ehh boooo.
A rant.
Rants don't always have to be about bad things by the way. Do they? I'm actually not sure, I don't know the definition of a rant.
In a weird, almost twisted, way... I like getting upset sometimes. Because the end product almost always seems to be me finding out something new about me, or my personality, that I didn't previously know. How I react to things. Why I react the way I do. How I can prevent reacting this way. It's all kind of interesting.
I got a little upset tonight. The reason is hardly worth mentioning. It was nothing, not enough to lose sleep over. But now, I know that when something bothers me I have a really hard time talking about it. Especially to someone I love, usually in fear of losing them. Or being thought less of. No matter what it is always going to be hard to express my feelings to a few people. I try really hard, I really seriously do.
I think it's time I stop focusing on meeting new friends, and focus on keeping the ones I have. Making my friendships stronger. That would make me a lot happier.
White gloves get dirty easily.
People seem to get more and more negative as time goes on.
I think a big reason people never are truly happy with themselves and their lives is because it is impossible. Outside forces will never let that happen. Friends, the media, the world. It isnt the people, its the enviornment.
I am doing amazing in school. No big deal... except for the fact I've never done amazing in school. I've always done alright... I only put forth effort to get me by, just enough to where I know I won't get yelled at. Then I usually quit. But not lately. For the past month or so I've cared so much school. It's paying off and I just have tons of self satisfaction right now. It feels good.
And while I'm on the subject of caring, I've also cared alot less about image. And to be honest I owe most of that to my wonderful boyfriend. Today I went somewhere without makeup. I guess I'm realizing I don't need to spend all that time trying to make myself look 'good' when half of the time it doesn't make a difference in the end. People seem to treat you the exact same whether you are wearing sweatpants or spent 2 hours getting ready anyway. I love you Justin.
I still have a desire to do something fun and adventurous. Tonight I wanted to sneak out. Really bad. I then realized it was pretty pointless if you had no one to hang out with, because I dont know where the hell I'd go, and everyone was already doing something. Or wasn't able to sneak out. Or was busy sacrificing small indian children.
I want it to snow, and when it does, I will make me lots of cappucino, and I will read a book, The DaVinci Code, to be exact, by the fire, and I'll even get all nice and cuddly with a down comforter (eatitupvegans), and maybe soak in a relaxing bubblebath, by candlelight, and then I will stop using, commas.
This was pointless. Except now I feel like I've gotten keyboarding exercise atleast. But I couldn't even begin to describe half of the things I'm thinking about tonight. Alot of thought is happening in this tiny mind.
Rants don't always have to be about bad things by the way. Do they? I'm actually not sure, I don't know the definition of a rant.
In a weird, almost twisted, way... I like getting upset sometimes. Because the end product almost always seems to be me finding out something new about me, or my personality, that I didn't previously know. How I react to things. Why I react the way I do. How I can prevent reacting this way. It's all kind of interesting.
I got a little upset tonight. The reason is hardly worth mentioning. It was nothing, not enough to lose sleep over. But now, I know that when something bothers me I have a really hard time talking about it. Especially to someone I love, usually in fear of losing them. Or being thought less of. No matter what it is always going to be hard to express my feelings to a few people. I try really hard, I really seriously do.
I think it's time I stop focusing on meeting new friends, and focus on keeping the ones I have. Making my friendships stronger. That would make me a lot happier.
White gloves get dirty easily.
People seem to get more and more negative as time goes on.
I think a big reason people never are truly happy with themselves and their lives is because it is impossible. Outside forces will never let that happen. Friends, the media, the world. It isnt the people, its the enviornment.
I am doing amazing in school. No big deal... except for the fact I've never done amazing in school. I've always done alright... I only put forth effort to get me by, just enough to where I know I won't get yelled at. Then I usually quit. But not lately. For the past month or so I've cared so much school. It's paying off and I just have tons of self satisfaction right now. It feels good.
And while I'm on the subject of caring, I've also cared alot less about image. And to be honest I owe most of that to my wonderful boyfriend. Today I went somewhere without makeup. I guess I'm realizing I don't need to spend all that time trying to make myself look 'good' when half of the time it doesn't make a difference in the end. People seem to treat you the exact same whether you are wearing sweatpants or spent 2 hours getting ready anyway. I love you Justin.
I still have a desire to do something fun and adventurous. Tonight I wanted to sneak out. Really bad. I then realized it was pretty pointless if you had no one to hang out with, because I dont know where the hell I'd go, and everyone was already doing something. Or wasn't able to sneak out. Or was busy sacrificing small indian children.
I want it to snow, and when it does, I will make me lots of cappucino, and I will read a book, The DaVinci Code, to be exact, by the fire, and I'll even get all nice and cuddly with a down comforter (eatitupvegans), and maybe soak in a relaxing bubblebath, by candlelight, and then I will stop using, commas.
This was pointless. Except now I feel like I've gotten keyboarding exercise atleast. But I couldn't even begin to describe half of the things I'm thinking about tonight. Alot of thought is happening in this tiny mind.