Calamity Trigger #1: Technobabble Gallore
(Also found here)
I don't think anyone cares to see the main menu when I'm obviously just gonna pick the Story Mode option, so let us skip straight to that.
We start at some kind of top secret lab. Or I'd rather think it's top secret, cause if the regular population knows this kind of shit is going down, the sanity levels in this universe are at a serious all time low.
And there they start throwing random words that lack a meaning to us for now. I can take one or two, but this is gonna get ridiculous pretty soon, trust me.
That, I actually know what it means. Little perk from playing the sequel first. It involves the most spectacular ass in the game... That probably is enough of a spoiler for people to figure it out now that I think about.
Another term that will become important. Not that even knowing its meaning helps. It's that kind of game.
For technobabble, that's pretty tame. On the other hand, we have no fucking context to work here, aside from other words that lack a particular meaning to us right now, so I'm calling bullshit. Guy is probably gonna get someone killed by not going through all the steps in the experiment or something.
"X, can you hear me?" Wait, wrong game.
"Of course no. It's customary for the superior to get to second base on the first date."
"... I meant the experiment."
"... Oh."
"So, no more penalty fees for returning books late then?"
"... You are a moron. Why are you even working here?"
I'm sorry, but that's the stupidest beard I have EVER seen. And I've seen a guy braiding his.
Also known as the titular BlazBlue. Continuum Shift got particularly annoying at that, with the subs spelling Azure Grimoire while the characters said BlazBlue. It makes as much sense as you can imagine, particularly cause the damned thing isn't even a Grimoire in the first place!
"Also, someone is messing with the saturation balance. Please go fix it."
See? What did I say? He's gonna get someone killed.
Yeah, the alarms are certainly a sign of normal behavior. Seriously, who put Doctor McLamebeard in charge?
*Insert random panicking that I couldn't be bothered to take screenshots of*
After more panicking like little girls, someone mentions that the concentration is high up, and so the camera leaves the incompetent bunch of scientists and takes us to...
A satellite? Eh, makes as much sense as the rest of the game, I suppose.
This actually reminds me of Final Fantasy VIII, with the sorceress Adel sealed in an orbiting satellite around the world. As predictable as then, this thing opens up and reveals something inside. Which at least I'm grateful isn't a four meter tall witch with the physique of a body builder.
Instead, we get what I can only assume is a red eyed heartless from Kingdom Hearts.
A pissed off Heartless from KH at that.
Who fires his LAZER at the planet, hitting a relatively green area of mountains and peaceful shit and all that. You know, the stuff you'd be sad to see blow up in real life, but more than welcome it in a game. You heartless bastard.
And so, unless the game decided to purposely screw with us, something either survived the blast, or was sent down along with the blast. I'm going with the second option for now, but knowing this kind of games, the real answer is gonna turn out to be something stupid, like some time travelling idiot from a devastated future trying to find the dead sister of the main character of the game.
... Sorry, that rant goes for the unnecessary sequel of another game.
And so, our mysterious figure turns out to be Flatty McFlatchest. Also known as Noel. Surely this is just a coincidence, right? Right?
Oh, who am I kidding, she'll probably turn out to be either a weapon of mass destruction spawned from that thing in orbit, or a Godsent angel of salvation. There is no middle ground with Japanese developers.
And that's it. Still no gameplay pictures, which is a relief for me, since taking them will mean I'll take more damage than normal. And I already suck enough at 2D fighters without putting that extra handicap.
.
I don't think anyone cares to see the main menu when I'm obviously just gonna pick the Story Mode option, so let us skip straight to that.
We start at some kind of top secret lab. Or I'd rather think it's top secret, cause if the regular population knows this kind of shit is going down, the sanity levels in this universe are at a serious all time low.
And there they start throwing random words that lack a meaning to us for now. I can take one or two, but this is gonna get ridiculous pretty soon, trust me.
That, I actually know what it means. Little perk from playing the sequel first. It involves the most spectacular ass in the game... That probably is enough of a spoiler for people to figure it out now that I think about.
Another term that will become important. Not that even knowing its meaning helps. It's that kind of game.
For technobabble, that's pretty tame. On the other hand, we have no fucking context to work here, aside from other words that lack a particular meaning to us right now, so I'm calling bullshit. Guy is probably gonna get someone killed by not going through all the steps in the experiment or something.
"X, can you hear me?" Wait, wrong game.
"Of course no. It's customary for the superior to get to second base on the first date."
"... I meant the experiment."
"... Oh."
"So, no more penalty fees for returning books late then?"
"... You are a moron. Why are you even working here?"
I'm sorry, but that's the stupidest beard I have EVER seen. And I've seen a guy braiding his.
Also known as the titular BlazBlue. Continuum Shift got particularly annoying at that, with the subs spelling Azure Grimoire while the characters said BlazBlue. It makes as much sense as you can imagine, particularly cause the damned thing isn't even a Grimoire in the first place!
"Also, someone is messing with the saturation balance. Please go fix it."
See? What did I say? He's gonna get someone killed.
Yeah, the alarms are certainly a sign of normal behavior. Seriously, who put Doctor McLamebeard in charge?
*Insert random panicking that I couldn't be bothered to take screenshots of*
After more panicking like little girls, someone mentions that the concentration is high up, and so the camera leaves the incompetent bunch of scientists and takes us to...
A satellite? Eh, makes as much sense as the rest of the game, I suppose.
This actually reminds me of Final Fantasy VIII, with the sorceress Adel sealed in an orbiting satellite around the world. As predictable as then, this thing opens up and reveals something inside. Which at least I'm grateful isn't a four meter tall witch with the physique of a body builder.
Instead, we get what I can only assume is a red eyed heartless from Kingdom Hearts.
A pissed off Heartless from KH at that.
Who fires his LAZER at the planet, hitting a relatively green area of mountains and peaceful shit and all that. You know, the stuff you'd be sad to see blow up in real life, but more than welcome it in a game. You heartless bastard.
And so, unless the game decided to purposely screw with us, something either survived the blast, or was sent down along with the blast. I'm going with the second option for now, but knowing this kind of games, the real answer is gonna turn out to be something stupid, like some time travelling idiot from a devastated future trying to find the dead sister of the main character of the game.
... Sorry, that rant goes for the unnecessary sequel of another game.
And so, our mysterious figure turns out to be Flatty McFlatchest. Also known as Noel. Surely this is just a coincidence, right? Right?
Oh, who am I kidding, she'll probably turn out to be either a weapon of mass destruction spawned from that thing in orbit, or a Godsent angel of salvation. There is no middle ground with Japanese developers.
And that's it. Still no gameplay pictures, which is a relief for me, since taking them will mean I'll take more damage than normal. And I already suck enough at 2D fighters without putting that extra handicap.
.