(no subject)
What is this, the fucking Japanese Year of the Freak?!
Today I had my last two exams, and lo, it was a joyous occasion. (The exams each had ... four questions on them. Um, what? @_@) So I thought to myself, "It's such a gorgeous day, and I'm finally freeee! Why go home? I'm going to go to Meijo Park, the prettiest place in Nagoya, to walk around and look at the flowers on show with all the happy little Japanese nannas!" Actually I also wanted to listen to the summer cicadas - they are -deafening- anywhere there are trees, and it's the most fantastically Japanese sound I can think of :D :D
So anyway, before I digress to far, I went to Meijo Park, where I have wandered around many a happy time with the nannas, the circuit-sprinting marathon runners and the various picnicking kiddies. (And the cheesy fake windmills. You would love, Shanrie - I know I do XD) After I'd walked around for a while I got tired, since it was a glorious 32 degrees today, so I picked a nice bench in the shade and sat down to admire the closest fake windmill.
After a while, an old Japanese guy shuffled over to the neighbouring bench and sat down. "Hello," he said. I said hello back, expecting another English Conversation Practice Session. (I've had so many of those in the park. It's absolutely adorable. My favourite was when a little old man with a walking stick went through a steady succession of careful questions like How old are you? What is your favourite colour? What do you do for a living? What is the weather like in your country? - then bowed in polite thanks, said "Sank yuu beri machi, goodbai," and left. <3)
What this one said instead (in Japanese, obviously) was, "Do you speak Japanese? Your tits are huge!"
... which means he had cataracts as well as being a revolting waste of human space. Anyway, I realised I'd met myself one of the Japanese hentai contingent and gave a bit of a sigh to myself. If you say 'yuck', 'get lost, you creep', 'I'll call the police' or anything of that genre, these freaks get a kick out of it (hence their language) and try to follow you around. I did just shrug and shift benches at first, but he followed me. So I muttered 'don't understand' and did my best to ignore him.
Which was actually not terribly hard. He blathered on about titties, arse, come have fun with me, etc. etc. for a while while I sipped my melon soda (eee :D) and texted Kinjo to tell them my holiday activities, as directed. I assume he started getting bored, because he resorted to his favourite line 'Can I touch them?' and repeated it for a while.
I'd just finished my message and most of my drink when he got up from his bench. Good, piss off already, thinks I, but oh no - freak show comes over and tries to stroke my shoulders.
So I jumped up, whirled around and snarled "You try to touch me again and I'll fucking break all your bones, grandpa!" in Japanese. At least, my on-the-spot approximation of what such a phrase would be. Chances are I just shouted "Your SPONGE is THREE-WEEK DISCOUNT, screw you you bad person!"
Whether I said what I thought I said or not, the effect was the same - the little freak actually fell back on his arse in the dirt and then scrambled away. It would have been funny if it hadn't all spoiled such a nice day in the park.
I thought, well, I'm not going to -let- it spoil my day in the park. I'm going to go look at flowers and finish my drink. So I went to a different bench and sat down to admire some irises and cute little carpy fishies begging me for bread (I forgot to bring them bread T_T).
Literally fifteen minutes had passed when a middle-aged man stopped his bicycle and called out, "Hi, sexy!" I am not joking.
I'm sure you can picture my state of mind by that point, but I forced myself NOT to grab a rock off the ground or anything. I just kept drinking my goddamn drink and ignoring him. So he took that as an invitation to pedal his bike over a bit and call out, "Do you speak Japanese? Want to come out on the town with me? I'll buy you something nice!"
"Ooh, really?" I answered. "Okay, then!"
Now, perhaps there is some kind of grammatical construction I don't know about which you use to formulate a special Sarcastic Tense in Japanese (or maybe he was just a dickhead ... stronger theory), but he perked right up and said, "Great! Let's go! Sakae? Do you have a favourite hotel?"
"Oh, sorry," I said. "I forgot, I've got something on today. Are you free the week after next? The eighteenth, maybe?"
"Yes, of course!" he said. "What ... really? You promise you'll come?"
I swear this is true. You could not MAKE this shit up. "Definitely," I replied. "Meet you by that windmill ... ten o'clock, or something. PM."
"Really? You promise?" he said. "Can I have your number?"
"I haven't got my phone," I said.
"What's your address?"
"I don't have it with me."
"But you'll definitely be here. 10pm on the 18th."
"Oh, yes. 10pm on the 18th."
"That's fantastic," he said. "Make sure you wear something really sexy. And put on makeup."
"Got it," I said. "You make sure you wear a suit. I'm not going anywhere with you unless you wear nice clothes and bring me a present. Jewellery or something."
"Deal!" he exclaimed. "Have you written it down? I didn't see you write it down."
So I wrote it down on a piece of paper while he blathered a bit more, waved it at him and then headed back to the subway. He called "don't forget!" after me and pedalled away on his bicycle.
If such skull-melting idiocy truly exists in this universe, then at 10pm on the 18th of this month, a completely repulsive toad of a human being will be standing in the dark next to one of the windmills in Meijo Park, replete with tuxedo and expensive gift.
I hope he stands there for hours and gets eaten by a frigging horde of cicadas.
NOT FUCKING HAPPY TODAY.
I am now looking for things to bring my blood pressure back down to safe levels. Excuse me while I go play with some squeaky Chuzzles or something, because this is NOT how I'm going to remember my first day of summer holidays!
Today I had my last two exams, and lo, it was a joyous occasion. (The exams each had ... four questions on them. Um, what? @_@) So I thought to myself, "It's such a gorgeous day, and I'm finally freeee! Why go home? I'm going to go to Meijo Park, the prettiest place in Nagoya, to walk around and look at the flowers on show with all the happy little Japanese nannas!" Actually I also wanted to listen to the summer cicadas - they are -deafening- anywhere there are trees, and it's the most fantastically Japanese sound I can think of :D :D
So anyway, before I digress to far, I went to Meijo Park, where I have wandered around many a happy time with the nannas, the circuit-sprinting marathon runners and the various picnicking kiddies. (And the cheesy fake windmills. You would love, Shanrie - I know I do XD) After I'd walked around for a while I got tired, since it was a glorious 32 degrees today, so I picked a nice bench in the shade and sat down to admire the closest fake windmill.
After a while, an old Japanese guy shuffled over to the neighbouring bench and sat down. "Hello," he said. I said hello back, expecting another English Conversation Practice Session. (I've had so many of those in the park. It's absolutely adorable. My favourite was when a little old man with a walking stick went through a steady succession of careful questions like How old are you? What is your favourite colour? What do you do for a living? What is the weather like in your country? - then bowed in polite thanks, said "Sank yuu beri machi, goodbai," and left. <3)
What this one said instead (in Japanese, obviously) was, "Do you speak Japanese? Your tits are huge!"
... which means he had cataracts as well as being a revolting waste of human space. Anyway, I realised I'd met myself one of the Japanese hentai contingent and gave a bit of a sigh to myself. If you say 'yuck', 'get lost, you creep', 'I'll call the police' or anything of that genre, these freaks get a kick out of it (hence their language) and try to follow you around. I did just shrug and shift benches at first, but he followed me. So I muttered 'don't understand' and did my best to ignore him.
Which was actually not terribly hard. He blathered on about titties, arse, come have fun with me, etc. etc. for a while while I sipped my melon soda (eee :D) and texted Kinjo to tell them my holiday activities, as directed. I assume he started getting bored, because he resorted to his favourite line 'Can I touch them?' and repeated it for a while.
I'd just finished my message and most of my drink when he got up from his bench. Good, piss off already, thinks I, but oh no - freak show comes over and tries to stroke my shoulders.
So I jumped up, whirled around and snarled "You try to touch me again and I'll fucking break all your bones, grandpa!" in Japanese. At least, my on-the-spot approximation of what such a phrase would be. Chances are I just shouted "Your SPONGE is THREE-WEEK DISCOUNT, screw you you bad person!"
Whether I said what I thought I said or not, the effect was the same - the little freak actually fell back on his arse in the dirt and then scrambled away. It would have been funny if it hadn't all spoiled such a nice day in the park.
I thought, well, I'm not going to -let- it spoil my day in the park. I'm going to go look at flowers and finish my drink. So I went to a different bench and sat down to admire some irises and cute little carpy fishies begging me for bread (I forgot to bring them bread T_T).
Literally fifteen minutes had passed when a middle-aged man stopped his bicycle and called out, "Hi, sexy!" I am not joking.
I'm sure you can picture my state of mind by that point, but I forced myself NOT to grab a rock off the ground or anything. I just kept drinking my goddamn drink and ignoring him. So he took that as an invitation to pedal his bike over a bit and call out, "Do you speak Japanese? Want to come out on the town with me? I'll buy you something nice!"
"Ooh, really?" I answered. "Okay, then!"
Now, perhaps there is some kind of grammatical construction I don't know about which you use to formulate a special Sarcastic Tense in Japanese (or maybe he was just a dickhead ... stronger theory), but he perked right up and said, "Great! Let's go! Sakae? Do you have a favourite hotel?"
"Oh, sorry," I said. "I forgot, I've got something on today. Are you free the week after next? The eighteenth, maybe?"
"Yes, of course!" he said. "What ... really? You promise you'll come?"
I swear this is true. You could not MAKE this shit up. "Definitely," I replied. "Meet you by that windmill ... ten o'clock, or something. PM."
"Really? You promise?" he said. "Can I have your number?"
"I haven't got my phone," I said.
"What's your address?"
"I don't have it with me."
"But you'll definitely be here. 10pm on the 18th."
"Oh, yes. 10pm on the 18th."
"That's fantastic," he said. "Make sure you wear something really sexy. And put on makeup."
"Got it," I said. "You make sure you wear a suit. I'm not going anywhere with you unless you wear nice clothes and bring me a present. Jewellery or something."
"Deal!" he exclaimed. "Have you written it down? I didn't see you write it down."
So I wrote it down on a piece of paper while he blathered a bit more, waved it at him and then headed back to the subway. He called "don't forget!" after me and pedalled away on his bicycle.
If such skull-melting idiocy truly exists in this universe, then at 10pm on the 18th of this month, a completely repulsive toad of a human being will be standing in the dark next to one of the windmills in Meijo Park, replete with tuxedo and expensive gift.
I hope he stands there for hours and gets eaten by a frigging horde of cicadas.
NOT FUCKING HAPPY TODAY.
I am now looking for things to bring my blood pressure back down to safe levels. Excuse me while I go play with some squeaky Chuzzles or something, because this is NOT how I'm going to remember my first day of summer holidays!