Grey light, new day, leaks through the window

[lame_stamp]

Things are good. Very, very busy (I'm in four different shows this quarter), but good. I did a stand up comedy show a few weeks ago, and I think I might want to do this seriously. There's so much about it that I love. It all depends on whether I can stand going to these open mic nights, which from my brief experience are as terrifying and strange

Comments

So Neil's gay, right?

[simpsnsfan]

Nice work. Though part of me wants the narrator to talk like a preschooler when he actually speaks. Like he has all these adult thoughts in his head, but he can't fully express that out loud.

Also, holding someone's hand, at least in my experience, feels nothing like cookies and milk. I'd rewrite that sentence a bit... "It felt… warm, I guess, like a fresh-baked cookie and milk." It kinda sounds like the milk is warm too, which is gross.

[anonymous]

This really reminds me of Sartre's "The Childhood of a Leader." It has the similar idea of expressing a young kid's thoughts in the same way as an adult's, although admittedly Sartre's character seems far more disturbed than Timothy, his thoughts are much more disconnected.

[anonymous]

^ Maya

[anonymous]

Look, are you Jewish or what? Lets just come out with it already.

Also, I know that your style is very "in your head" (and I like it) but you may want to back off a little in some parts because its like the reader isnt there, you're just talking to yourself.

And c'mon, thats a little creepy/sad.