it's just wierd...
Okay - I went of on a rant tonight - so I'll abriviate -
I don't know why but I always feel like I am in some mode of "fixing" - I'm always trying to fix everyone's problems, every situation, every person who is unhappy - and when the dust finally settles I always realize that I NEED FIXING TOO! Okay - maybe I don't need to be repaired - that would imply that I am currently broken - and that is such a defeatist attitude... but I would like to be the "broken" one every one in a while... I dunno...
at the same time I thrive on being able to help others with their problems (when help is sought of course - with the occasional intrervention...) I love that my frinds and family, and even some aquaintences know me as the kind of person that they can talk to about anything and know that I will keep it between us and honestly be willing to help them however I can - I like that I am able to make some amount of difference in someone else's life... so then what's the problem......
The problem is that sometimes I need someone to talk to about anything and everything - without having to filter or guard so that I don't end up betraying a confidence or make anyone uncomfortable or whatever... 1 person I could talk to like that would be nice - of course it couldn't actualy be someone I know because then that whole confidence and whatever thing comes into play again -> which leads me to this solution... the only One I can speak to about everything - with no guards or filters, who will always be strong when I'm not - is God. I think that sometimes God allows me to be in this place so that I remember that he is the only one that I need, and the only that can satisfy the needs that I have... they weren't created to be satisfied by family, friends, boyfriends, travels, etc. - so I guess this is really all a big reality check... exciting, eh?!
In other news...
we just got back from NC which was good - we viewed the fireworks from the mountaintop and they were being launched from the valley - so they were right about eye-level - that was odd but great.
Sometimes I feel so separated from the rest of humanity - I don't mean that in a good or bad way... I just feel different - it's just wierd
I don't know why but I always feel like I am in some mode of "fixing" - I'm always trying to fix everyone's problems, every situation, every person who is unhappy - and when the dust finally settles I always realize that I NEED FIXING TOO! Okay - maybe I don't need to be repaired - that would imply that I am currently broken - and that is such a defeatist attitude... but I would like to be the "broken" one every one in a while... I dunno...
at the same time I thrive on being able to help others with their problems (when help is sought of course - with the occasional intrervention...) I love that my frinds and family, and even some aquaintences know me as the kind of person that they can talk to about anything and know that I will keep it between us and honestly be willing to help them however I can - I like that I am able to make some amount of difference in someone else's life... so then what's the problem......
The problem is that sometimes I need someone to talk to about anything and everything - without having to filter or guard so that I don't end up betraying a confidence or make anyone uncomfortable or whatever... 1 person I could talk to like that would be nice - of course it couldn't actualy be someone I know because then that whole confidence and whatever thing comes into play again -> which leads me to this solution... the only One I can speak to about everything - with no guards or filters, who will always be strong when I'm not - is God. I think that sometimes God allows me to be in this place so that I remember that he is the only one that I need, and the only that can satisfy the needs that I have... they weren't created to be satisfied by family, friends, boyfriends, travels, etc. - so I guess this is really all a big reality check... exciting, eh?!
In other news...
we just got back from NC which was good - we viewed the fireworks from the mountaintop and they were being launched from the valley - so they were right about eye-level - that was odd but great.
Sometimes I feel so separated from the rest of humanity - I don't mean that in a good or bad way... I just feel different - it's just wierd