Fic: Goodbye

[laliloum03]

Goodbye

Author: laliloum03
Summary:...you won’t be able to hold them any longer, and tears won’t wait until he’s gone.
Rating: PG?
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Timeline: After the "promised day"
A.N: Written in second person, winry's POV. I don't know why I decided to write it this way. Thanks to gabriela, who encouraged me to post this.

Comments

[evil_little_dog]

Awww, that's so sad.

[laliloum03]

I know :/ , but well... it was my first try. The next one will be a lot happier [hopefully] :)

[thegreat_edward]

This is really good. Sad, but goooooood.

[laliloum03]

aww Thank you so much ^u^

[amethyst_koneko]

Awww. They should have stayed at least the one night to recover from the ordeal! :(

The one big flaw I see in here is the over use of "dot dot dot" all over the place. Sometimes you need the "dot dot dot's" and sometimes just a comma or a period or nothing at all would do the trick. Every instance you use it here is different so apart from going over this line by line, I couldn't really cite you an example. I think there's a couple of times you said "the" instead of "they" and it should be "to" in the line "his voice brings you back tu reality" - "to" not "tu". Other than this, you did a really good job! :)

[laliloum03]

hehe I agree, they really should have, but Ed can be very stubborn sometimes.

I really appreciate that you have taken the time to tell me that. I recognize that I do have some kind of obsession with the dots. Maybe it's because sometimes I'm not sure if I should use a comma or a period or something else, and the dots kind of solve the problem to me >.<

Also thanks for pointing those mistakes out. I'll re-read it and correct them. I'll also say goodbye to some "dot dot dot"s.

Again, thank you SO much. It's been really helpful and... well, I hope you've liked it :]

[afetifav514]