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[ladypixel]

Having a shitty day.

Mom showed up at the store and did one of her idiotic executive decisions, as if she had any clue of what, actually, was going on. We quit.

Completely, utterly, we are DONE. I'm so done it's sinful. Moreover, I couldn't care less anymore.

Comments

[weibchenwolf]

*hugs and sends love and wishes for good htings from now on*

[ladypixel]

I need it, right now. *hugs*

[spazzychic]

I'm glad you did it. It'll get better.

<3

[ladypixel]

In some ways, I'm glad I did it. In others, it hurts. A lot.

But, you know, in the words of Oingo Boingo, "no one lives forever". This applies to the store just as much as anything else. And I'm tired. I'm just so, so damned tired. I can't live like this anymore. I don't have normality in my life, I don't have purpose, I don't have goals, I don't have creativity.

I've been sunken in a depressive state for the better part of the last two years, avoiding my own life by RPing another person's life. And that person was vastly more successful than I have been. I lived life vicariously through a character.

It's time to stop living through a construct, a figment, an illusion, a dream. It's time to... be.

No more cocoon, this butterfly's got places to go.

[undeniably_erin]

*hugs TIGHT*

Oh, honey. I know that place; I was there before I left the RP world. If it goes for you like it went for me, the first little while will be exhausting and hard ... the breaking out of the cocoon, I mean. Then afterward, it will be SO MUCH BETTER. I've been happier these last months than I'd been for YEARS.

You're going for a better place, and I'll be with you in my thoughts for the whole trip.

xo

[badong]

I'm thinking that this severance is like amputating a gangrenous limb. Yes, it is a loss and it is painful. You will miss it. However, this sacrifice means you get to keep on living -- and be more healthy in short order.

I miss reading your cheerful writings. Hopefully this bodes more of those to come. I am sorry it all had to come to this, but without your mom's poisonous influence I am sure life will blossom anew. I will be thinking of you and wishing you the best of luck.

[ladypixel]

Yeah, it really is like amputation. It's amputation of fifteen years, a lot of laughter, a lot of tears, a lot of screaming, a lot of emotion. It's removal of about a third of my life.

But, you know, it could've happened in a fire, or it could have happened in a flood, or an earthquake. We could've lost it all and been frantically trying to pick up the pieces, trying to drag it all back together.

This way, it's a clean cut.

[badong]

Physical cuts bleed less and heal quicker when they are clean. Luckily, metaphorical ones do too.

[ladypixel]

Thankfully, that's the case.

I'm discovering things I didn't think I still had in the process of trying to empty my life of excess baggage today, though. Wow. Some of this stuff... just wow.

Now, if only it were so easy to do the same with the store and with the actual emotional baggage that comes with life, maybe I'd clean my virtual closets more often, huh?

[bayushi]

*hugs you hard* I'm sorry it came to this, but I'm hoping for the best for you. Very much so.

[ladypixel]

I'm really sorry it came to this, too.

On the bright side, OMG, we are throwing out SO many old stuffed animals right now. It has its perks. We are filling massive trashcans today. Goodbye, remnants, you were fun while you lasted, now we move on to bigger and brighter things. (And better toys. That's the kid's commentary and contribution to this statement.)

[fritters]

Let me know what you need. Seriously. Okay??

[ladypixel]

Right now? A lot of sanity as I plow through my closet. (I found my RHPS coattails in there. Be damned if I didn't keep things for 20 years beyond their prime.)

Realistically, at the moment, I have no clue what I need. I'm... not quite here at the moment, mentally. I'm just plowing through the closet. Then when I'm done with that, I'll plow through something else. Etc, etc.

[fritters]

Well, I can't give you sanity (I'd have to be able to spare some ^_~) but I can pray for someone else to give it to you.

[ladypixel]

Sanity is in short supply today, it seems.

Course, I really shouldn't even be discussing sanity, since I just broke down crying over a bag of Amber's old baby shoes and our old diaper bag.