Beating Heart (5/?)
Title: Beating Heart
Pairing: Matsumiya, Sakumiya, Junba
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I don't own them, but I wish I do
Summary: Nino's sickness makes him take some new decisions about his life
Previous Chapter
SHO’S POV
In some way I feel restless, something just isn’t right. When I enter the resting room and I see Jun holding Nino who is losing conscious I know what it was. Everything feels like a dream, not a nightmare to be precise; I can barely register Jun voicing his concern, almost screaming, less Aiba and Ohno entering the room after me. Nothing matters to me, nothing but Nino.
“Nino!” I call for him and take him from Jun, he’s barely breathing but he’s not as pale as I found him that day “Kazu, stay with me, come on hear me out, I’m here, just relax and breath, come on, open your eyes and look at me!” I try not to lose control to bring him back to me. As I lay him on the couch, I take his pills from his pocket; I remember I made him promise to always keep them with him.
I continue calling for him at the same time that I soothe his chest, where his heart is. When he slightly open his eyes I smile at him, even if all I want it’s to cry “Kazu, just take deep breaths” He tries to but it’s still difficult for him. I put a pill in his mouth “Please Nino, swallow” He” opens his eyes a little more and obeys “Good boy” I caress his cheeks “Now listen to me, everything is fine, I’m here. Close yours eyes but stay with me okay, just listen to my voice” He gaves me a little nod and closes completely his eyes.
“Kazu, concentrate in breathing more deeply. Come on you can do it, you’re strong, you said it yourself. I’m the weak one. You’re in your bed after a long day of playing videogames, you feel exhausted but happy. It was a good day. You don’t need anything more” His heart is normalizing and little tears are falling in relief.
“Sho” He whispers.
“Yeah, I’m here”
“I need Sho too”
“I’m there too” now both of my hands are in his face “we are both tired and we’re getting ready to sleep”
He takes a long breath and I could die of happiness in that moment “Kazu, stay with me a little longer, okay?”
“Sho-chan, but I’m sleepy” he whines.
“I know but I just want to make sure of something okay?”
“Okay” he murmurs.
I turn my head to look at three very shocked members; I don’t have the time to explain.
“Ohno-kun, can you drive us home?”
It takes him a few seconds to get out of his stupor but next he takes his bag.
I look at Aiba “Could you tell manager what happen and to cancel the interview”
Aiba nods, that’s when I notice he’s crying, I look at Jun but I don’t say a word.
“Kazu, are you listening?”
“Sho-chan?” He’s barely awake but he’s breathing normally again, however he really looks tired.
“I’ll take you with me okay? If you want to sleep you can do it now”
“Take me home Sho-chan? He asks me so softly that even if he can see me I smile at his cuteness.
I carry him bridal style (it’s really not so difficult with how little he weights), Ohno ahead of us out of the room and the building. When we reach his car I put him in the backset with me and I accommodate him so his head can rest in my lap. All the way home Ohno didn’t say a word, but his face told me how scared he was.
When we arrived, Nino wakes up and he wants to talk to his room. Once there we put him to bed and Ohno leave us alone for a moment.
“Sho” he speaks softly.
“Feeling better?”
“Yes, thank you”
“Sleepy yet?”
“A little”
“Then why don’t I let you sleep while we prepare something to eat, okay?”
He bites his lips “I have to tell them, they must know it from me”
“I think they have an idea now”
He looks down pained, so I take his hand and squeeze it. “Still…”
I nod “I’ll call them here”
He looks up at me “Thank you”
I want to kiss him so much, to hold him and protect him from everything and everyone, I settle with kissing his forehead “Rest, we’ll be outside”
Ohno is already in the kitchen glass of water in his hands, I guess he was trying to calm himself
“What is it, Sho-kun? Why he got like that? You have to tell me now” It wasn’t an order, it was more like a request.
“He wants to do it himself, can you wait a little longer. Help me prepare something for him and when he wakes up you can ask him yourself”
He hesitates but accepts Nino’s wish. Before we start I send a mail to Jun and Aiba so they come here too, it didn’t take long as they were already on their way. When Jun stepped inside I really wanted to punch the hell out of him for causing all this, but for Nino I controlled my temper because he could hear and that will not lead to anything good. But he knows I’m mad and he really looks bad, in a I’m a supreme idiot kind of way.
When food is ready, I take some to his room. He’s still sleeping so I take my chance to sit close and admire him, my hand almost touching his face. Until now I had tried to be steady, to not lose control but as I take what happened, how close I was to lose him I break. Tears are incontrollable, and I have to silence myself with my hand. When it was too much and I was ready to flea for fear to wake him up, he moves and looks at me. In a slip of a second he put his arms around me and holds me tight. How ironic, I was suppose to be the one doing the consoling but in the end he’s here giving me life as I breathe in his scent. I sob and became a mess; he soothes me with his touch and lets me cry my heart out, bringing me closer to him. After a few minutes I calm down.
I pull apart a little, just to see his face “Food is ready”
He laughs and is like music to my heart, just a moment ago I was crying and now I laugh with him, because of him.
He doesn’t say anything and just eat his meal.
“Are they here?” He asks when he finished.
“Yeah” I take his tray.
He sighs “I’ll be there in a moment”
“I’ll tell them”
With that I leave the room and find all in the kitchen, I ask them to go to the living room. They are all anxious and afraid of what is going to be said. They must know its not good news.
NINO’S POV
It really broke my heart seeing Sho like that. He has been my support and my source of strength lately than I didn’t realize the pressure he was on because of me. But more than that, I just hate seeing him like that. I want nothing but happiness for Sho-kun, he deserves the best and I’m not it. Sadly. I’m a really selfish person and even if I know that I can give him what he wants and still can let him go. I can’t let go of him.
Maybe… maybe if I wasn’t sick… maybe if my future wasn’t uncertain, I could think of a future us. But for now it’s impossible, there is no way I can give him hope of something that may be taken away, I refuse to do that to him.
Sho.
And now it’s time to face the others, it’s gonna be more difficult after what happened, especially with Jun. Oh Jun, why everything got so complicated and so clear at the same time. I recall when everything was getting dark because of our fight how the only person I could think of to bring light was Sho. Precious Sho.
I got on my feet and leave my room. When I see them there all seated, except Jun nobody talks, they are all waiting for me to explain. I sigh and start, I tell them about my heart, what the doctor told me, the operation of tomorrow, the arrangements with the Jimusho; of course I don’t mention about finding out about Jun and Aiba that day and I know Sho won’t say a word either.
All listen quietly until I finish and by then I can see tears in everyone except Sho, who has midway my explanation come to stand next to me. After a minute of silence Ohno comes to hug me.
“Nino-chan is going to be fine, I’m sure of that” He says still in tears.
“Thank you Oh-chan”
He lets go of me and I see Aiba and Jun, both looking at their feet.
“Nino-chan” Aiba starts “I’m so sorry. I’m the worst friend in the world, I don’t deserve nothing from you”
“Aiba-” Sho calls.
“I’m sorry too Sho-chan, I can keep this as I promised” He lifts his head to look first at Sho and then at me “It was my fault, not Jun-kun’s. It was me who started it, he was so sad and so was I. It’s not an excuse but that was how it happened”
“Aiba, you don’t have to-” He doesn’t listen to me and Sho takes Ohno to the kitchen. Jun follows.
“Jun-kun was really upset because you guys broke up, he kept saying that it was the best but at the same time he couldn’t avoid crying and I… I made the first move, so it was my fault!” He gazed on me “We were together just for… to not be alone. We knew it mean nothing to us and I hate myself for doing it, for hurting you Nino. I’m sorry, I’m really sorry” He got on his knees and I make him stand up. I was under the impression of Jun and Aiba being a couple, I never thought they were using each other to forget, how broken were they to do that. I can hate them after knowing this, there is not way. I just feel sorry and a little guilty for Jun, however there’s something more that I need to know “Why Aiba? I don’t understand what made you do it”
I can see him doubting to tell me but he makes his mind “Sho-chan” he whispers.
“W-what?” I don’t understand
He nods “From a time ago I’ve been having these feelings and I was so close to confessing, but before I got the chance he said something about an unrequited love; he was in love too you see, apparently for a long time and even as he said he knew it could never be, he looked so happy, truly happy. At that moment I knew, nothing I could do will make him smile like that. In his heart there was no way I could be more than a friend” He said bitterly.
I’m stunned. I never thought… Sho…
Aiba apparently sees my reaction as a sign “He doesn’t love me” I don’t know who he’s referring now. “Sho-chan, I can say it clearly now, I’m his friend and I’m finally happy with that” He smiles, this time is not a sad one. After a moment of silence he continues “Jun loves you, and he must be hating himself right now. Please Nino-chan, don’t hate him. It was my fault so you should hate me”
“Idiot, I don’t hate any of you. I’m not gonna lie either. What you did, it really hurt me, a lot; but now its’ not important compared to what I’m risking tomorrow. The though that this may be the last conversation we have together makes forgiveness the hell out easier”
“Nino” He sobs
“I’m sorry I didn’t realize you were feeling lonely, as you best friend I should had notice something wasn’t right. I didn’t even notice you were in love either”
He shakes his head “No, you did nothing wrong. I did, I did hurt you. Even if you say you forgive me I can’t forgive myself”
“You have too, for me Masaki. Don’t want to leave a broken Aiba-chan, I want my stupid best friend back” I take his hands in mine.
“Nino, you won’t leave, we need you, Oh-chan, Jun-kun and Sho. We all need you”
We hugged and I feel tears on my face, it’s so good to have my friend back.
“I want to talk to Jun now” I ask when we broke apart. He nods but before he leaves the room he turns around “I didn’t know who it was then, but now it’s so obvious, Nino. I know I shouldn’t be saying this but… if you could, can you give him a chance?”
Without expecting a reply he leaves and soon Jun comes to me. We sit together and I’m the first to speak.
“I’m sorry” I say.
He looks at me with big surprised eyes “Nino, what are you saying? I’m the one who make you sick, I’m the one to blame. I’m s-”
I shake my head “Let me talk. First, you didn’t make me sick so don’t blame yourself for that, my heart is just like that and anything could make me weak, even work. If you had knew, I’m sure you’ll be very careful and caring, you were always like that. Whenever I was sick you’ll be all over me until I got better, you were always more preoccupied I my wellbeing than myself” We both smile lightly at the memory “Second, why I’m apologizing its for not realized how you were after we broke up, we said that we’ll be there for each other in case we need it, but I just assume you were fine, I never ask and I should had, because it was difficult for me too. I just assume you were coping better, I know now that was not the case”
“Nino, I still love you” He takes my hands and plays with my fingers, he liked to do that.
“Jun” I touch his face “I’m sorry, I really am”
He tries to smile through his tears “It’s late now, right? I was afraid of that”
“I still love you, Jun… just, not in the same way” I feel my own tears fall “I’m sorry. You’ll forever be someone special and I’ll always be there for you, whenever you need me to. But it won’t be the same as before, because our love has change, at least for me it has”
“I understand, I just wish… I wish we’d never broken up in the first place. That way we still be together and I would be one taking care of you, the one always by your side, the one you call for… instead of him” He lowers his gaze to our hands.
“You’re here now and I’ll always like to be spoiled, that’ll never change” I smirk and he does too “However, whatever you think of Sho and me it’s not true, we’re just friends. The kiss you saw was not a real one”
He contemplates for a moment looking intensely into my eyes “I’m not talking because of the kiss; it’s the looks, the words and everything between you two. I know it very well because I justed to be there at the other end”
“Jun-” I try to make things clear.
“You’re smart Nino, you already know it” he leans to kiss my cheek. “If it’s him maybe, maybe I can let you go. But can for something?”
“What is it?”
“Can I kiss you? Just… Just as a last memory of your love?”
“Jun…”
“Please Nino, after that I promise to never ask you for anything more” Seeing his face all full of resignation and love I couldn’t say no. I want to give him that at least, to my past love, to my friend. He leans to me and delicately puts his lips on mine, it’s a sweet kiss and I respond softly to let him know he was important to me, he’s still is. Then it’s gone.
He smiles “Thank you” stand ups and leaves me alone with my thoughts.
When they all return we stay together just talking about random things, like family, friends and the future. A future they are secure I’ll be sharing with them and for that moment I believe them. With all my heart I want to expend my days with these four fantastic people. They are my friends, and they are my family.
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Comments are loved XD
Final is close, what will happen to Nino?