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THE ABANDONED WRITER - A Tragic Screenplay by A. Writer
ACT I
ABANDONED WRITER approaches a door marked 'The Management' and knocks. Receiving no reply, she opens it. SCHIRI, MUSE-IN-CHIEF sits glaring at a yoyo on the desk in front of him.
... pointless.
What are you doing? You're supposed to be out there getting someone to DO something for me!
I cannot even begin to fathom the reasoning behind such a tool. Is there any call for a device whose primary function is to go up and down on a string? Is it perhaps a measure of the human mind's random vacillations at any given moment, hmm?
... I see you're busy.
Oh, one can twirl it? Well, that changes it all! Clearly it is thereby transformed into an article of remarkable facility!
ABANDONED WRITER quietly closes the door on SCHIRI's ranting.
ACT II
ABANDONED WRITER walks further down the hall to a door with a star on it (eight pointed) and knocks.
Enteeer.
(enteeers) Good grief.
RANNON is lying on a deckchair with a pina colada and a small stack of paper.
Bypassing the indoors deckchair, then - what are you doing?
Oh, I'm terribly busy at the moment. Get your people to call my people.
That's a crane, isn't it?
No. Swan.
You're folding origami, aren't you?
No. It's paper.
Put your silly paper down and come finish something.
(yawn) Far too busy.
Oh, come on. Paladins don't sulk.
Yes, but I'm not a very good Paladin, remember? (blows bubbles in drink)
ABANDONED WRITER sighs and leeeaves.
ACT III
ABANDONED WRITER approaches an even further door, spitefully situated next to the broom cupboard. Under the scribbles of cross-eyed faces and the scrawled words 'THE CLEANERS', one can just make out the words 'Supporting Cast'.
A large, laughing group of FAE are sitting inside, all huddled around to read from the pages ARATHALIAN is holding.
'The Kraken was furious. Who had awakened it from slumber? It could not yet answer that troubling question, but it did know that there were five irritating Mortals nearby -'
Ahem.
Oh, hello there, Shakespeare!
Ha. Listen, no-one seems to be doing any work around here, so do you think one of you lot could get things going?
Lovely! Can I fight a dragon?
A dragon? Um ... the dragons are on your side, so it doesn't make much sense, but if ...
All right, then - can I get it drunk?
The FAE all cackle loudly.
Ah. Aha, I see. Yes, very clever. I'm serious, could someone please -
Well, I may as well have a showdown with Arathalian, I suppose.
Oh, okay, Cochalyon. You mean the part where -
There could be a bit of a problem, though - I don't think there are any herbal shelves down in the Hold!
COCHALYON high-fives ARATHALIAN.
... Right. I see how it's going to be. I'm just going to leave now.
Better watch out - could be kittens around!
Or mermaids with teeth! Agh!
ABANDONED WRITER slams the door shut and walks into a conveniently located bank of fog, alone.
FIN
... I know, I know, that doesn't count, does it? ;P
Right, I've swiped this from rosiphelee in hopes it will make one or more indolent characters DO something instead.
Give me the names of two characters and I will tell you what character A thinks of character B. I might answer with a drabble, a quick bit of meta, or a list, just to make things that tiny bit more fun!
... except I won't answer with a quick bit of meta because I don't know what it is yet >_>