Always end on a good note.
Dot remembered me. And I love her for it.
After all the crap with Alicia, Dot remembering and caring makes me feel a bit better.
Unfortunately I spent a good deal of the cast party feeling sorry for myself (and hated feeling that way) because I felt left out. I wasn't part of the cast. I was the stage manager, but it felt like I didn't matter. I wasn't included in drawing for gift exchanges. They took names when I wasn't there. Great.
Yeah. Unless Larry and Suzanne do "Diary of Anne Frank," someone does a show I can't resist, or Dot calls me asking me to help, I'm probably done at HSCT.
Last summer was so fun. And MASH helped me grow in so many ways and was so good for me.
I feel like this show has sucked the fun out of it. I don't feel that it's helped me grow in a positive way. I feel like it's caused me primarily pain since day 1.
And last summer was filled with friends and fun, for most of it.
This summer's been fairly lonely, tense, and miserable.
*Sigh*
I thought college was supposed to be more fun.
And I was hysterical again while driving home. I finaly realized I was hysterical, reminded myself that nothing bad enough to merit hysterics had happened. I just felt a little unappreciated. And didn't calm down, but I stopped the crying and wailing.
So here I am. At mum and dad's. Trying to focus enough to do research nd find an article to write a one page summary for my dance class (due tomorrow).
So enough bitching.
Good things:
I got an A in stage combat. (duh)
I'm working on 2 fights for basic sword.
I get to start a new D&D game Sunday. (Character sheets already filled out.)
The show is over. I have Friday nights, Saturday nights, and Sundays back again. Well, Sundays are D&D.
Ican change my hair color. (Currently purple-ish for those who didn't know.)
I have GREAT parents.
I'm getting more involved in next year's faire.
I have great friends.
I'm stabler than some, and can (with some difficulty) admit it when I have unstable (eventually).
I have a home.
I also have my own place so I don't have to live with mom and dad but I can visit. And my name is on the deed.
I have not one but 2 jobs.
I have a continuing education.
I have a goal and a good liklihood of attaining my career.
I have the opportunity to teach at BHS this year and following years.
I know that I can survive. Even if I have to lean a bit on friends or family.
I have one person outside of my parents in the family that I can talk to openly. And who surprises me with her replies. (Sounds sad that I only have one, right? That's actually quite good, all things considered.)
I have the good health to be able to see the stars, small the rain, feel the earth, taste the fruit, and hear the thunder.
I have loved. I have lost too. But I have loved. And that means something.
I have so much time ahead of me, assuming I don't do anything really really dumb, and assuming the fates don't cut my thread, that I can lead a full and probably quite happy life. The now will only help get me there.
So that's not all, but I need to look up an article and write that paper. The Passion fruit and mango Parrot bay drink I snagged from the 'rents' fridge (with permission) is kicking in. And alcohol makes me very tired very quickly.
And I should get some sleep. I have dance, then kid works 2-6:30, then the Hut 7-11 tomorrow. Joy. Lol.
Counting my blessings helped. Thanks for letting me rant!
After all the crap with Alicia, Dot remembering and caring makes me feel a bit better.
Unfortunately I spent a good deal of the cast party feeling sorry for myself (and hated feeling that way) because I felt left out. I wasn't part of the cast. I was the stage manager, but it felt like I didn't matter. I wasn't included in drawing for gift exchanges. They took names when I wasn't there. Great.
Yeah. Unless Larry and Suzanne do "Diary of Anne Frank," someone does a show I can't resist, or Dot calls me asking me to help, I'm probably done at HSCT.
Last summer was so fun. And MASH helped me grow in so many ways and was so good for me.
I feel like this show has sucked the fun out of it. I don't feel that it's helped me grow in a positive way. I feel like it's caused me primarily pain since day 1.
And last summer was filled with friends and fun, for most of it.
This summer's been fairly lonely, tense, and miserable.
*Sigh*
I thought college was supposed to be more fun.
And I was hysterical again while driving home. I finaly realized I was hysterical, reminded myself that nothing bad enough to merit hysterics had happened. I just felt a little unappreciated. And didn't calm down, but I stopped the crying and wailing.
So here I am. At mum and dad's. Trying to focus enough to do research nd find an article to write a one page summary for my dance class (due tomorrow).
So enough bitching.
Good things:
I got an A in stage combat. (duh)
I'm working on 2 fights for basic sword.
I get to start a new D&D game Sunday. (Character sheets already filled out.)
The show is over. I have Friday nights, Saturday nights, and Sundays back again. Well, Sundays are D&D.
Ican change my hair color. (Currently purple-ish for those who didn't know.)
I have GREAT parents.
I'm getting more involved in next year's faire.
I have great friends.
I'm stabler than some, and can (with some difficulty) admit it when I have unstable (eventually).
I have a home.
I also have my own place so I don't have to live with mom and dad but I can visit. And my name is on the deed.
I have not one but 2 jobs.
I have a continuing education.
I have a goal and a good liklihood of attaining my career.
I have the opportunity to teach at BHS this year and following years.
I know that I can survive. Even if I have to lean a bit on friends or family.
I have one person outside of my parents in the family that I can talk to openly. And who surprises me with her replies. (Sounds sad that I only have one, right? That's actually quite good, all things considered.)
I have the good health to be able to see the stars, small the rain, feel the earth, taste the fruit, and hear the thunder.
I have loved. I have lost too. But I have loved. And that means something.
I have so much time ahead of me, assuming I don't do anything really really dumb, and assuming the fates don't cut my thread, that I can lead a full and probably quite happy life. The now will only help get me there.
So that's not all, but I need to look up an article and write that paper. The Passion fruit and mango Parrot bay drink I snagged from the 'rents' fridge (with permission) is kicking in. And alcohol makes me very tired very quickly.
And I should get some sleep. I have dance, then kid works 2-6:30, then the Hut 7-11 tomorrow. Joy. Lol.
Counting my blessings helped. Thanks for letting me rant!