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So Cincinnati trip: part two was very nice. The drive wasn't so bad, but any six hour drive makes me want to go to sleep a little bit, so I was kinda tired by the time I got there. Brittany and I cleaned and moved furniture around to make room for the Christmas tree, then Bill showed up shortly after and we began to cook and decorate. Taylor showed up also and we had a nice dinner. After dinner Brittany and I got schmexified (Bill was already prepared... overachiever) in anticipation for going to Masque again. We weren't able to get ahold of Joe until we were just about to leave, which really got in my head more than it should have. I dunno if it was me being tired or another onset of depression or what, but I just started acting like a bitch about half way through decorating and it lasted the whole weekend. Anyway, Joe eventually showed up (slowest driver ever), and we took off!
Masque was fun (as it was last time) and moderately eventful. About halfway through the night Joe managed to get ridiculously drunk extremely quickly. I dunno how, but one minute he was fine, and the next he was barrelling into people. I think a lot of this was fueled by him losing his debit card at some point, so that was kinda sucky. I felt bad because my mothering instinct took over and I got a little overprotective of him. Eventually he went to the bathroom, and I was worried he would find a way to drown or something, but instead he burst out of the door and ran up to me and started making out with me. This is the point where I started getting those horrible thoughts in my head... the whole 'does this mean something?' 'is it the alcohol?' etc. I won't lie. It made me happy, but it's just that mood I was in that makes me question everything.
Brittany wasn't quite in a state to drive us all home by the time we left, so we went to a 24-hour Starbucks and relaxed a bit. Around the time mentioned above in the club, Joe decided he would talk to me in Spanish... some of it was perfectly clear to me, but eventually he started telling me all of his secrets. I didn't really understand much of it, but it was pretty amusing. I was supposed to be Brittany's "stay-awake" buddy in the car on the way home after that, but I kept falling asleep. I'm pretty sure it had a lot to do with Joe cuddled up on me taking a nap. Made it home uneventfully, but Bill had run out of his pills for lactose-intolerance and had too much to drink at the Starbucks, so he was feeling really bad all night. Regardless, we were all OUT once we got home.
The next day after everyone left, Brittany and I went on a shopping adventure. First, we headed to Panera Bread (ugh, yum.) for lunch, then to Kenwood mallplace. Brittany got the most awesome haircut ever, then I proceeded to buy cute clothes. Sadly, women's clothes are in a major recession right now, so Brittany was unable to follow suit. It always is so much fun to just go walk around a mall with Brittany... reminds me of the 'good ol' days'.
We also headed to see the house we're all moving into at this point, which was really cool. It's a pretty sweet place, and I'm really excited about moving in (so far away... blah). Headed back to her place after that to see about dinner plans. Taylor's dad's family was having Thanksgiving together that night, and we were going to do that eventually, but people were being weird and leaving like 2 hours after the 'big dinner' started, so that all fell through. I felt bad for Taylor since he didn't get to see his family, but we all went out to Universal Grille and had a pretty good time anyway. Brittany and I somehow caused him to decide he wanted an Ass Up in the Bushes, so that was humorous. I got a drink called a Malibu Barbie, which was the color and flavor of pepto-bismol. It wasn't half bad, but it had a half-and-half in it, which was really bizarre.
I got a little emo (again) at this point, because Joe was stuck at work, so we tried to figure out what we could do on a Sunday night. We eventually got spiffied up for another club, but when we got there there were a grand total of 5 cars in the parking lot, so we had an executive veto on that plan. We headed back home, and I was completely beat at this point. Brittany looked up some info on the Cincinnati subway while I drifted in and out of consciousness. Somehow this was ridiculously fun to me... I love just relaxing with other people, even if we're not even interacting with one another. Joe eventually sent me a text and it turns out he passed out on his couch as soon as he got home from work. Naturally, I instantly made him come over :P
I got to play bartender, but all I had to play with were some vodka and crystal light. I got the proportions on the drinks horribly wrong, in part because I'm a horrible, scheming person, and in part because I don't know better, so Joe ended up mega-drunk again. At one point, Brittany headed to the bathroom, and I was instantly being made out with again. I'm pretty much a horrible person since that was part of the whole scheme, but I can live with myself. Everyone pretty much crashed after that.
The next morning everyone slept freaking FOREVER. Work at FedEx has really messed me up. I'm such a light sleeper now, and when I wake up, I'm UP. Both mornings I was up at 8:00 and couldn't really go back to sleep. I laid back down both times so I could cuddle with Joe some, but I was so restless I got up so I wouldn't disturb him/Brittany. Anyway, after everyone got up, we all relaxed together a bit, then Brittany went to take another nap because she felt like crap. I was starving and Joe was hungry too, so we went out in search of something to eat. Eventually we settled on chili (I use the term loosely) since he was kinda excited about me having some Cincinnati chili (since it's the only thing they know how to make apparently). We got mega lost and Joe had to call 411, since we went to a restaurant hella far away. The food was pretty good, but I would definitely not call it chili :P When we got back, Taylor had gotten back from class, so we all chilled for a little, then Joe had to leave, and I headed out too so I wouldn't get back too late.
Drive back was a whole lot of nothing special, so blah on that. It gave me way too much time to think, though, and I fell a little further into my imaginary black hole of despair. A lot of things are really bugging me right now... where my life's going, what I'm doing with myself, why I get like this about boys, how I treat the people closest to me, etc.
I know I'm still being absolutely ridiculous about the Joe thing. I've "known" him a grand total of three weeks, and seen him for four whole days of that time, but at the same time, that doesn't really matter to me. A lot of things really put me at ease about this whole thing. Most importantly is that Brittany thinks we're compatable. Not to continue dwelling in the past, but when she introduced me to John Thomas, that was just perfect. I can already see flaws in Joe, but at the same time, I can see exactly why she would want to introduce us. Also, small things like him just putting his hand in mine sometimes when we're sitting there, or (duh) him telling me I'm a great guy. I really need to try to reel it in some, though. I feel like I'm pushing him too hard trying to get as much time with him as I can or being too touchy-feely or be too close to him, but at the same time I'm through playing coy with guys. I'm an overly emotional person who really is just that hands-on. I'm not going to say something stupid like "it's unlike anything I've felt before", because I'm at least level-headed enough to see how silly I'm being about this, but at the same time I AM very optimistic about this. I'm just going to try to take a step back and stop pretending it'll all turn out how I want it to. There's still nothing official between us and it's just a little girl crush right now, but sometimes that's the kind of thing that you need.
This leads me to my next major worry... the big move. I've got a list of reasons a mile long for why I'm doing this, but I'm still scared I'm just trying to fool myself. I absolutely love the people I know here, but beyond that this place is like a hell to me. When I'm with Lora and Scott or talking with Heather or relaxing with Crystal, it's GREAT, but that's not Huntsville. I spend so much time here by myself alone in my apartment, and it's killing me being so lonely all the time. I know I could go out and try to do something, but I'm just so tired of being here. Then there's the job situation. If this job were full-time, it would be worth it for the money I'd be making in it, but as it is, it's just 'the job that pays the bills and gives me some spending money'. The job market here is so ridiculous. If I had majored in Engineering, I would have a million job offers in a heartbeat, but marketing jobs and the other professional jobs I am interested in are so rare for entry-level positions. This job at FedEx is nice, but I'm definitely underemployed here. I could throw these reasons out all I want, but I'm just so scared I made a snap decision to move to escape from here, or, worse, to move for a boy... a boy who I don't know what or even IF he thinks of me. I'd like to pretend I wouldn't do that, but I know how down I can get and how easy it would be for me to chase someone down if I thought it meant I would be happy. I stayed in Huntsville for the most part for Sam, and I've had it happen to me with Brian. I know where the mind can go when you get in that dark place. I'm definitely going to relocate, and I know I'll be much happier when I start over, but I'm kinda glad it's not happening really soon. I just need that time to make sure this all gets sorted out and I'm really ready for something new. I knew it would happen, and I knew if it happened it would be Brittany, but I'm still just worried that I made the choices too fast. But the perfect opportunity presented itself to really build a life for myself, and I'll just look at this as my sign from God that it's what should happen.
This is way, way too long, so I'll eventually get to the rest of my issues in the future. I feel better now... still upset with myself and what's going on in my head, but better.
Masque was fun (as it was last time) and moderately eventful. About halfway through the night Joe managed to get ridiculously drunk extremely quickly. I dunno how, but one minute he was fine, and the next he was barrelling into people. I think a lot of this was fueled by him losing his debit card at some point, so that was kinda sucky. I felt bad because my mothering instinct took over and I got a little overprotective of him. Eventually he went to the bathroom, and I was worried he would find a way to drown or something, but instead he burst out of the door and ran up to me and started making out with me. This is the point where I started getting those horrible thoughts in my head... the whole 'does this mean something?' 'is it the alcohol?' etc. I won't lie. It made me happy, but it's just that mood I was in that makes me question everything.
Brittany wasn't quite in a state to drive us all home by the time we left, so we went to a 24-hour Starbucks and relaxed a bit. Around the time mentioned above in the club, Joe decided he would talk to me in Spanish... some of it was perfectly clear to me, but eventually he started telling me all of his secrets. I didn't really understand much of it, but it was pretty amusing. I was supposed to be Brittany's "stay-awake" buddy in the car on the way home after that, but I kept falling asleep. I'm pretty sure it had a lot to do with Joe cuddled up on me taking a nap. Made it home uneventfully, but Bill had run out of his pills for lactose-intolerance and had too much to drink at the Starbucks, so he was feeling really bad all night. Regardless, we were all OUT once we got home.
The next day after everyone left, Brittany and I went on a shopping adventure. First, we headed to Panera Bread (ugh, yum.) for lunch, then to Kenwood mallplace. Brittany got the most awesome haircut ever, then I proceeded to buy cute clothes. Sadly, women's clothes are in a major recession right now, so Brittany was unable to follow suit. It always is so much fun to just go walk around a mall with Brittany... reminds me of the 'good ol' days'.
We also headed to see the house we're all moving into at this point, which was really cool. It's a pretty sweet place, and I'm really excited about moving in (so far away... blah). Headed back to her place after that to see about dinner plans. Taylor's dad's family was having Thanksgiving together that night, and we were going to do that eventually, but people were being weird and leaving like 2 hours after the 'big dinner' started, so that all fell through. I felt bad for Taylor since he didn't get to see his family, but we all went out to Universal Grille and had a pretty good time anyway. Brittany and I somehow caused him to decide he wanted an Ass Up in the Bushes, so that was humorous. I got a drink called a Malibu Barbie, which was the color and flavor of pepto-bismol. It wasn't half bad, but it had a half-and-half in it, which was really bizarre.
I got a little emo (again) at this point, because Joe was stuck at work, so we tried to figure out what we could do on a Sunday night. We eventually got spiffied up for another club, but when we got there there were a grand total of 5 cars in the parking lot, so we had an executive veto on that plan. We headed back home, and I was completely beat at this point. Brittany looked up some info on the Cincinnati subway while I drifted in and out of consciousness. Somehow this was ridiculously fun to me... I love just relaxing with other people, even if we're not even interacting with one another. Joe eventually sent me a text and it turns out he passed out on his couch as soon as he got home from work. Naturally, I instantly made him come over :P
I got to play bartender, but all I had to play with were some vodka and crystal light. I got the proportions on the drinks horribly wrong, in part because I'm a horrible, scheming person, and in part because I don't know better, so Joe ended up mega-drunk again. At one point, Brittany headed to the bathroom, and I was instantly being made out with again. I'm pretty much a horrible person since that was part of the whole scheme, but I can live with myself. Everyone pretty much crashed after that.
The next morning everyone slept freaking FOREVER. Work at FedEx has really messed me up. I'm such a light sleeper now, and when I wake up, I'm UP. Both mornings I was up at 8:00 and couldn't really go back to sleep. I laid back down both times so I could cuddle with Joe some, but I was so restless I got up so I wouldn't disturb him/Brittany. Anyway, after everyone got up, we all relaxed together a bit, then Brittany went to take another nap because she felt like crap. I was starving and Joe was hungry too, so we went out in search of something to eat. Eventually we settled on chili (I use the term loosely) since he was kinda excited about me having some Cincinnati chili (since it's the only thing they know how to make apparently). We got mega lost and Joe had to call 411, since we went to a restaurant hella far away. The food was pretty good, but I would definitely not call it chili :P When we got back, Taylor had gotten back from class, so we all chilled for a little, then Joe had to leave, and I headed out too so I wouldn't get back too late.
Drive back was a whole lot of nothing special, so blah on that. It gave me way too much time to think, though, and I fell a little further into my imaginary black hole of despair. A lot of things are really bugging me right now... where my life's going, what I'm doing with myself, why I get like this about boys, how I treat the people closest to me, etc.
I know I'm still being absolutely ridiculous about the Joe thing. I've "known" him a grand total of three weeks, and seen him for four whole days of that time, but at the same time, that doesn't really matter to me. A lot of things really put me at ease about this whole thing. Most importantly is that Brittany thinks we're compatable. Not to continue dwelling in the past, but when she introduced me to John Thomas, that was just perfect. I can already see flaws in Joe, but at the same time, I can see exactly why she would want to introduce us. Also, small things like him just putting his hand in mine sometimes when we're sitting there, or (duh) him telling me I'm a great guy. I really need to try to reel it in some, though. I feel like I'm pushing him too hard trying to get as much time with him as I can or being too touchy-feely or be too close to him, but at the same time I'm through playing coy with guys. I'm an overly emotional person who really is just that hands-on. I'm not going to say something stupid like "it's unlike anything I've felt before", because I'm at least level-headed enough to see how silly I'm being about this, but at the same time I AM very optimistic about this. I'm just going to try to take a step back and stop pretending it'll all turn out how I want it to. There's still nothing official between us and it's just a little girl crush right now, but sometimes that's the kind of thing that you need.
This leads me to my next major worry... the big move. I've got a list of reasons a mile long for why I'm doing this, but I'm still scared I'm just trying to fool myself. I absolutely love the people I know here, but beyond that this place is like a hell to me. When I'm with Lora and Scott or talking with Heather or relaxing with Crystal, it's GREAT, but that's not Huntsville. I spend so much time here by myself alone in my apartment, and it's killing me being so lonely all the time. I know I could go out and try to do something, but I'm just so tired of being here. Then there's the job situation. If this job were full-time, it would be worth it for the money I'd be making in it, but as it is, it's just 'the job that pays the bills and gives me some spending money'. The job market here is so ridiculous. If I had majored in Engineering, I would have a million job offers in a heartbeat, but marketing jobs and the other professional jobs I am interested in are so rare for entry-level positions. This job at FedEx is nice, but I'm definitely underemployed here. I could throw these reasons out all I want, but I'm just so scared I made a snap decision to move to escape from here, or, worse, to move for a boy... a boy who I don't know what or even IF he thinks of me. I'd like to pretend I wouldn't do that, but I know how down I can get and how easy it would be for me to chase someone down if I thought it meant I would be happy. I stayed in Huntsville for the most part for Sam, and I've had it happen to me with Brian. I know where the mind can go when you get in that dark place. I'm definitely going to relocate, and I know I'll be much happier when I start over, but I'm kinda glad it's not happening really soon. I just need that time to make sure this all gets sorted out and I'm really ready for something new. I knew it would happen, and I knew if it happened it would be Brittany, but I'm still just worried that I made the choices too fast. But the perfect opportunity presented itself to really build a life for myself, and I'll just look at this as my sign from God that it's what should happen.
This is way, way too long, so I'll eventually get to the rest of my issues in the future. I feel better now... still upset with myself and what's going on in my head, but better.