(no subject)
I wonder what goes through the mind of someone fixing to die. No, really..... I mean think about it. Ever since I was young I've always wondered what it will be like when I die.
This subject seems a bit cliche given the mindset of the young(er)crowd and seems to be a staple in the refrigerator magnet collection of subjects that song writers of today throw at random against their mini fridges that hold vodka and Jack Daniels for a basis as to their next smash hit.
And when they're done, they'll cry out GENIUS!
I digress....
I mean, in china, in a place I imagine whose justice system is swift and unbending, cold and clean... people are still shot in the head outside some prison somewhere. Wearing tattered old sweaters and one size fits all sweat pants, lined up in rows on killing day. And for as many are as fixing to die, there are at least 3 soldiers to each. 2 to hold them down on their knees, and 1 to pull the trigger.
Those that are about to die kneeling, perhaps infront of some earthen berm or ground, so as not to let the bullet stray too far. The 2 soldiers leaning away so as not to get any on themselvs.
To the left and right, not more than 10 feet away, the same scene played out, only a different cast of characters. Different circumstances, different roads that lead to behind this building, but all those roads end in this place.
Perhaps it's easier to think of this as some sort of injustice by the govt. Perhaps it's an example of the tyranical rule of communist politics, running unchecked and unbalanced. But is it such a hard idea to fathom this society is capable of spawning the same murderers and the likewise despicable in nature as any other society in the world. We are all in fact human, aren't we?
I think of people like those kneeling infront of the berm, held fast in place, looking forward...into the earth......perhaps into nothing..... perhaps they are already gone and are just waiting to be dispatched..... my point is....
What are they thinking?
Are they thinking about the road that got them where they are? Are they thinking of the good times behind them? Are they thinking about the big unknown ahead? Are they seeing faces in the dirt not unlike what we see in clouds on some long road trip to pass the time until we get to where we are going? Are they wondering what it is going to feel like? Are they hoping they dont feel anything at all? Are they hoping to feel every bit of it in some last attempt, some last grasp at what life is, something to hold onto in the big unknown....the last time they were alive?
I wonder how long that silence is between 3, if the count be 3, and the shot. I wonder if they hear it.
Regardless of how bad dying sounds, I think what would be worse would be the ones actually doing the dispatching. Especially in such a place as to always do as your told. But, they have to go on once the killing has been done. And do it again. Not so much the act, but the occasion....and by that I mean, this is someone's time to die and they are here for it.
They will have visited death numerous times....and I bet they'll remember when it comes their time to die. Whether it be for the right or wrong, they'll remember when THEIR OCCASION comes to pass.
I dont want to die anymore than any other human being in their right mind. It's the last thing to do on my list of things to do you could say.
I'm not a courageous person by any means, I'm not particularly valorous or any other word you'd use to describe the William Wallace types.
If it came down to it, I'd lay down my life for the right people without even thinking...
I dont want to see anyone die......I mean, RIGHt there in front of me. Would feel like waiting my turn... I could handle a phone call, or I could handle a tap on the shoulder and a "We need to talk...." But to be there... I could really do with out that.
I dunno why I wrote this at 2am, it's just what was on my mind.actually it's getting close to 2:30, sat here almost an hour writing this. I couldn't sleep I guess.