Chapter 279 Review
Hello, ladies!
Terribly late review this week, but I was on the horse dose of painkillers all weekend, floating head and all, and therefore out of commission. Hence not answering to the comments all weekend, too.
Okay, less rambling more reviewing.
Tsuna: I’m just, liek, flying by, folks.
Byakuran: Great! Meanwhile I’ll just stand there with two big ass fountains of blood gushing out from my back. Nothing gross at all.
Tsuna: My shirt with a totally manly hole from a scratch on it tells you that you won’t be able to pwn the awesome me just because you’ve had a shitty makeover.
Byakuran: I don’t care, I lost it three chapters ago. C’mon, look at my face with stains of blood smeared on it, every twelve years old will tell you it the first sign of how batshit I’ve become.
Byakuran: *pulls a shuttle “Endeavour”.*
Tsuna: Now’s clearly the time for some generic shounen protagonist/antagonist face-off. *Clenches teeth like he has seen in Dragonball Z.*
Nuts Natsu: Boy, I’m so utterly badass.
Byakuran: Why am I floating suddenly in the air without any movement?
Tsuna: *prepares for the punch of doom.* My name is Inigo Montoya Tsuna Sawada, prepare to die. *delivers the punch of doom.*
Byakuran: Nyoron~ *Explodes into a myriad of blooddrops.*
Byakuran: *rolls around for about million times.* Seriously it sucks being right now. Okay, please try out my sooper speshul dragonz.
Tsuna: Do not want. *Dodges easily in a superior, badass manner.*
Tsuna: Bring it on, beatch. I only started.
Byakuran: It was only a start of a start for me.
Tsuna: No, it was a start of a start of a start for me.
Byakuran: Then it was a start of a start of a start of a start for me!
Tsuna: …start of start of a start of a start of a start of a start…
Everyone: Er.
Tsuna: Um. Sorry, got distracted.
Byakuran: Moar blood gushing out of me! It’s not a problem, not that I have only several gallons of it within me or something!
Byakuran’s blood: *Transforms into a bunch of horrible, horrible tentacles hands.*
Tsuna: Oh my god, this is so last season! *Cuts them off off-handedly, it’s not that he was struggling to at least block some attacks about twenty minutes ago.*
Ripped off hands: *Float artistically in the air.*
A lucky asshole from the remaining cast who happens to get a line in this chapter: Look! Floating hands!
Uni: *Cock-blocks the hands with a magical plot shield.*
Basil: I will do anything for a cameo. Anything.
Tsuna: WTF is going on.
Byakuran: Blah blah I’ll conveniently explain everything for you, gaiz, it’s not like we’re having a final fight here or anything. Blah blah Uni is going to off herself die honorably.
Everyone:
Reborn: I’m just going to stand here, being covered in flour or whiting or whatever.
Lal Mirch: I’m not dead. Me too.
Kyoko and Haru: What a nice thing to do! Our collective mind tells us to the same.
Yamamoto, Gokudera, Ryohei: Let’s just stand here and make reaction faces.
Tsuna: Wat.
Uni: My carefully drawn face and shojo eyelashes tell you that this scene is totally srsbzns. *Drops the self-sacrifice bomb.*
Ryohei: I have lines!
Gokudera: Me too!
Brother uke, brother seme: Why are all the lines we ever have in this godforsaken series related to Uni, why are we such minor characters, why aren’t we bishounen? Blah blah blah princess!
Kyoko, Haru: It’s not that because of you we have lost the last shreds of our individuality and were reduced to brainless cheerleading twins, so please, Uni, don’t die! *Cry a river.*
Bianchi: *For wtf reasons joins the cryfest.*
Me: Why so much drama, idiots? If you all return to your fucking peaceful past, this future won’t exist whatsoever, and Uni will be a happy five-year-old ALIVE toddler.
Byakuran: … Okay seriously how much blood do I have again?
Tsuna: Wait! It’s much better if we all die here than if you sacrifice yourself and finally do something useful!
Uni: *Noble, moving, selfless speech.*
Tsuna: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!111!1one
Byakuran: You won’t die until your daddy says so! *Does not approve of Uni’s decision.*
Tsuna: Oh goddamn just shudup already! *manly clash.*
Tsuna: *Obligatory protagonist’s final face-to-face lines.*
Byakuran: *Obligatory antagonist’s final face-to-face lines.*
Byakuran: *headbutts Tsuna* RAWR BYAKURAN KILL BYAKURAN SMASH
Tsuna: I’m back with a sexy new hairstyle! *He is. So hawt, so seksee.*
Byakuran and Tsuna: *Roll around on the floor.*
Uni: *Watches with a slight amusement.*
Byakuran: The sexy me must not stand here doing nothing. I’m the diva, not extra!
Dino: *Badass expression* You’re ttly right here, sexyhairs!
Fandom: …D69?
Hibari, off screen: D:
Gokudera: Yay, I’m performing some action! As always, it doesn’t have any effect.
Everyone: *Tries to do the same and learns that their weaponry is shitty.*
Uni: Whoa, my legs have lost, like, half of their length.
Uni: Crawling in my skiiiiiiiin Mother… Grandmother…*wangsts.*
Gamma: Me and my sideburns say hi!
Uni: *Random horror panel goes here.*
Uni: …Crap that was scary.
Byakuran and Tsuna: *Stop giving a fuck about surroundings and gleefully try to beat the shit out of each other.*
Tsuna: I am looking so suddenly shota while acknowledging your strength.
Byakuran: Now that I have dropped the creepy smiles façade, I’m looking oddly attractive in an evil, unappealing way.
Byakuran: Blah blah blah… WTF is going on?
Tsuna: WTF indeed.
Uni: Ahem.
Dino: WTF did the show stop.
Uni: I kinda don’t want to kick the bucket, you asshole!
Uni: *another horror panel.*
Amano’s third assistant: …I was always high on guro…
Uni: *Grandiloquently falls down on her knees.*
Tsuna: *Stock reaction face panel.*
Kyoko, Haru: *Moar stock reaction faces panels.*
Reborn: What. The. Fuck.
Byakuran: You’re all a bunch of idiots here, even the crackpot that is me gets what’s going on.
Reborn: Blah blah blah she’s only a child, blah blah blah it’s not everyone’s the same age and is risking to die during every battle.
Me: Excuse me while I introduce my face to the desk at random Gokudera’s girly face.
Tsuna: Okay, Uni, stop being such an attention whore, seriously, I think it’s much better if we all simply die here.
Uni: Fuck you, no, let me have my final fifteen minutes of glory! No, I’ll gladly become a martyr! *A wanktastic speech of doom.*
Kyoko, Haru: Oh god, we don’t have any brain cells functioning, we only voice out what a stupid twelve-years-girl would say , fuck you, Amano, for messing with a female gender so much, fuck you million times. Noooo, Uni, plz don’t dieeeeeee!
Bianchi: *Sobs at her long lost badassery.*
Basil: Uni is not the only attention whore in this manga! Now! Gotta catch’em all!
Byakuran: Er?
Kikyou: I’m still not dead STILL NOT DEAD STILL NOT DEAD how is it even possible why can’t anyone kill me without fuss while everyone else is busy with wanking at the main scene!!!!!11!!1one
Basil’s dolphin plus all the box animals on this side of the earth: Sup, bitches!
Me: WHAT IS THIS I DON’T EVEN
SLFKVNHDSLFVBDFLVD
DSFKJVDSFLBVDFKLVDSLB
Okay.
With shojo sparks and melodrama and now THIS ,I suggest Reborn gets a new opening.
Click to viewFuuta: *ttly jealous of Basil’s screentime* Basil, you fucker!
Reborn: Poop.
Basil: Muahaha! I’m so badass! I’m gonna save the day!!!
Basil’s dolphin: *facepalm.*
Basil: Random super effective pulled out of the ass technique is a go!
The Deathstar The sparkly sphere: *Is penetrated pierced pwned by Basil’s phallic attack…. NOT.*
Basil: Noooo wtf it’s not working!
Sooper mysterious guy in a suit: Because you’re uncool, unlike me.
Sooper mysterious guy in a suit: *Lands gracefully before Uni.*
Tsuna: I’m surprised! I’m making a reaction face!
Reborn: So do I!
Byakuran: I’m joining you here, gentlemen.
Uni: Wut.
Gamma: *Smug.*Why hello thar!~ Hey, princess!
Me: WHAT IS WITH THIS SMUG FACE AND POSE AND THIS CHEESIEST PICK UP LINE EVER OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD.
Gamma: *pulls a James Bond.* Man, I’m sexy, aren’t I? Also, more cheesy pickup lines!
Uni: *gathers her jaw from the floor.*
Gamma: …Won’t you use my flames too?
Me:
Flashback: * is a go!*
Gamma: So why did you call me here at night in this totally inconspicuous manner?
Reborn: I just love this shit. Do you have the hots for Uni?
Gamma: hkhlhlkgjkgk
Reborn: …So has she. Just be a good boy and don’t let you two be seen together, and use contraception.
It’s connected with plot for some reason.
Gamma: *Minor system failure.*
Reborn: Blah blah blah Uni and her momma and her granny were hot and shit.
Gamma: *Remembers his first lover, who was beautiful, badass and older than fourteen.*
Reborn: ….But you don’t have time to wait until she’s legal. Be a man and do it.
Gamma: I don’t want to go to the jail, I don’t want to be a pedo, I’m fucking thirty. Ok.
Flashback: *ends.*
Amano: Music plz.
Amano’s third assistant: Sure thing.
Gamma: *Brings a GammaUni average fic climax to life.*
GammaUni fandom: *Chokes, foams into their mouths, raves, opens champagne, flails.*
Gamma: I love you, mylady. I won’t leave you alone.
Uni: *Clings to his manly broad chest.*
Brother seme: Oh my gosh lolicon in my shounen!!
Brother uke: This is so beautiful! T_T
Gamma and Uni: *Insert generic love confession dialog.*
Gamma: *Whispers seductively into Uni’s ear.*
Uni: *Melts.*
Me: Oh my god what is this why the first pairing confirmed canon is a fucking lolicon and he loved her mother and is possibly her father or at least her foster father this is wrong on so many levels FUCK YOU AMANO.
Gamma: *Continues whispering sweet nothings into Uni’s ear.*
Amano’s third assistant: AND IIIIIIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUU *weeps.*
Uni: *Cries beautiful shojo tears.*
Aria: You’re not getting any soon, fucker. >( Must.. smile…
Uni: Okay my life is complete kthxbai.
Gamma: Have fun, we’re off. *They are.*
Tsuna: …But I have just gotten my tissues!
Byakuran: …But I have just gotten my popcorn!
Half of the fandom:
Another half of the fandom:
Choose your side, lovelies. \o/
That’s all for today.
Lamp.