HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ALLYKINS!
For simply_amused. Happy nineteenth, Allykins!
Hear
Rating: PG
In the Blue Car Nights/Words Without Rhyme/Leaving To Stay universe. Darryl as the main character.
He could hear her breathing, slow and shallow as the feeling of her lips lingered on his. He watched her stand, her naked body silhouetted by the moonlight streaming in from the opened window. She made no attempt to cover herself, and instead she turned, leaning down over him and kissing him softly on the forehead.
“I have to go.”
He knew - of course he knew. She wasn’t supposed to be here in the first place. Something inside of him twisted at the reality of her leaving though, and it hurt so badly that he nearly pulled her back down into the bed with him.
“Can’t you stay a little longer?”
Even through the darkness he could tell she was smiling, and he reached up to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear, only to have it fall back down a moment later. “I wish I could, but Zac’s going to be here soon and Robert’s expecting me back before midnight.”
“Zac would understand,” he said quietly, although without hope. “You could tell Robert you were stuck in traffic.”
“At midnight?” He could hear her smile in her voice. “Even Robert isn’t that oblivious, Darryl.”
“I know.” He sighed and sat up, running his hand through her hair as she sat back down on the edge of his bed. “How are you feeling?”
She sighed at this, and through the moonlight Darryl saw her eyes close. “It gets worse every year.”
“Are the doctors doing anything to help?”
“Everything they can. Robert makes sure of that.” She ran her hand across his bare chest, leaving a burning trail where her skin had touched his. “I don’t want Zac to know.”
“He has a right to.”
“And I have a right to keep it from him.” Her voice remained soft and delicate, but there was a slight edge to her words that let him know it was nonnegotiable. “It would kill him.”
“Like it’s going to kill you?”
The instant the words left his lips, he regretted them, but not enough to take it back. As much as he loved her, he didn’t agree with her, at least not on this, when it would hurt their nephew more than could be helped. “I’m sorry.”
“No you’re not,” she said, the gentleness still remaining in her tone. “It will kill me one day, although hopefully not before I get the chance to apologize to Zac for putting him through all I put him through.”
“He thinks you’re a saint.”
“And I think he’s an angel. He shouldn’t need to be burdened with this, Darryl - it’s inevitable, and there’s no use making him suffer even more than he has to.”
“He won’t have the chance to say goodbye.”
“I’ll make sure he does.”
He hesitated before answering. “You can’t be sure of that.”
“Yes I can.” She cupped his cheek in her hand before leaning forward to kiss his lips tenderly. “I’ll know when it’s my time. I wouldn’t hurt him like that. I love him as much as you do, remember?”
Darryl was silent for a long moment, his fingers tracing invisible circles across the smooth skin of the back of her neck. “Every time you leave me, a piece of me dies. When you’re gone for good-”
“When I’m gone for good, you will be there to help Zac through it, and you’ll be there to let him know he isn’t alone in the world.”
“What about when he’s living his own life?” He traced her jaw with his finger, struggling against the tears he didn’t want to release.
She smiled again, although this time he could tell that she wasn’t afraid of crying. “When Zac is happy and content and has everything he ever wanted in life, when he no longer needs you in any capacity, and when your number’s called - I’ll be waiting, and after your brothers greet you, I’ll be there waiting.”
He felt a hot tear slid down his cheek, but he didn’t brush it away angrily, the way he wanted. It would feel as if he were brushing her away with it. They were silent and still for a moment longer, and in his mind he committed everything about that eternal second to memory, to return to whenever he needed her.
“I love you,” she said softly as she finally stood, and the place where her hand had been against his chest was suddenly cold. He dropped his hand onto the blanket covering his lap and sniffed loudly, finding himself unable to tear his eyes from her as she dressed.
It wasn’t until she had put on her shoes and was walking towards the door that he found his voice, and when he spoke, it was in a choked and strangled tone. “I love you, too, Alexa - you know that, right?”
She opened the door slowly, the old metal hinges creaking familiarly. “I do,” she said softly, and he could still hear the smile in her voice, even through the misery and defeat. As she stepped out of the bedroom and into a different life, he could no longer hold in his sob. Burying his face in the pillow she’d vacated, where the hollow her head had left remained, he knew she’d given up, and that, above all else, killed him to hear.
Hear
Rating: PG
In the Blue Car Nights/Words Without Rhyme/Leaving To Stay universe. Darryl as the main character.
He could hear her breathing, slow and shallow as the feeling of her lips lingered on his. He watched her stand, her naked body silhouetted by the moonlight streaming in from the opened window. She made no attempt to cover herself, and instead she turned, leaning down over him and kissing him softly on the forehead.
“I have to go.”
He knew - of course he knew. She wasn’t supposed to be here in the first place. Something inside of him twisted at the reality of her leaving though, and it hurt so badly that he nearly pulled her back down into the bed with him.
“Can’t you stay a little longer?”
Even through the darkness he could tell she was smiling, and he reached up to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear, only to have it fall back down a moment later. “I wish I could, but Zac’s going to be here soon and Robert’s expecting me back before midnight.”
“Zac would understand,” he said quietly, although without hope. “You could tell Robert you were stuck in traffic.”
“At midnight?” He could hear her smile in her voice. “Even Robert isn’t that oblivious, Darryl.”
“I know.” He sighed and sat up, running his hand through her hair as she sat back down on the edge of his bed. “How are you feeling?”
She sighed at this, and through the moonlight Darryl saw her eyes close. “It gets worse every year.”
“Are the doctors doing anything to help?”
“Everything they can. Robert makes sure of that.” She ran her hand across his bare chest, leaving a burning trail where her skin had touched his. “I don’t want Zac to know.”
“He has a right to.”
“And I have a right to keep it from him.” Her voice remained soft and delicate, but there was a slight edge to her words that let him know it was nonnegotiable. “It would kill him.”
“Like it’s going to kill you?”
The instant the words left his lips, he regretted them, but not enough to take it back. As much as he loved her, he didn’t agree with her, at least not on this, when it would hurt their nephew more than could be helped. “I’m sorry.”
“No you’re not,” she said, the gentleness still remaining in her tone. “It will kill me one day, although hopefully not before I get the chance to apologize to Zac for putting him through all I put him through.”
“He thinks you’re a saint.”
“And I think he’s an angel. He shouldn’t need to be burdened with this, Darryl - it’s inevitable, and there’s no use making him suffer even more than he has to.”
“He won’t have the chance to say goodbye.”
“I’ll make sure he does.”
He hesitated before answering. “You can’t be sure of that.”
“Yes I can.” She cupped his cheek in her hand before leaning forward to kiss his lips tenderly. “I’ll know when it’s my time. I wouldn’t hurt him like that. I love him as much as you do, remember?”
Darryl was silent for a long moment, his fingers tracing invisible circles across the smooth skin of the back of her neck. “Every time you leave me, a piece of me dies. When you’re gone for good-”
“When I’m gone for good, you will be there to help Zac through it, and you’ll be there to let him know he isn’t alone in the world.”
“What about when he’s living his own life?” He traced her jaw with his finger, struggling against the tears he didn’t want to release.
She smiled again, although this time he could tell that she wasn’t afraid of crying. “When Zac is happy and content and has everything he ever wanted in life, when he no longer needs you in any capacity, and when your number’s called - I’ll be waiting, and after your brothers greet you, I’ll be there waiting.”
He felt a hot tear slid down his cheek, but he didn’t brush it away angrily, the way he wanted. It would feel as if he were brushing her away with it. They were silent and still for a moment longer, and in his mind he committed everything about that eternal second to memory, to return to whenever he needed her.
“I love you,” she said softly as she finally stood, and the place where her hand had been against his chest was suddenly cold. He dropped his hand onto the blanket covering his lap and sniffed loudly, finding himself unable to tear his eyes from her as she dressed.
It wasn’t until she had put on her shoes and was walking towards the door that he found his voice, and when he spoke, it was in a choked and strangled tone. “I love you, too, Alexa - you know that, right?”
She opened the door slowly, the old metal hinges creaking familiarly. “I do,” she said softly, and he could still hear the smile in her voice, even through the misery and defeat. As she stepped out of the bedroom and into a different life, he could no longer hold in his sob. Burying his face in the pillow she’d vacated, where the hollow her head had left remained, he knew she’d given up, and that, above all else, killed him to hear.