Unity
Jim has never been in a relationship long enough for it to become taken-for-granted. The nearest is probably his friends-with-benefits arrangement with Gaila, but he’s never managed a real relationship longer than about a month without getting bored. So it’s a surprise to everyone, not least Jim, when this… thing with Spock actually ends up working. In fact Jim’s started to think about maybe… making it permanent. So it’s a shock when Spock starts pushing him away.
Spock seems to be going out of his way not to touch Jim - and then refusing to explain when Jim brings this up. He’s been acting a little odd in other ways as well - almost, well, emotional. It all comes to a head at breakfast one morning. Jim nudges Spock with an elbow to get his attention, and Spock actually flinches away. As if that wasn’t insulting enough, he then stands up abruptly and announces to the table that, “I must consult with Dr McCoy,” before practically rushing out of the room.
Sulu and Chekov look at each other and then at Jim. “Is he sick?” Sulu asks.
“I don’t know.” Jim stabs at his eggs in frustration.
When they enter the bridge for their shift, Spock isn’t there. And he continues to not be there. About ten minutes into the shift Jim gets a message from Bones saying that Spock has been confined to quarters for the next few days. He wants to go over there immediately and find out what’s going on, but the crew is already missing a First Officer - and a Science Officer. He can’t leave them without a Captain as well.
Instead he waits until the end of his shift to head to Spock’s quarters. Jim types in the code and frowns with frustration when it’s refused. He presses the buzzer, waits thirty seconds and then presses it again. This time he waits a couple of minutes and then studies the keypad. He could override it - there are advantages to being the captain - but it occurs to Jim that if Spock is going to this much trouble to keep him away there must be a reason. And that it might be a good idea to find out what the reason is before he goes blundering in. He turns and heads towards sickbay.
Jim finds Bones in his office. “I need to know what’s wrong with Spock,” he says, flopping down in the chair opposite. Bones looks up from the PADD he is studying and frowns.
“So ask him, and stop cluttering up my office.”
“I tried that. He won’t let me in.” Jim puts on his most pleading look. “Come on, I know he talked to you.”
“Do the words ‘doctor-patient confidentiality’ mean anything to you?”
“If it’s something contagious you have to tell me,” Jim points out. “For the good of the crew.”
“It’s not contagious.” With a sigh, Bones puts the PADD down on the desk. “A few days of rest and he should be fine.”
One of the words in that sentence leaps out at Jim. “Wait. Should be fine? So there’s a chance he won’t be?”
Bones gives him a measured look. “You know, I think I preferred it when you hated him.” He says very clearly, “I can’t tell you.” Then he looks down at his desk and adds in a conversational tone, “Of course, if someone were to hack into the medical records I would be in no way responsible...”
Jim nearly slaps himself in the head. Why didn’t he think of that? He jumps up with a hurried “Thanks, Bones,” and rushes off.
Hacking into the medical records is almost ridiculously easy. Jim decides that if Bones isn’t doing this on purpose they are going to have a long talk about security. He manages to locate Spock’s records and reads through them, biting his lip. One section near the end catches his eye and he blinks and reads through it again. Well. At least he knows what’s going on now. Jim closes down the file and sits back, thinking. None of this explains why Spock didn’t just tell him about it, though. Or why he’s trying so hard to keep Jim away.
Deciding there’s only one way to find out, he heads towards Spock’s quarters.
* * * * *
The meditation is not helping. His body burns and his thoughts fog. Spock is actually on the verge of contacting his older self and asking for advice. He had honestly thought that he would be able to make it through this alone, but it is becoming obvious that he cannot. His thoughts turn, of course, to the obvious solution, but he rejects it once more. He absolutely refuses to trap Jim in a relationship that he may not be ready for.
It is at this point that the door opens, and a familiar figure steps in. Spock has to force himself not to move forward, although every cell in his body is screaming at him. If he touches Jim now…. Instead he stands and backs away as the door closes again. Jim moves as if to take a step forward, and then appears to think better of it. Instead he begins to speak.
“I know what’s happening to you. What I don’t know is why you didn’t just tell me about it.”
Spock takes a few deep breaths. Jim is here and it has become exponentially harder to think. “I did not wish you to worry unnecessarily.”
“Unnecessarily? Spock, if you don’t let me help you could die!” Jim sounds angry, but his expression is one of worry.
“Do not be melodramatic. I am not going to die.” He is not certain any more whether that is the truth, but Jim loses the worried expression.
It is quickly replaced with one of determination. “Damn right, you’re not.” He begins to strip off his uniform and Spock has to close his eyes.
“Jim, there are aspects of this that you have not considered.” He opens his eyes again. Jim has paused, halfway out of his shirt. Spock concentrates on keeping his voice level. “If we… consummate the bond at this time, it will become permanent.”
Jim stares at him blankly. “Yeah. And?” he asks slowly. Then realisation appears to dawn. “You think I don’t want that.”
“I did not wish to force you into a decision you would not otherwise have made.”
“Force?” Jim gives him a look that makes Spock think he may have misjudged the situation. His next words cement this impression.
“You’re an idiot, you know that?”
Spock starts to respond, but Jim bursts out in frustration, “I was going to ask you to marry me!”
There is a moment of complete, dead silence as they both contemplate this. Spock grapples with the realisation that he has apparently read the situation completely wrong. After a moment, Jim continues quietly. “Got the goddamn rings picked out and everything. I wanted it to be a surprise.” He gives a huff of laughter. “Guess I succeeded, huh?”
This time Spock does not fight the urge to step forward. “Jim.” He swallows. “I did not realise....”
Jim steps forward as well, until they are close enough to touch. “I want this.” Jim says, and his voice is filled with emotion. “I want you.”
“There is something else.” His control is slipping, and humans are so fragile. “I will not be able to control myself. I may injure you.”
“You won’t. I trust you.”
He reaches for Spock’s hand and, as their skin touches, the last of Spock’s control vanishes. What happens next is mostly a blur. Spock’s last coherent memory is of pressing his fingers to Jim’s face and feeling such a rush of love that he wonders how he could ever have doubted it. It is the first time they have melded, and it is this, more than the physical press of skin against skin, that pushes him over the edge.
When he comes back to himself they are lying on the floor. Their clothes are in pieces - he did that, he remembers. He quickly looks over at Jim, who thankfully appears unharmed. “Did I injure you?” he asks, needing to be certain.
“Few bruises, but I’ll be fine.”
Spock concentrates on the invisible bond that now connects them and finds to his relief that Jim is not lying.
Jim holds up a piece of yellow material that on closer inspection appears to be a sleeve. “You know I’m going to bring this up the next time you complain about me ripping my shirts,” he says, amused. He drops the sleeve and runs a hand along Spock’s arm. “How are you?”
Spock considers this. “I do not believe it is over.”
Jim sits up. “Well, in that case, can we move to the bed for the next round? Not that the floor’s not great.” He grins, and Spock can feel his blood begin to burn again.
* * *
When the fever finally dissipates completely, both he and Jim are tired and so they settle down to sleep. “So that’s a yes to my proposal then?” Jim mumbles, and Spock’s lips twitch.
“Of course, Jim.”