Lead the Way - Chapter 095 - Coming Clean
This is it guys. The last few chapters. No more interruptions from episodes, my own game plan. As I should be working on my pp-presentation on mind maps (completely useless bs, but I'll be damned if I say that in class...) I will leave you to it without further ado.
Lead the Way - 095 - Coming Clean
JJ looked at her son, falling asleep in his crib. He was so small and vulnerable and there were so many dangers out there. Some she couldn’t even see or smell. How was she supposed to protect him against that?
“Tough case, hm?” The voice behind her was low and she turned around. She followed Will into her living room where they both sat down on the couch.
“I heard the message you know.”
“You didn’t pick up.”
“I don’t answer your phone and I was feeding Henry, so I was late anyway.” There was an awkward silence and JJ pressed her arms to her side.
“You haven’t said that to me since we broke up.” He didn’t need to say what he was referring to.
“I was scared.”
“Of what?”
“Losing Henry. Dying. This case…” She exhaled sharply. “And I wanted you to know, that I still love you. Not in the same way I used to, but I still do and I didn’t want to die or lose you without ever saying it, because I was afraid you’d take it the wrong way.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I can’t.” He leaned back and took a sip from his beer.
“So it’s just the case?”
“Yes.”
“Are you lying to me or to yourself right now?”
“Excuse me?”
“Jay, I know you well enough to know that you are aware of the dangers in this world. Whatever you faced today was it worse than a sadist? Worse than a pedophile? Whenever he leaves the house we’re running the risk of losing him to a stranger. And staying inside there are all these accidents…”
“How is this supposed to help with my fear of losing him?”
“It’s not. Today wasn’t about losing him, or being reminded of death. I don’t know what this case was about, but there was something else, something you’re not telling me and it got under your skin way more than you’re admitting.” He wasn’t sure what it was exactly, but that she was hiding something was obvious.
She looked over her shoulder at him and threw him a smoldering look.
“Don’t give me that look, Jay. This is a friendship now and that means I won’t take your crap every time.”
“Because you did before?” She tried to laugh, but it sounded hollow and Will wasn’t thrown off anyway.
“So?”
“We lied. Not just me. Not out of strategy. We all lied. And there was no point. Not as far as I can see. And we didn’t just lie to journalists and the media, we had to lie to our families as well. Still do. We have to keep a secret and I don’t know why I’m keeping it.”
“Are we still talking about the case here?”
“What do you mean?”
“You still haven’t told your family about Emily, have you?”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“You don’t like lying. But you do it just the same. And I think it’s getting to you.”
JJ took a long sip from her beer and leaned back as well. It certainly would be nice to tell her mother about Emily, tell her about those gifts and that romantic dinner. She used to be able to share that with her mother. And with Lauren.
Now, every time her mother called she got an uneasy feeling, afraid that she might ask if she had a boyfriend or been on a date. But there simply was no way to tell how they would take the news. If they would still call.
“Are you just saying that, because you hope they will get upset and I’ll break up with her?” He frowned and continued in an accusing tone: “Jay, you know me much better than that. Besides, I’ve sort of met someone.”
“Really? Who is she?”
“That’s not the point.” He looked at her, his expression softening. “They won’t get upset, Jay.”
She looked unconvinced and kept nursing her beer.
“Did you know that when we started dating, Brad called me and under the pretext of going out for a beer and talking about football he threatened me?”
“He did what?”
“He said if I ever break your heart he would come after me.”
JJ shook her head in disbelief and snorted.
“The point is, he loves you. They all do. And as long as you’re happy, they’ll accept it.”
“Maybe you’re right. I can’t hide forever.”
“That’s all I’m saying.”
She looked at him from the side and her smile grew larger.
He shifted uncomfortably. “What?”
“So…. Who is she?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Emily was nervous. JJ had called and asked if she could come over. She wanted to talk about something. The last time she had said that they needed to talk, they had broken up. No. JJ wasn’t going to leave her, they had just set the rules for their relationship.
The doorbell rang and JJ stood there. Emily noticed immediately that Henry wasn’t with her and that she looked tired. She invited her in and they sat down on the couch. She was ready to listen, whatever it was.
“Emily, I told you last night that I needed to be by myself, but that wasn’t entirely true.”
“It wasn’t?”
“No. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea, so please listen closely. I don’t want there to be any more misunderstandings. I know what I want and I want to be with you, okay?”
“Okay.” Emily’s stomach didn’t feel okay, but then it had always looked on the darker side of things.
“I asked Will to come over last night. It was his turn to have Henry and it was either having them both over or be alone.” She could see in Emily’s eyes that she was about to retreat and quickly said: “Will is still a friend, Emily, and he knows part of me that I want you to know one day. In time you will know me better than anyone, I am sure, but today, right now, he gave me invaluable advice.”
“Which was?”
If JJ hadn’t taken her hand she would’ve been in the kitchen by now.
“He suggested that maybe this case affected me as much as it has, because I was forced to lie. And he’s right. I’ve done too much lying lately and it’s time to come clean.”
“So you’re saying…”
“I’m saying it’s time to tell my family that I’m dating a woman.”
Emily exhaled. She hadn’t seen that coming. She knew it wasn’t really about her, that JJ needed to tell her family because it was the right time for her, but she couldn’t help feeling a little proud.
“I wanted to ask how it was for you, if you have any advice for me and I guess I’m looking for your support, too.”
“JJ of course you have my support.” Emily hugged her tight and felt her shiver. She slowly let go, but kept her hands in hers.
“Tell me what you want me to do and I’ll be there for you, but the only stories I have are second hand.”
“You never told your parents?”
“Not really. My mother found out years ago, but she only told me a couple of months ago.”
“Why?”
“She wanted me to tell her in my own time. I don’t think I would’ve told her. We were never that close really and I knew it wouldn’t change the subject of her rants. She’d simply change pronouns and still berate me to settle down.”
“But she mentioned it a couple of months ago?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
Emily’s tongue darted to the corner of her mouth and she looked down.
“When we were… not together… I had lunch with her. She saw that I was upset and kept pushing the issue. She just asked if it was over a woman and that got us talking.”
“And your father?”
“Father… isn’t easy to talk to. I know it sounds like an excuse, but he doesn’t discuss things. He listens and then he leaves and makes up his mind and when he comes back there’s no changing it. I was always too afraid he’d come back and look at me differently.”
JJ nodded.
“Today is Saturday. I called my mom and told her I would bring Henry over for a little visit. I’m going to take the car so I can leave if we get a case, or… you know…”
“I know. It’s a good idea.”
“I’ll probably spend the night and come back tomorrow evening.”
“Do you want me to go with you?”
“I think that might be a little much. If they take it okay, I would love for you to meet them.” Now it was Emily’s turn to nod and smile. She understood that JJ was trying to protect her should her parents react poorly. Always the protector.
“Call me?”
“As soon as I get a chance.”
They both got up and at her door Emily pulled her into a kiss. This time she didn’t hold back. She told her that she hoped JJ’s family would accept their relationship, that she would be there for her, no matter the consequences and that she was proud of her.
JJ broke the kiss and looked at her. Her eyes said: ‘I know.’
Lead the Way - 095 - Coming Clean
JJ looked at her son, falling asleep in his crib. He was so small and vulnerable and there were so many dangers out there. Some she couldn’t even see or smell. How was she supposed to protect him against that?
“Tough case, hm?” The voice behind her was low and she turned around. She followed Will into her living room where they both sat down on the couch.
“I heard the message you know.”
“You didn’t pick up.”
“I don’t answer your phone and I was feeding Henry, so I was late anyway.” There was an awkward silence and JJ pressed her arms to her side.
“You haven’t said that to me since we broke up.” He didn’t need to say what he was referring to.
“I was scared.”
“Of what?”
“Losing Henry. Dying. This case…” She exhaled sharply. “And I wanted you to know, that I still love you. Not in the same way I used to, but I still do and I didn’t want to die or lose you without ever saying it, because I was afraid you’d take it the wrong way.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I can’t.” He leaned back and took a sip from his beer.
“So it’s just the case?”
“Yes.”
“Are you lying to me or to yourself right now?”
“Excuse me?”
“Jay, I know you well enough to know that you are aware of the dangers in this world. Whatever you faced today was it worse than a sadist? Worse than a pedophile? Whenever he leaves the house we’re running the risk of losing him to a stranger. And staying inside there are all these accidents…”
“How is this supposed to help with my fear of losing him?”
“It’s not. Today wasn’t about losing him, or being reminded of death. I don’t know what this case was about, but there was something else, something you’re not telling me and it got under your skin way more than you’re admitting.” He wasn’t sure what it was exactly, but that she was hiding something was obvious.
She looked over her shoulder at him and threw him a smoldering look.
“Don’t give me that look, Jay. This is a friendship now and that means I won’t take your crap every time.”
“Because you did before?” She tried to laugh, but it sounded hollow and Will wasn’t thrown off anyway.
“So?”
“We lied. Not just me. Not out of strategy. We all lied. And there was no point. Not as far as I can see. And we didn’t just lie to journalists and the media, we had to lie to our families as well. Still do. We have to keep a secret and I don’t know why I’m keeping it.”
“Are we still talking about the case here?”
“What do you mean?”
“You still haven’t told your family about Emily, have you?”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“You don’t like lying. But you do it just the same. And I think it’s getting to you.”
JJ took a long sip from her beer and leaned back as well. It certainly would be nice to tell her mother about Emily, tell her about those gifts and that romantic dinner. She used to be able to share that with her mother. And with Lauren.
Now, every time her mother called she got an uneasy feeling, afraid that she might ask if she had a boyfriend or been on a date. But there simply was no way to tell how they would take the news. If they would still call.
“Are you just saying that, because you hope they will get upset and I’ll break up with her?” He frowned and continued in an accusing tone: “Jay, you know me much better than that. Besides, I’ve sort of met someone.”
“Really? Who is she?”
“That’s not the point.” He looked at her, his expression softening. “They won’t get upset, Jay.”
She looked unconvinced and kept nursing her beer.
“Did you know that when we started dating, Brad called me and under the pretext of going out for a beer and talking about football he threatened me?”
“He did what?”
“He said if I ever break your heart he would come after me.”
JJ shook her head in disbelief and snorted.
“The point is, he loves you. They all do. And as long as you’re happy, they’ll accept it.”
“Maybe you’re right. I can’t hide forever.”
“That’s all I’m saying.”
She looked at him from the side and her smile grew larger.
He shifted uncomfortably. “What?”
“So…. Who is she?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Emily was nervous. JJ had called and asked if she could come over. She wanted to talk about something. The last time she had said that they needed to talk, they had broken up. No. JJ wasn’t going to leave her, they had just set the rules for their relationship.
The doorbell rang and JJ stood there. Emily noticed immediately that Henry wasn’t with her and that she looked tired. She invited her in and they sat down on the couch. She was ready to listen, whatever it was.
“Emily, I told you last night that I needed to be by myself, but that wasn’t entirely true.”
“It wasn’t?”
“No. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea, so please listen closely. I don’t want there to be any more misunderstandings. I know what I want and I want to be with you, okay?”
“Okay.” Emily’s stomach didn’t feel okay, but then it had always looked on the darker side of things.
“I asked Will to come over last night. It was his turn to have Henry and it was either having them both over or be alone.” She could see in Emily’s eyes that she was about to retreat and quickly said: “Will is still a friend, Emily, and he knows part of me that I want you to know one day. In time you will know me better than anyone, I am sure, but today, right now, he gave me invaluable advice.”
“Which was?”
If JJ hadn’t taken her hand she would’ve been in the kitchen by now.
“He suggested that maybe this case affected me as much as it has, because I was forced to lie. And he’s right. I’ve done too much lying lately and it’s time to come clean.”
“So you’re saying…”
“I’m saying it’s time to tell my family that I’m dating a woman.”
Emily exhaled. She hadn’t seen that coming. She knew it wasn’t really about her, that JJ needed to tell her family because it was the right time for her, but she couldn’t help feeling a little proud.
“I wanted to ask how it was for you, if you have any advice for me and I guess I’m looking for your support, too.”
“JJ of course you have my support.” Emily hugged her tight and felt her shiver. She slowly let go, but kept her hands in hers.
“Tell me what you want me to do and I’ll be there for you, but the only stories I have are second hand.”
“You never told your parents?”
“Not really. My mother found out years ago, but she only told me a couple of months ago.”
“Why?”
“She wanted me to tell her in my own time. I don’t think I would’ve told her. We were never that close really and I knew it wouldn’t change the subject of her rants. She’d simply change pronouns and still berate me to settle down.”
“But she mentioned it a couple of months ago?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
Emily’s tongue darted to the corner of her mouth and she looked down.
“When we were… not together… I had lunch with her. She saw that I was upset and kept pushing the issue. She just asked if it was over a woman and that got us talking.”
“And your father?”
“Father… isn’t easy to talk to. I know it sounds like an excuse, but he doesn’t discuss things. He listens and then he leaves and makes up his mind and when he comes back there’s no changing it. I was always too afraid he’d come back and look at me differently.”
JJ nodded.
“Today is Saturday. I called my mom and told her I would bring Henry over for a little visit. I’m going to take the car so I can leave if we get a case, or… you know…”
“I know. It’s a good idea.”
“I’ll probably spend the night and come back tomorrow evening.”
“Do you want me to go with you?”
“I think that might be a little much. If they take it okay, I would love for you to meet them.” Now it was Emily’s turn to nod and smile. She understood that JJ was trying to protect her should her parents react poorly. Always the protector.
“Call me?”
“As soon as I get a chance.”
They both got up and at her door Emily pulled her into a kiss. This time she didn’t hold back. She told her that she hoped JJ’s family would accept their relationship, that she would be there for her, no matter the consequences and that she was proud of her.
JJ broke the kiss and looked at her. Her eyes said: ‘I know.’