Lead the Way - Chapter 111 - Just the Same
Lead the Way - 110 - Just the Same
I love you.
JJ stared into big brown eyes who looked as surprised as she was. When she had told Emily that she had a surprise for her she had meant sex, not love. Certainly not love. She felt it. That deep burning fire within that was going to devastate everything in its path if it wasn’t met by an equally strong force. It was so hot that JJ wondered how she could ever have mistaken those fickle embers for it.
I love you.
She certainly meant it. Emily was the cause of that fire. She knew and she had planned on telling her. At some point. Not now. Not after letting go and having sex. She wanted it to mean something. To be more than just a slip of the tongue. She wanted to grow old with this woman, learn her every secret, decipher her moods in the blink of an eye and love her till death do them part.
I love you.
As much as she regretted blurting it out like this JJ really needed Emily to react. If she was freaked out, if this was too soon, too much, she had to say something. Express herself. JJ didn’t want to fall back into their old ways. This time they would make it work. She would help Emily as much as she could and watch herself. Other couples managed just fine, right?
I love you.
She opened her mouth to speak, to say anything to bridge this awful silence when Emily leaned in and kissed her. It was timid at first but quickly became passionate. JJ moaned into the kiss and although it wasn’t what JJ had in mind Emily found a way to express herself.
I love you.
It was nothing like anything she had ever felt before. She didn’t even know if that made sense. She had enjoyed sex with men. She had preferred sex with Emily. But having Emily make love to her didn’t come anywhere near what she had experienced. Never before had JJ felt excited and beautiful and loved all at once. Will had made her feel beautiful and loved but she hadn’t been excited. Not like this. Emily had made her feel beautiful and excited but not loved. Nothing like this.
I love you.
It had caught Emily by surprise. It had been nine years since she last heard these words from a lover. Nine long, lonely, loveless years. And she loved her back. For months if not years she had felt that beast inside of her grow from a tame puppy to a ferocious animal that she could no longer hold back. Emily couldn’t let go of that last part of the leash. She couldn’t say it back.
I love you.
Hearing those three little words had done wonders to her. She wanted to let JJ know that she felt the same way. That she was scared of the strength of her emotions as well as being proud of them and happy that they could share them. Maybe it didn’t make a lot of sense, but she didn’t really care. All she cared about was that she was loved.
I love you.
Emily knew she had lost control. She knew it when she suddenly felt so much lighter and when she looked inside herself she found that all those insecurities and fears had gone. JJ was her angel. She had led her to a better place. A place where she could love without fear. Emily hadn’t lost control. She had relinquished it.
I love you. Emily didn’t say it back, but she told her just the same.