The tumors had spread from her woman parts through all of her guts.
I'm not sure if I liked this phrase. It seems like a thought, or phrase that might be said by a younger child before they understood about the difference between girls and boys. Maybe I just don't like the word "guts". LOL.
The point of view in this one is very ambiguous. It was hard to tell whose eyes we were supposed to be seeing this through. The other ones was very much Conner, but this one was very ambiguous. It might be that you tried to switch the point of view and it became unclear... or maybe you meant it like that. I don't know.
The end was very touching, though. Their mother finally relieved of the pain and the twins holding her and weeping. The close family feeling I got from this was very sweet. I liked that.
There was a lot of "they" in this one...It's still all Connor's point of view, but they're very together in their thoughts and actions. I think you're right though. The last paragraph is the worst. I might go back and split the twins out a little on that one.
Definitely a chapter inspired by Pain Management. Such a shitty situation, when someone's dying, but the government doesnt want them to be an addict. Stupid.
This fic is almost as much a Vachss fanfic as a BDS one. I think you're the first Vachss fan to read it, which is awesome.
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I'm not sure if I liked this phrase. It seems like a thought, or phrase that might be said by a younger child before they understood about the difference between girls and boys. Maybe I just don't like the word "guts". LOL.
The point of view in this one is very ambiguous. It was hard to tell whose eyes we were supposed to be seeing this through. The other ones was very much Conner, but this one was very ambiguous. It might be that you tried to switch the point of view and it became unclear... or maybe you meant it like that. I don't know.
The end was very touching, though. Their mother finally relieved of the pain and the twins holding her and weeping. The close family feeling I got from this was very sweet. I liked that.
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I would totally do what the boys did.
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Definitely a chapter inspired by Pain Management. Such a shitty situation, when someone's dying, but the government doesnt want them to be an addict. Stupid.
This fic is almost as much a Vachss fanfic as a BDS one. I think you're the first Vachss fan to read it, which is awesome.
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