Army Brat, the rest of it
"Uncle George can I ask you a question?"
Hammond braced himself. Conversations that started out like this were almost always interesting. "Shoot."
"Alright. Okay." Sam licked her bottom lip, a look of utter concentration on her face as she struggled to come up with a way to phrase what she wanted to know. "When one is trying to say... 'court' someone, how do you go about it? What do you say? How do you know if they like you? What if they don't like you?"
Hammond blinked, completely and utterly baffled. That certainly wasn't what he had been expecting.
With the onset of winter they had moved their weekly chess games inside and set up on a rickety little card table on the rug in front of the fire place. George for one was much more comfortable, relaxed in his plush easy chair with a fire crackling a few feet away. Sam had snatched one of his kitchen table chairs and was sitting with it backwards, occasionally rocking back on the legs. Every now and then his wife would wander through and scold her for the behavior.
"Well... Ah..."
"You've been happily married for so long, I figure you know your stuff."
George smiled at the odd little compliment. "There isn't away to just know, not really. Not without talking to the other person. Maybe they don't feel the same way you do, but if they do... It can be pretty wonderful." This was so not a conversation he had ever imagined having. George was suddenly very grateful his wife had always been around to help his own daughter deal with her emotional issues.
"So it's definitely worth it?"
"Definitely."
George peered at her over the chess board. "May I ask who the lucky fellow is?"
Her eyes suddenly went wide. "What? Oh! Um... That is... I mean... It was just... Just hypothetical... I didn't mean..."
He chuckled as she went crimson right up to the tip of her ears.
"Check mate."
"I'll beat you yet, Uncle George."
***********************************
Sam stood before the little plantation style house reciting the speech she'd planned for the hundredth time. "Since I'm finally ungrounded I was wondering if maybe you would like to catch a movie. To, ah, celebrate my freedom. Yeah, that's not lame at all, Samantha." She sighed, pushing shaggy bangs out of her eyes. "Alright, deep breath, take the plunge."
She stepped up to the door and knocked.
A pair of big brown eyes attached to a mop of wild red hair peered around the door at her.
Sam raised a hand in greeting. "Um, hi."
"MOM!"
Sam heard muffled voices and what sounded like running footsteps and some one shouting, "Scott who is it?"
"I dunno, some blond guy." The red haired boy who could only be Scott squinted at her. "Er, chick."
"Sam!"
Janet to the rescue. Thank god.
"He-hey Janet."
Janet told her little brother to get lost and stepped out to join Sam on the porch, sleeve ends balled around her hands. "You finally escape the prison cell?"
"Y-yeah." The well rehearsed speech suddenly deserted her. It didn't help that she was pretty sure there were two pairs of liquid brown eyes watching her through the window. They had their freckled noses pressed up against the glass. Dimly she remembered that there were two of the little munchkins.
"Are you feeling alright? You look a little flushed."
"I'm fine. I was just... That is, I was wondering... Uh..."
Janet waited expectantly.
"Movie?" She finally spit out.
Janet giggled as the blond ducked her head and grinned shyly. "Sure, why not? I'll have to ask my parents but I don't think they'll mind. Tonight?"
"Yeah! Yeah."
She was still giggling. It occurred to Sam to feel insulted but she couldn't do it. "You could have just called, you know."
"What? Oh. Yeah, I guess I could have... I didn't think..."
"Pick me up at seven?"
"Sure."
***************************
Pigtails. Janet was wearing pigtails. They were low, curling down below her ears, and frightfully adorable.
"Hey Dorothy? I think Kansas is the other way."
The little brunette swatted her arm. "Oh stop it! It's a perfectly practical style."
Sam laughed, hopping down the steps. "Oh yeah, I'm sure they are. Farm girl."
"So says the one with straw for hair."
Sam had borrowed her father's car for the occasion, on the promise that he would skin her alive if it came back in anything less than one piece, and she held the passenger side door open for her, much to Janet's amusement, before settling in behind the wheel and starting the engine. The gentle teasing went a long way for calming her nerves.
Still, as she pulled out of the drive way she was almost certain there were two little noses pressed against the window watching them go.
*******************************
Sam had no idea what was going on in the movie. She couldn't even remember the title to save her life. But judging by Janet's various expressions whatever it was, it was pretty funny. She was extremely grateful for the darkness of the theater that gave her the freedom to steal as many little glances as she wanted without being caught.
She was completely enthralled. Sam supposed she ought to be more shocked by the revelation but she really wasn't. This wasn't the first time she'd found herself thinking some girl was extremely pretty. It was just the first time she had ever wanted to do something about it.
It was hard to think about the meaning behind her feelings when her entire world was so entirely focused in on the slender fingered hand resting on the arm rest beside her own.
If this was how boys felt all the time she didn't envy them. She'd never been so nervous in her life.
"This was fun."
Sam wasn't entirely sure of the events that had led up to them once again standing in front of the Fraiser home's door, but the fluttering in her heart was telling her that the evening was ending all too soon.
"Yeah. Yeah it was."
"We should do this more often."
"Yuh-huh."
"Well, I guess this is good night."
"Yeah, good night." Sam tried not to feel too disappointed. They'd be seeing each other in a couple of days at school, after all.
Janet stood on tip-toe and pressed a gentle kiss against the blonde's cheek and suddenly Sam's whole universe stopped turning.
"Next time you want to go on a "date" all you gotta do is ask, shy one. I don't bite, I promise."
Sam was rooted to the spot even as Janet slipped inside, sure she was blushing from the tips of her ears all the way down to her toes.
Tracing her fingers across her cheek she vowed to avoid washing it again for as long as humanly possible.
*******************************
On the morning of December fifth Sam woke up with a feeling of dread that was not normally associated with birthdays. She just couldn't shake the feeling that they were never going to be the same again, not with her mother around. No more warm fuzzy feeling, waking up to the smell of pancakes and her mom's kind eyed smile.
Blearily she rolled over and scrubbed at her eyes- and stopped short. Resting on the box she'd been using as her bedside table was a brightly wrapped package topped with a stick on bow and a card. Sam reached out and pulled the package to her, reading the card first and feeling laughter bubble up from deep inside her chest.
'Happy birthday, sweet heart. Remember, age does not an adult make. Pancake mix is on the counter. See you after work.
P.S. Shouldn't you have those boxes all unpacked by now, young lady?'
Ripping open the paper she found, as she had expected, a book. West with the Night.
Well, it was something anyway.
#
"A-HA! Check mate."
"No, no, Sam. That's just my queen."
"Awe... Fiddlesticks!"
Sam was sheepish under Uncle George's bemused gaze.
"Well, you hate it when I swear."
*************************************
Christmas vacation rolled around and brought with it a distinct lack of snow. It was not an unusual phenomenon for the southerly lone star state but Sam found herself slightly depressed at it's absence anyway. No snow meant no snow men, no snow angels and no sled riding. Not that there was enough proper hills to get anything good going anyway.
It just didn't feel like Christmas.
It was her father who finally figured out why.
Sam was sprawled on the floor in the living room twisting a candy cane around in her lips and flipping through the pages of her physics textbook when Jacob got home from work. He wriggled his fingers free of his gloves as he observed the studying going on in his family room when the proverbial light bulb lit.
"We don't have a tree."
Sam almost could have laughed at the the slightly shocked and puzzled expression his face.
"Nope." She didn't have to add that the matter of the tree had always been her mother's thing. She would take the kids out to find the "perfect" tree and then they would make sugar cookies and spend the night singing along to old carols and decorating. To Jacob, who was never around when this venture occurred, Sam imagined the tree must have seemed to appear like magic every year.
"I didn't figure you would want one." She added.
"No, no, we always have a tree."
Sam arched an eyebrow and resisted the urge to make a sarcastic comment about him having noticed.
"I have off Friday. Why don't we go look for one?"
"Me and you?"
"Yeah."
"You and me?"
"Yes."
"Really?"
"Samantha, why do I get the feeling you're teasing me?"
" 'Cause I am. Sure, that sounds great Dad."
**************************************
Sam lay on the front porch, legs dangling over the steps, picking at a piece of fuzz on her gloves and trying not feel disappointed. Her father hadn't been home when she got up that morning and it was now almost noon. Of course he had forgotten their tree shopping date. She shouldn't be surprised.
Fifteen minutes later his car rolled in the drive way and Sam's heart did a little dance.
"I got called into the base."
No apologies. She hadn't expected one.
"Let me get changed and we'll go."
Music to her ears.
It turned out there was only one ranch in the area that specialized in Christmas trees and they had closed up shop several days before. They were told they could come back after Christmas for a great deal on what was left over and Jacob was tight lipped as they drove away.
They ended up at the local all purpose grocery store with a boxed up plastic thing they both agreed was passable. It was white and covered in glittery bits of tensile but a tree was a tree and at that point they were both getting a little snippy.
Initially they started putting it together as a group effort but by the end Sam was slouching on the couch watching as he finished straightening the stick-in branches, grumbling all the while. She considered the lack of yelling a major personal victory on his part.
It was half past five by the time they both sat back to admire their handy work.
"This is the most god awful ugly tree I have ever seen."
"Ooh! Now we gotta decorate it."
The wide eyed look Jacob cast at his daughter could only be described as horror. "Decorate it?"
"You know, ornaments and stuff. I'll get the carols tape, you get the box of Christmas stuff."
"Make it 'Eagles' instead and you have yourself a deal."
"Pizza?"
"If you order."
Sam was surprised to realize that she had spent almost an entire day solely in her father's company and had actually enjoyed herself. The finished tree wasn't going to be winning any awards any time soon but it was oddly satisfying to see something they had done together. She had shared a few stories behind the various family ornaments that he had missed through the years and on more than one occasion he had almost laughed. It was strange and wonderful.
Later when she was taking the empty pizza box out to the dumpster Sam found herself staring wistfully at the stars. "I wish you were here Mom... This is the sort of thing we should have had together. All of us."
She leaned against the side of the house and stared at the stars, breath misting in front of her face, until her frozen ears began protesting too loudly to be ignored.
When he spent the entire week of Christmas at work she tried not to be too disheartened.
******************************
Tap, tap, tap.
Sam groaned, rolling over and burrowing further into her blankets.
Tap, tap, tap.
"Go'way!" She flattened her pillow over her head.
Tap, tap, tap.
"Urgh!"
Sam sprung up in bed, suddenly wide awake with her heart thundering in her chest. Somebody was knocking on her window. Sombody was knocking on her window at - a quick glance at the alarm clock - 11:30 at night.
She rolled gracelessly out of bed and grabbed a heavy book, creeping towards the window and twitching the curtain aside.
"Oh!" The book fell out of her fingers at the sight of the familiar wry expression waiting for her on the other side and she quickly threw the latch and eased the window open. "What the hell, Jan? Do you have any idea what time it is?"
"I get the feeling you've been avoiding me."
Sam was bleary eyed. "And your solution is to wake me in the middle of the God be-damned night and scare me half to death?"
Janet's little smirk was almost cute enough to be worth it. "Got your attention didn't I? Come on, get dressed."
"Wh-why? Why? Dear lord why?"
"Because I haven't given you your Christmas present yet. And I want to show you something. Shoes you can walk in."
Sam made sure she grumbled loud enough for her late night visitor to hear as she stuffed plaid pajama pants into her biker boots and pulled on coat and gloves. By the time she crawled out the window they were both snickering quietly.
"This better be one hell of a gift."
**********************************
The abandoned barn was skeletal by the light of the almost full moon, creating shadowy wraiths on the overgrown grass that grew around it. It was on the verge of kicking the proverbial bucket, so much termite lunch.
Sam had to admit it was a little spooky, pausing at the foot of the steep slope leading up to the big wooden doors. "Gee, it's a barn, Jan. I know I'm not from around here but I have seen my share of barns before." She huffed, shivering inside her coat.
"Don't be such a baby. Come on!"
Sam watched as Janet threw back the bolt and slid the groaning door open, wondering just how illegal it was before following her inside. She didn't have warm fuzzy feeling about the rickety ladder leading up to the loft but she allowed herself to be badgered up it, vaguely envying her companions easy grace.
"Oh. This is what you meant."
Their entire little community was spread out below them, surrounded by the warm glow of street lights and the few homes with lamps still burning. She could see it all, glittering like little stars in the night time. And beyond it endless rolling fields.
"Wow. This is really pretty."
"I come here whenever I need to think. It hasn't been used in years."
"So why-"
"You've been avoiding me."
"I haven't."
"You have. I was worried I'd frightened you off."
"You didn't. It's just... I'm... This is all brand new."
"I know."
Sam tried and failed to stifle a big yawn, stretching up on her toes. "I do believe you said something about a present."
"That's right."
She was so close the mist created by their breaths mingled together. Sam suddenly found intelligent thought crawling out her ear and flying through the window.
Janet pulled up the sleeve of her jacket to squint at her watch, then, grinning like the cat that caught the canary grabbed the taller blonde by the caller and pulled Sam down into a kiss that all but made her head explode.
"Merry Christmas. And happy New Year, by the by."
"Holy Hannah!"
#
Sam triumphantly flicked the opposing king off the board and sat back, arms folded across her chest and a smug little smirk in place. "Check. Mate."
"That'll do it." George frowned at the board, trying to figure out how he had lost.
"Give it up. I'm just the better player."
George chuckled. He was sure if she knew just how very like her father that triumphant smirk was she wouldn't be quite so self satisfied. Most of the time she was the spitting image of her mother but some days she was all Jake.
"Tis' a sad day when the student turns on the teacher. What do you say we do something to celebrate."
"That depends on what you mean by celebrate. I don't care what you say, Uncle George, fishing will never be my idea of fun."
"I was thinking Braums, actually."
"Now that, I can work with."
*********************************
"We can't tell my parents."
"My dad either. He's very hard core military, he would completely freak out."
They were at the drive in but this time Sam was very gratified to know she wasn't the only one who had no idea what was going on in the movie. She ran her thumb along Janet's bottom lip, loving the things the flickering blue glow of the big screen did to her skin. "I hate this. We're adults now, we should be able to do what we want without having to worry what other people will think."
"I know. I know and I'm sorry but my family is very important to me and I know they wouldn't approve. Momma, maybe, but dad...? We're in the same boat on that one."
"This stinks."
"I don't know, it's not all bad. There's something exciting about keeping it a secret, don't you think?"
With Janet whispering in her ear like that Sam could be made to agree to almost anything.
Yah... Yah-huh."
"You're unbearably cute when you're speechless..."
Very little talking got done after that.
*****************************
It was that time of year again, when seniors got stupid and suddenly the most important issue in the entire world was finding the perfect dress and the perfect date to go with it. Dances weren't really Sam's scene and ordinarily she would have been cackling with glee at the antics of all the giggling gaggles of girls and shy babbling boys lining the hallways but this year she felt their pain.
Since they were dating, however secretly, was it a given that they would go to prom together or did she still have to ask? Would Janet be offended if she just made an assumption? With the secrecy of their relationship was any of it really an issue anyway? She didn't think she could handle it if Janet went with some boy for the sake of keeping 'them' secret.
If it wasn't such a once in a life time thing Sam wouldn't have worried so much but damnit it was her last year in the hell hole called high school and she was determined to have at least one of the experiences ordinary teenagers took for granted. She had the nagging suspicion that if she didn't some day she might regret it.
It was this frustration that led her to be leaning against the locker next to Janet's, fidgeting and gnawing on her thumb nail as she struggled to fit her feelings into an understandable sentence. The object of her emotional turmoil watched her with growing amusement while rearranging text books around her growing build up of clutter.
"Sam, you look fit to burst. Spit it out before your brain explodes."
"I was just... I was just wondering... this whole dance thing..." Sam made a wavy gesture with her hand, eyes darting around to look anywhere but at the deep pools of brown suddenly riveted on her. "If we were going... me and you..."
The locker snapped shut. "Of course."
Sam leaned back, wide eyed. "Really? I just thought... Since we're trying to keep this thing-" She vaguely gestured between the two of them, "A secret, you wouldn't want to..."
"Friends dance together all the time, Sam, it's not a big deal. Just because we can't tell anyone doesn't mean we shouldn't have fun. That is, if you want to go?"
"Well, yeah. 'Course I do."
"Alright then. I've gotta get to class. See you later, blondie."
Left alone in the hall way Sam punched her fist in the air with a little whoop.
"Score!"
*****************************
Jacob Carter watched from the hallway as his daughter struggled with the tie, shaking his head in bemusement. "Only you, Samantha, only you."
Sam glanced up at her father's reflection, meeting his eyes in the mirror with a wry smile. "You should be thankful. This option was a lot cheaper than what all the other girls are wearing."
He watched her fumbled attempts a few moments longer before stepping in, batting her hands away. "Here, let me."
The elder Carter knotted the tie neatly, with efficiency born from years of practice. "I'm going to assume I don't need to brake out the shot-gun. You won't be running around with boys at this thing?"
Sam's ears went crimson and she shook her head with a nervous chuckle. "No-o. Nothing like that. I'm just going with a friend. You know her."
"Right. Colonel Fraiser's girl."
"Yep."
Jacob stood back to admire his handy work, smoothing imaginary wrinkles out of her shoulders. "You'll be back by eleven?"
"Probably before that. We won't stay long. I just want to be able to say I went."
"Alright."
"Borrow the car?"
"If you're careful." He dangled the keys in front of her. "But if anything happens-"
"I know, I know, you'll skin me alive. I'm a good driver, dad, you know that."
He nodded and dropped the keys into her waiting palm. "I know. Be safe, kiddo."
Was that a twinkle in his eye?
"Always."
*******************************
Sam found herself under deep unwavering scrutiny that made her shift nervously from foot to foot, fiddling with the end of her tie. Four burning brown eyes were boring holes right through her with their curiosity. Faced with the Fraiser boys Sam couldn't for the life of her tell them apart. She knew there was a year's difference between their ages but to her they looked identical.
Some one ran down the hallway upstairs chanting something that sounded like, "Not ready, not ready, not ready."
"Sam is it?" One of the brown eyed demons enquired. "What's with the hair?"
Sam self-consciously ran a hand through the messy blonde spikes, frowning. "What? It's Just-"
"Sam!"
Janet had impeccable timing.
Sam suddenly found every fiber of her being focused on the vision of an enticingly slender figure wrapped in a red dress that hid everything worth seeing but dropped enough hints to drive the imagination wild. Her throat was a barren desert wasteland as she swallowed and struggled to regain her composure.
"Ready?" It came out as a raspy croak.
"As I'll ever be."
******************************
'Dance with me across the sea
And we could feel the motion of a thousand dreams
Oh, Doctor, doctor, can't you see I'm burning, burning
Oh, Doctor, doctor, is this love I'm feeling?'
Sam was incredibly self conscious, wondering what everyone must think of the two of them swaying so close together, but found her hands utterly refused to obey her and only drew the smaller woman in closer. She was fascinated with the brunette's hair- rather than twist it up in one of the more popular up does Janet had opted to leave it down and it was so beautiful, curling around her face. She didn't think she'd ever noticed before just how auburn it was.
"Wanna get out of here?" All the balloons and colorful lights were putting her in a sappy mood.
"Anywhere you want to go."
*******************************
They were sitting on the hood of the car, Janet nestled snugly in Sam's arms, staring up at the stars. Sam thought for sure her heart was thundering more than loud enough to be audible and willed the fluttering organ to calm down. It was just Janet, after all.
"I think you'll make a wonderful Astronaut." She was saying, tracing the blonde's tie with the tip of her finger.
"Yeah?"
"You've got the brain for it."
"Maybe."
Janet's tone held the trace of a smile. "You can do anything you want to, Sam. Anything. I honestly believe that. There's smart and then there's you. You're on a whole completely different level."
Anything. If only that were true.
Sitting there, sharing their hopes and fears and dreams, it was the sort of thing Sam used to do with her mother, when she was younger. This though, this was sweet in a whole different way.
"I can't believe the year's almost over... It seems like only yesterday it was just starting."
They lapsed into an easy silence and Sam took Janets smaller, more delicate hand in her own, wondering at the size difference.
Then, "Jan?"
"Yeah?"
"I think I could really fall in love with you." It was a sleepy admission that she hadn't thought through as thoroughly as she should have, but having it hanging out there in the air didn't feel as awkward as she thought it would.
A sharply indrawn breath. "I hope so."
'And even as I wander,
I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the window
On a cold, dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might
And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars forever...'
*****************************
There was just something about Monday that had a way of making a person want to crawl under a rock and stay there. Suffering under the weight of the longest day of the week Sam stumbled in from school and all but threw her backpack on the dining room table, depositing her helmet with just as little care beside it.
"Dad?"
No answer. The lanky teen went to raid the kitchen, routing through the fridge and pulling out as much as she could reasonably carry in her arms. Turning to deposit her find on the counter, she drew up short.
There, just beside the sink, was a large, very thick, very official looking envelope. Her dad must have been in long enough to collect the mail.
Heart in her throat, Sam sat the all but forgotten food aside and snatched the envelope up, tracing her finger nail over the blocky type of her name. It was much to thick to be a simple rejection letter. And her father had seen it. Was he as proud as she had hoped he would be?
She couldn't help a giddy grin as she ripped the envelope open, scanning through the contents with a crowe of delight. Everything was falling into place.
Everything...
Everything.
Sam's brow furrowed in a frown, not liking the path her thought pattern was taking. The academy. That meant she would be going away. Far away. She'd been so excited she hadn't really thought about it before. At the moment there was only one other thing in her life Sam wanted as much as the sheaf of paper she held in her hand and she certainly wasn't going to be anywhere near Colorado Springs.
"Awe crap."
#
Hammond braced himself. Conversations that started out like this were almost always interesting. "Shoot."
"Alright. Okay." Sam licked her bottom lip, a look of utter concentration on her face as she struggled to come up with a way to phrase what she wanted to know. "When one is trying to say... 'court' someone, how do you go about it? What do you say? How do you know if they like you? What if they don't like you?"
Hammond blinked, completely and utterly baffled. That certainly wasn't what he had been expecting.
With the onset of winter they had moved their weekly chess games inside and set up on a rickety little card table on the rug in front of the fire place. George for one was much more comfortable, relaxed in his plush easy chair with a fire crackling a few feet away. Sam had snatched one of his kitchen table chairs and was sitting with it backwards, occasionally rocking back on the legs. Every now and then his wife would wander through and scold her for the behavior.
"Well... Ah..."
"You've been happily married for so long, I figure you know your stuff."
George smiled at the odd little compliment. "There isn't away to just know, not really. Not without talking to the other person. Maybe they don't feel the same way you do, but if they do... It can be pretty wonderful." This was so not a conversation he had ever imagined having. George was suddenly very grateful his wife had always been around to help his own daughter deal with her emotional issues.
"So it's definitely worth it?"
"Definitely."
George peered at her over the chess board. "May I ask who the lucky fellow is?"
Her eyes suddenly went wide. "What? Oh! Um... That is... I mean... It was just... Just hypothetical... I didn't mean..."
He chuckled as she went crimson right up to the tip of her ears.
"Check mate."
"I'll beat you yet, Uncle George."
***********************************
Sam stood before the little plantation style house reciting the speech she'd planned for the hundredth time. "Since I'm finally ungrounded I was wondering if maybe you would like to catch a movie. To, ah, celebrate my freedom. Yeah, that's not lame at all, Samantha." She sighed, pushing shaggy bangs out of her eyes. "Alright, deep breath, take the plunge."
She stepped up to the door and knocked.
A pair of big brown eyes attached to a mop of wild red hair peered around the door at her.
Sam raised a hand in greeting. "Um, hi."
"MOM!"
Sam heard muffled voices and what sounded like running footsteps and some one shouting, "Scott who is it?"
"I dunno, some blond guy." The red haired boy who could only be Scott squinted at her. "Er, chick."
"Sam!"
Janet to the rescue. Thank god.
"He-hey Janet."
Janet told her little brother to get lost and stepped out to join Sam on the porch, sleeve ends balled around her hands. "You finally escape the prison cell?"
"Y-yeah." The well rehearsed speech suddenly deserted her. It didn't help that she was pretty sure there were two pairs of liquid brown eyes watching her through the window. They had their freckled noses pressed up against the glass. Dimly she remembered that there were two of the little munchkins.
"Are you feeling alright? You look a little flushed."
"I'm fine. I was just... That is, I was wondering... Uh..."
Janet waited expectantly.
"Movie?" She finally spit out.
Janet giggled as the blond ducked her head and grinned shyly. "Sure, why not? I'll have to ask my parents but I don't think they'll mind. Tonight?"
"Yeah! Yeah."
She was still giggling. It occurred to Sam to feel insulted but she couldn't do it. "You could have just called, you know."
"What? Oh. Yeah, I guess I could have... I didn't think..."
"Pick me up at seven?"
"Sure."
***************************
Pigtails. Janet was wearing pigtails. They were low, curling down below her ears, and frightfully adorable.
"Hey Dorothy? I think Kansas is the other way."
The little brunette swatted her arm. "Oh stop it! It's a perfectly practical style."
Sam laughed, hopping down the steps. "Oh yeah, I'm sure they are. Farm girl."
"So says the one with straw for hair."
Sam had borrowed her father's car for the occasion, on the promise that he would skin her alive if it came back in anything less than one piece, and she held the passenger side door open for her, much to Janet's amusement, before settling in behind the wheel and starting the engine. The gentle teasing went a long way for calming her nerves.
Still, as she pulled out of the drive way she was almost certain there were two little noses pressed against the window watching them go.
*******************************
Sam had no idea what was going on in the movie. She couldn't even remember the title to save her life. But judging by Janet's various expressions whatever it was, it was pretty funny. She was extremely grateful for the darkness of the theater that gave her the freedom to steal as many little glances as she wanted without being caught.
She was completely enthralled. Sam supposed she ought to be more shocked by the revelation but she really wasn't. This wasn't the first time she'd found herself thinking some girl was extremely pretty. It was just the first time she had ever wanted to do something about it.
It was hard to think about the meaning behind her feelings when her entire world was so entirely focused in on the slender fingered hand resting on the arm rest beside her own.
If this was how boys felt all the time she didn't envy them. She'd never been so nervous in her life.
"This was fun."
Sam wasn't entirely sure of the events that had led up to them once again standing in front of the Fraiser home's door, but the fluttering in her heart was telling her that the evening was ending all too soon.
"Yeah. Yeah it was."
"We should do this more often."
"Yuh-huh."
"Well, I guess this is good night."
"Yeah, good night." Sam tried not to feel too disappointed. They'd be seeing each other in a couple of days at school, after all.
Janet stood on tip-toe and pressed a gentle kiss against the blonde's cheek and suddenly Sam's whole universe stopped turning.
"Next time you want to go on a "date" all you gotta do is ask, shy one. I don't bite, I promise."
Sam was rooted to the spot even as Janet slipped inside, sure she was blushing from the tips of her ears all the way down to her toes.
Tracing her fingers across her cheek she vowed to avoid washing it again for as long as humanly possible.
*******************************
On the morning of December fifth Sam woke up with a feeling of dread that was not normally associated with birthdays. She just couldn't shake the feeling that they were never going to be the same again, not with her mother around. No more warm fuzzy feeling, waking up to the smell of pancakes and her mom's kind eyed smile.
Blearily she rolled over and scrubbed at her eyes- and stopped short. Resting on the box she'd been using as her bedside table was a brightly wrapped package topped with a stick on bow and a card. Sam reached out and pulled the package to her, reading the card first and feeling laughter bubble up from deep inside her chest.
'Happy birthday, sweet heart. Remember, age does not an adult make. Pancake mix is on the counter. See you after work.
P.S. Shouldn't you have those boxes all unpacked by now, young lady?'
Ripping open the paper she found, as she had expected, a book. West with the Night.
Well, it was something anyway.
#
"A-HA! Check mate."
"No, no, Sam. That's just my queen."
"Awe... Fiddlesticks!"
Sam was sheepish under Uncle George's bemused gaze.
"Well, you hate it when I swear."
*************************************
Christmas vacation rolled around and brought with it a distinct lack of snow. It was not an unusual phenomenon for the southerly lone star state but Sam found herself slightly depressed at it's absence anyway. No snow meant no snow men, no snow angels and no sled riding. Not that there was enough proper hills to get anything good going anyway.
It just didn't feel like Christmas.
It was her father who finally figured out why.
Sam was sprawled on the floor in the living room twisting a candy cane around in her lips and flipping through the pages of her physics textbook when Jacob got home from work. He wriggled his fingers free of his gloves as he observed the studying going on in his family room when the proverbial light bulb lit.
"We don't have a tree."
Sam almost could have laughed at the the slightly shocked and puzzled expression his face.
"Nope." She didn't have to add that the matter of the tree had always been her mother's thing. She would take the kids out to find the "perfect" tree and then they would make sugar cookies and spend the night singing along to old carols and decorating. To Jacob, who was never around when this venture occurred, Sam imagined the tree must have seemed to appear like magic every year.
"I didn't figure you would want one." She added.
"No, no, we always have a tree."
Sam arched an eyebrow and resisted the urge to make a sarcastic comment about him having noticed.
"I have off Friday. Why don't we go look for one?"
"Me and you?"
"Yeah."
"You and me?"
"Yes."
"Really?"
"Samantha, why do I get the feeling you're teasing me?"
" 'Cause I am. Sure, that sounds great Dad."
**************************************
Sam lay on the front porch, legs dangling over the steps, picking at a piece of fuzz on her gloves and trying not feel disappointed. Her father hadn't been home when she got up that morning and it was now almost noon. Of course he had forgotten their tree shopping date. She shouldn't be surprised.
Fifteen minutes later his car rolled in the drive way and Sam's heart did a little dance.
"I got called into the base."
No apologies. She hadn't expected one.
"Let me get changed and we'll go."
Music to her ears.
It turned out there was only one ranch in the area that specialized in Christmas trees and they had closed up shop several days before. They were told they could come back after Christmas for a great deal on what was left over and Jacob was tight lipped as they drove away.
They ended up at the local all purpose grocery store with a boxed up plastic thing they both agreed was passable. It was white and covered in glittery bits of tensile but a tree was a tree and at that point they were both getting a little snippy.
Initially they started putting it together as a group effort but by the end Sam was slouching on the couch watching as he finished straightening the stick-in branches, grumbling all the while. She considered the lack of yelling a major personal victory on his part.
It was half past five by the time they both sat back to admire their handy work.
"This is the most god awful ugly tree I have ever seen."
"Ooh! Now we gotta decorate it."
The wide eyed look Jacob cast at his daughter could only be described as horror. "Decorate it?"
"You know, ornaments and stuff. I'll get the carols tape, you get the box of Christmas stuff."
"Make it 'Eagles' instead and you have yourself a deal."
"Pizza?"
"If you order."
Sam was surprised to realize that she had spent almost an entire day solely in her father's company and had actually enjoyed herself. The finished tree wasn't going to be winning any awards any time soon but it was oddly satisfying to see something they had done together. She had shared a few stories behind the various family ornaments that he had missed through the years and on more than one occasion he had almost laughed. It was strange and wonderful.
Later when she was taking the empty pizza box out to the dumpster Sam found herself staring wistfully at the stars. "I wish you were here Mom... This is the sort of thing we should have had together. All of us."
She leaned against the side of the house and stared at the stars, breath misting in front of her face, until her frozen ears began protesting too loudly to be ignored.
When he spent the entire week of Christmas at work she tried not to be too disheartened.
******************************
Tap, tap, tap.
Sam groaned, rolling over and burrowing further into her blankets.
Tap, tap, tap.
"Go'way!" She flattened her pillow over her head.
Tap, tap, tap.
"Urgh!"
Sam sprung up in bed, suddenly wide awake with her heart thundering in her chest. Somebody was knocking on her window. Sombody was knocking on her window at - a quick glance at the alarm clock - 11:30 at night.
She rolled gracelessly out of bed and grabbed a heavy book, creeping towards the window and twitching the curtain aside.
"Oh!" The book fell out of her fingers at the sight of the familiar wry expression waiting for her on the other side and she quickly threw the latch and eased the window open. "What the hell, Jan? Do you have any idea what time it is?"
"I get the feeling you've been avoiding me."
Sam was bleary eyed. "And your solution is to wake me in the middle of the God be-damned night and scare me half to death?"
Janet's little smirk was almost cute enough to be worth it. "Got your attention didn't I? Come on, get dressed."
"Wh-why? Why? Dear lord why?"
"Because I haven't given you your Christmas present yet. And I want to show you something. Shoes you can walk in."
Sam made sure she grumbled loud enough for her late night visitor to hear as she stuffed plaid pajama pants into her biker boots and pulled on coat and gloves. By the time she crawled out the window they were both snickering quietly.
"This better be one hell of a gift."
**********************************
The abandoned barn was skeletal by the light of the almost full moon, creating shadowy wraiths on the overgrown grass that grew around it. It was on the verge of kicking the proverbial bucket, so much termite lunch.
Sam had to admit it was a little spooky, pausing at the foot of the steep slope leading up to the big wooden doors. "Gee, it's a barn, Jan. I know I'm not from around here but I have seen my share of barns before." She huffed, shivering inside her coat.
"Don't be such a baby. Come on!"
Sam watched as Janet threw back the bolt and slid the groaning door open, wondering just how illegal it was before following her inside. She didn't have warm fuzzy feeling about the rickety ladder leading up to the loft but she allowed herself to be badgered up it, vaguely envying her companions easy grace.
"Oh. This is what you meant."
Their entire little community was spread out below them, surrounded by the warm glow of street lights and the few homes with lamps still burning. She could see it all, glittering like little stars in the night time. And beyond it endless rolling fields.
"Wow. This is really pretty."
"I come here whenever I need to think. It hasn't been used in years."
"So why-"
"You've been avoiding me."
"I haven't."
"You have. I was worried I'd frightened you off."
"You didn't. It's just... I'm... This is all brand new."
"I know."
Sam tried and failed to stifle a big yawn, stretching up on her toes. "I do believe you said something about a present."
"That's right."
She was so close the mist created by their breaths mingled together. Sam suddenly found intelligent thought crawling out her ear and flying through the window.
Janet pulled up the sleeve of her jacket to squint at her watch, then, grinning like the cat that caught the canary grabbed the taller blonde by the caller and pulled Sam down into a kiss that all but made her head explode.
"Merry Christmas. And happy New Year, by the by."
"Holy Hannah!"
#
Sam triumphantly flicked the opposing king off the board and sat back, arms folded across her chest and a smug little smirk in place. "Check. Mate."
"That'll do it." George frowned at the board, trying to figure out how he had lost.
"Give it up. I'm just the better player."
George chuckled. He was sure if she knew just how very like her father that triumphant smirk was she wouldn't be quite so self satisfied. Most of the time she was the spitting image of her mother but some days she was all Jake.
"Tis' a sad day when the student turns on the teacher. What do you say we do something to celebrate."
"That depends on what you mean by celebrate. I don't care what you say, Uncle George, fishing will never be my idea of fun."
"I was thinking Braums, actually."
"Now that, I can work with."
*********************************
"We can't tell my parents."
"My dad either. He's very hard core military, he would completely freak out."
They were at the drive in but this time Sam was very gratified to know she wasn't the only one who had no idea what was going on in the movie. She ran her thumb along Janet's bottom lip, loving the things the flickering blue glow of the big screen did to her skin. "I hate this. We're adults now, we should be able to do what we want without having to worry what other people will think."
"I know. I know and I'm sorry but my family is very important to me and I know they wouldn't approve. Momma, maybe, but dad...? We're in the same boat on that one."
"This stinks."
"I don't know, it's not all bad. There's something exciting about keeping it a secret, don't you think?"
With Janet whispering in her ear like that Sam could be made to agree to almost anything.
Yah... Yah-huh."
"You're unbearably cute when you're speechless..."
Very little talking got done after that.
*****************************
It was that time of year again, when seniors got stupid and suddenly the most important issue in the entire world was finding the perfect dress and the perfect date to go with it. Dances weren't really Sam's scene and ordinarily she would have been cackling with glee at the antics of all the giggling gaggles of girls and shy babbling boys lining the hallways but this year she felt their pain.
Since they were dating, however secretly, was it a given that they would go to prom together or did she still have to ask? Would Janet be offended if she just made an assumption? With the secrecy of their relationship was any of it really an issue anyway? She didn't think she could handle it if Janet went with some boy for the sake of keeping 'them' secret.
If it wasn't such a once in a life time thing Sam wouldn't have worried so much but damnit it was her last year in the hell hole called high school and she was determined to have at least one of the experiences ordinary teenagers took for granted. She had the nagging suspicion that if she didn't some day she might regret it.
It was this frustration that led her to be leaning against the locker next to Janet's, fidgeting and gnawing on her thumb nail as she struggled to fit her feelings into an understandable sentence. The object of her emotional turmoil watched her with growing amusement while rearranging text books around her growing build up of clutter.
"Sam, you look fit to burst. Spit it out before your brain explodes."
"I was just... I was just wondering... this whole dance thing..." Sam made a wavy gesture with her hand, eyes darting around to look anywhere but at the deep pools of brown suddenly riveted on her. "If we were going... me and you..."
The locker snapped shut. "Of course."
Sam leaned back, wide eyed. "Really? I just thought... Since we're trying to keep this thing-" She vaguely gestured between the two of them, "A secret, you wouldn't want to..."
"Friends dance together all the time, Sam, it's not a big deal. Just because we can't tell anyone doesn't mean we shouldn't have fun. That is, if you want to go?"
"Well, yeah. 'Course I do."
"Alright then. I've gotta get to class. See you later, blondie."
Left alone in the hall way Sam punched her fist in the air with a little whoop.
"Score!"
*****************************
Jacob Carter watched from the hallway as his daughter struggled with the tie, shaking his head in bemusement. "Only you, Samantha, only you."
Sam glanced up at her father's reflection, meeting his eyes in the mirror with a wry smile. "You should be thankful. This option was a lot cheaper than what all the other girls are wearing."
He watched her fumbled attempts a few moments longer before stepping in, batting her hands away. "Here, let me."
The elder Carter knotted the tie neatly, with efficiency born from years of practice. "I'm going to assume I don't need to brake out the shot-gun. You won't be running around with boys at this thing?"
Sam's ears went crimson and she shook her head with a nervous chuckle. "No-o. Nothing like that. I'm just going with a friend. You know her."
"Right. Colonel Fraiser's girl."
"Yep."
Jacob stood back to admire his handy work, smoothing imaginary wrinkles out of her shoulders. "You'll be back by eleven?"
"Probably before that. We won't stay long. I just want to be able to say I went."
"Alright."
"Borrow the car?"
"If you're careful." He dangled the keys in front of her. "But if anything happens-"
"I know, I know, you'll skin me alive. I'm a good driver, dad, you know that."
He nodded and dropped the keys into her waiting palm. "I know. Be safe, kiddo."
Was that a twinkle in his eye?
"Always."
*******************************
Sam found herself under deep unwavering scrutiny that made her shift nervously from foot to foot, fiddling with the end of her tie. Four burning brown eyes were boring holes right through her with their curiosity. Faced with the Fraiser boys Sam couldn't for the life of her tell them apart. She knew there was a year's difference between their ages but to her they looked identical.
Some one ran down the hallway upstairs chanting something that sounded like, "Not ready, not ready, not ready."
"Sam is it?" One of the brown eyed demons enquired. "What's with the hair?"
Sam self-consciously ran a hand through the messy blonde spikes, frowning. "What? It's Just-"
"Sam!"
Janet had impeccable timing.
Sam suddenly found every fiber of her being focused on the vision of an enticingly slender figure wrapped in a red dress that hid everything worth seeing but dropped enough hints to drive the imagination wild. Her throat was a barren desert wasteland as she swallowed and struggled to regain her composure.
"Ready?" It came out as a raspy croak.
"As I'll ever be."
******************************
'Dance with me across the sea
And we could feel the motion of a thousand dreams
Oh, Doctor, doctor, can't you see I'm burning, burning
Oh, Doctor, doctor, is this love I'm feeling?'
Sam was incredibly self conscious, wondering what everyone must think of the two of them swaying so close together, but found her hands utterly refused to obey her and only drew the smaller woman in closer. She was fascinated with the brunette's hair- rather than twist it up in one of the more popular up does Janet had opted to leave it down and it was so beautiful, curling around her face. She didn't think she'd ever noticed before just how auburn it was.
"Wanna get out of here?" All the balloons and colorful lights were putting her in a sappy mood.
"Anywhere you want to go."
*******************************
They were sitting on the hood of the car, Janet nestled snugly in Sam's arms, staring up at the stars. Sam thought for sure her heart was thundering more than loud enough to be audible and willed the fluttering organ to calm down. It was just Janet, after all.
"I think you'll make a wonderful Astronaut." She was saying, tracing the blonde's tie with the tip of her finger.
"Yeah?"
"You've got the brain for it."
"Maybe."
Janet's tone held the trace of a smile. "You can do anything you want to, Sam. Anything. I honestly believe that. There's smart and then there's you. You're on a whole completely different level."
Anything. If only that were true.
Sitting there, sharing their hopes and fears and dreams, it was the sort of thing Sam used to do with her mother, when she was younger. This though, this was sweet in a whole different way.
"I can't believe the year's almost over... It seems like only yesterday it was just starting."
They lapsed into an easy silence and Sam took Janets smaller, more delicate hand in her own, wondering at the size difference.
Then, "Jan?"
"Yeah?"
"I think I could really fall in love with you." It was a sleepy admission that she hadn't thought through as thoroughly as she should have, but having it hanging out there in the air didn't feel as awkward as she thought it would.
A sharply indrawn breath. "I hope so."
'And even as I wander,
I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the window
On a cold, dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might
And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars forever...'
*****************************
There was just something about Monday that had a way of making a person want to crawl under a rock and stay there. Suffering under the weight of the longest day of the week Sam stumbled in from school and all but threw her backpack on the dining room table, depositing her helmet with just as little care beside it.
"Dad?"
No answer. The lanky teen went to raid the kitchen, routing through the fridge and pulling out as much as she could reasonably carry in her arms. Turning to deposit her find on the counter, she drew up short.
There, just beside the sink, was a large, very thick, very official looking envelope. Her dad must have been in long enough to collect the mail.
Heart in her throat, Sam sat the all but forgotten food aside and snatched the envelope up, tracing her finger nail over the blocky type of her name. It was much to thick to be a simple rejection letter. And her father had seen it. Was he as proud as she had hoped he would be?
She couldn't help a giddy grin as she ripped the envelope open, scanning through the contents with a crowe of delight. Everything was falling into place.
Everything...
Everything.
Sam's brow furrowed in a frown, not liking the path her thought pattern was taking. The academy. That meant she would be going away. Far away. She'd been so excited she hadn't really thought about it before. At the moment there was only one other thing in her life Sam wanted as much as the sheaf of paper she held in her hand and she certainly wasn't going to be anywhere near Colorado Springs.
"Awe crap."
#