LOLOL.
THE EXTERMINATOR CAME TODAY.
IT WAS THAT WEIRD KID AGAIN.
So today he was coming in the morning, and I was mad because I don't do mornings. Last night, while discussing this with Lindsay, we came up with some plans. The one I settled on was to dress like a skank. I have a pair of Candies pajamas that are ridiculous. Like, the capris are Miranda pants and the top is made to look like a corset, complete with epic cleavage of epicness and skintight.
The idea was that if I paraded around in front of a strange man while dressed in skank clothes, father would make certain nobody ever came to the house before noon ever again. Lest his darling, innocent baby girl be seen in her pajamas again. And before I went to bed I took off the Miranda pants (SRSLY. SOMEONE TELL ME HOW SHE WEARS THOSE? I WAS LIKE, THIS IS THE WEDGIE THAT NEVER ENDS. D:) so I was just in the corset and panties.
So dad yells out to tell me "They're here" and I have an epic moment of tripping over my foot tangled in the covers while trying to leap out of bed and get pants. My life: it doesn't need a script. Anyways, so I pull on my pants and make sure my boob hasn't popped out (OHI THERE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUTSIDE, YOU'LL CATCH A COLD. GET IN THERE, YOU.) and at the last moment think to grab my N7 hoodie. Because jokingly I'd said last night "with my luck, it'll be that creepy kid again". CAN I CALL IT OR WHAT, GUYS?
The door opens and I hear "Hi guys I'm here to spray for the bugs with this spray" and I zipped the hoodie up all the way and curled on the chair to awkwardly stare at the blank TV screen. He comes inside and leans into the room and grins at me, so I fake smile back. Though there was some real smile in there 'cause in my head I was saying "LOLOL HEY BUDDY".
"Hello again."
"Hello."
"Hello again."
Not this again. XD
He starts talking to dad.
"So any bug problems here?"
"Nope. Britt, have we had any problems?"
I fake smile real big as they both lean in to stare at me. I was so tempted to say yes. "Nope. All good, captain."
"That's good. 'Cause this spray should keep them out. So it's good that it's keeping them out."
Yeah, I figure if it didn't, you'd be out of business. Just a thought.
"Yep, doing a good job."
"What about bees?"
And at that I made a "... 8DD" face. Because he remembered and that just made me laugh. They always spray for all sorts of bugs, so they don't ask about specifics. Just in general. And I was like, wow, this kid remembered me and remembered I'm terrified of bees. Nice.
"No, don't think we've really seen any bees," dad goes.
"Oh, good, no bees. I'll spray for bees again though. I'll check to see for nests but even if I don't see any I still spray for bees."
"That's good."
"No bees though?"
"Uh, no. No bees."
"That's good."
It took everything in me not to start laughing and shout "NO BEES THOUGH, DAD?"
So the kid went about his thing. He turned all the lights on in the house and I had to help him with some switches. He gave me a :D every time. I'm starting to think that in his head, this is how we go on dates. He kills bugs, I turn on lights and :) a lot.
And because I know you were waiting for it:
"Nice seeing you again. Have a nice summer."
"Thanks, you too."
"You too."
":)"
ETA: So I forgot! This time he went into the back (were there bees in a hole under the second window in the back? :0) to spray, and the way our backyard is set-up is important here. We have it fenced in, and there's a gate that leads from the front yard to the back. Or, you can go through the garage, and into our indoor patio, which is located in the backyard. And then you can use that door to get in and out of the back. All clear?
So he goes and sprays in the patio, then goes into the backyard to spray the outside of the house and the shed. Then he comes in through the patio, into the garage, into the front yard to come into the house.
"I need the gate unlocked."
Dad stands and looks confused. "Oh? Oh, uh, well alright."
"I need the gate unlocked so I can get to the side of the house in the front yard. But the gate on the side there is locked."
.... dad looks out through the window to the side of the house. "Uh. I'll just... yeah."
I had death when he closed the door behind him.
Edit AGAIN to add this beautiful drawing I did for Lindsay. Because she didn't get the layout of my house.
FRAME THAT SHIT IT'S ART IT'S GORGEOUS.
Okay, um, that's the house. The yellow things are where the doors are. The green line is the fence. The purple line is the route he took to come ask us to open the fence. The red line is all he had to do to get to the fence.
IT WAS THAT WEIRD KID AGAIN.
So today he was coming in the morning, and I was mad because I don't do mornings. Last night, while discussing this with Lindsay, we came up with some plans. The one I settled on was to dress like a skank. I have a pair of Candies pajamas that are ridiculous. Like, the capris are Miranda pants and the top is made to look like a corset, complete with epic cleavage of epicness and skintight.
The idea was that if I paraded around in front of a strange man while dressed in skank clothes, father would make certain nobody ever came to the house before noon ever again. Lest his darling, innocent baby girl be seen in her pajamas again. And before I went to bed I took off the Miranda pants (SRSLY. SOMEONE TELL ME HOW SHE WEARS THOSE? I WAS LIKE, THIS IS THE WEDGIE THAT NEVER ENDS. D:) so I was just in the corset and panties.
So dad yells out to tell me "They're here" and I have an epic moment of tripping over my foot tangled in the covers while trying to leap out of bed and get pants. My life: it doesn't need a script. Anyways, so I pull on my pants and make sure my boob hasn't popped out (OHI THERE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUTSIDE, YOU'LL CATCH A COLD. GET IN THERE, YOU.) and at the last moment think to grab my N7 hoodie. Because jokingly I'd said last night "with my luck, it'll be that creepy kid again". CAN I CALL IT OR WHAT, GUYS?
The door opens and I hear "Hi guys I'm here to spray for the bugs with this spray" and I zipped the hoodie up all the way and curled on the chair to awkwardly stare at the blank TV screen. He comes inside and leans into the room and grins at me, so I fake smile back. Though there was some real smile in there 'cause in my head I was saying "LOLOL HEY BUDDY".
"Hello again."
"Hello."
"Hello again."
Not this again. XD
He starts talking to dad.
"So any bug problems here?"
"Nope. Britt, have we had any problems?"
I fake smile real big as they both lean in to stare at me. I was so tempted to say yes. "Nope. All good, captain."
"That's good. 'Cause this spray should keep them out. So it's good that it's keeping them out."
Yeah, I figure if it didn't, you'd be out of business. Just a thought.
"Yep, doing a good job."
"What about bees?"
And at that I made a "... 8DD" face. Because he remembered and that just made me laugh. They always spray for all sorts of bugs, so they don't ask about specifics. Just in general. And I was like, wow, this kid remembered me and remembered I'm terrified of bees. Nice.
"No, don't think we've really seen any bees," dad goes.
"Oh, good, no bees. I'll spray for bees again though. I'll check to see for nests but even if I don't see any I still spray for bees."
"That's good."
"No bees though?"
"Uh, no. No bees."
"That's good."
It took everything in me not to start laughing and shout "NO BEES THOUGH, DAD?"
So the kid went about his thing. He turned all the lights on in the house and I had to help him with some switches. He gave me a :D every time. I'm starting to think that in his head, this is how we go on dates. He kills bugs, I turn on lights and :) a lot.
And because I know you were waiting for it:
"Nice seeing you again. Have a nice summer."
"Thanks, you too."
"You too."
":)"
ETA: So I forgot! This time he went into the back (were there bees in a hole under the second window in the back? :0) to spray, and the way our backyard is set-up is important here. We have it fenced in, and there's a gate that leads from the front yard to the back. Or, you can go through the garage, and into our indoor patio, which is located in the backyard. And then you can use that door to get in and out of the back. All clear?
So he goes and sprays in the patio, then goes into the backyard to spray the outside of the house and the shed. Then he comes in through the patio, into the garage, into the front yard to come into the house.
"I need the gate unlocked."
Dad stands and looks confused. "Oh? Oh, uh, well alright."
"I need the gate unlocked so I can get to the side of the house in the front yard. But the gate on the side there is locked."
.... dad looks out through the window to the side of the house. "Uh. I'll just... yeah."
I had death when he closed the door behind him.
Edit AGAIN to add this beautiful drawing I did for Lindsay. Because she didn't get the layout of my house.
FRAME THAT SHIT IT'S ART IT'S GORGEOUS.
Okay, um, that's the house. The yellow things are where the doors are. The green line is the fence. The purple line is the route he took to come ask us to open the fence. The red line is all he had to do to get to the fence.