sat on a plate. “Oh! This is... our cake?”
“I just was testing the recipe.” Van touched her lips and took a breath. “I could do some... Um. I could do a few of bundt cakes and um... arrange them. I had to substitute a few things. No eggs...”
With a sigh, she picked up a knife and cut a few slices. “Do you want to try it? I mean, I hope it tastes okay. It is your wedding.” She reached for the spatula sticking out of a big red bowl and started drizzling glaze. “We probably won’t have any better time to use up the sealed almond milk we found before it goes bad, and it tastes fine, I think. Probably been a while since anyone had a good piece of cake.”
Kurt raised a brow and tilted his head at her. Van went over to sit at the table.
“You should try a slice. See if I’m missing anything. I thought I could um... I just don’t want to screw this up for you guys.”
Kurt grabbed a slice and went over to the table. Pippa was quickly grabbing for the cake. He set it on the table. She wanted to get her hands on everything these days.
“Are you all right? It’s just cake, Van. If it doesn’t turn out, we’ll all be happy anyway.” Kurt leaned over and saw a tear trickling down Van’s cheek. He set Pippa in his lap and bounced her a little. “Honey, whatever it is-- and I know it isn’t the cake-- it’ll be okay.”
“It’s not the cake. I’m just...” She shook her head and motioned with one hand. “I’m worried about leaving the town, that’s all. There’s a lot to think about.”
Kurt nodded and looked over her. He’d had difficulty connecting with Van, at first, but that had been the trauma getting in their way. He’d been able to see very quickly that they were cut from the same cloth. Not including, of course, the fact that she’d had his haircut and proficiency for both cooking and cars.
She’d taken on responsibility young, too young, like he had. And she was good for Finn, because she was independent and tough and smart, but not cold. They worked together. They made each other smile, and Kurt hoped that her confidence in Finn was making him believe a little more in his ability to handle things.
Right now, Van was slightly turned from him. Her fingers curled by her lips, and the other arm crossed over her stomach.
“Oh, my God,” Kurt blurted out. “Are you pregnant?”
Van’s eyes widened almost comically as she looked at him.
“Ohhhh...” Kurt pinched his lips together.
“How did you know?”
Kurt lifted Pippa a little, and the baby looked up from where she’d been smooshing the cake flat with her little hands. “Hello? Done this before.”
“Ba!” Pippa added.
“So have I.” Van sighed and seemed to regain the stability he was used to seeing from her. “As as not ideal as circumstances were then, right now...”
“Tell me about it. Are you sure? Have you...?”
“It’s not a virus. My tiny tits are busting out of their bra.”
Kurt looked down at his own flat chest. “But...?”
“I know my body. I am. And I can feel it...” Her fingers moved over her stomach and she sighed heavily. “Please, just keep it quiet for now. I can’t. I just can’t even start. I haven’t even told Finn.”
She covered her eyes with one hand.
“Van, I’m so sorry,” Kurt whispered.
“I’m not.” Her hand moved over her lips again, and then both slender hands touched the cake, busying themselves with breaking it into little pieces. “It’s not the pregnancy. I’d be thrilled to be pregnant. It’s everything else.”
She put a piece of cake in her mouth. “If I tell him, I have to admit that it’s real. I have to deal with the fact that we’re moving on, very soon, and I’ll have to... I can’t tell him, because if I tell him, we have to ‘take care of it,’ and I don’t fucking want to.”
She pushed herself away from the table and walked a few feet away. Her shoulders shuddered in a sob. Kurt said nothing. It felt like he had a melon in his throat. When he stood, her head moved slightly as though to look at him, but she didn’t. She just turned to the counter and leaned on it.
“You still have time to think,” he said.
“I’m mostly putting off doing anything like that, darling,” she replied harshly. She shook her head immediately. “I’m sorry if I’m being nasty. This is your day, not mine, and heeere’s my drama!”
“Well, my day is tomorrow, technically.”
“And not to mention, you did this not too long ago. Even if it wasn’t true, you were here. You were feeling this. And it’s awful. It’s the worst... Well, almost. There’s one thing worse...”
Kurt approached her from behind and slipped an arm around her shoulders. She turned a little and touched Pippa’s cheek. Kurt let her take the baby and slipped his other arm around her middle. She leaned back slightly, as though she felt safe. Van was so tiny, but so strong, most of the time.
“Oh, you mess. You messy thing,” Van cooed, watching Pippa suck on her chocolate covered fingers. She nuzzled Pippa’s soft hair. “I can’t tell him, and I can’t get rid of it. And I can’t not because of the way things are right now. I just can’t.”
“Well. I did it. You hold the proof.”
“I can’t lose another baby, Kurt. I can’t even risk it, and keep breathing,” she said flatly.
He touched his forehead to the back of her hair and didn’t let go. “You need to talk to Finn.”
“I don’t... What if he says to get rid of it? What if-”
“You have to talk to him. Maybe not right now, but at least, after the wedding, sit him down and tell him.” Kurt pressed his cheek against hers. “Girl, first of all, he needs to help you with this. Second, he has experience here, too. And he absolutely, absolutely will not be one more factor taking your choices away. That I know for sure.”
“I didn’t think he was that kind of guy, I just... It’s the logical choice. The pragmatic one.”
“Since when is Finn logical? Anyway, even when his high school girlfriend got pregnant, he didn’t pressure her. I know he won’t do it to you. Because he loves you.” He kissed her cheek. “I wish I could say that everything will be fine. That we’ll escape to somewhere safe, and you and Finn can have your baby.”
Van shook her head. “We can’t do that if we’re on the move. I’m not kidding. I cannot lose another child. And I think I would unravel if anything happened to Pippa.”
Kurt pursed his lips and just held her. No matter how much he wanted to, there were no promises he could make. “Whatever happens, we’ll take care of you with whatever’s in our power to give. You won’t be alone.”
“I’ll tell him,” she murmured. “It’s not like I’m going to do anything about it without telling him. I wouldn’t do that.”
“The plan is still to get on that boat of Forest’s and sail to safety. Maybe there’s a way it could work,” Kurt said. “We could find someplace safe-”
“Do you really believe that?”
Kurt shrugged. “I don’t not believe it... But if I’m honest, I know if I were in your situation, I wouldn’t keep it. I’m not telling you what to do; I’m just saying-”
“It’s different for you. I know you’re not judging, and I can’t judge you either. We all have our complications, different weights on our shoulders. You have her. You’re thinking based on her needs.”
“Pretty much for the rest of my life.”
Van nodded. “And you have to. You’re her father. It changes the landscape of your decisions.”
Kurt slowly released her, and she petted Pippa’s hair. “She needs a bath, now,” she said fondly.
“Of course she does.” Kurt’s lips pinch to the side. “Finn is practically a giant, y’know. And you’re sooo tiny.”
An unsteady smile broke across Van’s face. “I... am aware of that fact.”
“You’re gonna be like a kiwi mama,” Kurt muttered, plucking Pippa from her arms. “We won’t even be able to see you behind your belly.”
Van laughed. Just laughed. Her eyes grew a little misty, and she crossed her arms over herself. “I’ll talk to him. I mean, he is a bit oblivious sometimes, but I think he’ll notice me rolling around like a beach ball.”
“I didn’t tell Blaine at first, either. I couldn’t let myself believe that it was even possible. And I was so, so scared,” Kurt admitted. “I looked at that second test, and he just had to hold me. I just shook in his arms. But I was so glad he was there with me.”
Van nodded and reached over to hug him with one arm. “It’s scary, when you’re so young, and nothing’s safe.”
Kurt turned his head towards the door before he recognized the stomp-stomp of his brother.
“Giant. Baby,” Kurt whispered.
Van laughed again, grabbed some flour and threw it at him.
Kurt gasped. “How dare you! I have a baby here!”
Another puff of flour exploded in his face, and he reached over to the bowl of batter and flung some in her direction. She shrieked and held her hands up to defend herself.
“What’s go-” Finn went rigid when he saw the flying batter coming at him and completely failed to defend himself. “Hey!”
“We’re... baking,” Van said. She turned to get a towel.
“It’s war,” Kurt informed him. He shifted Pippa higher when she complained.
“You two aren’t sleeping together, are you?” Finn wiped batter off of his face with a finger, licked it, and nodded in approval.
Kurt scrunched his nose up at his brother. “What?”
“The last food fight I broke up, the soldiers were sleeping together behind my back.” Finn grinned lopsidedly. “Ooh. Cake.”
He went over to the counter and grabbed a slice with his hands. “This is test cake, right?”
“Try it with the glaze, actually.” Van wiped her eyes and reached over to the red bowl.
Finn held up his slice and let her drizzle the sugary glaze on it. Then he took a bite. “Oh. Mmmph!” He opened his mouth really wide and shoved the piece in. “Oof my gosf, orange an’ choshlate! Ish genish!”
Van tilted her head to the side, her mouth hanging open. “Are you five?”
Finn bobbed his head as he chewed, his cheeks pouching out. He came over and grabbed her in his big arms. “S’good!”
“Oh... Oh, goodness,” Kurt said to Pippa. “Would you look at your Uncle Finn?”
Van shook her head, then squirmed around in Finn’s arms until she was facing him and pulled his head down to kiss the smeared cake off of his lips. Finn lifted her up off the ground for easier access.
“That’s what straight people do when they’re in love,” Kurt whispered. “It’s okay if you like boys, when you get older, Pip. I like boys, too. But if you like a girl, she’s also welcome. I’ll teach him or her how to shoot, and fix cars. And if they really want, how to rock a high G.”
Finn let Van down, and she was smiling up at him. Sadness tempered her countenance, but she touched his chest tenderly and kept her eyes on him.
“What’s up?” Finn pushed his fingers through her hair and kissed her forehead. He chuckled. “Dude, this place is a mess. Everything’s covered in cake and stuff. Even the baby!”
He turned to Kurt, his hand still on Van’s shoulder and grinned at Pippa so widely that Kurt sighed and held her out for him. He pumped his fist in excitement and took Pippa, then proceeded to dance her around the wrecked kitchen.
“I get at least one dance with her, tomorrow, right?” Finn kissed her head and started making faces at her.
“You and Blaine both turn into goonball monsters when you’re around her. You should just know that,” Kurt said.
“She has super powers. Super Pizzazzy Pip Powers!” Finn held her close and smiled contentedly. “She’s so much fun, dude. Even when she cries or makes a mess. She’s a blast. Blaine’s hair and your personality.”
Kurt chuckled. He bumped Van’s shoulder. “The man has baby rabies.”
“Shut up, man. The Pipster and I go way back.” Finn bobbed his head back and forth at Pippa. “Duh nuh. Duh nuh, duh nuh. Duh nuh dun dun, duh nuh dun dun!”
Kurt looked up at the ceiling and mouthed “Oh, my God.”
But Pippa was giggling, so Kurt was happy. He looked at Van, who was clearly still conflicted, but Finn’s presence, and his obvious adoration of his niece, seemed to help a little.
“How ‘bout I give her a bath and a change? She looks like she could use it...” Finn offered.
“Oh. Well, yeah, if you want to.” Kurt raised a brow.
“Just want you guys to be able to finish this early and get some sleep tonight. I’m not any help in the kitchen.” Finn shrugged.
“Blaine’s better at the baking. I should have roped him into this,” Van joked. She went to give Finn a kiss before he went out with the baby.
Kurt ruffled his hair to get some of the flour out and went to help Van readjust her recipe so they could get these cakes baked. Every so often, he saw her absentmindedly touching her abdomen.
Such hard decisions they got stuck with.
***
Burt sat back from his desk and pulled his hat off, rubbing over his head a few times. Something brushed against his fingertips, and he jerked back in alarm.
“Jesus freaken- Stupid cat!”
“Mrr?”
His heart pounded, and Burt drew in a deep breath, trying with all of his might not to knock that damn cat across the room.
“Didn’t anyone ever tell ya that pets are supposed to lower your blood pressure?” Burt demanded, pressing his hand over his heart.
The cat just purred in response. Burt glared at it for a moment, then reached down to rub its head a little. The purr grew thunderous.
A little rap on the door drew Burt’s attention, and he smiled as he saw Kurt there, flour on his cheek, and Pippa dozing in her sling.
“Hey. How’s redesign for the walls coming?”
“Hm?” Burt shrugged and looked at the papers. “I think it’ll do fine. We’re scrapping some of the unused houses for material, and the guys not on the wall today put a dent in the workload. S’lotta work for something that we won’t need but for a couple of weeks.”
“That could be the difference between making it out and not, though.”
Burt held up a hand. “You don’t have to give me the pitch, Kurt. You’re right.”
Kurt frowned. He came over, pulled up a chair, and sat facing Burt. “You don’t think we should leave?”
“I’m not thrilled about leavin’. But I don’t think we have a choice.” Burt bobbed his head from side to side. “At the most, we could put it off a few more weeks. At most that’s about all we’ve got before walkers start pounding at our door, and we get trapped in here, and overrun, eventually. Doesn’t mean I can’t wish it was otherwise.”
He reached over and touched Pippa’s hair.
“So how are you doing?” Burt asked. His lips curved. “You ready for tomorrow? Nervous?”
“Not really.”
Kurt lifted Pippa out of her sling. She flailed her arms once, then looked up to Burt and cooed at him. Burt chuckled and took her to his chest.
“You’re not freakin’ out at all about your wedding day? You sure you’re still human.”
Kurt drew his shoulders up in a big shrug. “I don’t know. I’m excited, of course. It’s not like I think Blaine will run away from the ceremony or Rafe will burst in and object. And we’ve sort of... Well, I’ve felt that we were permanent-- as permanent as anything gets in this world-- for kind of a long time.”
He leaned over and looked at the plans on the table. “I’m really happy that we get to have our day, and even more happy that everyone wants to celebrate with us. But it feels less like the day will make us married, and more like it will just state the obvious. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah.” Burt enjoyed the weight of his granddaughter on his chest. “I’m real glad you have someone like that. I’m not sure what I expected of Blaine when I first met him, but I’m glad you found each other. He turned out to be a really good man.”
Kurt nodded and smiled. “Good. Because I got the impression you didn’t like him much at first.”
“Nah. He had a weird sense of boundaries.” Burt wrinkled his nose as he thought about the days when he thought of Blaine as “that boy.” “And he was the first guy you really liked that way. And told me about anyway. If I’m not gonna protect you, who is?”
Kurt shrugged his head to the side. “He will. He did. Or you wouldn’t be holding your granddaughter or talking to me.”
“Point.” Burt let out a heavy sigh, then kissed Pippa’s head. “I’m proud of you, Kurt.”
“Dad...”
“I am. It’s not easy raising a kid, and this world isn’t easy at all. You and Blaine have stepped up in every way, and I couldn’t be prouder of you.” Burt reached over and squeezed Kurt’s arm, meeting his eyes. “Both of you. I don’t have to worry about you raisin’ her right.”
Kurt was quiet for a moment. “Thank you,” he murmured. He paused, then, “Is something wrong?”
“Not too much right.” Burt shook his head. “Don’t you worry. You should just get some sleep, huh?” He brushed the flour on Kurt’s cheek. “And a shower. Don’t want to be a ‘hot mess’ on your big day.”
“Oh, as if I would be! Blaine and I are going to put out a fashion magazine for post-apocalypse couture.” He held up a hand. “C’est chic.”
“I’m also proud t’say I understood most of that.”
Kurt giggled and leaned on his hand. “You’ve done pretty good, too.”
“That’s the best I could hope for.” Burt pressed his cheek to Pippa’s head. She was out cold. “Gotta get this little Peanut to bed, huh?”
“Yeah. I’d let you have her for the night, but I’m still her primary form of food and she’ll want to eat around four or five am. That is, if I can get her to sleep properly.”
Burt chuckled. “Better let you go, then. Got any ideas about the construction?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Give me paint swatches or an engine to tinker with. Construction wasn’t one of our bonding activities.” Kurt looked at the design again. “I’m thinking maybe camou colors? With some rhinestones decorating the watch towers...”
Burt shook his head.
“But...” Kurt touched the side of his hair. “Well, we could mechanize this gate. It would take a little while, but... it might be worth it.”
He sketched on the side of the plan. “Ask David if this makes any sense. He was president of the Young Engineers Club at Dalton. And maybe have the plans go around to the other guys. I’m sure a lot of them have experience. They could add ideas or just come up with simpler or faster ways to do things.”
Burt reached out for Kurt’s hand and squeezed it.
“Dad?”
“I’ll walk you two back. C’mon.”
***
When Blaine woke in a cold sweat, Kurt had already woken, as had Pippa. Kurt petted Blaine’s hair before rising to pick her up. She only let out a few cries, having been startled by Blaine’s nocturnal outburst, and then fell back sleep. Kurt continued to rock her in his arms, singing a few bars.
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful girl...
“Another bad dream, huh?” Kurt said sympathetically, when he’d stopped singing.
“No. No, not bad.” Blaine pushed himself up and sat shaking in the nest of blankets. His heart was racing so fast it was a little hard to breathe. “The worst. God, Kurt...”
An image invaded his thoughts. They all had nightmares, at one time or another. They learned to deal with them, push them away.
This image wouldn’t leave. It was burned into his brain, and tears sprung to his eyes.
“Should’a kept them legs closed, little girl.”
Blaine was never going to forget this one. He curled forward and let his face fall into his hands.
“Honey?” Kurt leaned over the crib to set Pippa back down. He tried to be quick, but he had to pull the blanket around her and pet her little tummy, and then when he turned back to Blaine, he went to her one more time, just to check that she was breathing with the back of his hand.
Blaine put a hand over his stomach, trying to catch his breath. Then he climbed out of bed and hugged Kurt tightly from the side, burying his head into Kurt’s shoulder. Of course, Kurt tended to the baby first. He was perfect, that way.
Now Kurt’s arms circled around Blaine and stroked his fingers through his hair. “It’s okay, baby. It’s okay.”
“God, Kurt, I can’t lose you.”
“Shhh.” Kurt brought Blaine back to bed, and curled up there with him, petting him and kissing his head.
“They had you.”
“Who had me?”
“These men, these awful men... They were so ruthless, and they had you... I hate them so much, it makes my teeth itch!”
Kurt responded by kissing him again and rested his head against Blaine’s.
“They had you chained to a wall, and they were-” Blaine circled his arms so tightly around Kurt’s chest that Kurt made a soft noise of protest. “They had been taking turns with you.”
Kurt went quiet for a moment, then resumed petting Blaine. “But I’m here. I’m safe.”
“They had you chained up, and...” Blaine closed his eyes. “Kurt, you were pregnant. And they were still taking advantage of you. And you were so skinny... Oh, God.”
“Babe, I am right here. I’m fine.” Kurt lifted Blaine’s chin with two fingers.
“There was blood dripping between your thighs. I don’t know if you were having a miscarriage, or-”
Kurt kissed his lips softly. Blaine looked into his eyes and sighed heavily. Kurt watched him, and smiled softly as Blaine sat up a little, trailing his fingertips over Kurt’s cheek, then moving his hand down to feel over his body. Chest first, then his flat abdomen. He pushed Kurt’s shirt up a little and kissed up his abs and over his chest.
He just needed to touch Kurt, feel his warm skin beneath his fingertips, and know he was safe.
“I love you so much,” Blaine whispered. No need to wake the baby again. “That... It terrified me.”
“That sounds like a really crazy and vivid dream,” Kurt murmured. He brushed his fingers through Blaine’s hair on either side of his head.
“I can’t get that man’s slimy voice out of my head.”
Kurt kissed his forehead. Then his leg pinned over Blaine’s, and he snuggled up to him. Blaine sighed and rested his head on Kurt’s chest. He continued stroking his hands over Kurt’s body, possessively.
“Should I be worried?”
Kurt’s voice was quiet, and not fearful, but Blaine gave him a squeeze anyway. “What do you mean?”
“Is this a dream or... is it a... you know. A ‘get outta Dodge’ warnin’?”
Blaine’s heart sunk into his belly at that thought. “I have absolutely no idea.” He looked up at Kurt. “I have terrifying dreams all the time. Sometimes they’re bad, sometimes they’re worse. I had dreams that Pippa nursed by knawing on your chest and sucking the blood.”
“Do you think-- Ew. Do you think we should get up and leave toni-”
“No.” Blaine wasn’t sure where that instinct came from. He swallowed. “No, I think...” He bit his lip and looked up to the window. The soft lights from outside filtered through the boards. ‘Just in case’ type of protection. “I dunno.”
“These men from your dream. They were like the ‘pretty-ugly girl’ guy, right?”
Blaine’s brows shot up and Kurt had his full attention. “What? What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about the guy who abandoned us on the road. Glasses, ponytail?” Kurt shook his head. “He was so heartless. He very well might still be out there. When they pulled us out of the car... I admit it. All the strength left me. I was terrified.”
“That was scary to see. You were always pretty fearless against walkers.”
“I don’t think I was ever fearless, but walkers are less scary than people, ultimately.” Kurt bowed his head until his forehead touched Blaine’s shoulder.
“I shouldn’t have told you,” Blaine murmured.
“No, you definitely should have.” Kurt lifted his head and touched the sides of Blaine’s face. He gave him another slow, tender kiss, then rubbed their noses together. “Forewarned is forearmed. Even if it is just a dream.”
“Kurt, if that happened to you... I couldn’t... I don’t know...”
“I would survive because I am a fierce bitch, and you would come for me,” Kurt said firmly. He kissed Blaine again, then slipped his hand downward.
Blaine’s brows rose. “Isn’t that supposed to be for the wedding night? Not the night before the wedding?”
“We have a baby right next to our bed. Who are we kidding? I was seriously considering whether our wedding clothes needed to be off-white.”
Blaine chuckled. He pulled Kurt’s shirt over his head and nibbled along his collarbone.
“I’m a tramp,” Kurt joked, reaching over to the side of the bed.
“Don’t leave!”
“It’s okay, honey.” Kurt wiggled back into Blaine’s arms and waved a condom in one hand, biting his lower lip impishly.
“Oh.”
“Oh.” Kurt smiled coyly as he slipped out of his briefs, tossed them off the side of the bed with his toe, and then lay back in front of Blaine. His foot moved up and down Blaine’s leg.
Blaine grabbed the condom.
***
Thump! Thump! Thump! Thump!
The sound of a high voice moaning and panting bled through the wall.
Finn sat up and scratched his hair. “Dude. Not cool.”
There was nothing quite like hearing your little brother orgasming.
“Oh, be real. If we were getting married, you’d be all frisky and excited, too.” Van didn’t even open her eyes. She just lay face down and sprawled on the mattress. Which was fine, because compared to Finn, she didn’t take up much room at all.
“Do you wanna get married?”
“Sorry, but your remotely adequate proposal is in another castle.”
Finn grinned. “Heh. Mario.”
“Let me sleep. I’m exhausted.”
Finn rubbed her back. “You’ve been tired a lot. I wish that flu hadn’t wiped you out.”
Van sighed. Finn’s hand kept moving, slowly, comfortingly. Her eyes started to droop closed.
“Oh, jeeze,” Finn muttered as the panting increased. Now he could recognize certain Blaineish noises.
Van blinked a few times and lifted her head. “Huh?”
“Oh, oh, God!” echoed from the other room.
“How do they keep from waking up the baby?” Finn grumbled.
“You really think she heard anything else from month five on?”
“She’s only four-” Finn thought about that for a moment and frowned in horror.
“Sweetheart, you don’t stop having sex when you’re pregnant. Kurt’s hormones were probably driving him up the wall-”
“Dude. I don’t want to talk about that!”
“Whatever.”
“He’s my brother. I don’t want to think about his crazy pregnancy sex.” Finn squirmed. “It has to be weird, right? Having sex with someone who’s having a baby? Or even after... Like their parts have actually gone to the use they’re there for. Also, they have a person inside them.”
Van sat up and looked at him like she might grab the knife beside the bed and stab him.
“Um. We don’t have to talk.”
She ruffled her short black hair, grabbed a pillow, and leaned back on it. “Your parts are for pleasure, too. Think Bonobos. They aren’t just for procreation. Sex is a social bonding thing, too, and you know, making sure the partners are still in synch. It’s not as weird as you’d think to have sex when there’s a baby on the way. Some guys are even into the whole pregnancy sex thing. Like, ‘internet porn’ into it.”
“I dunno. When my girlfriend in high school was pregnant, she wouldn’t let me touch her.” He shrugged. “Then again, she wouldn’t let me touch her before, either. Also, it wasn’t my baby.”
Van chuckled and rubbed her hand over his chest. “Bless your heart.”
“You think I’m dumb.” Finn laughed a little at himself, too. It seemed like so long ago now.
“No, I think you’re sweet. And I hope Burt gave you a real sex talk after that.”
He laughed with her. “With pamphlets.”
“Oh, God! How traumatizing.” She rubbed a hand over her stomach.
“Can I get you anything?” He draped his arm around her and kissed her cheek.
Van looked up at him with a funny expression and crossed her arms over herself. “Oh, I’m fine.”
“It’s no problem. I’m up anyway. Until Kurt stops screaming.”
“He’s not that loud!” Van rolled her eyes. “I’m really glad they’re so happy together. It must be exciting, knowing that they get to celebrate their love and their family tomorrow. They’ve been through so much.”
“Yeah, I’m happy they’re happy, too.” Finn nodded to himself, then looked over at Van. She looked extra small, right now, wearing one of his shirts and laying limply against the pillows and headboard. She was so pale. That flu really sucked. “C’mon. What do you need? Water? We don’t have ginger ale or anything.”
“I don’t feel nauseous right now.” She frowned and shrugged. “I’m actually kind of hungry.”
“Then I’ll bring something.” Finn threw his legs over the side of the bed. “I’m heading to the kitchen.” He started to walk slowly. “Going... going...”
“Okay!” She smiled. Another strange look passed over her face. This one he liked, because it was tinged with that look of being crazy about him. “Do we have any of that lentil soup left? And crackers, or... the bread Blaine makes? That’s probably a long shot. Everyone loves that.”
“If we have it, do you just want the bread, or...?”
“Oh. If there’s any peanut butter. I would eat pretty much anything with peanut butter on it right now, but definitely the lentil soup.”
Finn gave her a wink and two handed gun point with his fingers like the Fonz, then grabbed the just-in-case gun and headed into the kitchen. When he returned with a tray, Van was mumbling softly in her sleep, knees knocked together loosely, and completely conked out.
He bit his lip. He didn’t know whether to wake her up or not. She was tired a lot right now, yeah, but she’d also not eaten right since starting to get sick. He walked over to the nightstand and set the food down, then tried to climb into bed stealthily.
She woke up immediately and flailed around for her gun.
“No, no! It’s okay, babe! Just me!” Finn grabbed her shoulders. She stared up at him, pale and still a little sleepy, then pushed herself up. Now she seemed even crankier. Crap. “Sorry.”
“No. Um.” She looked over at the tray and smiled. “Oh. Hon.” She took his hand and kissed his shoulder. “Thank you.”
“You said you were hungry.” Finn handed her the bowl of soup, which he’d cradled in a clean towel, then set the tray with bread and peanut butter on the bed.
He rubbed her back as she went to work on the soup, intermittently taking some bread and peanut butter, as though she liked the combo of all those flavors. Finn wasn’t one to judge. He ate crazy stuff, too, when he could get his hands on it. And he thought lentils plus Blaine bread plus peanut butter sounded kind of good.
“Don’t you want any?” She held up a spoon.
He grinned and took a bite. “You’re cute.”
Van looked down. “You’re pretty adorable yourself.”
“I’m glad you feel good again.”
Her shoulders tensed. He pouted and shook her slightly.
“Are you really shaking the woman who has had bouts of projectile vomiting?”
Finn stopped. She was quiet for another moment, then looked up at him.
“Babe, I need to tell you something.”
“Okay.” Finn leaned over.
She licked her lips, then took a drink of the water he’d brought her and looked him in the eye again. “I’m pregnant.”
Finn stared. He could see the expectant look on her face. Like she thought he might react somehow, and maybe badly, and she needed to be looking right at him to read what that reaction was. He knew he really should react, and maybebreathe, but he had nothing except dumb silence at the moment.
“Babe?”
“Whoa.” He stared down at the bedspread. “You are... really? Or are you teasin’ me because I said silly stuff about pregnant sex? ‘Cause I deserve it, but...”
“I’m not teasing you,” she said with a weak laugh that ending in her voice breaking.
That did it. He reacted immediately by pulling her closer to him. “Wow. Just uh...”
Suddenly, he had to kiss her. So he did, hard, and he held her tight. She sniffled a little bit, but then wrapped her arms around him and sighed heavily, like she was relieved.
“I’m glad you’re not sick,” he said after a minute. “Is that dumb?”
“No. That’s not dumb. You’re not dumb, Finn.”
He cupped the back of her hair and grinned goofily at her face. Then, quickly, he sat up and moved the tray over to the nightstand
“Santana will beat me up if they have to get peanut butter out of the sheets,” he explained. “Again.”
Then he laid back down, pulling Van onto his chest and kissing her again. And again. She started to laugh and slipped her leg between his, making herself comfortable on his body, like he was a big pillow.
“You’re happy?” she asked. “I mean. This isn’t exactly good timing.”
“Is there good timing anymore? Besides, you said a while ago that you wanted to, and I said then, I was okay. So, why would I be mad?” His hand moved over the small of her back and rested on her ass. “I’m just surprised, I guess. We did try to be responsible! Unless I jacked up the condoms.”
“Yeah.” She nodded and rested her head on his shoulder. “We did try. But the birth control methods we have aren’t infallible. You didn’t do this. You didn’t screw up.”
“Guess we should donate our stash of condoms to Kurt and Blaine.”
“That was a fast adaptation.”
“I still don’t wanna hear them do it. I just want Kurt to be safe.” Finn widened his eyes and shook his head and rubbed on her affectionately. He couldn’t get enough of touching her, this precious person who was so smart and so compassionate and so real, and now had his baby inside her. “Are you gonna be okay?”
“I feel okay.”
“Yeah, but Kurt, you know, he... You saw him in the hospital; he’s like the toughest little guy I know, and it almost sucked him dry! And then they were getting him better, and then he gets worse, and then he gets stronger again, and then he almost bleeds to death, like, hey, he’s okay, but he’s not okay, and then there’s like a fucking river of blood-”
“Honey.” Van cupped his face. “I’ve had a baby before, remember? I tore a little. I didn’t have gushing blood. And didn’t the doctor say that was largely because Kurt is a boy, and he was too young to be properly developed to have a baby? Not to mention the toll treating the virus took on his body. Those risks won’t be there. I’m immune already, and I’m not a boy. I was also thirteen when I had Jonah, and my life was never in really in danger from the pregnancy. My father didn’t take me to the doctor, either. I went for the first time when I started to really show because CPS took me away from my parents.”
She kissed his lips, and Finn felt a little better. It was true. She wasn’t a boy. And she’d managed before. His heart was still pounding, though.
“A lot of things can happen with a pregnancy, though, right?”
“I don’t know. It’s dangerous. Everything is. I... I didn’t think about it that way. That there is no good time. I admit I care less about being a drag on anyone’s resources than I should.” She covered her mouth. “I don’t want to give up this baby, Finn.”
“Why do you have to?” Finn felt like he should know that answer. But he didn’t like it.
“How are we going to do this once we’re on the move?”
“We won’t be for long. Not for sure. You can have the baby over in Europe or something.” Finn looked down at her, and his hand moved to her waist.
She took it, slipped it under her shirt, and pressed it over a small but firm lump in her abdomen.
Okay, that was no food baby. His brows shot up.
“How far along are you?”
“Probably only about eleven to thirteen weeks.”
“Really?” He moved his hand over the warm lump again. His heart squeezed. Like the last time he’d thought he was going to be a father, even though he’d never gotten to touch Beth when she was in her mom’s tummy.
And now he really would be a dad. And he was right here with Van and their baby.
“Babe, if you want this? I don’t see why anyone can tell you what to do. My mom always said that, yeah, we were conservatives, but that meant that the government stays out of your business. You know, like your mom and pop shops, and your lady business.”
Van shook silently in laughter. “My lady business?!”
“You know what I mean. Right? Like, I can’t tell you what to do, and as far as government, we’ve got Burt and he sure isn’t going to order you around about stuff going on in your womb.” Finn smiled. He was glad she was laughing.
“I really don’t think everyone’s going to feel that way.”
“Well. I don’t care what everybody thinks,” Finn replied stubbornly.
“I’m just so scared. You know, if I lost it. I don’t know that I can do that again.”
He kissed her forehead and petted her cheek. “I’m here no matter what. I don’t wanna lose either of you. And I don’t think it’ll be easy, you know, having her, but it’s gonna be hard on you either way, right? Let’s put our money on us. If you want her, let’s have her.”
“Oh, God. I love you, Finn Hudson.”
Her arm curled around him, and he closed his eyes, rubbing her back as he felt her chest moving with every breath. He wouldn’t let her go now for the world. All he really wanted to do was keep her warm little body close and safe. And it was funny, because when she’d talked about wanting a baby before, in theory, he’d wanted it, too. Because of stuff that had hurt him before, and because she wanted it so much. Now it felt like part of him had been sewn into her. His little baby, right there.
Van conked out again on his chest. She barely moved, sleeping like all of her bodily resources had been set aside for the tiny life starting inside of her. Finn didn’t sleep. He spent the night thinking about how he was going to take care of her, and the baby, and how they were going to make this work, because now he felt just like his partner did. He could not lose that child.
Next Part: For As Long as I Breathe, I Hope
AN: Google kiwis. They are adorable. They also have huge eggs.
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