Fic--Boston

[ladyjanelly]

Fanfic--everyone who isnt here for the LotR stuff should like it.  Let me know what you think. I don't know if it's ready to be posted to a public comm, and I can use some concrit.

Thanks to amourality  for her help and support and to realm_of_ylith  for getting me interested in this new subject of fanfiction.  Yeah, I needed another fandom like I needed a hole in the

Comments

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

[ladyjanelly]

So Yeah, this is what I do to people who are nice enough to comment on stuff in my journal. I know it's no way to repay you, but it's going to happen anyways. I'm going to ask you a bunch of questions now, and you can answer or not as you wish.

loving the crossoverness =)

I love love love love crossovers. I dont know what's wrong with me, but I have a hard time leaving people in their own worlds.

So I take it you recognize what it's crossing over with. When did you get it? Was it too obvious, or not obvious enough?

This is my first EmFic, so I'm still a little insecure about how I'm portraying him (Jimmy). Realistic, in character and in voice? Did his actions make sense in the context of his life?

Was there anything in the fic that kicked you out of the story, be it dialog, actions or descriptions?

Was there any line or phrase that made it just that much more real?

Does the story so far make sense? Is the action easy to follow?

Thanks in advance for as many of these as I can pester you into answering. :)-

Detroit

[ladyjanelly]

Cool, thank you muchly for the info.

now will you be awesome and answer the same questions for Detroit?

Fair enough.

I'll try to read it this week. I have no xf background at all, so all of those guys will be like OC's to me. Hopefully I'll have something useful to say though. :)

-J.

[civilbloodshed]

Ok, firstly, *omgwtf* EmFic?! Why Jimmy? Why not just um, Marshal? I'm sorry, I had no idea he had a fandom. I've only just found *NSYNC slash.

Aside from that, I thought this made a fairly decent begining. I was thrown of at first because I was all like, "Who the fuck is Jimmy, and why does this sound so much like 8Mile?" But really, after that it was smooth sailin'. Nice action bits and good flow. I do like Jimmy's voice though. I like guys who swear. A lot. Guys who swear a lot.

[ladyjanelly]

EmFic?!

Yes. It is tasty and good. I have been a fan for all of a week. There isnt much to read, especially since I'm not a fan of the boy-band stuff. There's an emslash archive and fic group on lj. Amourality is fixated. So happy to share the crack. Write something and she'll marry you. :)

I've only just found *NSYNC slash.

I saw it. I oh-so-carefully avoided their "music" and just as carefully avoided the fics (though I got a few with my EmSlash because I didnt know their names. sneaky fuckers). Somehow I imagine it sorta tasting like seran-wrap. If that makes sense.

Why Jimmy? Why not just um, Marshal? *sigh* I have this block against rps that I just havent been able to get over yet. I am reading rps but still not writing it. This is the closest i've gotten. "he gave me permission to write rps by adding elements of fiction to his biographical movie. Yeah, that's the ticket

[civilbloodshed]

Somehow I imagine it sorta tasting like seran-wrap. If that makes sense.

Really? Fic with flavor, eh?

I have this block against rps that I just havent been able to get over yet.

*omg* Me too. It sort of feels like rape somehow...

Do you think referring to him as Rabbit part of the time would help with the mental transition?

I don't know if it would help you, but try it out.

Was him trying to piss that guy off so much he'd fight him instead of chasing Lily convincing? Dialog-wise?

Yes, I liked that part. The story didn't really pick up until then.

When did you get it? Was it too obvious, or not obvious enough?

The fourth sentence. He was talking about battles and trailer parks, the connection just had to be made there. Obvious enough.

Realistic, in character and in voice? Did his actions make sense in the context of his life?

Well, I'm not a big Em fan, but from what little I know he's pretty real. And it's what I'd do.

[ladyjanelly]

*omg* Me too. It sort of feels like rape somehow...

Especially since I wanted him to be traveling with a kid in this one. It feels invasive to use an adult's real name and history and stuff. I'd feel twice as bad to use a little girl's. And really, why write Marshall when I've got Jimmy to use?

I hear Em's voice from one of the videos going "You don't know me."

Anyways,

How was the entrance of the BDS boys? I figure only people who know the fandom will recognize them, but when did you? (yeah, finding it in my journal was a clue,I know)

[amourality]

I love it. You know that already, but I'm telling you again. I love it.

*kisses*

[cucumberstar]

Okay, damn. The blurb-drabble you did in Ami's journal was good, but this is awesome. I love crossovers cause it makes the author have to work twice as hard to pull it off as believable.

I like action in stories but for some reason it's hard to write in a follow-able way, but you defiantly pulled it off. I liked that you had Jimmy be really good at pissing people off, that's defiantly in character and more so cause he was doing it to help Lily.

One more squeeing comment, I liked how you gave reason as to why Jimmy thought they were gonna off him even while they were being nice to Lily. As the reader I know they're not gonna off him in the first page cause the story as to go somewhere but Jimmy doesn't know that. So by making his point of view real (Lily can't be a witness if she doesn't look) it just makes it better.

Yeah, I liked this a lot. Now I really wanna see some more... pleeeease?

[ladyjanelly]

Glad you liked it and found it believable. I was a little worried that the violence was bordering on gratuitous, but nobody else thinks so, so I'll stop worrying about it.

Action is very hard to write. One thing that helps me is that I play a live-action medieval recreation combat game thingie on the weekends. After a battle I get to talk to my friends about a good bow-and-arrow shot, or a good spear-stab, or the way the left flank crumpled. It really helped me build my action vocabulary and develop my narrative skills in that department.

I know they're not gonna off him in the first page cause the story as to go somewhere but Jimmy doesn't know that.

Heh. It's fun when the illogical is the in-character thing to do. I laughed at myself when I was writing the "I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm...not gonna die. Fucker, dont you be calling an ambulance!" bit.

Have you read much Boondock Saints fanfic?
-J.

[cucumberstar]

Yeah, that dying worry/ambulance bit was the best part actually.

No, not really. I loved the movie a lot but I couldn't wrap myself into the twincest slash of it. I actually tried to. I gave it a decent go, but I'm just not so much down with the twincest. I love the characters though and I'm so into the idea of crossovers with them. Between the action and the irish accents though, I've noticed it's harder to write the brothers well. But you have so now I'm hooked. :)

[ladyjanelly]

Ah. Yeah, it is all about the twincest. I like it, personally, but I understand if it's not your thing. My Constantine crossover, "Blood of the Saints" has a one-line mention of the twincest, but nothing explicit, if that would work for you.

I'll keep an eye out for non-twincest pairings and if I find something really cool I'll point you that way if you want.

Thanks for the compliment on the accents. I've noticed it's more about word choices than spelling out the way it sounds.

[4bdnsn0wflake]

Well, you've got my interest so far.

I haven't seen the movie "8 mile" and the idea of reading Eminem slash is not one that appeals to me, but this part of the story was exciting.

I think what I liked most is how into his daughter Jimmy is, how he's always thinking of her first, trying to do what he can to shelter her from the bad stuff.

I also like how you handled portraying the brothers from the perspective of a new character who doesn't know them. It gives us a chance to see them in a different way.

And I liked the little touches of the use of different languages:
je ne sais fuckety fuck.

There's not much cause for the twins to utilize their language skills in the film, but it makes so much sense that they would constantly be using this advantage when dealing with outside people.

I thought the descriptions of the violence were appropriate for the tone of the story.

[ladyjanelly]

The contrast between tough rapper boy and devoted parent-figure (older brother but god, with that mom he's the closest that little girl gets)is one of the things that really makes the movie. There's one point where he's in a shouting match in the driveway of the trailer and he realizes that Lily woke up and instantly he's all soft and gentle.

I wasnt into him at all until I saw 8 Mile. It was a really good piece of story-telling. A lot of the crap he goes through is a lot like stuff my brother had to deal with (except in a small-town-poverty way).

je ne sais fuckety fuck.

Heh. Somehow I knew you'd be the one to like that. Yeah, speaking French was the easiest way for them to say "Jesus, this guy's fucked up. Think he'll die? Might be. Let's call an ambulance" without traumatizing the kid. Also good for figuring out what the fuck they do next with this sort of dead weight to drag around.