Length - 2,486
Author -
lafleurdumal85 Rating - R
Summary - In which Dean discovers a disadvantage to interspecies blasphemous gay love, and Sam awkwardly gives Cas sex advice.
Warnings - language, sexual references,
Spoilers - Nothing specific
Disclaimer - I own nothing, I earn nothing.
The last thing Sam had ever wanted was to get involved.
Of course he was happy for his brother, that went without saying. Dean deserved to be happy and he deserved to have someone that was his, and Sam couldn’t think of anyone who was so unequivocally Dean’s as Castiel was. Dean’s angel. Weird as the two of them seemed on paper, they were good for each other. Sure, Sam had been a little surprised when he’d found out about them, not because he’d been ignorant of the tension between them - you’d have to be blind to miss that - but because he didn’t think Dean would ever have the balls to act on it.
But then Castiel had shown up at their motel a couple of weeks ago and had insisted that he talk to Dean. The two of them had gone outside, and Sam could see them through the window, reduced to shades of orange and black beneath the dim streetlamp. Sam had felt uncomfortable, as he always did when he was with Dean and Castiel, like he was looking in on something private, something not meant for him. He tried not to look, but his gaze kept being drawn back to his brother and the angel. They were arguing. Sam could see from the way Dean’s jaw was set, his arms folded over his chest. Castiel had been leaning in towards him, always a little too close for comfort, talking intently. Dean had tried to walk away, but Castiel had grabbed his arm and spun him back around. Dean had tried to pull away again, but then Cas had grabbed hold of his jacket and pressed Dean’s mouth to his in a bruising kiss. Sam had felt his face grow hot. Dean had tried to resist, tried to fight the angel off, but then he just gave into it, melting into Castiel, clinging to him, kissing him back like it was the only thing keeping him alive. Sam’s brain had finally kicked back into gear, and he’d hurriedly moved away to the kitchenette, his face still burning.
They never talked about it. Sam had made it clear that he knew things had changed, but there was no need to go into it more than that. Dean was happy, so Sam was happy. He didn’t need details. That was what made it so horribly awkward when Dean came to him for advice.
He’d noticed that his brother had been looking kind of tired lately, that he’d been happy for Sam to do most of the driving, that he’d frequently doze off when they were doing research. Sam had put it down to the stresses of the job, but looking at Dean closely, he wasn’t so sure. There were dark shadows under his eyes, and he had a dazed look about him, like he wasn’t all there.
“Dude… are you feeling okay?”
Dean blinked and looked up at him. “What?”
“Dean, you look like crap.”
“Oh… it’s nothing.”
“Come on, tell me! Seriously, man, I’m worried about you.”
Dean scrunched his face up. “It’s… oh man, I can’t tell you, it’s embarrassing, it’s…”
“Dean, what?”
“Oh god, okay. I’m too exhausted to care anymore. It’s Cas, man.”
Sam frowned. “What’s wrong with him?”
“Nothing! That’s the problem! He’s… Sammy, I don’t know how much longer I can… I mean, I never thought I’d have a problem with this, but…”
“Dude! What?”
Dean pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes. “I… I think Cas might be some kind of sex addict.”
Sam promptly choked on the beer he was drinking. “I- you- he- what?”
“It’s true.” Dean looked up at him mournfully. “Cas is a sex addict.”
Sam couldn’t help it. He threw his head back and roared with laughter.
“Dude, this isn’t funny!” Dean snarled. “God, I knew I shouldn’t have told you!”
Sam struggled to control himself. “I… oh god, I’m sorry, man.” His face was aching from the effort of not grinning. “I’m… I’m listening.”
Dean looked at him suspiciously. “You better not laugh again!”
“I won’t! It was just a… a nervous reaction.”
Dean sighed. “It was… oh god, this is fucking embarrassing, okay? And I’m only telling you this because I’m fucking desperate and I don’t know what else to do. He just… he just can’t be satisfied, Sammy! It’s like he’s trying to make up for lost time or something. And you know the funny thing about angels, Sam. They never sleep!” Dean grabbed the front of Sam’s shirt and pulled him closer, his eyes desperate. “Sammy, they never sleep! And he has, like, zero recovery time. I mean, he can just keep going and going and going. I thought I’d struck gold at first, cause he’s a real fast learner and he’s eager to please and actually surprisingly flexible, but… but it’s just too much! And you know, I never say that about sex. But… Sam, I’m exhausted. He won’t let me sleep. He just wants sex all the damn time. The other night I actually told him that I had this fantasy where I lie there and pretend to be unconscious and he could do whatever he wanted to me, so now I guess he thinks I’ve got some weird necro kink. I’m just so damn tired, and I hurt in places I didn’t even know I had, and I don’t know how much more of this I can take!” He looked almost like he was about to cry.
Sam wasn’t sure what to say; things had gone from funny to extremely awkward very quickly. “Uh… have you tried talking to him?”
“What? No, of course not! I can’t talk to him about this, it wouldn’t be right!”
Sam was about to question this when Dean’s phone started ringing and he fumbled in his jacket pocket to retrieve it. He looked at the screen and gave Sam a shifty look before answering. “Cas? I… yeah. Yeah. No, we’re in Brookfield, Nebraska, the Blue Springs Motel, but you really don’t have to… no, Cas, but we’re really fine. I mean, if you have stuff you need to do, even if it’s just for a couple of days, you could… but… you really don’t… Damn it!” Dean threw the phone on the table. He looked at Sam sullenly. “He’s a sneaky son-of-a-bitch, you know that? He’s pretending to be all concerned about the case we’re working, but I know he just wants more sex. I-”
Dean was clearly intent on continuing his rant, but then Castiel was there in the room, just there, and he did it enough but it would never stop being weird to Sam.
“How can I help?” he asked, his eyes flickering over Sam, lingering on Dean.
Dean was staring mulishly at Castiel’s feet.
“Uh… it’s not a big deal,” Sam said. “Just a… just an angry spirit. We think it might be a wraith.” He gestured towards the open books on the table.
Castiel tilted his chin back. “I see. May I?”
“Oh… sure!” Sam moved aside for the angel. Seriously, he was never going to be able to look at Castiel in the same way again.
Was it possible that Dean was just kidding, though? Looking at Castiel, he couldn’t have appeared less like a sex addict if he tried. He looked so serious and innocent and serene, and if Sam hadn’t accidentally witnessed the guy molesting his brother’s mouth a couple of times, he’d doubt if Cas even knew what sex was.
Not that he was given much time to contemplate any of this. Dean grabbed his arm and hauled him over to the far side of the room.
“Sam, you have to talk to him!”
“I… what? I have to talk to him?”
“Yes! You have to… explain to him that he needs to just, you know, take it down a notch or two.”
“Dude, I can’t!”
Dean gave him a pleading look. “Sammy, you have to. Please. If you’re ever in a relationship with nympho angel, I’d do the same for you! Please!”
Sam looked at his brother furiously. So it was ‘inappropriate’ for Dean to talk to Cas about this, but somehow it was all perfectly natural for Sam to tell his brother’s boyfriend to cool off. His brother’s boyfriend who just happened to be an all-powerful angel of the lord who could deal out heavenly smitings on anyone who happened to piss him off. You gotta love that logic.
“Sam, please,” Dean repeated. “He’s out of control!”
Sam glanced over at Castiel, who was still poring over the books, his hair rumpled, his lower lip sucked into his mouth in concentration. “Seriously? That guy?”
Castiel glanced up. “This is all very interesting. Very interesting. Dean, I need to talk to you about the, ah, case. Alone. It’s very important.” He was staring at Dean like he was trying to undress him with his eyes, and Sam fidgeted uncomfortably. Maybe his brother had a point after all. He was just about to attempt an intercession when Dean stepped forward.
“No!” he yelled. “Cas, I’m not having sex with you again! I can’t! I can’t keep doing it all the time like this! I have feelings, Cas! And a brain! There was a time when you appreciated that, but now I’m just your… your… sex puppet! We never even talk anymore! You have a problem, Cas, you have a serious problem!” With that he turned and slammed out of the room, leaving Sam alone with the angel.
Awkward.
“Uh… Dean’s just… he’s just… kinda tired. I don’t think he…” Sam trailed off when he caught sight of Castiel’s face. He looked like he’d just witnessed a massacre of puppies. “Cas?”
“Dean doesn’t want me anymore,” Castiel whispered, sitting down heavily on Sam’s bed.
“What? Nooo! No, Cas, it’s not that!”
“But… but he just… he just said that he doesn’t want me.”
“No, but, Cas… it’s not that he doesn’t want you, it’s…” Sam swallowed. He never thought he’d have to give sex advice to an angel. “It’s just that humans… we can’t have sex all the time. We need to rest.”
Castiel looked up at him, perplexed. “But… but Dean enjoys sex. I just wanted to make him happy.”
“Well, yeah. I get that, but people still can’t have sex constantly. And Dean probably hasn’t said anything because he didn’t want to, I don’t know, lose face or something, but humans just don’t have that kind of stamina!”
“But… but, Sam… I can’t help it. I didn’t know what I was missing until Dean showed me. Now it’s all I can think about. I try to concentrate on other things, but then my mind just keeps going back to that thing Dean does with his tongue, and the way the back of his neck tastes, and the noises he makes when I’ve got him on his back and I’m-”
“Okaaaay!” Sam said very loudly. “I… I get the point.” He’s seen every kind of hell beast imaginable, fought off unspeakable horrors, endured what no man alive should have to endure. But this? This is what’s going to scar him for life. He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Look, Cas, I get it. Sex is great. We all think about it. But, see, it’s like a treat. You have too much of it and it stops being special. Just, you know, enjoy the anticipation.”
Castiel looked at him dubiously. “So you… you think that I should refrain from intercourse with Dean?”
“Not completely, but… but you should maybe, you know… refrain a little. Give him some recovery time, you know?”
“I think I understand. You think that Dean really is still interested in pursuing this relationship.”
Sam sighed. “Yeah. Yeah, I do. Cas, he’s happier than I’ve ever seen him. Seriously, man, you’re good for him. He’s definitely still interested, you just need to, you know, find a balance.”
Castiel nodded. “I see.”
“Make him chase you a little, you know? And… and talk. I know Dean’s not exactly famed for his communication skills, but I think he’d appreciate it.”
“I see. Thank you, Sam. Your advice has been invaluable.”
The next instant he was gone, and Sam was left staring at an empty bed. “You’re welcome.”
…
The hunt turned out to be mercifully straightforward. The wraith was defeated by a simple salt-and-burn, and the Winchesters were having some celebratory drinks back at the motel when Castiel showed up again. It had been a couple of days, and Sam knew that Dean had been worrying. They hadn’t discussed what had happened, mostly because Dean was too embarrassed, but Sam saw the way he kept checking his phone, obviously hoping that the angel would get in touch.
“Cas!” Dean was halfway across the room before he remembered that Sam was in the room. “Uh… hey, Cas.”
The corner of Castiel’s mouth twitched. “Dean. I see your latest job was a success.”
“Yeah, it was fine. Cas, where the hell have you been? I was worried, man.”
Sam was pretending that the label on his beer bottle was highly fascinating.
“I believe you needed some ‘space’.” He did the invisible quote marks.
“Oh… well, look… I’m sorry about that. I was just-”
“There’s no need to explain. I understand, and I apologise if I was a little… overenthusiastic.”
“So… we’re cool?”
“I believe so.”
Dean laughed softly. It was kind of adorable, Sam thought, how they were both so awkward at this. Like two teenagers embarking on their first real relationship.
“Hey,” Dean said softly. “You wanna go for a drive? It’s a beautiful night, we got some beers, another evil spirit has bitten the dust… I figure we deserve a little alone time.”
Sam fought the urge to stick his fingers in his ears.
“I can’t tonight, Dean,” Castiel replied. “I have a head ache.”
“You… what? But you don’t get headaches! I thought you were all mojo-ed up! What happened?”
“Nothing.” Castiel glanced over at Sam briefly. “Nothing is wrong. But I have a head ache tonight. Also… I have made plans. To wash my hair.”
“What the hell, dude?”
“I must go now. I will see you again soon, Dean.” He disappeared.
Dean turned towards Sam furiously. “What the hell did you say to him?”
“What?”
“Sam, what did you do? What did you tell him? Oh man, I can’t believe I let you give him advice!”
“Let me? Dean, you practically begged me!”
“Well, it’s not gonna happen again! Damn it, now I have to go find him. Sam, this is entirely your fault!” Dean grabbed his jacket and keys and slammed his way out of the room.
Sam sighed wearily. He cracked open another beer and turned on the TV. That was it - he was without a doubt never getting involved again.