Beating Heart (2/?)
Title: Beating Heart (2/?)
Pairing: Matsumiya, Sakumiya, Junba
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I don't own them, but I wish I do
Summary: Nino's sickness makes him take some new decisions about his life
Previous Chapter
NINO’S POV
I see him sitting there and I know I still love him; I hate myself for that, I shouldn’t. It’s better if I don’t look at him so I grab my DS. Soon, Aiba appears and he has the nerve to ask me about that night, I blew him off but Sho notices, I don’t want him to know, I don’t want to talk about it, I must foc
us in my condition and get everything ready so I leave.
I don’t have too much time before the meeting with the producer, so I look for a practice room to hide, I find one with a piano inside. Better. It’s been a while since I played, lately I’ve been too busy and when I compose I do it with my guitar. Playing the piano has become Sho’s thing and I’m happy for him to finally have a hobby.
I sit there but I only push some keys, I’m taking it slow, just some sounds to calm my heart, that’s all I need. I’m lost; I know several songs but can’t choose one to play, while I’m deciding someone enters the room.
“Are you hiding?” Sho asks.
“No. Why would I?” I try to look calm.
“It looks like it.” He presses.
“I don’t know what to play” I change the topic.
“You? The great Ninomiya Kazunari?” He grins playfully.
“Yeah, even me” I smirk “Play for me”
“W-what?” Sho blushes, looks really cute.
“Sit here, you have been practicing, right? so play something for me” I give him my best puppy eyes, I know he doesn’t stand a chance.
“O-Okay” Told you.
He starts to play and I know it’s “Niji” so I take his hand to stop him, I just shake my head and he understand I don’t want to listen to that song.
He thinks for a moment “Don’t know if you know this one”
It’s not a romantic melody, it’s more upbeat than that but it has a calming feeling to it, I know I heard it before, but where?... “I know!”
He keeps playing it and just listening to it makes me smile, it takes away the worries and gives me hope, even if just for a moment and I feel calmer. I don’t know the title but it’s from that movie “Toy Story” and I remember vaguely the lyrics, it fits with us. Sho and me. Friends.
He finishes and I feel happy, really happy. We just stay there in silence for a while.
“Come on, Riida must be here by now” Sho takes my hand.
“Do we have to?” I whine with a pout.
“Yes, but later you’re free right?”
“I just have a photoshoot, but I’m going to meet with a lawyer” Sho doesn’t ask why, he knows the reason.
“What about dinner together?”
“You pay?”
“When haven’t I” he retorts.
“Then okay, call me when you finish”
He was right, when we got there Riida is there, and so is my manager. They are all staring at me, did he tell them? Sho said he wouldn’t.
“What’s happening?” Sho asks without letting go of my hand.
“Nino-kun, are you really going on hiatus?” Aiba asks, so he told them that.
I avoid looking at any of them “Yes, but just for a month, don’t worry too much”
“You know we have too much work” Jun looks upset.
“We can handle it, I told you before he needs to rest” Sho defends me.
Before they argue, Manager says that the company is fine with it and they’ll make sure it doesn’t damage Arashi’s popularity, so nobody complains.
After the meeting and when we started to get dress for the show, Manager calls me to give me some papers with my new schedule and some names of lawyers and doctors the Jimusho has put under my consideration. I thank him for that.
During recording I try to stay close to Ohno-kun because I know he won’t ask. When we return to the room I can totally see Jun wants to talk to me, so I take my bag as quickly as I can and tell everybody I’m late for my next appointment and leave fast; I vaguely hear someone call my name but I ignore it.
SHO’S POV
Nino is avoiding them, Jun and Aiba, but Jun isn’t gonna stay quiet much longer; I know Arashi is important for him, it is for me too, but Nino needs this. Even if he doesn’t know Nino is sick he must realize that he wouldn’t ask for that if it wasn’t important. Nino loves Arashi too, that was the reason why they broke up, and so he mustn’t doubt Nino’s commitment as he is doing now.
Nino leaves, he saw the questioning stare too and decided to flee. Jun calls for him, but his bag is not ready and Nino ignores his calling.
“Leave it Jun” I told the youngest.
“He must explain us too!” He really looks mad.
“What is it to explain?! Manager said it all” Well, I had enough; I can’t let him have an argument with Nino.
“Well, I want to hear it from him!”
“Why?!” I block him when he tries to leave after Nino.
“Because…”
“Because what?! You aren’t together anymore so he doesn’t have to report to you” I know I touched a I feel Aiba and Ohno eyes on me as I say those words.
Jun seem deflated “I-I’m his friend and I want to know”
“And as a friend you should respect his decision, he’s not leaving Arashi for god’s sake, he just needs some time alone to put himself together. He needs us to understand so I ask you to not disturb him with your curiosity, I ask all of you” I look at them pleadingly.
“If the Jimusho says is fine then I don’t have a problem” Riida says and that seem to end the discussion.
Aiba nods but Jun just stays quiet.
I take that as an acceptance anyway and I leave for my next job. I’m uneasy because Jun may approach Nino and nothing good can come from that, the doctor was very specific when he said he needs a peaceful environment to keep his heart at ease and that is what I plan to give to him even if I have to punch Jun on the face for him to understand.
After my last job of the day I call Nino to meet him at a family restaurant that I hope he’ll like. Everything goes smoothly, and he looks okay, he laughs but I can still see worry in his eyes, after that we go for a walk, the night is nice and there isn’t too much people around. We talk about everything and nothing, and I love it. Being with Nino like this it makes me feel like we’re on a date, but I know it’s just an illusion.
When I park in front of his (now our) building I see Jun’s car outside but he isn’t inside. I don’t know what to do, Nino just needs one week. As we are in the elevator I panic, I must make a quick decision.
When we approach his door I hug him, he stiffs a little but doesn’t say anything as we keep walking, I lean and whisper asking for his forgiveness, and before he can react I kiss him, deeply. I can feel his shock but he doesn’t push me away. I notice Jun from the corner of my eyes, he hides and I take the opportunity to open the door without leaving his thin lips.
“W-Wha-” Nino tries to ask, but my mouth doesn’t let him and soon he’s inside as I push him, closing the door behind me.
NINO’S POV
Diner with Sho is always nice, even if I have in my mind the appointment of the hospital tomorrow. While we’re walking inside my building I see Jun’s car park outside that means he must be upstairs waiting for an explanation, too bad because I’m not ready to tell him the real reason, when I’ll do it they must be all there.
Out of nowhere Sho hugs me and whisper “Sorry” before he plants his lips on mine, I’m too shock to do anything so I let him push me around as he leaves me breathless. As I’m taking some air to be able to yell at him he already had opened the door and with other kiss is silencing me again. I can sense Jun is around but he doesn’t say a word or appear in front of us, now I understand.
Once inside Sho let go of my mouth and I can see him looking nervous and apologetic so I just punch him on the shoulder lightly “You idiot, that was the only way you could think to get rid out of Jun?”
He gasps “You knew”
“I’m not stupid you know, you wouldn’t kiss me if there wasn’t a good reason… And I saw his car”
He blushes and avoids my gaze, which is weird because I just told him that I understand.
“But don’t think he won’t try again, you just made him more curious now” I continue.
“I-I didn’t think about that… Sorry” he’s still avoiding looking at me.
“Don’t be, you’re a good kisser” I smirked at him trying to light out the mood but tenses again. I sigh “Sho, you can’t protect me all the time”
“I just want to do it at least for this week, please let me” He finally looks at me and there is so much care and love in his eyes, I find it very difficult to say no.
“I’m tired why we don’t go to sleep” I turn around and leave for my room.
He sleeps again in the couch and wanted to ask him to sleep with me (the bed is big enough) but I feel restless after the kiss and those eyes. Now I have suspicious of something I never though possible, I feel confuse, scare but at the same time it makes my heart dance a little.
The next day I don’t have work until the afternoon, so I go to the hospital in the morning. But Sho, he has to work all day and he is trouble about it because he wanted to go with me for the exams. Even as I say its okay he’s still fussing about it.
Before heading back home I pass by the supermarket to do some shopping, I’ll cook something for Sho as my gratitude for helping me all this time. Even as I try to push him away making fun of his motherly side the true is that I’m deeply touched by what he’s doing.
Sho gets home late, and I’ve been waiting to eat together, I can see in his face that it was a really tired day for him. After we eat I force him to take a long bath before sleep so he can relax more. While he heads to the bathroom I gaze towards the couch in the living room, I frown as I realize how uncomfortable it must be sleep there everynight. Without much more though I take his bag to my room. Yes, tonight we’ll sleep together.
SHO’S POV
This bath was just what I needed, I’ve been trying to focus in my work all day long without a break so I can forget all the feelings in my heart whenever Nino is around. It’s really getting more difficult to pretend and the kisses last night just made everything worst. I have to be careful, can’t let Nino have another thing to worry about.
When I headed to the sofa I notice my bag missing.
“Sho” Nino call for me from his bedroom door “the bed is big, come and sleep here”
I’m surprise “It’s okay Nino” I reject his offer.
“Oh, come on, we’d shared beds before”
“I’m really comfortable here”
“Don’t be stubborn and bring your ass here!” He turns around and I can do anything else but follow.
He’s already in the bed not looking at me, I go to the other side and climb in. The atmosphere never has been like this before, so we just stay there silently.
“I already set the alarm, good night Sho-chan” Nino says while he turns off the lights.
“Good night” I muttered.
We stay in silence for several minutes but I’m still awake and I know he’s too.
“I’m really happy you’re here Sho” Nino whispers.
“I’m happy you haven’t throw me out by now” I snicker.
“I tried” Even in the dark I can see him smirking.
“Well, I didn’t work. .. Nino?” I turn to his side.
“Hm?”
“Are you scared? You know… abo-”
“About dying? Yes” he admits softly
My hand moves in his own accord and take his a little hesitant “That won’t happen”
“You don’t know that” he plays with is fingers.
He’s right, I don’t know and that fucking scares me “You can leave us, you can leave me”
He turns to face me “You’ll be fine, eventually”
“It will never be the same without you” Suddenly I want to hold him but I restrain myself.
“I know, I’m that great” He tries to make a joke, but his voice is slightly quivering. I move nearer, and so does he.
“I don’t want to leave you guys. Sho?” he’s trembling
“Hm?” I take him by his waist and pull him closer to me.
He puts his head in my chest and grabs my shirt “I don’t want to die” he finally admits it.
He’s so scared, he’s like a little child looking for some reassurance that everything will turn out fine. It kills me seeing him like this, so vulnerable and fearful, specially knowing that it could really happen. He could be dead by this time next week.
“You won’t. You are not alone, we’re in this together and we will fight it together, okay?” I kiss his head as I caress his back to calm him down. He nods into my chest and I feel him relaxing little by little until he falls asleep.
This is not over, I say to myself, in the remaining days I know he’ll feel more insecure about his fate, but I’ll be there to relieve him not matter how uncomfortable I get for this closeness. I have to be strong for him, he needs me and I need him to live. I kiss his head again as I bury my nose in his hair smelling his sweet scent; I love him so much. As selfish as it sounds I’m glad I am the one comforting him, the one he can trust with this secret, the one who can see him this vulnerable and holds him to sleep. I’m glad he sees me as a friend even as I feel so much more than friendship for him. I’m glad I got to know this beautiful person but I’m more glad I felt in love with him with all my heart because love someone even if it’s one sided is much more than not love at all.
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Another one, sorry for the Matsumiya fans, I know Jun did wrong here but as always nothing is black or white. There was a reson.
Hope you enjoy it.
Sorry for the mistakes and lack of vocabulary, but English isn't my native language.