The 9th paragraph begins "'You're rooms...", which should be "Your", and there is no closing-quote. It makes it hard to decide where his dialog goes from being external to internal. I assume it should be "...It has been neglected
( ... )
I am sort of flattered that you took the time to read through it. I wrote it this afternoon. It had not been proof read at all. I posted it so someone else could give it a read through.
My grammar is something terrible. I know. I guess if I need a critique partner for something I should check in with you.
It ends the way it does because the point was to see what I could write in 30 mins. It in no way is complete. So no, he didn't just tell her he wasn't going to take her to bed, only to take her to bed.
Couple things. Opals are silvery white, so his skin could be both silver and opalescent depending on how the light might hit it. I like the words I chose, I wouldn't have used them otherwise, but that being said they are pretty normal words for me.
There -now it has been proof read. I fixed most of the errors I could find. I took your nit picks into account. I did not change my choice of adjectives, because, frankly, showy to you is the normal everyday language to me. I work with color. I work with stones and crystals on a near-daily basis. If they stood out to you, I can only assume it is because there is a bit of a theme there.
This was an exercise. It was designed to see how much I could write without stopping to fix it in 30 minutes. The person I was doing the sprint with seemed rather surprised I had managed to type out that many words in that short of a time. Regardless of how many words, I posted it here because I wanted her to be able to see it.
So, I thank you again for taking the time to look it over, and proof read it. I wasn’t expecting it. It took me a little by surprise since I post various things that I’ve written often, and you do not normally respond.
This is all kinds of awesome, and I want more, which is more than I can say about all the fiction I read by people in my RL writers group--their grammar is impeccable, their style modern, but it's boring! This, otoh, is WONDERFUL!
Why thank you! I wish I could say that I had any idea what this is, or who they are for that matter, but I have no idea. Perhaps, they are a beauty and beast of a sort. Though in my head, beast isn't a word, I would use to describe him. Strangely, exotically beautiful would be more accurate, and I think Adora once she gets over whatever fear she suffers from might agree with me.
It didn't take very long to write this, maybe tomorrow I will sit down and try for another 30 minuets devoted to these interesting characters. Perhaps my nit picker will even be kind enough to proof read it.
Thank you again, Saille PS. Having read some of your work Sykira I take your words as high praise indeed.
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My grammar is something terrible. I know. I guess if I need a critique partner for something I should check in with you.
It ends the way it does because the point was to see what I could write in 30 mins. It in no way is complete. So no, he didn't just tell her he wasn't going to take her to bed, only to take her to bed.
Couple things. Opals are silvery white, so his skin could be both silver and opalescent depending on how the light might hit it. I like the words I chose, I wouldn't have used them otherwise, but that being said they are pretty normal words for me.
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This was an exercise. It was designed to see how much I could write without stopping to fix it in 30 minutes. The person I was doing the sprint with seemed rather surprised I had managed to type out that many words in that short of a time. Regardless of how many words, I posted it here because I wanted her to be able to see it.
So, I thank you again for taking the time to look it over, and proof read it. I wasn’t expecting it. It took me a little by surprise since I post various things that I’ve written often, and you do not normally respond.
Reply
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I wish I could say that I had any idea what this is, or who they are for that matter, but I have no idea. Perhaps, they are a beauty and beast of a sort. Though in my head, beast isn't a word, I would use to describe him. Strangely, exotically beautiful would be more accurate, and I think Adora once she gets over whatever fear she suffers from might agree with me.
It didn't take very long to write this, maybe tomorrow I will sit down and try for another 30 minuets devoted to these interesting characters. Perhaps my nit picker will even be kind enough to proof read it.
Thank you again,
Saille
PS.
Having read some of your work Sykira I take your words as high praise indeed.
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