November 14th
Carla and I have been waiting for today.
This is the first time since the fire when we are in a better state than we were at the same time last year. Everything up until now has been a constant comparison against where I was before. Comparing absent grip strength and lungs that gave out after a walk up four steps, against competing at the nationals in August '08. Not being able to grip hard enough to turn a door knob against gripping a swordhilt hard enough to shove over a 300 pound man with it.
Nope, at this time last year I was in a coma. November 18th, one of the best trauma surgeons in the world was sitting bedside with me for six hours because if my lungs gave out again, she wouldn't be able to get to me from across the hospital fast enough to stabilize me.
I write this for my own reference, because the next time I start to get down on myself for any purpose, the next time I get frustrated and angry and how slow I am progressing- which I know will happen, because I'm kinda like that when it comes to limitations.. I want to re read this and remember how it feels right now, three hundred and sixty five days later, to draw a breath, close my hands into fists, and know beyond doubt that I am alive and I am not afraid.
The white tree is blooming again and the future stretching out in front of Carla and me is going to be amazing.
When we have kids, I now carry the ultimate 'quit your crying' card. We are going to have kids some day.
Carla got her hair styled today, and put a couple streaks of burgundy in it. She looks absolutely amazing.
November 14th, I've been waiting for you.
Carpe fucking Diem.