Look After Your Brother Ch 5
"It's not that fucken bad, Conn. I don’t know what you're on about."
He didn’t know which would be worse: if Murph believed the shite coming out of his mouth, or if he didn’t, and had been doing this anyways.
Murph was talking in mild whispers. Connor was hissing through clenched teeth.
"Not so bad?" His voice was shrill, even to his own ears. Ma rolled over in her sleep and they both froze on the fire escape, watching 'til she settled down again.
He jabbed a finger into Murphy's chest. "You're not fucken doin' that again, Murph."
Murph stepped away from the rail and walked into the finger, his arms spread like Christ on the cross as he pushed Connor into a corner. "You have a way to come by that much cash, Conn? Didja win the lottery and not tell me, then? There's no other work, not for th' likes of us. Nothin' that will bring home money like this."
Connor seethed. There was no winning against Murphy when he got like this, so calm and sure. It wasn’t even like he could argue. He was right. He knew he was right, he just couldn’t prove it. And money was really becoming as tight as Murph was implying.
He shoved his twin away and dropped down the metal stairs. "Look after ma," he said over his shoulder.
"Connor!" Murphy winged a beer can at his head. "Where th' fuck do you think you're goin'?"
All Murph got for his trouble was a view of his brother's middle finger as he stalked off without a word. Ma called his name and he went back in to care for her.
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Connor MacManus sold his virginity to a stranger for forty dollars.
In some ways it wasn’t as bad as he had expected. The physical part of it he could handle. He'd been hurt worse in fights with Murph, for Christ's sake. Pain should be just pain, but it wasn’t. This pain had shame attached to it, and helplessness. He hated it.
Then he remembered how Murph's first time had been, and he couldn’t find it in himself to complain.
Murph was waiting for him when he limped home. One look passed between them and Murphy knew what he had done.
"You fucken idiot," Murphy said, crushing him against his chest, skinny arms around Connor's shoulders. His tears were hot on his brother's skin. They just stood there like that for a long time. Murph finally led him to the bathroom, helped him undress and washed the smell of another man off of his skin.
"I'll do it from now on," Connor announced once he was dry and dressed in his bathrobe. Murphy frowned.
"The fuck you will."
Connor stared at his brother's hands.
"We'll do it together," Murphy said, and there was no arguing with that tone.